Trouble TTC

How do you feel about your birthday?

So today is my birthday.  I feel like in the IF world its bitter sweet.  I'm trying to be in a good mood and happy but getting older and not having a baby is hard.  Trying to focus on the positive that we will be doing IVF late August into September and that will up our chances but its really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 Anyone else have difficulty dealing with their birthday? 

***SIGGY WARNING***

DX: Unexplained
6 Failed IUIs (Clomid and Gonal F).  
IVF #1 began August 2013- BC, 4 days of Estrace, stimmed with Gonal F and Menopur, Ganirelix, 9R 5M 5F, Medrol and Doxycycline, 5 day transfer of 2 early blastocysts- good quality, Progesterone, Estrace, and baby aspirin, BETA on 9/20 BFN,   IVF #2 began September 2013, stimming with Gonal F (higher dose) and Menopur, Ganirelix, 18R 14M 9F with ICSI, 5 day transfer of 2 BBs one was starting to hatch, 2 frosties: 1  BB and 1 AC, BETA on 10/21, BFN BETA was a 5- chemical 
Getting some more testing and trying to figure out what the issue is before FET in December, started acupuncture on 11/10, RLP and some other BW nothing major to report except slightly high Prolactin. Prolactin was slightly high when I started with my RE and I already had an MRI which was Neg.  Endo biopsy=negative.  WTF is wrong with us???
12/18/13 FET of 1 BB and 1 AC.  Hoping for a miracle.  Beta 12/26 Low BETA-8 2nd BETA 5- chemical
After 3 failed transfers IDK where to go from here.  Still no real answers as to why this isn't working.  Getting a second opinion in February and looking into immune testing.  
2/14- NEW RE- Immune testing showed a partial dq alpha match with DH- On prednisone and did intralipids prior to transfer.  3/14 Lupron, gonal f, menopur, HGH.  ER 15 mature all 15 fertilized!  5dt of an early blast grade 1 and an expanded blast grade 2.  BETA on 4/21.  1 grade 2 embryo frozen
BETA #1 59 BETA #2 148 BETA #3 283 BETA #4 2,783! US at 6w2d shows 1 bean measuring right on track! HR 121.  US at 8w3d measuring on track HR 177. Released form my RE.  EDD 12/28


All Welcome

Re: How do you feel about your birthday?

  • I just had one.. and they kinda suck... not because I cant celebrate my life.. my friends.. my family... but because it makes you realize that you are another year older... and still not where you want to be... realizing that you have goals.. and you have yet to achieve them.. is frustrating... 

    Hope you have a Happy Birthday... and this will be the last one with out a new baby!  :)~ 


    Me:38 DH:40 TTC for over 3 yrs~
    Every test known to man- comes out that we are both perfectly capable of conceiving- 

    Officially diagnosed with "unexplained infertility"

    7/17/13-1st try with 100mg Clomid+Novarel+Prog.
    7/25/13 Mid-cycle U/S- 4 Follicles! 17, 16,L 16,15 R
    7/25/13 Trigger shot
    8/6/13 Beta Blood Drawn... Big fat Neg. 
    New RE:- 101 tests done during break cycle.. All look great! green light to hit the deck running!
    9/18/13- Cd 1- FINALLY! 100 mg clomid CD3-7- 75iu Bravelle 7-10   
    9/30/13 Follie count.. 3 on right. 2 on left-- trigger today
    10/2/13- IUI #1
    10/15/13 Beta #1- BFN.. :(


     


  • Happy Birthday!  I hope you are able to enjoy/celebrate!

    For me its the Holiday's.  Another Christmas without being a step closer will be more difficult for me than my birthday will.  

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    TTC #1 since November 2011
    Dx: Unexplained Infertility
    Feb-April 2013: Femara + TI: BFN
    May - September 2013:  Follistim + Ovidrel + IUI#1-4 = BFN
    IVF # 1 November 2013: transferred 1 perfect 5d blast = BFN
    IVF # 2 April 2014: transferred 2 5 day blasts = BFP!! (first ever!), early loss at 4w3d
    FET #1 June 2014: transferred 2 blasts = BFFN
    *everyone welcome*
  • I love my birthday (although sadly, I haven't been able to do much in terms of celebrating the last couple of years).  I think that I used to spend my birthdays reflecting on what I hadn't yet accomplished, but now, in my 30's, I am spending a lot more time reflecting on what I have. I think it also helps that I really don't give too much thought to age in terms of years - I'm a youthful person, which is just my personality so the only difference in how I "feel" now in comparison to how I felt 10 years ago is that I am just a lot more secure with who I am. Occasionally I think "man, I wish I would have been able to have kids younger", but then I think, "I've had a dammn good time the last few years being able to do my own thing" and I don't  want to wish that away.

    Sorry that you are struggling, but I really hope you can find a silver lining. And also, Happy Birthday! 


    ** After  2 1/2 years of Unexplained IF, 2 failed medicated cycles, and 4 failed IUI's - our baby girl is coming to us through the miracle of
     Mini IVF! **

       BabyFruit Ticker
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  • I turned 30 last year and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  We were in a good place IF wise, waiting to see RE #1.  If I'm not pregnant by my next birthday (December), it might be a little harder since it would mean at least 1 (maybe 2) failed IVF.

    ETA: I forgot to say, Happy Birthday! 

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    TTC #1 since August 2011

    My Blog

    September 2012: Start IF testing

    DH (31): SA is ok, slightly low morph  Me (31): Slightly low progesterone, hostile CM, carrier for CF, and border line high NK cells

    October 2012: Clomid + IUI w/ OB/GYN = BFN

    November 2012 - March 2013: Break while finding the right RE and more testing

    April 2013: Unmedicated IUI #2 due to hostile CM = BFN

    May 2013: Clomid + Trigger + IUI #3 = BFN

    June 2013: Clomid + Trigger + IUI #4 = BFN

    August 2013: IVF w/ICSI #1 6R 5M 3F All 3 embryos are slow growing and poor quality.  All 3 arrest before transfer

    October 2013: IVF w/ICSI #2 8R 7M 5F Transferred 1 beautiful early blast.  Nothing to freeze.  BFP! Beta #1 14.6  Beta #2  3  Chemical Pregnancy

    January 2014: IVFw/ICSI #3  8R 8M 8F Transferred 1 grade 1 expanded blast and 1 grade 2 early blast.  Nothing to Freeze.  BFN

    February-March 2014: Getting Second Opinions from RMA NJ

    March 2014: Start Embryo Adoption/Donation with FIRM.  We've selected our donor and have 9 snowflakes!

    May 2014: FET w/ donor embryos- Transferred 2 blasts and 1 morula, nothing to re-freeze.  BFN

    June-August 2014: On a treatment break until our appt. w/ Dr. KK August 14th


    PAIF/SAIF Welcome!

  • Thanks ladies.  Going to a baby shower yesterday wasn't really helpful.  Guess its just hard bc I stopped BC right after I turned 30 and now I'm 32.  Our 2 year mark of TTC is coming but we will be doing our first and hopefully only IVF.  Thanks for listening. I'm really trying to stay positive today.  
    ***SIGGY WARNING***

    DX: Unexplained
    6 Failed IUIs (Clomid and Gonal F).  
    IVF #1 began August 2013- BC, 4 days of Estrace, stimmed with Gonal F and Menopur, Ganirelix, 9R 5M 5F, Medrol and Doxycycline, 5 day transfer of 2 early blastocysts- good quality, Progesterone, Estrace, and baby aspirin, BETA on 9/20 BFN,   IVF #2 began September 2013, stimming with Gonal F (higher dose) and Menopur, Ganirelix, 18R 14M 9F with ICSI, 5 day transfer of 2 BBs one was starting to hatch, 2 frosties: 1  BB and 1 AC, BETA on 10/21, BFN BETA was a 5- chemical 
    Getting some more testing and trying to figure out what the issue is before FET in December, started acupuncture on 11/10, RLP and some other BW nothing major to report except slightly high Prolactin. Prolactin was slightly high when I started with my RE and I already had an MRI which was Neg.  Endo biopsy=negative.  WTF is wrong with us???
    12/18/13 FET of 1 BB and 1 AC.  Hoping for a miracle.  Beta 12/26 Low BETA-8 2nd BETA 5- chemical
    After 3 failed transfers IDK where to go from here.  Still no real answers as to why this isn't working.  Getting a second opinion in February and looking into immune testing.  
    2/14- NEW RE- Immune testing showed a partial dq alpha match with DH- On prednisone and did intralipids prior to transfer.  3/14 Lupron, gonal f, menopur, HGH.  ER 15 mature all 15 fertilized!  5dt of an early blast grade 1 and an expanded blast grade 2.  BETA on 4/21.  1 grade 2 embryo frozen
    BETA #1 59 BETA #2 148 BETA #3 283 BETA #4 2,783! US at 6w2d shows 1 bean measuring right on track! HR 121.  US at 8w3d measuring on track HR 177. Released form my RE.  EDD 12/28


    All Welcome
  • image babydreams13:
    Thanks ladies.  Going to a baby shower yesterday wasn't really helpful.  Guess its just hard bc I stopped BC right after I turned 30 and now I'm 32.  Our 2 year mark of TTC is coming but we will be doing our first and hopefully only IVF.  Thanks for listening. I'm really trying to stay positive today.  

    I hear you. My next birthday is the dreaded 35. My RE says that is isn't like I am going to wake up and magically have bad ovaries (of course I know this) but then she tells me that she does hope that I get pregnant before 35 because after that we will need to get "more aggressive". I am not sure how that is suppose to help me relax!

     I say, celebrate the day. Use your birthday as an excuse to do some really selfish papering that you wouldn't normally do! Enjoy it!

    Happy Birthday! 

    TTC Since January 2012 Me:35 DH:32     DX July 2013: Unexplained Infertility      New DX Dec 2013: DOR
    BFP#1 6/4/12 EDD 2/13/13 M/C 6/6/12  BFP#2 2/21/13 EDD 11/3/13 M/C 2/26/13 BFP#3 C/P
    4 rounds of clomid, 2 with IUI = BFN
    November/December Retesting/Natural Cycle = Surprise BFP @ 11dpo! Beta#1 76.6@13dpo Beta #2 276@15dpo u/s#1 6w2d hb113 u/s#2 8w2d, measuring 8w4d hb168! 10w2d hb171 12w3d Verifi results are in and good! EDD 8/23 
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  • First, happy birthday!  I hope you are finding some fun today!

     I definitely know what you are talking about with birthdays being bitter sweet.  I do tend to evaluate a lot on my birthday and last year was really challenging.  My birthday is in about 2 weeks, and my solution is just to stay really busy.  A fun-filled, super busy day planned... And then I can reevaluate everything when I wake up the next day (or maybe not... who knows). 

    ETA: Fixed typos - stupid autocorrect! 

    BFP #1: EDD 12.28.12 - MC @ 6w3d | BFP #2: EDD 11.15.13 - D&C @ 12w4d
    BFP #3
    Superbaby born 4.5.14 | Just When You Least Expect It...
    image 

  • Happy Birthday! I hope you have a nice day.

    I normally will have a dinner with my parents and brother, and most of these family occasions are becoming bittersweet. We have chosen not to share our TTTC with my parents, so they are still hinting, and it makes me think of how the occasion will be different when there are kids in the family.

    TTC #1 since June 2012
    Me (28) - DOR (AFC <10, undetectable AMH, >10 FSH), homozygous E429A MTHFR
    DH (29) - MFI low count and morphology

    September 2013 IUI#1 - Clomid + Trigger + IUI = BFN
    October 2013 IUI#2 - Letrozole + Menopur + Trigger + IUI = BFN

    Nov 2013 IVF/ICSI #1 - Protocol: BCP prep, high doses Menopur and Bravelle (12 days), ganirelex
    Results: 5 retrieved / mature, 4 fertilized, 1 arrested and 3 complex abnormal after day 3 PGS = Cancelled after ER

    Jan/Feb 2014 IVF/ICSI #2 - Protocol: Estrogen priming, high doses Menopur and Bravelle (11 days), microdose lupron
    Results: Cancelled after 11 days of stims due to low response and E2 levels

    Feb 2014 IVF/ICSI #3 - Protocol: No prep, low dose Menopur (6 days), ganirelex, Bravelle booster with trigger
    Results: 1 retrieved / 0 mature = Cancelled after ER

    Officially moving on to embryo adoption!

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  • My last birthday was bittersweet due to IF so I totally understand.  31 was the age my mother had me (the last of 4 children) so for some reason, that fact that I'm not even pregnant yet really hit me hard. To feel better I just try to do exactly what I want to do on my birthday and pamper/spoil myself.  I hope you are doing the same! Happy Birthday :-)



    Diary of a Little Chicken (My Blog about Infertility, Pregnancy & Loss)

    TTC our first take-home baby since June 2012 with Anovulation and PCOS

    Rx: Metformin, 1500mg || Tx:  No response to ovulation-inducing meds
    Nov 2013: IVF#1 = very first BFP! EDD: 8/15/14
    Mar 2014: Learned our precious baby would not make it due to
    severe physical and mental deformities from Spina Bifida and Hydrocephalus

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Oh, yeah ::points finger at self:: this girl right here. I didn't feel happy AT ALL for my birthday this year because I had envisioned at least being pregnant at that time. It sucked!! But since then, I've accepted the fact that the timeline is absolutely out of my control. I'm trying really hard to not allow IF to ruin anymore special days... it is hard. But I'm going to do my best. IF already takes so much. I refuse to let it take the joy out of my birthday next year. FUIF!!!
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    Me: 32 DH: 34  TTC#1 since March 2012 

    IUI #1-5: BFN
    Laparoscopy & Hysteroscopy: minimal endo, partial septoplasty
    IVF #1: 10R/6M/6F ~ Day 3 ET = BFN
    IVF #2: 14R/9M/5F ~ transfer canceled ~ all embryos arrested at 1-2 cell stage
    IVF #3: 9R/5M/5F ~ 1 frosty!
    FET #1: BFN
    Counting down the days until my appointment with the RI (August/September)

    All are Welcome!
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  • In our four years ttc no birthday was hard until the last one. Turning 35 and now being labeled AMA hurt. A lot.

    TTC since July 2009. Dx MFI & LPD. 
    IUI#1&2&3 (2011 & 2012) BFN
    IUI#4 1/23/13 on 75iu x9 Follistim = BFP then chem preg m/c (Feb 2013)
    IUI#5 BFN (April 2013)
    IVF w/ICSI Oct. 2, 2012 - 13R, 11M, 7F, 1 frozen blast 4BB grade - - - FET Nov 15, 2013
    BFP! Beta 1:104 @ 10dp6dt, Beta 2:178 @ 12dp6dt,  beta 3:366 @ 14dp6dt
    Saw heartbeat twice before missed M/C at 8w3d on 12/27/13, missing my little angel boy
    JUNE 2014 IVF#2;  5R, 2M, 1F Three day transfer 6/7.  Beta 6/18 - BFN
    Child Free Now?
    S/PAIFW , S/PALW

    My Blog

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    TTCAL June Siggy Challenge 90's Movie Gif:
    image
     The Usual Suspects!!
    image

  • I just turned 35. Eh. I think leading up to it, I felt hesitant and torn (as if that would change anything). Now it just is. I'm "old" in my doc's eyes. Whatevs.


  • Thanks ladies for all the bday wishes and advice.  I'm glad my bday is almost over.  It went fine.  No tears shed today.  Glad I'm not the only one who feels not so hot about my bday.  I guess its just another day and hopefully by my next bday I will have a baby or at least be pregnant.  
    ***SIGGY WARNING***

    DX: Unexplained
    6 Failed IUIs (Clomid and Gonal F).  
    IVF #1 began August 2013- BC, 4 days of Estrace, stimmed with Gonal F and Menopur, Ganirelix, 9R 5M 5F, Medrol and Doxycycline, 5 day transfer of 2 early blastocysts- good quality, Progesterone, Estrace, and baby aspirin, BETA on 9/20 BFN,   IVF #2 began September 2013, stimming with Gonal F (higher dose) and Menopur, Ganirelix, 18R 14M 9F with ICSI, 5 day transfer of 2 BBs one was starting to hatch, 2 frosties: 1  BB and 1 AC, BETA on 10/21, BFN BETA was a 5- chemical 
    Getting some more testing and trying to figure out what the issue is before FET in December, started acupuncture on 11/10, RLP and some other BW nothing major to report except slightly high Prolactin. Prolactin was slightly high when I started with my RE and I already had an MRI which was Neg.  Endo biopsy=negative.  WTF is wrong with us???
    12/18/13 FET of 1 BB and 1 AC.  Hoping for a miracle.  Beta 12/26 Low BETA-8 2nd BETA 5- chemical
    After 3 failed transfers IDK where to go from here.  Still no real answers as to why this isn't working.  Getting a second opinion in February and looking into immune testing.  
    2/14- NEW RE- Immune testing showed a partial dq alpha match with DH- On prednisone and did intralipids prior to transfer.  3/14 Lupron, gonal f, menopur, HGH.  ER 15 mature all 15 fertilized!  5dt of an early blast grade 1 and an expanded blast grade 2.  BETA on 4/21.  1 grade 2 embryo frozen
    BETA #1 59 BETA #2 148 BETA #3 283 BETA #4 2,783! US at 6w2d shows 1 bean measuring right on track! HR 121.  US at 8w3d measuring on track HR 177. Released form my RE.  EDD 12/28


    All Welcome
  • I am not looking forward to my birthday next month or to turning 34. Yes, the not having a baby issue makes it worse too. Since our IUI was cancelled earlier this cycle, I've been a little more down than usual. DH and I had a very big discussion about IF yesterday and I have been losing all hope and feeling like giving up and because he's adopted he wants to keep trying for as long as possible because he wants to know that something will come after him because he doesn't know where he came from. It really put things into perspective for me. So, I think we are going to max out all 6 cycles of IUI that our insurance will cover and then move onto IVF, but I'm already thinking ahead 7 months to IVF. I know it's really hard to stay focused, but we will all get there. I've been trying to look at all the positive aspects right now (i.e. using IF as my motivation to keep running, using it as my imaginary target during Body Combat class, and that we have a little more time to find the perfect house). I know this is hard, but I have to believe that we wouldn't be given this path to follow if we couldn't handle it. Every life obstacle I have had to deal with has made me stronger and I know that DH and I are going through this journey to make our marriage stronger. Our children will be so loved and appreciated when we have them. Sorry for my verbal diarrhea today. Hugs to you!!


    Lilypie Trying to Conceive Event tickers
    TTC since March 2012 (2nd attempt), 3/26/13 Dx: Unexplained Infertility; 4/8/13 HSG, tubes open; DH SA good
    4/2013 1st cycle of Clomid (50mg)=BFN
    5/2013 2nd cycle of Clomid (50mg)=BFN
    6/2013 3rd cycle of Clomid + TI(100mg)=BFFN
    7/2013 1st cycle of Femara, IUI #1 cancelled, No sperm mobility (huge surprise)
    8/2013 2nd cycle of Femara, IUI #1 attempt #2 complete, BFN 
    9/2013 3rd cycle of Femara, Ovidrel, IUI #2, BFP!!!!! 
    Beta #1: (14DPIUI) 185!!
    Beta #2: (16DPIUI) 358, progesterone 40.3
    Beta #3: (20DPIUI) 2600.2!!!!
    U/S #1 (24DPIUI) TWO poppyseeds!!!! 
  • I am not looking forward to my brithday next month at all.  It makes me feel that the goal of having a family is slipping further and further from me.  All I want is a child, and I feel like it may not happen.  I know we have not been trying very long, but we are in the middle of our second IUI cycle.  I do not want to take a break, but I fear we will have to since DH got laid off 7 weeks ago.  I feel like all we have done is for nothing. 

    Birthdays suck. 

    March 2013: First TTC trip to RE, On 1500 mg Metformin, April 2013:  PCOS and Endometriosis, May 2013:  DH Low volume; Femara 7.5 mg + IUI #1 = BFN, July 2013: Femara 7.5 mg + IUI #2 = BFN, August 2013:  Femara 7.5 mg (X5) + Bravelle (X7) + Ovidrel + IUI #3 + Endometrin = BFP  MC at 5w3d,
    October 2013:  Follistim (X14) + Ovidrel + IUI #4 + Endometrin =BFP!!! 

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