February 2013 Moms

Looks like he's going to day care :(

I've been fortunate enough to have a mom and MIL who have watched him all the way up till he's almost six months but I can't expect them to keep doing it. MIL works at a school for MRDD kids and she goes back at the end of August. She's hoping to retire in December but that's up in the air. My mom says it's too much to watch him five days a week which I completely understand. My grandfather passed away in March so she's also taking care of my grandmother.

So that leaves me looking for child care. I want to cry. I don't like the idea of leaving him with complete strangers. I feel like a crappy mom because I can't stay home with him :( We absolutely need both our incomes because (long story short: my husband screwed up his mom's credit from when he went to college so he has to buy her a condo in our name when she retires - she will be making the payments. She just doesn't have the credit so it has to be in our name).

Also did I mention my car is about to take a s hit? Insert tears here.

I guess this is just a vent because there's really no good advice for this :(

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Re: Looks like he's going to day care :(

  •  I'm working because I like my job a lot and because DH and I like having fun spending money and not worrying about each purchase/couponing/etc, but I too was upset about the thought of daycare. Leaving LO with strangers concerned me and I didn't like that she wouldn't get the same care and attention that she got at home with me or DH. However, I have to say that daycare has been great. She started 3 weeks ago and already has started sitting on her own and (somewhat) crawling (I think watching the older infants really helped here). She is much more interactive with other babies and kids now too. Plus, she has gotten SO much better about going down for naps and taking bottles instead of the breast. I credit daycare with all of those things.

    I won't say that it was all roses though - the first few days were heartbreaking, as she would realize where we were and start to bawl once we walked in the door. Also, the first day she cried literally the entire time I was gone except for when she passed out for naps. She still cries a bit when I hand her off, but I think it's a good place for her and I think she enjoys the stimulation of watching everything that's going on with the teachers and the other babies. I think she was getting bored just hanging out at home with me.


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  • You are not a bad mom because you're sending baby to daycare. It's actually a pet peeve of mine when people say that because I have been dropping mine off at daycare since three months old with no intention of staying home. Does that make working moms bad parents? Of course not. You won't be a bad mom either. My DS loves daycare, loves his teachers, and plays all day. He's flexible, social, and happy. Find a place you trust, and see if you can try a few partial days before sending LO there all day. That helped me make the transition and things went very smoothly. There were tears from me at the first drop off, but DS had an easy time from the get go.
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    BFP#1: 12.27.11, EDD 9.6.12, M/C 1/6/12 at 5w
    BFP#2: 5.26.12, EDD 2.7.13, DS Born 2.1.13
  • image Sterling13:
    You are not a bad mom because you're sending baby to daycare. It's actually a pet peeve of mine when people say that because I have been dropping mine off at daycare since three months old with no intention of staying home. Does that make working moms bad parents? Of course not. You won't be a bad mom either. My DS loves daycare, loves his teachers, and plays all day. He's flexible, social, and happy. Find a place you trust, and see if you can try a few partial days before sending LO there all day. That helped me make the transition and things went very smoothly. There were tears from me at the first drop off, but DS had an easy time from the get go.

    Sorry didn't mean to insinuate one is a bad mom for choosing to work. I'm just overwhelmed right now.

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  • image coffeecream:
    Another option is to find a SAHM who wants to make a little extra cash.  Often this is cheaper than daycare, and your money helps out another mom.  Who knows, you might become friends! I'm certainly not saying there's anything wrong with daycare, just offering something else you could look into. 

    I will check into something like that. Thanks!

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  • image singingsea:

    image Sterling13:
    You are not a bad mom because you're sending baby to daycare. It's actually a pet peeve of mine when people say that because I have been dropping mine off at daycare since three months old with no intention of staying home. Does that make working moms bad parents? Of course not. You won't be a bad mom either. My DS loves daycare, loves his teachers, and plays all day. He's flexible, social, and happy. Find a place you trust, and see if you can try a few partial days before sending LO there all day. That helped me make the transition and things went very smoothly. There were tears from me at the first drop off, but DS had an easy time from the get go.

    Sorry didn't mean to insinuate one is a bad mom for choosing to work. I'm just overwhelmed right now.



    I totally understand feeling overwhelmed and having anxiety over where to send the kiddo. But keep in mind that lots of wonderful moms and kids use daycare. Your LO will be great once you find the right place. Good luck!
    image
    imageimageimage
    BFP#1: 12.27.11, EDD 9.6.12, M/C 1/6/12 at 5w
    BFP#2: 5.26.12, EDD 2.7.13, DS Born 2.1.13
  • I'm going to agree with PP who says that sending their kids to daycare makes them a crappy mom is a pet peeve. My kid is in daycare. I am NOT a crappy mom. 

    While part of me wanted to be able to stay home and take care of DD, it wasn't realistic for our family. DD has been in daycare for almost two months now. At the end of the day, she's well taken care of, she's happy, and I feel like she gets way better care than she would have with family watching her. Our family isn't near by, so it was never an option, but either of our parents would more likely have the TV on all day and interact almost minimally with her. At daycare, there's so much going on, and someone is ALWAYS interacting with the kids. At the end of the day, I feel like this is a MUCH better option.

    Maybe try switching your mindset. It's not the end of the world. Spend some time making sure your DCP is a great fit and that you KNOW he's in a great environment and getting the next best thing to being with mom.

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  • I'm not even sure I can afford it. I've started looking and seems like the average is $1000 a month.
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  • Please do not view my post as taking a dump on working moms. I've got mad respect for us working mommys. It ain't easy.

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  • SagenSagen
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    image singingsea:
    I'm not even sure I can afford it. I've started looking and seems like the average is $1000 a month.

    Some jobs it is almost not worth it to work if you only make a tiny bit more than you pay in daycare. If that is the case for you, you could always look into being a SAHM who watches other peoples children. If you do daycare I wouldn't feel bad, I am sorry your other arrangement fell through.

    August Sig. man crush
     image
    Mom to 4 cute kids! 10 yo girl 8 yo boy 6 yo boy and a 1.5 yo boy!
  • I didn't take it that way.  I go back in Sept and it is breaking my heart already.  Somehow we will all get through it and so will your little one.
  • image Teacher Clark:
      I ended up having my providers child in my chemistry class the same year she started watching DD1. It was a total coincidence, but it was pretty cool that while I was teaching her teenager she was teaching my baby. She has spent Christmas Day with us and I will very possibly teach her other 3 kids when they are in high school. Often providers become a part of your lives. They aren't strangers.

    This. When I was 6 months old my mom found a SAHM who watched other children in her home. She had a daughter 2.5 years older to me, and they became my second family. Even though she went back to work when my brother (2 years younger than me) went to kindergarten, we are great friends with the family to this day. I consider her daughter to be my sister.

    On the flip side, during the summers after that woman went back to work my parents tried other in-home providers and none of them were as fantastic. I think it's important to really take your time in choosing someone and make sure they're a great fit no matter what route (in-home or daycare) you choose to do. If you do in-home, please make sure they are licensed. As in - ask to see their license.


    BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
    BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d
    BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence

  • I totally hear ya.  I work because I have to, not because I'm attached to my job.  We literally cannot afford for either of us to stay home.  A friend of ours recommended her in home DCP and we love her.  I also love knowing that my friends 2.5 and 4.5 yo children have been thriving there and are looking out for my girl. :)  We're super lucky.
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  • I feel you, momma. It was very hard to cope with the idea of sending my DS to daycare too, even though I knew there was really no other option. I kept holding on to hope that we would figure something out, but it's just not in the cards for us right now.

    I'm sure he will do great. We started my DS last month, and he's too young for separation anxiety, so he is happy as a clam even without mommy and daddy!

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