February 2013 Moms

Confusion Regarding Sleep Training Article

Hi Ladies,

I've been doing some research on sleep training and was considering it for my LO when I came across this article, the first of its kind from what I've read, and I'm confused as to whether ST is way to go.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/whyinolongerbelievebabiesshouldcrythemselvestosleep/article622978/?utm_source=SharedArticleSenttoUserutm_medium=Email:Newsletters/EBlasts/etc.utm_campaign=SharedWebArticleLinks

Please note, I am not attempting to start any controversy over this as I know there are camps on either side of the ST issue and I respect both! I just want to solicit some opinions and sage advice from those who have successfully/unsuccessfully tried or do ST and whether this is a concern for you. TIA :
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Re: Confusion Regarding Sleep Training Article

  • We don't do CIO methods because I'm all AP style and barely put the kid down as it is. :)  I think it's flat out cruel as a baby to let them cry.  I still rarely let my 2.5 yr old cry for more than a couple of min. That said, there are a lot of sleep training methods that don't involve just letting the baby scream.  And there is a difference between a little fussiness and actual crying. And some kids scream no matter what you do! And every family has to find what works for them.

     

     

     

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  • I wouldn't worry about that article.  The author did not cite any research to back up his claims that letting a child CIO is emotionally damaging.  He simply made a general claim that sounds like it might be true.  BTW I am not letting DD cry it out because I can't and it goes against my instincts as a mother.  However, there has been quite a bit or research on this subject and the consensus is that it is perfectly fine to let your child cry it out.  I am also so over all the conflicting sleep advice. I'm going to figure it out on my own or with the help of other moms and stop listening to the "experts" because they are just confusing me.  I also think that sleep is very important and if your child isn't getting enough then that probably has implications as well.
  • Much of what that article says is the same argument one would find in Dr. Sears' books and other AP-style books that don't advocate CIO.  

    Again, it all depends on the family and the child.  I can't do CIO....at all.  And my kids are not the types to respond well to it (maybe that's partly bc of the AP-style parenting they receive, who knows).  But other kids and other families are different.  You just have to find what will work for you.

    The only thing I have learned from reading every single sleep book (I mean really, I think I've read every one out there at this point) is that some things work for some kids, and not at all for others.   

    Missed m/c discovered 3/15/12 at 8w2d: "Henry."

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  • You've gotta do what you think is right. That being said, I don't see how posting this won't start controversy.

    I talked to a psychologist about doing it before we did sleep training. He said there was nothing to back up the idea that crying for a while would hurt her emotionally or psychologically, and I trust him. Also a bunch of friends used the method we follow, and all of their kids are fine, so that makes me feel comfortable with what we do. If you're not comfortable with any sort of crying for your kids, don't do it. It's that simple.

    FWIW, we don't just let her cry for an hour. When we started, we did regular checks every 10 minutes. I don't want to jinx it, but DD doesn't need any checks most nights now.

    Watch, tonight she'll cry for a half hour now that I said that. :P 

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  • I belong to the no sleep training for us camp -- I liked what my pediatrician had to say about it 'If your body is telling you to go pick up your baby, you should go pick up your baby' and that is pretty much my problem with CIO. Because I have such a physical response to it and it is painful to both of us. It goes against my instincts.

    Also, I think it is child dependent. My first didn't cry much at all, so CIO seemed silly. The only time he cried he would learn we wouldn't answer him. And he would get SO worked up if you were even just a few minutes late in picking him up, I can't imagine what would happen in 15 minutes.

    This LO cries a little bit before sleep most of the time, but I just feel better holding him during that time. Sleep will come. Better sleeping habits will come But I want him to know he can count on us to be there.

    I'm not a 100% AP parent, but to me this just feels natural and right. I also have 1 year of maternity leave, so I don't have to worry about going to work on 0 sleep. I think I might be singing a different tune if things were different.  

     

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  • Honestly, I'm getting pretty sick of reading stuff like this. IMO, everyone thinks about it too much. If you can't do CIO, then don't. If you can, then try it. If whatever you're trying isn't working, then try something else. I don't think anyone now advocates letting the baby cry for hours on end and never going back in to soothe. You have to decide what works for you and your baby and go from there.

    Personally, we learned that DD likes to just be put down when she's tired- no rocking or holding. The longer we stay with her before naps or bedtime, the more she wants us to stay and then cries when we leave. If we set her down and leave immediately, she's fine.

    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
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  • image kleigh926:

    Personally, we learned that DD likes to just be put down when she's tired- no rocking or holding. The longer we stay with her before naps or bedtime, the more she wants us to stay and then cries when we leave. If we set her down and leave immediately, she's fine. 

    That's a REALLY interesting observation!  It makes total sense.  Well done you for figuring that out, that's one of those "quirks" about a baby's personality that only her mother knows!

    Missed m/c discovered 3/15/12 at 8w2d: "Henry."

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    Jack 04/29/10 dairy, egg, peanut and seasonal allergies; Sensory Processing Disorder
    Rhys 01/25/13 Peanut and tree nut allergy, MSPI
    Lilypie - (q2ek) Lilypie - (nqAF)

    "We are in Buckingham Palace, the very heart of the British nation.  Sherlock Holmes, put your trousers ON!"

  • Thanks for the interesting comments ladies. I'm a FTM and for the most part I have been successful following my own intuition but you kind of second guess yourself when you hear all sorts of advice, mostly from the older generation, on how to do this and that. I'm glad that we have this board to share. Thanks again for the insight! :

    P.S. I think I read waaaaay too much for my own good :p
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  • SagenSagen
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    I think of CIO (like most thing) to be on a spectrum. It can go from being kind of fussy then falling asleep, to baby distressed screaming for hours. It depends where on the spectrum if I think it is damaging. I think if you use common sense and factor in the situation you can decide what is best for your family with out having to worry about doing your infant harm. 
     
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  • image DC2London:
    image kleigh926:

    Personally, we learned that DD likes to just be put down when she's tired- no rocking or holding. The longer we stay with her before naps or bedtime, the more she wants us to stay and then cries when we leave. If we set her down and leave immediately, she's fine. 

    That's a REALLY interesting observation!  It makes total sense.  Well done you for figuring that out, that's one of those "quirks" about a baby's personality that only her mother knows!

    A friend from MOPs has said this as well. She said they tried rocking like their previous child, and it just didn't work. But know one seems to believe her (babysitter/church nursery etc), until they finally try it, and it works.

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  • image cmhicklin:
    image DC2London:
    image kleigh926:

    Personally, we learned that DD likes to just be put down when she's tired- no rocking or holding. The longer we stay with her before naps or bedtime, the more she wants us to stay and then cries when we leave. If we set her down and leave immediately, she's fine. 

    That's a REALLY interesting observation!  It makes total sense.  Well done you for figuring that out, that's one of those "quirks" about a baby's personality that only her mother knows!

    A friend from MOPs has said this as well. She said they tried rocking like their previous child, and it just didn't work. But know one seems to believe her (babysitter/church nursery etc), until they finally try it, and it works.

    DD2 is the same way...DH says she takes after me.  When I am ready to go to sleep, I don't want to snuggle.  I want my space.  

    Apparently so does DD2 since she does much better if I just lay her in her crib and giver her a couple of pats.

  • image DC2London:
    image kleigh926:

    Personally, we learned that DD likes to just be put down when she's tired- no rocking or holding. The longer we stay with her before naps or bedtime, the more she wants us to stay and then cries when we leave. If we set her down and leave immediately, she's fine. 

    That's a REALLY interesting observation!  It makes total sense.  Well done you for figuring that out, that's one of those "quirks" about a baby's personality that only her mother knows!


    Haha thanks! I finally figured it out after several nights of bedtime consisting of at least 30 minutes of crying and her getting more and more agitated the longer we tried to soothe her. She was exhausted, but as soon as we'd put her in her crib and started to close her door, she'd bawl. Now I hold her for like 5 seconds, put her down, and don't look back. She almost always goes to sleep right away.
    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 :)
    BFP #2 on 1/3/14, EDD 9/13/14

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  • image kleigh926:

    Honestly, I'm getting pretty sick of reading stuff like this. IMO, everyone thinks about it too much. If you can't do CIO, then don't. If you can, then try it. If whatever you're trying isn't working, then try something else. I don't think anyone now advocates letting the baby cry for hours on end and never going back in to soothe. You have to decide what works for you and your baby and go from there.

    Personally, we learned that DD likes to just be put down when she's tired- no rocking or holding. The longer we stay with her before naps or bedtime, the more she wants us to stay and then cries when we leave. If we set her down and leave immediately, she's fine.

    This is DS, too. When he's ready to sleep, he wants to be in his bed so he can find his "sweet spot" my husband calls it and nod off. If we rock him, he thinks we want to play, so he starts getting wound up again.  If we prolong it in any way, we set ourselves up for a 25 minute meltdown before he falls asleep. 

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  • image kleigh926:
    Honestly, I'm getting pretty sick of reading stuff like this. IMO, everyone thinks about it too much. If you can't do CIO, then don't. If you can, then try it. If whatever you're trying isn't working, then try something else. I don't think anyone now advocates letting the baby cry for hours on end and never going back in to soothe. You have to decide what works for you and your baby and go from there. Personally, we learned that DD likes to just be put down when she's tired no rocking or holding. The longer we stay with her before naps or bedtime, the more she wants us to stay and then cries when we leave. If we set her down and leave immediately, she's fine.

    This was our DD1 as well. Really, every child is different and we as parents have to do what's right for our situation.
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  • There actually has been research that has found negative effects of 'excessive periods of crying' on a child. The effects range from dealing with elevated stress levels as an adult, to parent/child relationship differences to ADHD. It's obviously up to you as a parent to decide how that sits with you, and how just how much crying your LO will do if you attempt a CIO method.
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