November 2013 Moms

Doula?

Is anyone getting a doula?  I am really thinking about it however I just don't know if it would be worth it or not as its pretty expensive.  What are your gals thoughts?

Re: Doula?

  • We are getting one. Based on the reading I've done and friends I've talked to, if your goal is an unmedicated/intervention free hospital birth, they are 100 percent worth it. Some insurance plans will partially reimburse or let you use flex spending accounts.
    Mr. & Mrs. B, Est. 10.23.2009
    BFP #1: 8/31/12 ~ m/c: 9/06/12
    BFP #2: 2/28/13 ~ EDD: 11/10/13 ~ DS Born: 10/23/13

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  • TJHineTJHine
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    Absolutely! I think it's wonderful to have someone else that knows your wants and needs around...the hospital I am going to has a doula program, and it is only 100 extra to get a doula so for me it's perfect!
  • I'm not getting one.

    If money was no object and I had time to get to know and click with a doula before the birth, then I would love to have one. I would not want a doula who just showed up when labor started, I'd need to get to know her first.


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  • I think they are an absolutely amazing option. I have heard a lot of great things. I personally will not be having one just because of the cost factor.
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  • image MsCrispy:

    I'm not getting one.

    If money was no object and I had time to get to know and click with a doula before the birth, then I would love to have one. I would not want a doula who just showed up when labor started, I'd need to get to know her first.

    Every doula I've talked to has included at least one pre-labor meeting in their fee; several of them included 2-3 meetings and even a massage or other services.

    We are still on the fence about paying for one but I am definitely leaning toward it. I don't really have much confidence in my husband's ability to be labor support given that he's never done it before. 

    Six years of infertility and loss, four IUIs, one IVF and one very awesome little boy born via med-free birth 10.24.13.
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  • We're getting a doula because I'm prepping for an interventionfree birth and because I think my husband will be a better support to me with a doula present. Also, when I heard that doulas massage you and help relax you during the birthing process, I was sold!
  • If cost is a concern, you might see if there's a volunteer doula program in your city.  There's one here, and according to my midwives, you can either make arrangements with a specific doula ahead of time (on a sliding fee scale) or ask for an on-call doula to show up when you go into labor.

    Iris born Halloween 2013! 6 lbs, 1 oz, 18 inches long

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  • shanbpshanbp
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    I've hired one. She is pretty expensive, but I was referred to someone who used her with what turned out to be a very complicated 3 day labor/delivery.

    The package includes a minimum of 3 two hour meetings to get to know each other, and at least 1 postpartum visit.

    Feeling comfortable together seems just as important to her as it does to me.

    As DT said, I am just not sure how DH will handle things the day of. This allows both of us to feel more confident going into things.
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  • I'm looking into it. I want to make sure DH is comfortable with it. I have him reading some passages of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and he's really getting on board with the fact that I may choose to go unmediated.

    Until recently he had looked at me like I was insane for suggesting such a thing.

    We also don't want our families there so it would be nice for me to have a support person there.

    They run 200 to 500 here with 2 or 3 prenatal visits. My mental cap for this service is 400, so 200 sounds like a bargain and 500 sounds pricey.
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  • image Kfran84:
    I'm looking into it. I want to make sure DH is comfortable with it. I have him reading some passages of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and he's really getting on board with the fact that I may choose to go unmediated.

    Until recently he had looked at me like I was insane for suggesting such a thing.

    We also don't want our families there so it would be nice for me to have a support person there.

    They run 200 to 500 here with 2 or 3 prenatal visits. My mental cap for this service is 400, so 200 sounds like a bargain and 500 sounds pricey.


    Woah! The average around here is 1000, 500 sounds like a bargain to me. Dam HCOL area...
    Mr. & Mrs. B, Est. 10.23.2009
    BFP #1: 8/31/12 ~ m/c: 9/06/12
    BFP #2: 2/28/13 ~ EDD: 11/10/13 ~ DS Born: 10/23/13

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  • QstonQston
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    I'm hoping to get one. It's one of the many things on my August to do list. Originally I just wanted the doula there as support for DH. He doesn't do well with medical settings, and figured a support person for him to help him be stronger for me, but the more research I did, and in deciding to try for as natural as possible, it seemed like a doula could be great for all of us!

    In my area they run from about 400 to 1000 and I'm trying to justify coming up with 500 for one. It does sound expensive, but I think the benefit they will provide makes it more than worthwhile. Also, neither DH or I are good at asking a lot of questions, just sort of take the word of whoever is in charge, so one more person on our team seems like a good choice for us. It's probably got a lot to do with your personality, and what you are comfortable with. Good luck!
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  • I think they are a great idea!  There is no way I could sell DH on the cost though, so we are getting a birth photographer who is also a doula and if DH runs in to any problems she will be able to help him help me.
    BFP #1 12.23.12—1.16.13 M/C @ 7w6d

    BFP #2 3.14.13—EDD 11.20.13

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  • image DebateThis:
    image MsCrispy:

    I'm not getting one.

    If money was no object and I had time to get to know and click with a doula before the birth, then I would love to have one. I would not want a doula who just showed up when labor started, I'd need to get to know her first.

    Every doula I've talked to has included at least one pre-labor meeting in their fee; several of them included 2-3 meetings and even a massage or other services.

    We are still on the fence about paying for one but I am definitely leaning toward it. I don't really have much confidence in my husband's ability to be labor support given that he's never done it before. 

    This makes me sad.  Do you have confidence in your ability to give birth even though you've never done it before?  I'm not sure how this is different.

    In my experience, people rise to the expectations you set for them.

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  • shanbpshanbp
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    image KatieintheCity:
    image Kfran84:
    I'm looking into it. I want to make sure DH is comfortable with it. I have him reading some passages of Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and he's really getting on board with the fact that I may choose to go unmediated.

    Until recently he had looked at me like I was insane for suggesting such a thing.

    We also don't want our families there so it would be nice for me to have a support person there.

    They run 200 to 500 here with 2 or 3 prenatal visits. My mental cap for this service is 400, so 200 sounds like a bargain and 500 sounds pricey.


    Woah! The average around here is 1000, 500 sounds like a bargain to me. Dam HCOL area...


    Dang! Ours is 1200 which seems slightly high but definitely still normal for our area
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  • image Sing2phins:
    image DebateThis:
    image MsCrispy:

    I'm not getting one.

    If money was no object and I had time to get to know and click with a doula before the birth, then I would love to have one. I would not want a doula who just showed up when labor started, I'd need to get to know her first.

    Every doula I've talked to has included at least one pre-labor meeting in their fee; several of them included 2-3 meetings and even a massage or other services.

    We are still on the fence about paying for one but I am definitely leaning toward it. I don't really have much confidence in my husband's ability to be labor support given that he's never done it before. 

    This makes me sad.  Do you have confidence in your ability to give birth even though you've never done it before?  I'm not sure how this is different.

    In my experience, people rise to the expectations you set for them.

    I don't know what's "sad" about acknowledging his lack of experience with childbirth - I have been in the room for births multiple times and know that having good labor support from experienced people can be a huge difference in how women perceive their births, often for years afterward. I also find it incredibly unrealistic to simply "set expectations" for him to be my only emotional/physical support for what will also be an emotional/physical event for him, especially when he's never so much as been in the same room as a newborn. He, like many men, has zero idea HOW to be supportive of a woman in labor. A doula will be there to assist him and give him the tools he can use to help me. That's the entire point.

     


    Six years of infertility and loss, four IUIs, one IVF and one very awesome little boy born via med-free birth 10.24.13.
    image
  • image Sing2phins:
    image DebateThis:
    image MsCrispy:

    I'm not getting one.

    If money was no object and I had time to get to know and click with a doula before the birth, then I would love to have one. I would not want a doula who just showed up when labor started, I'd need to get to know her first.

    Every doula I've talked to has included at least one pre-labor meeting in their fee; several of them included 2-3 meetings and even a massage or other services.

    We are still on the fence about paying for one but I am definitely leaning toward it. I don't really have much confidence in my husband's ability to be labor support given that he's never done it before. 

    This makes me sad.  Do you have confidence in your ability to give birth even though you've never done it before?  I'm not sure how this is different.

    In my experience, people rise to the expectations you set for them.



    I don't see what's wrong with this statement. Men aren't always natural caretakers and are so anxious about having a baby themselves AND seeing their wife in pain for them to "rise above high expectations" to be a good labor coach.

    I had the same doubt about my husband's ability to handle my unmedicated labor for good reason. One, his care taking skills when I'm sick involve putting me to bed. He relies on me telling him exactly how I'd like to be taken care of, and during labor, you can't focus enough on verbalizing what comfort you need. Two, he can't skip sleep or he gets physically sick. Yes i wish he wasnt like this, but thats the case. I had a 48 hour labor so he slept while our doula assisted me.

    I'm VERY glad we hired a doula, who cost us nearly 750 dollars, and I didn't place unrealistic expectations on my husband's ability to be my labor coach. My doula stayed with me the whole time, over 50 hours at home and the hospital, and made me comfortable, suggested positions for natural pain relief, massaged me, and kept me calm by reassuring me that what I was going through was natural.

    But I also hired a wedding planner so I'm obviously biased toward trusting the experts when I'm a newbie at something!
  • image DebateThis:
    image Sing2phins:
    image DebateThis:
    image MsCrispy:

    I'm not getting one.

    If money was no object and I had time to get to know and click with a doula before the birth, then I would love to have one. I would not want a doula who just showed up when labor started, I'd need to get to know her first.

    Every doula I've talked to has included at least one pre-labor meeting in their fee; several of them included 2-3 meetings and even a massage or other services.

    We are still on the fence about paying for one but I am definitely leaning toward it. I don't really have much confidence in my husband's ability to be labor support given that he's never done it before. 

    This makes me sad.  Do you have confidence in your ability to give birth even though you've never done it before?  I'm not sure how this is different.

    In my experience, people rise to the expectations you set for them.

    I don't know what's "sad" about acknowledging his lack of experience with childbirth - I have been in the room for births multiple times and know that having good labor support from experienced people can be a huge difference in how women perceive their births, often for years afterward. I also find it incredibly unrealistic to simply "set expectations" for him to be my only emotional/physical support for what will also be an emotional/physical event for him, especially when he's never so much as been in the same room as a newborn. He, like many men, has zero idea HOW to be supportive of a woman in labor. A doula will be there to assist him and give him the tools he can use to help me. That's the entire point.

     

    When you explain it more, I understand what you're saying - maybe it was the way you worded it, about lacking confidence in his ability to be there for you, that put me off.

    I think a lot of women just dismiss their husbands' abilities when it comes to anything baby-related, and that's what makes me sad.  I feel like many women don't give their husbands a chance, they assume he'll be terrible at it and that they will do it better just because they're the mom.  That's what I meant about "people rise to the expectations you set" - if your husband knows you expect him to suck or don't trust him, you (the general you, not you, DT) can't be surprised when he lives up to exactly that expectation.  Personally, I have been around way more babies and kids than my husband, but I have total confidence in his abilities as a parent.

    Of course, the labor experience is unique from the day-to-day raising of the baby, and I can certainly understand how you might worry about how your husband will react and want to plan for that.  I think I just read what you were saying more broadly than you intended it.

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  • I think it all depends on your own personal needs/style and what type of environment you anticipate giving birth. We won't be using one this time as having done it once before I feel more confident going into it and I'm going to a birth center where the midwives will be available as much as I need them.

    I didn't have one last time for a number of reasons, but there are some things that would have been really nice about having one. Our hypnobirthing instructor was an amazing woman and she also offered doula services and I would have selected her in a heartbeat. I'm a very private person so I wanted as few people in the room as possible and DH attended birthing classes so I thought that he would do a good job as a support. I loved our midwife and I felt very comfortable with her. Unfortunately she wasn't on call when I went into labor and instead it was a complete azzhat OB and the hospital wasn't used to natural births or that accommodating. I know if my midwife had been there it would have been a different story. It worked out in the end and laboring at home helped a lot, but the hospital experience would have definitely gone smoother with a doula.

     

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  • I think they are a great idea, but I will not be getting one. Here the cost is about 1000. Also, I am planning in having an epidural, so there's that. If I was hoping to go natural I would totally find the money somehow.
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  • image Sing2phins:
    image DebateThis:
    image MsCrispy:

    I'm not getting one.

    If money was no object and I had time to get to know and click with a doula before the birth, then I would love to have one. I would not want a doula who just showed up when labor started, I'd need to get to know her first.

    Every doula I've talked to has included at least one pre-labor meeting in their fee; several of them included 2-3 meetings and even a massage or other services.

    We are still on the fence about paying for one but I am definitely leaning toward it. I don't really have much confidence in my husband's ability to be labor support given that he's never done it before. 

    This makes me sad.  Do you have confidence in your ability to give birth even though you've never done it before?  I'm not sure how this is different.

    In my experience, people rise to the expectations you set for them.



    Dude, I'M not confident in my own ability to give birth, and I've done it before. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses and there's no shame in asking help of someone more knowledgeable and experienced.

    MH did his best, but it 's not his area of expertisr. I'm positive a doula would be a better birth coach, not because MH doesn't have the best intentions, but simply because that's what doulas do.

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  • We have a staff spouse here who is a doula, and she's been volunteering as a L&D nurse at the local hospital for a year now... she's offered to help all of us pregnant ladies on the hillside out, and we're taking her up on it. 

    ~Living in India since 2010. Obligatory blog. ~

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  • We hired one for $650 (I'm in the Detroit area) and she does 2-3 pre-natal visits, unlimited phone calls, and stays for a few hours post-birth if we wish. She also does a post-partum visit. I think it's going to be a great support for me and someone who has "been there" (besides my Mom who will likely be driving me nuts...)

    Also we're doing hypnobirthing classes and she's trained in that model, so she can coach me in the moment. I'm feeling very reassured knowing she will be there!

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