Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Poll: For SAHM's who have a DH that works full-time

Just wanted to know how much hubby helps out in general 'cause I still have a hard time asking for help when he works since I feel like he has a tough day (although every day is a tough day for me too since I don't get any sleep still!)

1) How many feedings/shifts is he up for on nights that he works? ?On nights that he doesn't work?

2) How often does he watch DC on days off?

3) What does else does he do around the house to help?

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Thanks!!?

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Re: Poll: For SAHM's who have a DH that works full-time

  • We made a set night schedule when DD was born.  DH would take 9pm-12am and then 6am until he had to get ready for work.
  • I get up w/ ds sun-thurs and dh gets fri-sat.  It helps to know that you will be getting good sleep.  weekends, we pretty  much share equally taking care of him.

     He helps some.  he might clean the bathroom or vaccuum if i ask

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  • I am not a SAHM but still on maternity leave another month, SO...

    DH get up for almost every night feeding (I BF).  I don't ask him to, he just does. He helps me lift DS out of the co-sleeper (my wrists kill me at night) and changes his diaper usually. He will also bounce him back to sleep if needed.

    On evenings and weekends, DH is often responsible for holding him and soothing him, and most diaper changes.  I cook dinner at night, so this has to be the case. We start our bedtime routine at 8pm, so there is very little time for much else in the evening.
     

    My DH is awesome and never complains. He wants to spend as much time with the baby as possible. 

  • 1) On the nights he works he does the last feeding during the morning before he leaves for work. That's usually between 7 and 8am. On the nights he doesn't work he usually takes over during the night so I can get a full night of sleep.

    2) We share responsibility for DS on his days off. I run out for errands all the time though, he'd rather stay home and watch him than go out.

    3) He'll do things like take the trash out, start a load of laundry, or put clean dishes away. Usually if I need him to do some quick thing I'll just ask and he will.

     I get that feeling that he has a long hard day and you don't want to bug him. For me, until DS is sleeping better I need DH's help just to get through the week in one piece. It's hard for both of us now and we both need to do a lot more (and be much more tired) than we're used to. Later on down the road, when DC is on more of schedule and sleeping through the night, I don't anticipate needing his help around the house as much, but I would still expect the same level of help with DC. 

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  • 1) How many feedings/shifts is he up for on nights that he works?  On nights that he doesn't work? On week nights DH takes care of ds if he gets up between 10 and 1am. Anything after that I do. Dh is a night owl and is usually up until about 1 every night on the week nights. This way I can go to bed between 10 and 11 and not have to get up until 3am or so. Lately DS has been STTN.

    2) How often does he watch DC on days off? Dh takes ds for me every saturday and I go to the gym and out with girlfriends. He also does mostly all of the night feedings on the weekends. It helps me out so much and he gets to spend time with ds. He does travel a lot for work so he is awesome on the weekends, plus if he has been away he wants to spend the time with ds.

    3) What does else does he do around the house to help? He will make dinner and help me with the dishes. He does all of the handy work, takes out garbage. He is really good about stepping in if he sees something i haven't had time to do. Granted he is not perfect and does frustrate me sometimes he is really helpful and very attentive to the baby.

     

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  • 1) How many feedings/shifts is he up for on nights that he works?  On nights that he doesn't work?

    DH Travels for work so he is gone on Monday, Tues, and Wed night.  But, in general he doesn't do any feedings anyway because I breastfeed exclusively.  He does however get up with DS who is 2 in the morning so I can stay in bed for a bit longer with the baby.

    2) How often does he watch DC on days off?

    A lot.  He is home Friday - Sunday and I usually do a lot in those days.  All of my appointments are scheduled then and I'll usually go out one night with friends.

    3) What does else does he do around the house to help?

    He cleans the kitchen and the family/play room.   That's about it unprompted.  He'll do the bathrooms if I ask him but I try not to since he does so much.  He takes out the garbage and does the yard work also (except for weeding and plantings - I do those).

    We also have a very high energy dog and he is in charge of him on the weekends so he will go roller blading or take him for his walks.

  • I EBF so DH will give a bottle once in a while, but I handle most all feedings. He will help get Henry back to sleep at night if he gets up and has nursed recently. He would watch Henry any day I asked him to, but I dont often (I should more... I need a life). He helps with lots of things... we both make meals and clean up after them. He helps keep things clean. I have a hard time asking him to do a lot of extra too, but when I need help, I need help. We have had lots of talks about not letting either of us feel overwhelmed. GL!
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  • I just went back to work yesterday (part time, 3 days a week), but I considered myself a SAHM during my 7 weeks of mat leave, so I will contribute :)

     1. DH did the last feeding of the night & put him to bed on work nights, but I never made him get up in the middle of the night since he had to work.  From the time he got home from work until bed time, he was on diaper duty since I changed them all day & night.  We usually took turns with the feedings during this time.  Saturdays are his only day he doesn't have to work, so Friday nights were ALL HIM! :) 

    2. On off days, we would share duties, but he did a little more than I did to make up for the rest of the week.

    3. He does more than I do & always has.  I'm not a clean person lol.  He does the dishes, all of his laundry, cleans the litterbox, & takes the trash out.  All I do really is my & Noah's laundry, keep the bottles washed,  & try to keep junk picked up off the floor.  This is why I'm not allowed to be a SAHM...I only took care of the baby & not the house!  LOL

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  • 1) I do all feedings. Occasionally I will pump & let him take one but I still don't get any sleep so there is no point! He's usually up for none. On the weekends, I feed her in the am & make him get up & play with her & put her down for her morning nap.

    2) Not much more than on the weeknights. This needs to change!

    3) He will do stuff if I tell him but it's still not much. I usually have him watch her so I can finish chores.

  • Since I EBF I take care of the nights unfortunately, which wasn't bad when DS was only waking once, but lately it's been a PITA b/c he wakes up so often.  DH will go in and soothe him if I ask or if I've been up a lot he will usually offer to go in.  He's a full-time MBA student though, so if he has an exam or an interview the next day this doesn't apply.

    He watches DS on Saturday mornings so I can go out and if we coordinate in advance he'll watch him at other times too, I just can't keep up with his schedule of meetings, classes, etc.

    He always walks the dog (sometimes 4 times a day), takes out the trash, does recycling, occasionally cooks (or drives to get) dinner, and that's probably it for things he does unprompted.  It is hard to ask for help, but I find if I give him warning and don't wait until the last minute then he is much more obliging.

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  • 1) He doesn't get up at night because I EBF and co-sleep.

    2) Rarely.

    3) DH does 90% of the cleaning, laundry and cooking. He's great. I'm a lucky girl.

  • 1) How many feedings/shifts is he up for on nights that he works?  On nights that he doesn't work? DS currently STTN, but DH gets up with him on most mornings to let me sleep for an extra hour or so. I have PPD, and my therapist said that me getting enough sleep is a necessity. I'm feeling better, but DH still insists on getting up.

    2) How often does he watch DC on days off? The three of us usually spend weekends together. DH has no problem watching DS if I have errands to run or if I want to go to lunch with a friend, and vice versa.

    3) What does else does he do around the house to help? He washes DS's bottles and puts DS to sleep at night. He had been working OT from home at night so he didn't hava a lot of extra time to do too much housework.

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  • I EBF, so no nigthtimes for him, we both do whatever needs to be done around the house during the week, weekends he does a deep clean.  I do all the cooking, groceries,
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  • 1.  Normally if ds wakes up, dh is right next to me. I have to make him go back to sleep sometimes.

    2.  When he gets off from work he takes ds for the evening.  all i do is feed him.  The as on weekends...I'm just the food.

    3.  laundry, dishes, bathroom....if i didn't get a chance to do it, he just does it. 

  • Oh and on his days off I feed Lila, but he watches her 75% of the time
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  • 1) How many feedings/shifts is he up for on nights that he works? ?On nights that he doesn't work? ?

    ?He has NEVER got up to feed DS (I EBF) Maybe 1 or 2 times he got up when DS was super fussy/gassy to hold him so I could pump.

    2) How often does he watch DC on days off?

    Rarely - If I ask him to take him so I can shower, clean, laundry... ?Or every once in a while I'll run to the store.

    3) What does else does he do around the house to help?

    He does garbage, yard work, cars - same as before DS. ?Every once in a while he'll be in a cleaning mood (about once a month) and he will help me clean the entire house- he usually does the bathroom. ?He also unloads the dishwasher about once a week and cleans the kitchen up for me after dinner. ?He is also in charge of paying all of the bills and managing the accounts - I hate to do that!!!!

    ?When DS was younger than 3 months - it used to really tick me off that DS didn't do much to help me with him. ?He was sort of fussy, especially at night and there were times that I thought I was going to lose my mind. ?But after the 3 month mark, DS became much easier and more content. ?It doesn't bother me much anymore. ?Plus, he's sleeping much better at might too - when he was up every hour to feed - I really could have used a hand.

    ?


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  • 1.  DS does NO feedings since I'm bfing.  Well, DS is 9 weeks and I have asked him to do 2 bottles of BM since he was born.  The one night I asked him to do it, the little stinker SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!! AHHHHH!

    2.  He is off on weekends and gladly watches both boys (2 under 2 here!) so I can go shopping or just get out for a couple of hours. 

    3.  He pretty much does what I ask him to do whenever he can.  He doesn't do anything on his own though, I have to ask him!

    Hang in, this is my second baby, and I've been home for the past 2 years.  The adjustment period can be a LONG one.  We had lots of battles over who works harder, longer, who is more tired etc.  Just when we had our little routine down pat, I got pg again and here we are with baby #2.  Exhausted and fighting over who does what etc.  It is all totally normal and you will get through it!  You may just have to be more specific about what you need from him. 

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  • 1) How many feedings/shifts is he up for on nights that he works? he doesn't get up for feedings- if DS wakes up before DH is asleep, he'll handle that 'shift'

      On nights that he doesn't work? same answer as above... we just switched to FF though, so I'm going to ask that he helps out more.

    2) How often does he watch DC on days off? I pretty well just say "I'm headed out" and leave him to watch DS- only for short periods of time.  Again, this will hopefully change a bit now that I'm not BFing.

    3) What does else does he do around the house to help? he helps with dinner at least once/twice a week, helps with dishes, does the 'outside chores' and takes out the garbage & recycling.

    DS 06.26.08 DD 10.23.10
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  • 1. zero. He takes 1 weekend night.

    2. Hardly ever. Unless I have something I need to do (baby shower, hair appointment etc). This is a lot of my fault though. I really need to leave him with the kids more. But I know how hard it is, and I feel guilty.

    3. Nothing

     

     

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  • Nada

    Nada

    Nada

    We're working on this.

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  • 1) 0 when he works, we split when he doesn't

    2) On his days off, we share care equally

    3) We take turns cooking dinner, but the rest of the housework is my responsibility.

  • DH does not get up at night at all.

    DH watches DS in the morning while I take a shower and get ready for the day ,  When DH comes home he plays with DS for a while and does about 1 diapper change.

    DH will watch baby if I have a night out with the girls or need to go shopping.  

    The rest is all on me , I do a majority of the feeding , changing , cleaning and cooking...   

  • 1) How many feedings/shifts is he up for on nights that he works?  On nights that he doesn't work? I EBF so none. Until he starts lactating (let's hope he never does) I will do all feedings.

    2) How often does he watch DC on days off? See #1. If I am gone it is for 20 minutes to run to the store. Otherwise, DS is with me since my boobs are attached to me.

    3) What does else does he do around the house to help? He helps clean the house. The kitchen/dishes are his job and that is a huge help!! He also takes out the trash, puts it on the curb for trash day and occasionally does his own laundry, but not if I've gotten to it first. :)

    He brings home the only paycheck and I chose for personal reasons to BF so I don't mind that he never gets up with DS. He is also self-employed and sometimes works 12 hour days so when he comes home I want him to relax with me and Jacob so sometimes I even do the dishes and get the kitchen clean before he gets home.

     

    Jacob 3.23.08 * Grace 7.22.09 * Eli 7.26.11 * Annabelle 1.18.14

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