December 2013 Moms

He/Him vs. She/Her

Why does everyone keep calling our baby "he" or "him" when we haven't found out what we're having yet?  It is driving me bonkers!!! 

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Re: He/Him vs. She/Her

  • Yeah, what's that about?  Happening to me, too.  I wonder if it's just the awkwardness of keeping the pronouns neutral.  With four months left, I find that exhausting myself.
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  • image AGriffin620:
    Why does everyone keep calling our baby "he" or "him" when we haven't found out what we're having yet?  It is driving me bonkers!!! 

    We're getting the opposite since we have two boys, and everyone wants us to have a girl.  As for the grammatical reason, male pronouns have been the accepted substitute gender ambiguous cases for 100's of years.  Any serious push to change to something gender neutral has been in place for a mere 50 years or so.

    And if that was an unacceptable use of the word "gender," I apologize in advance to the board at large.

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  • A lot of people seem uncomfortable calling the baby "it" and male pronouns are the default pronoun in our culture, for better or for worse.  I tend to alternate between the three, sometimes calling the baby he, sometimes she, and sometimes it.  I don't think anyone means anything by it, but I get how it can become frustrating. 
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  • I used ?he? because I was solidly convinced that I was having a boy. My DH only referred to LO as a ?she? because he thought it was a girl?and he was right.

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  • image GTown08:
    A lot of people seem uncomfortable calling the baby "it" and male pronouns are the default pronoun in our culture, for better or for worse.  I tend to alternate between the three, sometimes calling the baby he, sometimes she, and sometimes it.  I don't think anyone means anything by it, but I get how it can become frustrating. 

    Exactly.  He/him have served as the 'gender neutral' pronouns for hundreds of years.  No one means anything by it, it's merely the default.

    ETA: We have no 'neutered' pronouns; "he" has really served that function.  Latin has m/f/n, which was very annoying when learning the language, but is actually rather cool.  There has been a movement in the US to adopt a neutered pronoun, but I don't think it has really caught on very well.

    I carry you with me into the world, into the smell of rain & the words that dance between people & for me, it will always be this way, walking in the light, remembering being alive together. - Brian Andreas

    I never knew emptiness could weigh so much, she said.  I can barely hold it.  So he sat beside her & reached for her hand, and they held it together. - Brian Andreas

    4 cycles of "TTC" - 2 intentional, 2 not so intentional.  4 BFPs.  No children.
    ~ Returned to trying in March - BFP 04.10.2013 - EDD 12.22.2013 ~ TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little boy.
    ~ Started TTC 12.1.2012 - BFP 12.20.2012~  m/c 1.2.2013
    ~ Surprise BFP 7.26.12 - Lost poppy seed* 8.13.12 <3 ~

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  • This is one of many things about the English language that has always bugged me. We have no neuter pronouns. I loved learning Latin and German and the random way desk was masculine but pencil was feminine, etc... But then I'm a nerd so, there you go...
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  • He is normally used generically for either sex. Personally, I'd rather use he when the sex is unknown than have someone call more unborn child "it". That's just my personal opinion since it means neither he or she but both.
  • Ha! That's happening to me, too. Then again, everyone is completely convinced that we're having a boy. I don't know where all that is coming from. 


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  • image GTown08:
    A lot of people seem uncomfortable calling the baby "it" and male pronouns are the default pronoun in our culture, for better or for worse.  I tend to alternate between the three, sometimes calling the baby he, sometimes she, and sometimes it.  I don't think anyone means anything by it, but I get how it can become frustrating. 

    This.  

    I don't know the sex yet, but I refer to him as "him" because I'm convinced it's a boy. 

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  • Before I found out I was having another girl, I called this baby "new baby". It caught on between my friends and family and a friend still calls her NB. 
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  • image zarahelise:
    Before I found out I was having another girl, I called this baby "new baby". It caught on between my friends and family and a friend still calls her NB. 

    My friends have taken to calling the LO "FutureSpawn," for better or worse.  It gets nicknamed down to FS. We did receive a package address to "FS (hyphenated last names)" that was kind of funny. 

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  • Yeah, I guess the "he" being neutral makes sense, but it is still frustrating to me.  I've been trying to use "the baby" when I talk to people, but it isn't catching on.  I can't wait to find out so we can use "him" or "her" for good.  Thanks for letting me vent and for the good discussion!

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  • image northport6:

    image zarahelise:
    Before I found out I was having another girl, I called this baby "new baby". It caught on between my friends and family and a friend still calls her NB. 

    My friends have taken to calling the LO "FutureSpawn," for better or worse.  It gets nicknamed down to FS. We did receive a package address to "FS (hyphenated last names)" that was kind of funny. 

    Ha!  That's hilarious.


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  • Lol you know it never bothered me, probably because I always thought it was a boy so I was saying he/him too, but it drives me NUTS when people call my cat a she even though he's a boy LOL.
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  • I've always said "little one" or "the baby", but recently I've started saying she.  I already have a son so I'm hoping calling LO a she will make it so :)  But seriously, I haven't heard too many people IRL say he or she, just "the baby".  Maybe everyone is really politically correct around here?
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  • image zarahelise:
    Before I found out I was having another girl, I called this baby "new baby". It caught on between my friends and family and a friend still calls her NB.nbsp;


    Lol. We do this too. We have done it since becoming pregnant with our second. It's new baby until we find out the sex and then it becomes him or her until we decide on a name. Then we just use the name.
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  • We started calling LO "olive" at 6 weeks and it has stuck.  We know the sex, but still call LO olive. 

    Also, maybe this is flammable, but I had no problem referring to LO as an "it" and I sometimes still do. 

    I carry you with me into the world, into the smell of rain & the words that dance between people & for me, it will always be this way, walking in the light, remembering being alive together. - Brian Andreas

    I never knew emptiness could weigh so much, she said.  I can barely hold it.  So he sat beside her & reached for her hand, and they held it together. - Brian Andreas

    4 cycles of "TTC" - 2 intentional, 2 not so intentional.  4 BFPs.  No children.
    ~ Returned to trying in March - BFP 04.10.2013 - EDD 12.22.2013 ~ TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little boy.
    ~ Started TTC 12.1.2012 - BFP 12.20.2012~  m/c 1.2.2013
    ~ Surprise BFP 7.26.12 - Lost poppy seed* 8.13.12 <3 ~

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  • We naturally said he/him before we foun out it was a girl! Not because we wanted only a boy but for whatever reason that's what came to us in our conversations. Now we find ourselves having to correct it back to she/her because we just got used to saying it the other way. I wouldn't read too much into it :]
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