First post on thebump, I am a newlywed to a wonderful man! Little bit of a background- DH is 30, and I am 24. His DDs are 8 and 5, from a previous 'shotgun wedding' marriage, BM cheated multiple times among other things, and she is the one who filed for divorce. I am feeling some emotions for a couple reasons...
1) This may be completely irrational but I can't stand the XW/BM and I don't know if this is normal to feel. Just knowing what she did to DH makes me angry inside. They maintain contact for the few times a year he gets to see the kids (he's in the military) but I don't even want to see her during the drop-off/pick-up, I become very anxious and nervous feeling as if I could go off on her at any minute. I am NOT the confrontational type but something about her annoys the heck out of me. She's way too cheerful and friendly any time I've seen her to the point of almost being creepy, she has even messaged me on facebook asking to be friends, but I don't want that type of relationship with her. Is that wrong? I know if it wasn't for the kids DH would never speak to her again.
2) I don't have any children of my own, and I know I will never be "their real mom" or anything like that, they have a mother and I don't want to step on any toes, but what is a stepmom supposed to feel like? I obviously care for the children, I have bathed and dressed and fed them, they have even told me they loved me, but I don't feel like a "mom." I feel like I am visiting my little cousins/babysitting his kids. I feel guilty but I have not said I love you back to them yet. I'm just not ready. I usually respond with a hug and "Oh, you are such a sweet girl" etc. Did anyone else feel like this at first too?
Edited- I apologize for the lack of proper punctuation but I really just had to get that all out. Also I don't know why the second paragraph is larger than the other. It looks like I've never used the internet before. lol