Two Under 2

STMs: Where was your child?

STM's: Where was your first child or previous children when you delivered?
We don't have any nearby family and all of our friends work. We found out today that our hospital lets you bring in your own children, no other children under 12 can visit, but we don't know logistically how it would work to have our first child with us during the delivery.
Of course it all depends on tons of factors, like what day of the week or time of day or whatnot to see if any friends could help, but since my husband wants to be in the delivery room and we may have no other options but for our daughter to be there, does anyone have experience or advice on this?

Re: STMs: Where was your child?

  • We left our son with my dad during the delivery and then my husband went back home to be with him. I felt fine being alone most of my recovery time in the hospital so my husband could be home because I was more worried about our son! He was only 16 months old and I really didn't want him to come to the hospital, not to mention it was an hour away from home.

    This time we will most likely not be able to count on any family or friends for a number of reasons, so we are hoping that one of the babysitters the kids are used to will be available... Or, if we're really lucky I will go into labor late in the morning and be done by early afternoon while the kids are in daycare! ;) luckily, the hospital is ten minutes away so my husband could be back and forth much more easily.

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  • My SIL flew in 4 days before my due date and stayed 11 days so she kept my first child at home.

    We have no family close by. A family
    friend was "on call" for us but she was a 5 to 6hr drive away. As backup we also had our babysitter and a mom in my mom's group.


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  • Our family is all several hours away, but I had a scheduled induction so we were able to plan for my parents to be here with DD1. They stayed with her at our house, kept with her routine, and brought her up to visit us and meet her sister the day after the baby was born. We will do the same this time around.

    If by some chance I had gone into labor early, or do this time, we have some good friends who can watch the girls until my parents can get here. If we really ended up in a pinch and those friends couldn't take them, we have a few families from our church we could call.

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  • hocushocus
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    Do you stay home? If you work I would think your child would go to whatever childcare set up you have and then you'd only need friends to pick up as you do. I think you should talk to friends or even consider getting an on call nanny who could help. I personally don't think young children belong at a delivery in a hospital and I suspect the rule you're referring to is for post birth and not delivery. If the ONLY option is to have her there then I think you really need to talk about what to do if she is upset or is distracting you from the birth experience. Your DH might need to take her out for periods of time.


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  • I brought DD1 over to a friend's house the night that I went to the hospital.  She stayed there until after her afternoon nap.  DH picked her up at that point and she came to visit me in the hospital.

    If your family can't come watch your LO, then you need to look into other childcare options.  Sittercity and care.com are good ways to find care givers.  I'd find at least two that you like and use them on occasion, so your LO becomes familiar with them.  I would avoid bring your LO to the hospital at all costs. 

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  • kagl08kagl08
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    My mom came and stayed at our house to be with DD when I was having #2. I didn't want her to be at a different house and be without us. It worked out really well. She barely knew we were gone! My DS had to go to the NICU and we were gone for 3 days total until he became stable enough for us to leave him. My mom stayed the whole time with DD and we didn't see her that whole time. Looking back it was the perfect situation. 

    There's no way we could have ever brought our DD to the hospital. DS was born at 10:24pm, she would have miserable! And he had unexpected issues that needed immediate attention. That's all stuff we didn't take into account at 1st until it actually happened. I'd absolutely find someone to watch your LO and wouldn't not bring LO to the hospital. 


  • Our family is 8-12 hours away so we had a few plans in place.  The first was a friend who has a little girl close to DS age.  I had a bag packed for him incase he needed to spend the night.  Plan number 2 was a neighbor and then if he could DH would go home for the night with DS.  Thankfully my FIL had a "feeling" and decided to come down and low and behold DS2 was born while he was here.  Man was that so much less stress on me!  This time around I have no idea what we are going to do.  The friend I mentioned now has a 2 month old and asking her to take on two more kids is a lot.  Hoping I can convince my mom to stay for a few weeks. However I don't think I would have taken my DS into L&D with me.  He was barely 3 but would have completely understood what was going on and he would have wanted to see.  
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  • My dad lives 3hrs away so once I knew I was in labor, I called him.  It was 4am and he was here by 7:30am.  We left for the hospital around 8am so it worked out well.  
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  • Fortunately my good friend offered to use a personal day and watch my son. We called the in laws too, so that they could watch him the second day. My second labor was pretty fast, so I don't think I could have waited hours for relatives to arrive.

    My sister brought her 3 year old into the labor room, but she had other people at the hospital who could watch the 3 year old. It would be very difficult for your DH to watch your 2 year old while attending to you during active labor.
  • I'm a STM but I laboured and delivered as a FTM; therefore I gambled on it being a loooong labour/delivery and asked one of the grandmas to come and watch DD1 when I went to the hospital. She lives 3 hours away.

    FI and I were not comfortable with the idea of having a teething, clingy, 18 month old in the delivery room.

    "What are you having?" "Well the radiologist says its a healthy little human baby. I'm a little disappointed, because I really wanted a puppy." LOL
  • I had no idea what I would do with DD1.  One day at MOPS a mom that I didn't know well (who was also pregnant) said she would watch my daughter when I went into labor.  I was so relieved!!  We had a friend who was close by come and stay with DD1 until morning and then my MOPS friends came and picked her up until my in laws could make it here to get her.  They are about an 8 hour drive away and didn't leave until morning so she spent most of the day with my MOPS friend.  I am sure something will come up.  Are you a member of any social group with any stay at home moms?
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  • We just had our second a month ago and also have absolutely no family nearby. We had a RCS, but our delivery date was always up in the air because of various medical factors. We lined up someone for each potential delivery date. When we finally got our official surgery date, our babysitter actually cancelled on us the day before we delivered (talk about ridiculously stressed out), but luckily had my best friend drive in from out of state to help in the pinch.  He was able to stay with DD at our house through delivery so that DH could be there, but once I was in recovery, DH went back home to be with DD.  I recovered in the hospital alone which actually worked out just fine. I used the nurses for a lot of help and was able to walk early, heal early, and leave early. I think being alone motivated me to get out of there faster!

    As far as having your LO there for delivery just keep in mind it might be good to have someone there to watch her in the waiting room in the event she gets restless, doesn't like seeing you hooked up to various IVs, or in the event that you end up having to have a c/s because she won't be allowed in the OR.

    It definitely stinks not having family on hand nearby to help out, but I'd plan far ahead for various scenarios to happen because you never know! 

  • Our babysitter who has watched DS1 since he was four months old was our #1 choice since DS1 was comfortable with her and she knew her way around our house and knew our routines pretty well, etc. Our #2 backup was SIL. Fortunately, the babysitter was available so she and her husband stayed at our house for a day and a half while DH and I were at the hospital. It worked out well, although it was quite expensive. :) Worth the peace of mind, though!
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  • image memali26:

    Our family is all several hours away, but I had a scheduled induction so we were able to plan for my parents to be here with DD1. They stayed with her at our house, kept with her routine, and brought her up to visit us and meet her sister the day after the baby was born. We will do the same this time around.

    If by some chance I had gone into labor early, or do this time, we have some good friends who can watch the girls until my parents can get here. If we really ended up in a pinch and those friends couldn't take them, we have a few families from our church we could call.

    This is pretty much our plan, I am expecting to be scheduled for delivery around 38 weeks, if I get to that date, my parents will come over from England to look after DS1, if baby gets here early I have a friend who is happy to look after DS1 until they can get here (they will be coming on the first flight over if this happens). I actually have a couple of friends who have volunteered, so if something happens I know it will be OK, I feel so lucky that I have such good friends.

    Also, once the baby is born DH will be going back and forth from the hospital to help look after DS1, so unless it is a really long labour  (this is unlikely as it is pretty likely I will be a RCS) there shouldn't be too much time in between going to the hospital and DH being able to go get DS1.

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  • With DD2, I called my mom when my water broke. She lives a couple hours away, but nothing was happening and I knew I would need pitocin to get things going, so she had plenty of time to make the drive.
    With Baby Boy, I toughed it out until daycare was open. Dropped the girls off and then called my mom and she again made the drive to come and stay with them while I was in the hospital. Had she not been able to, I had one of DD2's teachers lined up for backup. 
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  • DS1 stayed with his grandparents. I would see if you can have someone watch your DD if at all possible, the delivery may be scary for her, not to mention you will be very busy and distracted, what if you need an emergency C-section? Or if something goes wrong? I would ask friends, neighbors, maybe look into babysitters?

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  • Baby came 4 weeks early.  At 2am we called MIL who lived 3 hours away. They would not let DD#1 in the hospital, so they (dd#1 and husband) sat in the car till my MIL got to the hospital. My husband almost missed the birth, 5 minutes to spare.
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  • We have no family close by, and DD1 was still having intense stranger anxiety, so she only felt comfortable with me, DH, and our nanny. So we called our nanny at 12:30am and asked her to come when I needed an unplanned c/s (we had discussed in advance with her that we might need her to come in the night, and she was fine with it). DD2 was delivered via RCS at 2am, and DH was back home to relieve the nanny by 3:30am.
    I spent most of the time in the hospital by myself - DH took off work and watched DD1. Really, I didn't mind. It would have broken my heart knowing DD1 was with someone she didn't know and probably bawling her eyes out because she didn't understand.

    BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
    BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d
    BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence

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