Loss

How to deal with pregnant friends...

Dixon813Dixon813
1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
member

Close friends, who have struggled with infertility, are pregnant.  We've known this since right before we lost our babies (they told us privately that IVF worked) but they just announced on facebook, so now the world knows.

I'm not sure if I'm having a difficult time handling that they're pregnant or if it's the way they announced.  They had a picture that says "And then there were three"...and I know that that means the two of them and their baby, but for a moment I thought "they're having triplets?!?!?!"  And I got very sad and angry - WE were having triplets - not them!  Even though that isn't what they're saying, I was still hurt!

I know I shouldn't feel this way - I don't WANT to feel this way - but I don't know how to be happy for them right now...

On the positive side, I've finally called a therapist today.  Thanks for letting me vent...

~ Leah, Rachel and Gabriel were born on May 27, 2013 (23 weeks) ~ Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Re: How to deal with pregnant friends...

  • ***SIGGY WARNING******

     

     

    Big hugs sweetie.  Finding out others are pregnant, regardless of the situation is difficult.  It's ok to not be happy for them now.  It's definitely scary when you start having thoughts you normally wouldn't have but when it comes down to it, you have to do what's best for you and there's no rule that says you have to be happy for anyone.

     

    In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

     

     

    corbinsmommy.blogspot.com


     

     imageimage

     

     

  • I think we have all been in your place...and I for one still struggle with this A LOT.  One of DH's friends and his wife had an etopic when we lost bunny so we kind of all grieved together...they also had a lot of trouble getting pregnant in the first place...they called last week to tell us that they were pregnant and due when my most recent loss would be due.  UGHHH....needless to say I ugly cried for about 2 hours in the dark.  I hate not being happy for people but it just makes me want to scream.  I guess when it comes down to it I just don't understand why our good news hasn't happened yet. 

    Good for you on calling a therapist...mine has helped me sooooo much.

    ((HUGS))

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    5/7/13- MMC (8 Weeks)

    11/6/13- BO discovered at 7 weeks- natural MC 11/25/13

    All Alers Welcome

  • Thanks, ladies.  And sorry for posting about a topic that has already been posted about so much - just needed a place to vent.

    It's just so hard because I WANT to be happy for them.  I also want to be happy for my cousin who just had her twins that while they came early, are doing fine! (we were pregnant together and due around the same time...) but I think I'm going to have to take them off my newsfeed on facebook because I'm not sure I can stand the constant updates on the babies and the pregnancy.


    ~ Leah, Rachel and Gabriel were born on May 27, 2013 (23 weeks) ~ Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • image Dixon813:

    Thanks, ladies.  And sorry for posting about a topic that has already been posted about so much - just needed a place to vent.

    It's just so hard because I WANT to be happy for them.  I also want to be happy for my cousin who just had her twins that while they came early, are doing fine! (we were pregnant together and due around the same time...) but I think I'm going to have to take them off my newsfeed on facebook because I'm not sure I can stand the constant updates on the babies and the pregnancy.


     

    I've deleted quite a bit of people recently who I never thought I would have deleted before mainly because I can't handle the kid or pregnancy updates.  

    Our Rainbow is Here
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

  • image mrsgerman:
    image Dixon813:

    Thanks, ladies.  And sorry for posting about a topic that has already been posted about so much - just needed a place to vent.

    It's just so hard because I WANT to be happy for them.  I also want to be happy for my cousin who just had her twins that while they came early, are doing fine! (we were pregnant together and due around the same time...) but I think I'm going to have to take them off my newsfeed on facebook because I'm not sure I can stand the constant updates on the babies and the pregnancy.


     

    I've deleted quite a bit of people recently who I never thought I would have deleted before mainly because I can't handle the kid or pregnancy updates.  

     

    So I'm not crazy/the only one if I block their posts!

    ~ Leah, Rachel and Gabriel were born on May 27, 2013 (23 weeks) ~ Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Big hugs to you. You are soooo not alone in feeling this way. I also ugly cried in the bathroom yesterday because my husband told me that someone we know is expecting. This has been going on for years with this kind of news so I am not sure why it just doesn't get any easier but it really doesn't. It is exhausting being happy for others all the time and so sad for yourself. Please don't for one minute feel guilty for feeling this way. It is totally normal.
  • Many hugs..that is so hard

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic   image image

        My Blog

      Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
    Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013

    BFP # 2 8/7/14 EDD 4/22/15
    Please be our rainbow!!

    **All AL Welcome**

  • We just found out I miscarried so still dealing with it all. And tonight my DH told me friends of ours are expecting twins..most likely by the timing..around when I would have been due. I feel guilty being jealous, so pretended to be happy when he told me. It's funny bc when we were TCC I would get a little more baby fever around other ppl with kids or who were prego but now it's just painful.
    Me: 31 DH: 32
    Married since 09/23/11
    Trying since 02/2013
    BFP: 06/15/2013 EDD: 02/15/2013 BO discovered 07/09 with D&E 07/26
    BFP #2: 02/08/2014 EDD: 10/21/2014


    BabyFruit Ticker}
  • i have a real hard time with pregnancy complains...like "oh i have cankles today or heartburn" meanwhile ive been through hell and back dealing with a loss and you are complaining about minor inconveniences? i would trade all the cankles in the world to have my baby back 
    BrandiLeigh5
  • ((Hugs)) I've had a hard time with this also.  Hopefully it will get better with time.  But for now I pretty much never go on facebook because it seems like all my friends are at that age where they are starting to have babies and EVERYONE seems like they are pregnant or giving birth.

     image

     BabyFruit Ticker

     

     

     

  • I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.  I understand wanting to be happy for them, but at the same time being insanely jealous of their pregnancy.  But it's really ok to distance yourself!  I am dealing with a similar situation.  I've mentioned this in prior posts, but my co-worker (due 3 weeks after I was) had her daughter last Friday and all I've heard at work is updates on her.  She is one of my best friends, but I can't handle listening to it.  The constant FB posts from her and others posting on her wall are killing me.  I know she understands it's hard for me and I know she knows why I haven't been in touch with her more.  I was there for her during her entire pregnancy and showed SO much support, but now that her daughter is here, I can't do it anymore.  I'm so painfully jealous of her healthy, living, breathing baby GIRL.  I'm supposed to have a girl, too.  And I also can't stand the Kate Middleton news, just another woman pregnant when I was.  You do what's best for YOU, and no one else.  You deserve to be happy!  These people have enough love and support in their lives, and they understand why we can't be there for them.  xo  Lots of hugs!

    Ava's Story
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    BFP#2 10/18/13  Blighted ovum 11/25/13

    BFP #3 1/31/14 EDD 10/18/14 -- It's a GIRL!

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

  • I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.  I understand wanting to be happy for them, but at the same time being insanely jealous of their pregnancy.  But it's really ok to distance yourself!  I am dealing with a similar situation.  I've mentioned this in prior posts, but my co-worker (due 3 weeks after I was) had her daughter last Friday and all I've heard at work is updates on her.  She is one of my best friends, but I can't handle listening to it.  The constant FB posts from her and others posting on her wall are killing me.  I know she understands it's hard for me and I know she knows why I haven't been in touch with her more.  I was there for her during her entire pregnancy and showed SO much support, but now that her daughter is here, I can't do it anymore.  I'm so painfully jealous of her healthy, living, breathing baby GIRL.  I'm supposed to have a girl, too.  And I also can't stand the Kate Middleton news, just another woman pregnant when I was.  You do what's best for YOU, and no one else.  You deserve to be happy!  These people have enough love and support in their lives, and they understand why we can't be there for them.  xo  Lots of hugs!
    The Kate Middleton news bothered me a lot too and that it was a boy bothered me even more because we had a son. Like I wasn't able to get it out of my head "oh of course they have a healthy boy, they're royalty and I'm not, they're special and we apparently weren't"

    The one thing that really seems to trigger me are the people who are having or had unplanned babies. I just think me and my husband were married 5 years before we tried getting pregnant, we bought a house, the car we wanted, established our careers, we seemed to have done everything they say you're supposed to do but then I see friends of mine who slept with a guy a few times with no serious commitment or solid life plans or direction and they get pregnant and have a perfectly healthy baby. 
    Our Rainbow is Here
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards