Babies on the Brain
I want, he doesn't
My husband and I just celebrated our 3rd anniversary last month. I am (and have been for 2 years) ready to start a family. He does not. I can't find anyone else in a similar situation or any dads who didn't want kids, but were really glad they did.
Does anyone out there have any advice for me? Anyone have a good story about a dad who didn't want kids, but is really thrilled that they ended up having them??
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Re: I want, he doesn't
I'm sorry you're having this dilemma.
All I can say is you have to be patient. I think you'd be making a big mistake to start before you're both ready. Be patient and talk this through with your husband - not us. But, that is just my opinion.
gl
And to think, I almost forgot what day it was.?
Poke holes in the condoms and take tic-tacs instead of BC pills. That should work. Forcing a guy into something he doesn't want is a certain way to get him to change him mind.?
::waits patiently for the "poke holes in the condom" comment::
You didn't have to wait too long. LOL!
I should've started by mentioning a couple of things:
a. he has said he'll do it because I want kids; I do not feel that this is a good enough reason to start
b. I would NEVER get pregnant without having him on board...I guess that's the same as "a" but I think that it bears repeating.
I don't think trying to convince him with anecdotes of strangers is a good strategy. Maybe ask him specifically why he doesn't, without being confrontational.
"You're gonna miss this You're gonna want this back You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast..."
With this information, it sounds like he is open to having children, but he has the same fears that a lot of people have. Give him time. Talk about it. Try to calm his fears. But he has to be the one to come around on his own.
"You're gonna miss this You're gonna want this back You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast..."
So you are basically asking us if it is ok to trap your husband with a baby?
One of the first things I asked DH about himself was whether or not he wanted kids. And we met at 17! This would be a dealbreaker for me. Sounds like you need to have a heart-to-heart and decide how to move forward.
I have one story that is bad. My coworkers sister's DH did not want kids but gave in to his wife. He now resents his wife and the baby. Not good at all.
Wow, no, not at all. I am not asking if it's okay to trap my husband with a baby. Mostly I'm just looking for people who have been or are going through the same thing as me...a husband who sometimes wants a baby, sometimes doesn't. I'm wondering how they got past it or if they didn't get past it.
He knows I'd never trap him, he knows I'll wait until he's ready.
Maybe I just didn't explain myself well because a lot of people on here seem to think I've never talked to my husband about this and/or that I'd stoop to "trapping" him into something he doesn't want.
Well thats good. I wanted to start trying before my husband but we both knew we wanted to have a large family (4 kids.) It was the actual start date we disagreed on.
Honestly, if my DH decided he didn't want children, ever...I would be outta there.
I think what you want to hear is - yes, he will come around and love it.
But I think that if you are even asking this question, then perhaps you already know that the answer is. Maybe there are just pressures in your life right now that are making him think twice or hold back?
i think you should talk more with him to find out exactly what his concerns are. ?then, maybe you can make a plan to work through those concerns. ?(like, maybe saving X amount of money, doing X around the house first, taking that big trip, etc.) ?explain to ?him what makes you feel that you are ready. ?talking through some things may be enough, but if not, maybe you can agree to drop it for 6 months and then rediscuss.
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good luck!?
My husband is like this. We talked it over, picked a start date, I did everything on my end (charted, took prenatals, started eating healthier, etc.) and was all ready to go. Literally it came down to the night we were going to try for the first time and he couldn't do it. He said he wanted to wait until we're in a house. Which would make sense, except he has another reason for not buying a house right now and then another reason for not doing that reason and so on and so on.
But, I've learned that you just have to be patient. Someday will be the day, it's just not now. I want him on board 110% (well, ok, at least 90% because I doubt we'll ever get over 100!) and will wait (somewhat) patiently for that day. As long as your still young, still healthy, etc. it can wait.
Get the baby bug taken care of by babysitting for a friend or volunteering at a pre-school.
My DH is like this too.. I can relate to both of you but he has really come around. and Kate- you seem like such a nice person, great advice.