Pregnant after IF

too scared to get excited

Hi everyone,

 

I intro'd here a few months ago, and then stopped coming back...thinking maybe I just needed a break but that wasn't it :)  Anyway, i'm not sure what the point of this post is.  We did IVF in feb(for MFI-0% morphology), I developed OHSS and we did a freeze all cycle.  Did a SET in march and I got pregnant; was diagnosed with a SCH at 6 weeks, and bled again at 10 weeks.  Our NT scan was awesome, but then the blood work came back with a very low PAPP-A.  Maternity 21 test was negative for Down Syndrome and early anatomy scan was also perfectly fine.  I'm 20 weeks today and our little girl is growing well; but I can't seem to get excited--i'm terrified something is going to go wrong and I just can't get it out of my head.  Is this normal?  I am starting to feel her move, which is amazing, but then when I don't feel her every day I get nervous too!  Is this just my IF brain?

Sorry for the loooong post. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Re: too scared to get excited

  • I was, and still am, in your shoes!

    I'm 28 weeks with a little girl and we got pregnant after our first FET after a failed fresh IVF. We had twins at our seven week ultrasound and heart both heartbeats and then when we went back two weeks later, we discovered we had lost one. I still panic and get worried before every appt and if I don't feel her moving as much. There are days she's like a ninja and others when she's lazy and those still freak me out.

    I ended up seeing a therapist bc of the anxiety and talking about it helps. It also helps to really know our bodies and know the difference between IF brain fueled anxiety and that intuition that something is wrong.

    Hang in thereyes you are normal, sorry this is so long, and good luck the rest of your pregnancy!
  • I'm still early on (will be 12 weeks Tuesday) and feeling the same way.  I feel jealous when I read posts from when they hear the heartbeat for the first time and "fall in love".  I feel very detached and I think it's because I am so afraid of losing them.  I have anxiety issues aside from IF and pregnancy and am seeing a counselor but it's a hard thing to talk about.  I'm sure I'll feel like this at least until they start moving and hopefully then i'll feel a little closer and connected to the babies.  I do love when I get ultrasounds and love seeing that they are still moving, but the fear always takes over.  Glad you posted this, it is nice to know others feel the same.  
    Me (37) DH (39); PCOS changed to Unexplained, changed to DOR in 2012 (finally a correct diagnosis!); 
    Started TTC 2009 with RE after 6 months.  
    Clomid + Trigger x2; 
    IUI + Femara x1,
    IUI + Follistim x2;
    IVF #1 (MDL) February 2013- BFN.
    IVF #2 (antagonist) May 2013, First BFP of my life. 
    Identical twin miracle BOYS (!!) headed our way- due date is technically 2/4/14 but c section is scheduled for 1/7! 


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  • I am sorry you are feeling like this & unable to enjoy this time.  You are normal & you can thank IF for those feelings.  Until I had my LO's in my arms I felt this way.  Second time around I am no better, I find that I stay detached so I can self protect, I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Like a pp said, if you can see someone to talk through those feelings, it would help alot.  I hope the remainder of your pregnancy is problem free.
    Diagnosis: MFI, ovaries w/polycystic appearance, hypothyroidism, elevated FSH.
    IUI #1 BFN
    IUI #2 BFN
    IUI #3 BFN
    IVF #1 BFP b/g twins born 10/12/11, no frosties.
    IVF #2 BFP chemical pregnancy, 3 frosties
    FET #1 BFN
    IVF #3 at CC.RM, CCS testing.
    FET: BFP One bean, SCH & Fundal hematoma, FX we go without too many issues along the way.....


     
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  • I have a similar story this pregnancy and all I can say is that when the baby starts moving more life gets a little calmer but you still have those thoughts and have to just talk yourself down. I have a Doppler which saves me a lot because if I don't feel her nice I can at least hear the hb and sometimes she is moving around but I can't feel her but can hear it.
    6 m/c
    Anovulatory cycles, increased Synthroid Diagnosed Sep 2010
    Natural cycle Dec 2010 BFP M/C 6 1/2 Weeks, D&E Jan 2011
    1 Clomid/Ovidrel BFN May 2011
    Natural cycle Aug 2011 BFP M/C 4 Weeks
    1 IUI Sept 2011 BFP M/c 7 weeks
    Provera Dec 2011 BFP M/C 3 Weeks
    DQ ALPHA HLA MATCH, High NK Cells Diagnosed Dec 2011
    IVF March 2012 BFP m/c 4weeks 5 days (IL, Prednisone)
    IVF#2w/DS July 2012 MEGA FAILURE BFN (IL, Dexamethasone)
    Diagnosed No real HLA Match, DQ Beta Triad, High TNF, Low NK Cells
    Oct 2012 Natural Cycle m/c 4wks (Lovenox, Prednisone) 
    Went to Beer Center- high tnf, low lad, implantation failure
    Nov/Dec 2012 LIT Treatment
    Dec 12 Humira
    Jan 2013 BFP
    Humira,LIT,Prednisone, Lovenox, IVIG, Baby Aspirin
    Miracle Born August 2013 Premature

    Yours doesn't have to be a sad story



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    Lilypie - (ugiy)


  • I am more than 37 weeks, and I still worry about this.  I agree with PPs that once you can feel the baby moving it really does help, but then those moments when you realize you *haven't* felt LO for a while still cause me to worry.  When that happens I have to drink some OJ and lay on my side until I feel those kicks just to be sure.  I guess my point is that IF brain never really goes away, and if there is a way to get rid of it, I still haven't figured it out.  

    That being said, congratulations on your baby girl.  The odds are strongly in your favor now that everything will be OK.  Try as best you can to relax and enjoy being pregnant (which I know is easier said than done). 

    After 1.5 years TTC, IUI #2= BFP 12/2/12

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    "And the dream that you dare to dream really do come true"
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