Blended Families

Probably not NBFR but ..sibling warfare help needed

Ok ladies help!

DH and I are exhausted and we just completed week 1 of 6.

We will not survive these two awesome children if they continue to fight one another at the non stop level they've done the last week.

We can divide and conquer, but honestly we would like to be a family unit and enjoy everyone together at least on occasion.

I realize too much togetherness for any two kids can lead to trouble, but they are mostly during the day at separate day camps until we get off work.( we are taking vacation from work in a next week). So literally it's only 5:30pm till bed and the early morning getting dressed/eating and drop off that they are together right now (not including the weekends).

It was so bad Saturday the 4 yr old was screaming she doesn't want a brother and giving DH every detail of every wrong ever done to her in the history of her 4 year old life by her brother. She even told DH she wanted to live with DH and to send SS to live with BM.

Of course that set my SS off in hysterics of "she hurt my feelings". I feel like breaking out one of those "THIS is our Get Along" shirts. Have you seen them?

Help!

 

Re: Probably not NBFR but ..sibling warfare help needed

  • Honestly not what you want to hear but welcome to the world of parenting to kids. If it was not for sibling issues my kids would both be perfect. Do the kids life together full time?
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • image Hopeforthebest:

    Ok ladies help!

    DH and I are exhausted and we just completed week 1 of 6.

    We will not survive these two awesome children if they continue to fight one another at the non stop level they've done the last week.

    We can divide and conquer, but honestly we would like to be a family unit and enjoy everyone together at least on occasion.

    I realize too much togetherness for any two kids can lead to trouble, but they are mostly during the day at separate day camps until we get off work.( we are taking vacation from work in a next week). So literally it's only 5:30pm till bed and the early morning getting dressed/eating and drop off that they are together right now (not including the weekends).

    It was so bad Saturday the 4 yr old was screaming she doesn't want a brother and giving DH every detail of every wrong ever done to her in the history of her 4 year old life by her brother. She even told DH she wanted to live with DH and to send SS to live with BM.

    Of course that set my SS off in hysterics of "she hurt my feelings". I feel like breaking out one of those "THIS is our Get Along" shirts. Have you seen them?

    Help!

     

    So what have you done when they act up?  And what consequences did you give your Daughter for making such a hurtful comment(ary) about her stepbrother?   

    image
  • They do live together full time.

    Why does anyone have more than one kid? (Tongue in cheek--kinda--hahaha)

    :-)

    They are both perfect...when separate. But together they can be heck on wheels.

    But then I swear out of nowhere they will do something sweet for one another. I know they have it in them.

    It is baffling (I don't have kids of my own so maybe not so baffling to you guys).

    I'm gonna pull the ref costume from 2 Halloweens ago and find that whistle. LOL!

  • image Ilumine:
    image Hopeforthebest:

    Ok ladies help!

    DH and I are exhausted and we just completed week 1 of 6.

    We will not survive these two awesome children if they continue to fight one another at the non stop level they've done the last week.

    We can divide and conquer, but honestly we would like to be a family unit and enjoy everyone together at least on occasion.

    I realize too much togetherness for any two kids can lead to trouble, but they are mostly during the day at separate day camps until we get off work.( we are taking vacation from work in a next week). So literally it's only 5:30pm till bed and the early morning getting dressed/eating and drop off that they are together right now (not including the weekends).

    It was so bad Saturday the 4 yr old was screaming she doesn't want a brother and giving DH every detail of every wrong ever done to her in the history of her 4 year old life by her brother. She even told DH she wanted to live with DH and to send SS to live with BM.

    Of course that set my SS off in hysterics of "she hurt my feelings". I feel like breaking out one of those "THIS is our Get Along" shirts. Have you seen them?

    Help!

     

    So what have you done when they act up?  And what consequences did you give your Daughter for making such a hurtful comment(ary) about her stepbrother?   

    It's her brother (not step). The small annoying stuff they do to one another we try to let them work out themselves. When it gets physical we intervene obviously.

    If the small stuff is constant (which it has been several times) we send the offender to their room (when we can tell which one it was). It is pretty 50/50 on their parts.

    There is a lot of talking going on. My DH removed SD from situation and tried to calm her down and explained that her brother wasn't going anywhere and it was okay to be upset when he does things to her but she has to love him and how it wasn't nice to say those things.

    Here is the divide and conquer example....I was reassuring SS that SD is only 4 and she doesn't mean the hurtful things she is saying she is still learning how to act like a big girl. I tried to remind him of the sweet things she had done just a few hours ago so he would see she was just upset and didn't mean she didn't love him etc.

    I also tried to make him understand that while he might think it is funny to do xyz, SD doesn't and when she asks him to stop, it would be a good idea to stop before they both get upset.

     

     

  • My kids are 6.5 and 4.5. First boys are generally nicer. And believe he I hate stereotypes especially about gender more than most but I hear and see it over and over again. And if I got involved in very sibling fight I would lose my mind although I intervene more than I should because they always ask me to. This is totally normal and totally annoying. And it is a big part of the reason why when people with more than one make the comment that you are not a real parent until you have more than one.

    I cannot rember your situation with BM but this probably gives you sympathy because I would bet she deals with this daily. Good luck.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • Mine fight. They're either bff or mortal enemies. There's no in between.

    Here are our rules:

    - You may not do anything to intentionally hurt (physically or emotionally) your sibling. DS is 8 and a red belt in taekwondo, so we do punish if he gets physical with his 3-yo sister. 

    - If one of you gets in trouble for bickering, you BOTH get in trouble. We really try not to interfere here, but if it's in the car and distracting, we will make them stop.

    - Unless someone is really hurt or there is something dangerous happening, we don't want to hear about it. (Basically, no tattling.)

    Then we reward for good behavior. I do a weekly sticker chart for things like Kindness, Cooperation, Academics, etc. If they get most of their stickers (I give them 3 freebies) then they get to pick a small toy out of a bag that I keep stocked with $1 Target bin toys.

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    Erin's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
  • image fellesferie:

    Mine fight. They're either bff or mortal enemies. There's no in between.

    Here are our rules:

    - You may not do anything to intentionally hurt (physically or emotionally) your sibling. DS is 8 and a red belt in taekwondo, so we do punish if he gets physical with his 3-yo sister. 

    - If one of you gets in trouble for bickering, you BOTH get in trouble. We really try not to interfere here, but if it's in the car and distracting, we will make them stop.

    - Unless someone is really hurt or there is something dangerous happening, we don't want to hear about it. (Basically, no tattling.)

    Then we reward for good behavior. I do a weekly sticker chart for things like Kindness, Cooperation, Academics, etc. If they get most of their stickers (I give them 3 freebies) then they get to pick a small toy out of a bag that I keep stocked with $1 Target bin toys.

    I like this idea.

    Good to know this seems pretty normal, I am so worried about screwing up.

  • image fellesferie:

    Mine fight. They're either bff or mortal enemies. There's no in between.

    Here are our rules:

    - You may not do anything to intentionally hurt (physically or emotionally) your sibling. DS is 8 and a red belt in taekwondo, so we do punish if he gets physical with his 3-yo sister. 

    - If one of you gets in trouble for bickering, you BOTH get in trouble. We really try not to interfere here, but if it's in the car and distracting, we will make them stop.

    - Unless someone is really hurt or there is something dangerous happening, we don't want to hear about it. (Basically, no tattling.)

    All of this.  DS and DD are 4 years apart and oh my word their fighting used to be awful.  As Felles said, either BFF's or mortal enemies.  I don't have brothers, and my sisters and I never fought like that.  I was seriously worried that they were going to hurt each other one day.

    The big thing that helped preserve my sanity was making the kids work things out themselves.  I didn't intervene unless they were getting aggressive or mean to each other.   

    They grew out of the constant bickering when DS was about 12.  Once the kids were no longer in school together and had their separate interests the fighting blessedly ceased.  There are still arguments here and there, but not the nuclear brawls we were dealing with before.

    image

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