too scared to get excited

runninggirljw82

Hi everyone,

 

I intro'd here a few months ago, and then stopped coming back...thinking maybe I just needed a break but that wasn't it   Anyway, i'm not sure what the point of this post is.  We did IVF in feb(for MFI-0% morphology), I developed OHSS and we did a freeze all cycle.  Did a SET in march and I got pregnant; was diagnosed with a SCH at 6 weeks, and bled again at 10 weeks.  Our NT scan was awesome, but then the blood work came back with a very low PAPP-A.  Maternity 21 test was negative for Down Syndrome and early anatomy scan was also perfectly fine.  I'm 20 weeks today and our little girl is growing well; but I can't seem to get excited--i'm terrified something is going to go wrong and I just can't get it out of my head.  Is this normal?  I am starting to feel her move, which is amazing, but then when I don't feel her every day I get nervous too!  Is this just my IF brain?

Sorry for the loooong post. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

ashleymarie512

I was, and still am, in your shoes!

I'm 28 weeks with a little girl and we got pregnant after our first FET after a failed fresh IVF. We had twins at our seven week ultrasound and heart both heartbeats and then when we went back two weeks later, we discovered we had lost one. I still panic and get worried before every appt and if I don't feel her moving as much. There are days she's like a ninja and others when she's lazy and those still freak me out.

I ended up seeing a therapist bc of the anxiety and talking about it helps. It also helps to really know our bodies and know the difference between IF brain fueled anxiety and that intuition that something is wrong.

Hang in thereyes you are normal, sorry this is so long, and good luck the rest of your pregnancy!

jezebel57

I'm still early on (will be 12 weeks Tuesday) and feeling the same way.  I feel jealous when I read posts from when they hear the heartbeat for the first time and "fall in love".  I feel very detached and I think it's because I am so afraid of losing them.  I have anxiety issues aside from IF and pregnancy and am seeing a counselor but it's a hard thing to talk about.  I'm sure I'll feel like this at least until they start moving and hopefully then i'll feel a little closer and connected to the babies.  I do love when I get ultrasounds and love seeing that they are still moving, but the fear always takes over.  Glad you posted this, it is nice to know others feel the same.  

RoseHQ12

I am sorry you are feeling like this & unable to enjoy this time.  You are normal & you can thank IF for those feelings.  Until I had my LO's in my arms I felt this way.  Second time around I am no better, I find that I stay detached so I can self protect, I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Like a pp said, if you can see someone to talk through those feelings, it would help alot.  I hope the remainder of your pregnancy is problem free.

luvboston

I have a similar story this pregnancy and all I can say is that when the baby starts moving more life gets a little calmer but you still have those thoughts and have to just talk yourself down. I have a Doppler which saves me a lot because if I don't feel her nice I can at least hear the hb and sometimes she is moving around but I can't feel her but can hear it.

Millie1984

I am more than 37 weeks, and I still worry about this.  I agree with PPs that once you can feel the baby moving it really does help, but then those moments when you realize you *haven't* felt LO for a while still cause me to worry.  When that happens I have to drink some OJ and lay on my side until I feel those kicks just to be sure.  I guess my point is that IF brain never really goes away, and if there is a way to get rid of it, I still haven't figured it out.  

That being said, congratulations on your baby girl.  The odds are strongly in your favor now that everything will be OK.  Try as best you can to relax and enjoy being pregnant (which I know is easier said than done).