Adoption

Looking for guidance

Hi! I have never posted here, but am hoping to get some guidance. My H and I have been trying to get pregnant for 2 years. In that time we had a MC and he was deployed. We have struggled to find our way through the hell of IF. I have taken a more spiritual direction in determining how we will become parents and my H has been in the "what happens happens" mindset.

Anyway, we both agreed that when the time is right and we get the point of adoption we will seriously consider it. Yesterday I received a call from my brother about a friend that is placing their child up for adoption. He and his wife had considered adopting but decided that they aren't in the place to go forward with it, but knew that it was something that we were considering. 

The baby is six months old and is currently living with a grandparent. The parents already had 3 kids and they didn't want any more children and they don't want to parent this baby. My brother says they are willing to sign over all parental rights immediately. H and I have agreed to look into this and figure out if it is feasible for us. I know that it will vary from state to state, but where do I start? Do can anyone point me in the right direction?

Any words of wisdom would be amazing! Thanks!  

 TTC#1 Since April 2011 
BFP#1 5.23.12 C/P 4w4d 
BFP #2 10.1.13
EDD June 10, 2014
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Re: Looking for guidance

  • First off welcome! I would start by contacting a lawyer. They can then get in touch with the birth mom and instruct you on what you need to do to be legal in your state. Good luck and keep us posted! 

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  • SpookoSpooko
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    I agree with PP. Best of luck.

  • Ditto the PPs sentiments. Find a good adoption lawyer in your state. Not just any lawyer, but one who specializes in adoptions, because even though it varies greatly from state to state, adoption laws are known for being very complex. Consider doing some research on adoption laws in your state. Some states are more adoption friendly than others, so the requirements and the amount of time it takes to finalize the adoption can be different from place to place. 

    Good luck. This sounds like it could be a great situation for you guys! :-) 

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  • Thanks everyone! I am very excited but trying not to get too excited.
     TTC#1 Since April 2011 
    BFP#1 5.23.12 C/P 4w4d 
    BFP #2 10.1.13
    EDD June 10, 2014
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  • Since it sounds like child protective services isn't involved, you will need to get an adoption attorney.  The first thing you'll have to find out is if independent adoptions are legal in your state.  If not, I'm afraid you'll have to use an agency or get the state involved, so I hope it doesn't come to that and that the attorney can handle everything.  Please be sure to use a different attorney than the birth family, and be sure to do everything by the books.  You may also wish to research some of the issues that are associated with raising adopted children, if you haven't already.
  • Since it sounds like child protective services isn't involved, you will need to get an adoption attorney.  The first thing you'll have to find out is if independent adoptions are legal in your state.  If not, I'm afraid you'll have to use an agency or get the state involved, so I hope it doesn't come to that and that the attorney can handle everything.  Please be sure to use a different attorney than the birth family, and be sure to do everything by the books.  You may also wish to research some of the issues that are associated with raising adopted children, if you haven't already.

    Thank you! From what I've read independent adoption is legal here. I've found an attorney and will be meeting with her. Thank you for the advice.

     TTC#1 Since April 2011 
    BFP#1 5.23.12 C/P 4w4d 
    BFP #2 10.1.13
    EDD June 10, 2014
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  • Sorry it was so late.  When I posted, all those other responses weren't appearing in the new format yet.  I was surprised you hadn't received earlier responses.
  • Welcome and good luck!
    Trying to grow our family with both fertility treatments and adoption since March 2009 
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