3rd Trimester

Nasty emails...3rd update

The saga continues. DH and I haven't responded to anything. His grandma is now firing away, saying that I am tearing the family apart because WE (DH and I)  only want immediate family at the hospital. She also threw in a few choice words about how she "feels" about his choice in a wife. Really, lady? We are two weeks away from having a baby (who you claim you want to see) and you choose right now to do this? Tactful.

They are making a case of why they should be present right after the birth...blah blah. This is getting exhausting. Like I said, we are responding to nothing as this is ridiculous and requires no further explanation from us. 

I guess I will never understand why others feel the need to make situations all about them. Weddings, births... all of it. We invited you to come over after we are home and settled.  We want minimal visitors in the hospital. That's ALL we had to say- but we went a step further and told you why. VERY POLITELY.

His family saying awful things about us and trying to make a "case" for themselves is ridiculous. And annoying. Especially when my extended family was extremely supportive.

Sorry for the constant drama about this- Again, it wasn't an issue we felt we should share with my family or our friends. We didn't think that their involvement would help the situation. I had to tell SOMEONE so I came here. 

Happy Sunday! :D 

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Re: Nasty emails...3rd update

  • kcs7kcs7
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
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    I know you have no idea who I am, but I truly offer my sympathies to you and your husband!! I just cannot believe how selfish some people can be and they just do not even realize it. I send thoughts and prayers your way for a peace about this that you are able to get through it with happy moments still and that you will have such a good experience with your baby and immediate family that you will be able to forget all about it at least for a little bit. :( From what i have seen and read, you have both handled it very well. I hope they come around and become more accepting so that they can become the loving and caring family you hope they would be, instead of the demanding, controlling and manipulating family. No one needs that, especially not right now. Hang in there!!! You are about to have a beautiful baby!! Yay!!

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  • Their true colors are coming through and that is a shame.  This will always be in the back of your mind as your proceed through life.  They are shooting themselves in the foot.  You are doing the right thing and I'm glad to hear your DH is standing with you.
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  • image chattychiqa:
    I'm kind of curious as to if you're going to have them over in your home now. I would be inclined to send a birth announcement and keep my distance until the dust settles. I'm sorry. What a bunch of turds.


    We aren't sure. We don't really want to especially after saying the things they've said about everything. If we did, it wouldn't be alone. We would have a large get together with neutral parties and tell them about it. Even that is a a stretch for us right now.
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  • I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. I sure hope they don't think that by throwing these tantrums that they'll get their way. In some ways it's probably making you even more grateful that you made the decision you did. You don't need that drama right after you bring LO into the world. Stay strong and good luck!
  • Dude, just block that shiit. Seriously, don't even entertain it. Create rules for your email and just don't deal with that crap. Cut them off and stop entertaining the bullshyt. 

    No one has a right to your kid except you and your husband. After that, if they are acting like douchenozzles just tell the medical staff and security they are not allowed in. No phone calls, texts, or emails. Just have all that shiit blocked. Really, at this point its just going to affect your happiness levels. You don't want that with a newborn. Soak up the time in a happy glow. Eff the haters and the drama mongers. This is YOUR time with your family. You have control over what energy you let in.

    Cure yourself of the bullshyt. Cut that crap off.  

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  • image PrimRoseMama:

    Dude, just block that shiit. Seriously, don't even entertain it. Create rules for your email and just don't deal with that crap. Cut them off and stop entertaining the bullshyt. 

    No one has a right to your kid except you and your husband. After that, if they are acting like douchenozzles just tell the medical staff and security they are not allowed in. No phone calls, texts, or emails. Just have all that shiit blocked. Really, at this point its just going to affect your happiness levels. You don't want that with a newborn. Soak up the time in a happy glow. Eff the haters and the drama mongers. This is YOUR time with your family. You have control over what energy you let in.

    Cure yourself of the bullshyt. Cut that crap off.  

     

    This is amazing :) Thanks.  

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  • Good Lord, this is still going on?! Tearing the family apart?? Grandma sounds like a dramatic ?sswipe. If she's a grandma, I'm assuming she's old enough to act like a mature adult. You and your H are being much nicer than I would be! LOL! That is so sh?tty that you have to deal with this! It really pisses me off. I would make sure they know how selfish and immature they are acting. And I would completely distance yourselves from them. For now, at least. I wouldn't see them or even speak to them until you get a full apology. Nothing less. As a PP said, they are major turds! Good luck with everything!!
  • image PrimRoseMama:

    Dude, just block that shiit. Seriously, don't even entertain it. Create rules for your email and just don't deal with that crap. Cut them off and stop entertaining the bullshyt. 

    No one has a right to your kid except you and your husband. After that, if they are acting like douchenozzles just tell the medical staff and security they are not allowed in. No phone calls, texts, or emails. Just have all that shiit blocked. Really, at this point its just going to affect your happiness levels. You don't want that with a newborn. Soak up the time in a happy glow. Eff the haters and the drama mongers. This is YOUR time with your family. You have control over what energy you let in.

    Cure yourself of the bullshyt. Cut that crap off.  

    Agreed. 100%. 

  • Do they honestly think that "making a case" and saying he should have chosen a different wife is going to make you change your mind??? At this point they are lucky that you will even allow them into your home...I wouldn't.

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  • This whole thing has been very unfortunate. You are finding out what kind of people they can really be and this is a terrible time for something like this. No time is good, but the fact that you're bringing a LO into the world and your family wants to act like this..

     

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  • Just keep doing what you are doing, although I do agree with PrimRose that you need to block them now.  Block emails, texts and even phone numbers. 

    Whatever you do, do not back down.  That would only teach them that when they insult and belittle you, they will get whatever they want and they will continue to behave like this in the future. 

    I would also give serious consideration to cutting these people off forever.  I learned some pretty important life lessons from my parents about what NOT to do.  I had a stepgma that was just horrible to all of my family ( including us kids) and my parents did nothing about it.   I swore I would never let that happen to me.  You treat me like sh*t, you are out of our lives.  End of story.  I know all to well what happens when you don't stand up for yourself and the impact it has on your children.

  • image PrimRoseMama:

    Dude, just block that shiit. Seriously, don't even entertain it. Create rules for your email and just don't deal with that crap. Cut them off and stop entertaining the bullshyt. 

    No one has a right to your kid except you and your husband. After that, if they are acting like douchenozzles just tell the medical staff and security they are not allowed in. No phone calls, texts, or emails. Just have all that shiit blocked. Really, at this point its just going to affect your happiness levels. You don't want that with a newborn. Soak up the time in a happy glow. Eff the haters and the drama mongers. This is YOUR time with your family. You have control over what energy you let in.

    Cure yourself of the bullshyt. Cut that crap off.  

    This, 100%.

    These emails are nothing more than a pathetic attempt to bully you into giving them exactly what they want.  Don't allow it.  Don't sink to their level.

    However, if this was me, I would NOT allow these people in my home.  I would make them wait to meet LO until there was some kind of family gathering elsewhere - like Christmas at Aunt Ethel's house or something.  Let them know, without words, that their actions were inappropriate, unwanted, and only served to shoot themselves in the foot. 

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  • image PrimRoseMama:
    Dude, just block that shiit. Seriously, don't even entertain it. Create rules for your email and just don't deal with that crap. Cut them off and stop entertaining the bullshyt.nbsp;No one has a right to your kid except you and your husband. After that, if they are acting like douchenozzles just tell the medical staff and security they are not allowed in. No phone calls, texts, or emails. Just have all that shiit blocked. Really, at this point its just going to affect your happiness levels. You don't want that with a newborn. Soak up the time in a happy glow. Eff the haters and the drama mongers. This is YOUR time with your family. You have control over what energy you let in. Cure yourself of the bullshyt. Cut that crap off. nbsp;

    This completely! The older I get, the easier I find it is to cut people, family included, the f'uck off. You don't need the drama with a new baby coming. It's your husbands family. If he is siding with you on the matter, then it Gould be a no brainer. Cut them off and get ready to have a beautiful baby in your arms. F'uck the bullshiit.
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    dalia1584
  • To me this confirms that you made the right choice with not wanting them there right away. I don't understand how they think being rude and mean is going to help anything at all. And if they want to talk about tearing the family apart they really need to look in the mirror.
  • I read one of your earlier posts on this topic.  You can't pick your spouse's family...  I'm so sorry you have to deal with that stress!  You're already letting more people come than I am, so I can't even fathom extended family being upset like that.  Hold your ground!  GL!
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  • Thanks everyone. He and I have decided to cut off contact with these family members for awhile.
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  • That is a good decision.  Kudos to you both for having the courage to do that.
  • image ashcart01:
    Thanks everyone. He and I have decided to cut off contact with these family members for awhile.

    I've read your other posts and I think this is a great decision.  If family members treated DH and I this way, they would never get to see my kids.  And never step foot in my house. 

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  • If I remember correctly, this is your DH aunt and gma..correct?  Where is  DH Mom/Dad? Are they involved at all?  I am estranged from an aunt and gma and you can bet that my dad tells them to knock it off whenever they start pulling crap involving me.

  • image docco11:
    If I remember correctly, this is your DH aunt and gma..correct?nbsp; Where isnbsp; DH Mom/Dad?nbsp;Are they involved at all?nbsp; I am estranged from an aunt and gma and you can bet that my dad tells them to knock it offnbsp;whenever they start pulling crap involving me.


    Yes this is dh's grandma and aunt on his "dad's" side.

    His mom and dad got a divorce when he was 6 months old. She moved back to her home state with he and his brother, and his dad completely cut them off. He didn't meet his dad until he was in 7th grade. His dad's parents lived back in the home state and kept a relationship with dh and his brother. So that's who this is. His dad's mom and sister.

    Dh's mom lives thirty minutes away and has zero contact with this side of the family. She has her little quirks, but she would never do this.
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  • I would echo everyone else, not host them in your home and consider cutting off contact with them. Their true colors are coming out.

     In my situation, my gma and aunt said some really bad things about my husband, even though they had only met him 2x.  It totally had to do w/me moving 2000 miles away from them and they were having a hard time dealing with it.  It was a very easy decision to cut them out completely.  GL to you!

  • image chattychiqa:
    I'm kind of curious as to if you're going to have them over in your home now. I would be inclined to send a birth announcement and keep my distance until the dust settles. I'm sorry. What a bunch of turds.


    ^This. I especially would not want these people around my child. Because you KNOW, whether or not you have a large group of people there, that someone will say something about them not being at the hospital and it'll be awkward and ridiculous. 

    I wouldn't have them at my house until they apologize. Hopefully none of these people have your address, because if it were me and they showed up to my house, they wouldn't be getting in. Period. 

    I also agree with the PP that said to just block them period. Let everyone at the hospital know their names and that they are absolutely under NO circumstances allowed to see your child. 

    How lame.

    Edit: I asked about what his siblings/parents think about what's going on. I realized that it doesn't matter.
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  • That is truly unfortunate. They should be helping you celebrate this truly special time in your life instead of bringing you down. I'm glad your DH has your back. I will keep you both in my thoughts.
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  • I'll be damned if I let someone in my house after they criticized me/ranted in an email. If I were in this situation, after I decided that I was done pacifying them with responses, this would be nothing but entertainment from that point forward. I would watch the emails (not respond of course) and let grandma dig that grave deeper.
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  • image ashcart01:
    Thanks everyone. He and I have decided to cut off contact with these family members for awhile.


    Good! Like that saying goes.. "Ain't nobody got time for that!!!" Lol. Seriously, you don't need them or their crap. Don't feel bad about cutting off contact. Not even a little. I read your first post and your email was nothing but nice! They're being immature and therefore don't deserve your time.
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  • OOOOOH! I want to get my way and convince X and Y to let me see the baby... The best possible way to do that is to rip into them! ...

    said no intelligent person... ever 

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  • I give you so much credit for holding your ground. You'll be a great mom!!

    There would be a small part of me that would let Gma come to the hospital... but I would make sure she fully regretted that decision.  Maybe start by having the nurses tell her that the baby needs to be in the nursery the whole time that she is there. Throw up on her shoes.  Maybe event get some postpartum nastiness on her when you give her a hug.  Then... just cry/wail the whole  time so that she can't even hear herself think. 

    Not my actual suggestion, but pregnancy has made me evil.

  • image ashcart01:
    image docco11:
    If I remember correctly, this is your DH aunt and gma..correct?nbsp; Where isnbsp; DH Mom/Dad?nbsp;Are they involved at all?nbsp; I am estranged from an aunt and gma and you can bet that my dad tells them to knock it offnbsp;whenever they start pulling crap involving me.
    Yes this is dh's grandma and aunt on his "dad's" side. His mom and dad got a divorce when he was 6 months old. She moved back to her home state with he and his brother, and his dad completely cut them off. He didn't meet his dad until he was in 7th grade. His dad's parents lived back in the home state and kept a relationship with dh and his brother. So that's who this is. His dad's mom and sister. Dh's mom lives thirty minutes away and has zero contact with this side of the family. She has her little quirks, but she would never do this.

    Sounds like there's a reason why your DH's mom has no contact! His dad sounds like a real peach, and he didn't fall far from the tree!

    Good for you guys for cutting them off. Maaaaaaybe they'll learn that throwing a fit and trying to bully you gets them the exact opposite of what they're after (unlikely, but you can dream!) but at the very least you don't need their negativity!  Here's hoping that they cause no further drama or stress!

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  • There is more to this story and some other things play into this outlash from your inlaws. I am not buying that it all stemmed from a sweet email that you sent out. I'd love to hear their side of the story.
    lissydee
  • If things are truly as innocent on your end as you say, you are dealing with a couple of angry, selfish people. While I would not reply to their emails, I would think twice about going as far as blocking them from entering the hospital or refusing to see them at your home, especially since you already invited them to visit. Once you go *there*, you can never go back. Wait until you have the baby and everything blows over before making any long-term decisions.
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