September 2013 Moms

Divorce.

I want a fcking divorce. Maybe if I say it on here, I will actually work up enough courage to do it. My husband is an . And I'm over it. My poor kids. Sad face..... Sorry to be annoying, I know I'd be annoyed reading this. I just have nowhere else to vent this and not have residual drama. Please understand.
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Re: Divorce.

  • Have you tried counseling? I'm not against divorce, but I think it's usually worth a counseling effort when kids are involved, unless there is something serious going on (abuse, infidelity, etc).

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  • image VitaLuna:
    Have you tried counseling? I'm not against divorce, but I think it's usually worth a counseling effort when kids are involved,nbsp;unless there is something serious going on abuse, infidelity, etc.


    My thoughts on this too. T and P



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  • Is this a relatively new thought, or something you've considered seriously for a long time. I'm divorced and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made but I didn't have any kids so it was much easier to walk away. I'm very happily married now.
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  • I know where you are at, and I'm sorry. I wish I had advice, but I'm probably not the best for that now. Big hugs, and if you need to vent, you can always pm me. No drama here, I felt nothing but support when I did the same thing you are by posting. Chin up and make a plan.
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  • image VitaLuna:
    Have you tried counseling? I'm not against divorce, but I think it's usually worth a counseling effort when kids are involved,nbsp;unless there is something serious going on abuse, infidelity, etc.


    I don't want my child growing up in this environment. I mean its like he is happy go lucky for a while and then every so often he just snaps. He yells and says absolutely terrible things and occasionally even gets violent. I just don't understand why he can't communicate and ends up going off like this. He told our 19 month old that mommy hates him. Who the hell says that?! I know I am not perfect, but I try so hard and he just can't stop behaving this way. So, I don't even think I want to try counseling. It's so pathetic that I don't even know what my breaking point is. There is no.. If he ever does such and such I will be gone.. He has done them all and yet here I am, 33.5 weeks pregnant sleeping on the couch because supposedly I don't support him enough and I'm such a terrible wife that it warrants him screaming at me while I cry in the corner.
  • image katiezab:
    image VitaLuna:
    Have you tried counseling? I'm not against divorce, but I think it's usually worth a counseling effort when kids are involved,nbsp;unless there is something serious going on abuse, infidelity, etc.


    I don't want my child growing up in this environment. I mean its like he is happy go lucky for a while and then every so often he just snaps. He yells and says absolutely terrible things and occasionally even gets violent. I just don't understand why he can't communicate and ends up going off like this. He told our 19 month old that mommy hates him. Who the hell says that?! I know I am not perfect, but I try so hard and he just can't stop behaving this way. So, I don't even think I want to try counseling. It's so pathetic that I don't even know what my breaking point is. There is no.. If he ever does such and such I will be gone.. He has done them all and yet here I am, 33.5 weeks pregnant sleeping on the couch because supposedly I don't support him enough and I'm such a terrible wife that it warrants him screaming at me while I cry in the corner.


    /lurking

    This is abuse. You need to contact someone you can count on. Do you have a friend or family member you can take the kids to stay with for a while? You need to remove yourself from this awful situation.

    Just pack some things and go in the middle of the day when he is at work. Take the kids and bail. Violence like this tends to escalate and you need to go now before adding a newborn to the picture.

    If you have no where to go then contact your nearest battered women's shelter and ask them if you can stay there for a couple of days until you work something out.

    Really, what you are living with is a ticking time bomb.
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  • image katiezab:
    image VitaLuna:
    Have you tried counseling? I'm not against divorce, but I think it's usually worth a counseling effort when kids are involved,nbsp;unless there is something serious going on abuse, infidelity, etc.


    I don't want my child growing up in this environment. I mean its like he is happy go lucky for a while and then every so often he just snaps. He yells and says absolutely terrible things and occasionally even gets violent. I just don't understand why he can't communicate and ends up going off like this. He told our 19 month old that mommy hates him. Who the hell says that?! I know I am not perfect, but I try so hard and he just can't stop behaving this way. So, I don't even think I want to try counseling. It's so pathetic that I don't even know what my breaking point is. There is no.. If he ever does such and such I will be gone.. He has done them all and yet here I am, 33.5 weeks pregnant sleeping on the couch because supposedly I don't support him enough and I'm such a terrible wife that it warrants him screaming at me while I cry in the corner.


    I'm sorry to hear. He should be extra supportive rite now and he's not. That also isn't an environment I would want my children to grow up in. There is counseling but if you don't think it can't help I would go with your gut. Your kid is still young so you should be good. Best of luck to you.
  • It seems like you set up some lines and even though he has crossed those lines it is still hard to even think of leaving. I know it is easy to stay in an abusive relationship especially when tomorrow he may act completely normal. You need to maybe write a letter to yourself so you remember why you make the decision to really leave. That way if you question yourself, you will know why you made that decision.

    I would personally get counseling first. He may want to communicate things to you, but doesn't know how. I do think if this has been a persistant thing, you should remove yourself from the home. You don't have to live together to go to counseling.

    I hope it works out for you. I'm really sorry you are going through this.
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  • caovercaover
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    I encourage you to reach out to someone. A friend, family member, pastor, someone you can trust. What you described is abuse. T&PS to you and your children :( 
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  • image PrimRoseMama:
    image katiezab:
    image VitaLuna:
    Have you tried counseling? I'm not against divorce, but I think it's usually worth a counseling effort when kids are involved,nbsp;unless there is something serious going on abuse, infidelity, etc.


    I don't want my child growing up in this environment. I mean its like he is happy go lucky for a while and then every so often he just snaps. He yells and says absolutely terrible things and occasionally even gets violent. I just don't understand why he can't communicate and ends up going off like this. He told our 19 month old that mommy hates him. Who the hell says that?! I know I am not perfect, but I try so hard and he just can't stop behaving this way. So, I don't even think I want to try counseling. It's so pathetic that I don't even know what my breaking point is. There is no.. If he ever does such and such I will be gone.. He has done them all and yet here I am, 33.5 weeks pregnant sleeping on the couch because supposedly I don't support him enough and I'm such a terrible wife that it warrants him screaming at me while I cry in the corner.


    /lurking

    This is abuse. You need to contact someone you can count on. Do you have a friend or family member you can take the kids to stay with for a while? You need to remove yourself from this awful situation.

    Just pack some things and go in the middle of the day when he is at work. Take the kids and bail. Violence like this tends to escalate and you need to go now before adding a newborn to the picture.

    If you have no where to go then contact your nearest battered women's shelter and ask them if you can stay there for a couple of days until you work something out.

    Really, what you are living with is a ticking time bomb.


    I agree with Prim completely. This sounds like abuse. Please consider her advice and take your child out of that situation.
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  • This is an unhealthy and unsafe environment for you and your kids. This is abuse, it doesn't have to be physical to be abuse, and if he is being verbally abusive and intimidating the odds are good that it will escalate to physical abuse at some point. You need to protect yourself and your kids and get away from him and go somewhere safe. Hopefully you have family or friends you can turn to, if not look into women and children's shelters, they can help in these situations. It sounds like he has serious issues that he needs to get help for and work through before he would be in any sort of a place for you guys to get counseling together or try to fix things. Right now your priority needs to be protecting yourself and your kids.
  • image katiezab:
    ... occasionally even gets violent. ... He told our 19 month old that mommy hates him. ... If he ever does such and such I will be gone.. He has done them all and yet here I am, 33.5 weeks pregnant sleeping on the couch because supposedly I don't support him enough and I'm such a terrible wife that it warrants him screaming at me while I cry in the corner.

    really? Find a damned lawyer girl. NOW. don't "work up the courage" take this whoooooole post, copy paste it in an email... send it to a divorce attorney and say "I NEED YOUR HELP" 

    Eat your food people. You are pregnant, not made of glass. ~PrimRoseMama
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  • image katiezab:
    image VitaLuna:
    Have you tried counseling? I'm not against divorce, but I think it's usually worth a counseling effort when kids are involved,nbsp;unless there is something serious going on abuse, infidelity, etc.
    I don't want my child growing up in this environment. I mean its like he is happy go lucky for a while and then every so often he just snaps. He yells and says absolutely terrible things and occasionally even gets violent. I just don't understand why he can't communicate and ends up going off like this. He told our 19 month old that mommy hates him. Who the hell says that?! I know I am not perfect, but I try so hard and he just can't stop behaving this way. So, I don't even think I want to try counseling. It's so pathetic that I don't even know what my breaking point is. There is no.. If he ever does such and such I will be gone.. He has done them all and yet here I am, 33.5 weeks pregnant sleeping on the couch because supposedly I don't support him enough and I'm such a terrible wife that it warrants him screaming at me while I cry in the corner.

    Any time someone can use the word "violent" to describe their SO is one of those situations where I'd just walk away (no counseling, no nothing, just walk away).

    Marriages/relationships where there is a lot of anger, violence, or abuse (even "just" verbal) are incredibly damaging to kids. You have to find the strength to respect yourself and protect your children from that life.

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  • One of the first things my Dr's asked me when I went for my first prenatal appointment was if I felt I was in a safe, loving, and supportive environment with my husband. I kind of looked at them funny because to me, that question didn't even make sense. The reason they ask this is because if you're not, the stress an abusive relationship can cause, whether it be mentally, physically, emotionally, can send you into pre-term labour. At this stage, when you're stressed, baby is stressed, and eventually your body may decide that baby is better off trying to survive on the outside. This is a serious problem. At 33.5 weeks, baby isn't entirely ready to be facing the world. Also, a 19 month old will NEVER understand why their dad is saying that their mom hates them. It is early enough in that childs life that this can be fixed but at some point it won't be. There are serious repercussions to your children if you stay in that kind of relationship.

    Either come up with a plan to fix it (counselling) or get out. I don't see any other options here. I hope this works out for you and your children.
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  • If he is violent to you and/or your kids, please for the love of all things holy, just leave. Anywhere else that you can go, even if it's not "ideal," is so much better than putting your kids, your unborn child and yourself at risk of getting hurt. Even if he's never laid a hand on your kids, doing so to you and screaming at you is damaging to them. I grew up in a household where my father was constantly screaming at my mother, putting her down and treating her like garbage. You better believe it affected me, even at a very young age. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I know it can't be easy. But you have to do what's best for your kids and get the f out.
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  • You are a victim of abuse. Your toddler is a victim of abuse. Call somebody today and ask for help. Your little boy can't do it he needs you to protect him. Please get your children out of there.
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  • I see a lot of people suggesting counseling and as a domestic violence counselor I need to jump in and say that couples counseling is never recommended in abusive situations. The potential safety risks and the potential for the sessions to be used as further manipulation tools is way too high for couples counseling to be productive. What you should focus on instead is your own safety plan before moving forward with divorce, as unfortunately leaving can be the most dangerous time. Please call a domestic violence hotline for help and advice before you take any steps!
  • My husband is an a too. We've been saying divorce the whole seven mos. one min he loves me and the min I express any discomfort or disagree with him about the slightest thing it back to I hate you I can't deal with it. So I decided I'm going to avoid his a.. And be smarter than him about it he just wants an excuse to say I'm the crazy one because of the hormones so he can run off and be free then come crawling back when he's done and the baby's here " not so fast jakal" I didnt get myself pregnant I got three kids and one on the way he's not getting away so easy so some stupid h?e can have him when his kids need him I don't think so. He's gona pay I'm not gona be pregnant forever. And he better babysitt when I wanna go out and have a good time I'm not gona be holy homemAker while he's hanging out. So I be quiet for now but he will feel my raft later and then we can get a divorce if it comes down to it . In the meantime he need to make dinner for the kids and the laundry cause I don't feel good ; the pregnancy is getting close to and end and hell regret if something happens to me or the baby because of selfishness ;;;:!!!" So like I said imma be nice because my familly depends on it " for now".i mean I still love the a but he has to man up and stop whining that's my job I'm pregnant not him!! Can't live with them can't live with out them!! Sorry just venting as well"
    Hey it does sound annoying...... Well fk it ! Sorry for the language ladies.
  • Katie, do you have a safe place to go? I NEVER agree with Prim, and I 100% agree with Prim. Get out. You will have a PM in about 4 seconds.
  • I my h is the exact same way but I always fight back and til him if he lays a finger on me the cops will arrest him . Like dr. Jekyll and mr Hyde . My husband is lucky I haven't jumped on him and used him as a punching bag while being pregger. My love for my baby is so much more Important than hell ever be and I think he's jealous scared and frustrated financially and sexually. I bet the baby is gona look like him. In my culture it is said when you pregnant the person you hate the most is what your baby will look like or be born on that persons birthdate. If you hate yourself the baby will look like you a myth I think not just wait and see. Are you having a boy by any chance or a girl? Girls give u more of an emotional hormone experience and boys seem to give me more of a testosterone induced power trip feeling. If he got To go let him go just be sure it's not the hormones talking to the both of you like sympathic eating samething. Think it through.
  • I have advice to offer that PP haven't already said. It does sound like an abusive relationship and you should remove you and your child from the situation. I am so sorry you're going through this. It is a hard thing to do even if you weren't almost 36 weeks along!
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  • image auroraloo:
    Katie, do you have a safe place to go? I NEVER agree with Prim, and I 100 agree with Prim. Get out. You will have a PM in about 4 seconds.


    I am only on mobile so I don't know how to check it. I'm out of town with no computer.

    But thank you all for being supportive and not hating me for posting my drama.
  • kje120kje120
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    I agree with the others. This is abuse and you and your children should not be in this situation.  Please reach out to someone that you trust and can feel safe with.

     And FFS Prim, do you lurk on every single board on this site just so you can have somewhere to post? Seriously - get a life. 

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  • image katiezab:
    image auroraloo:
    Katie, do you have a safe place to go? I NEVER agree with Prim, and I 100 agree with Prim. Get out. You will have a PM in about 4 seconds.


    I am only on mobile so I don't know how to check it. I'm out of town with no computer.

    But thank you all for being supportive and not hating me for posting my drama.



    image katiezab:
    image auroraloo:
    Katie, do you have a safe place to go? I NEVER agree with Prim, and I 100 agree with Prim. Get out. You will have a PM in about 4 seconds.


    I am only on mobile so I don't know how to check it. I'm out of town with no computer.

    But thank you all for being supportive and not hating me for posting my drama.


    Are you on the app or mobile as in your phones Internet site?

    On app: click close on the top right hand corner.

    Click my account

    Click manage e mail settings

    When it moves you over to the next screen, enlarge and click my bump and then inbox.

    If on phones Internet scroll to the bottom, click go to full site, click my bump and go from there.

    And we would never pounce on you for this post hun. You need to get out now. The other poster I'm side eyeing though.

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  • This. I really do believe you need to get out and I think leaving in the middle of the day without a direct confrontation as PPs have suggested is wise, but do yourself a favor and call a domestic violence hotline first just to talk it through with an expert.  I'm so sorry you're going through this and I'm sending T&Ps your way for the courage to get yourself and your babies out of that situation. 

  • image JocelynB0911:
    . The other poster I'm side eyeing though.
    Which poster?

    And no way would anyone pounce on anyone for this. 

  • image auroraloo:

    image JocelynB0911:
    . The other poster I'm side eyeing though.
    Which poster?

    And no way would anyone pounce on anyone for this. 

    This one who talks about how she is surprised she hasnt jumped on her husband yet. Perpetuating violence IMO.

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    I my h is the exact same way but I always fight back and til him if he lays a finger on me the cops will arrest him . Like dr. Jekyll and mr Hyde . My husband is lucky I haven't jumped on him and used him as a punching bag while being pregger. My love for my baby is so much more Important than hell ever be and I think he's jealous scared and frustrated financially and sexually. I bet the baby is gona look like him. In my culture it is said when you pregnant the person you hate the most is what your baby will look like or be born on that persons birthdate. If you hate yourself the baby will look like you a myth I think not just wait and see. Are you having a boy by any chance or a girl? Girls give u more of an emotional hormone experience and boys seem to give me more of a testosterone induced power trip feeling. If he got To go let him go just be sure it's not the hormones talking to the both of you like sympathic eating samething. Think it through.

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  • I'm not going to tell you that you should leave, but consider this. I lived your life, years of normal at a time even, then total breakdowns of communication and suddenly my world would come crashing down. This yoyo relationship DID turn violent. And after five years of marriage I still didn't leave. When it finally escalated to violence it was so bad I had a broken jaw, dislocated bones, bruised and fractured ribs, and because neither I nor my husband could have the children they went to someone I trusted. It took three more years to prove to the courts I had no prior history of violence in my marriage, as this would warrant child endangerment. I almost lost my kids, almost lost my life by being optimistic.
  • You have gotten plenty of excellent advice, which I completely agree with. I just wanted to say that you and your kids will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you can find the courage to do what's best, even though I know it's not easy. Good luck honey and I hope you have someone close that you can reach out to. Of course you are always welcomed to vent here. 
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