May 2013 Moms

Sex: Who's not having it?

Mobile Users: Sex: Who's not having it?

 So I'm 8 weeks post partum. As far as I know, everything's healed up, the doctor said things looked "pretty good" and cleared me for sex. 

But I just don't feel like having sex. I'm exhausted and I'm a little touched out from the breastfeeding. DH tried to initiate last night and I just said I was really tired. I don't want him anywhere near the boobs right now- is that a normal feeling when you are breastfeeding?  All I could think was- it's 1130 at night, we just go the baby down and she's gonna be up by 330. I want that full 4 hours of sleep!

How are you gals combating exhaustion and stuff so that you can resume a sex life again? DH has been really patient, but I know he misses it.

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Re: Sex: Who's not having it?

  • image Shantxtell:
    I'm not. And I have zero drive. Sorry hubs!

    This exactly!
    I'm 7 weeks PP tomorrow, and even though I got the all clear last week, I still have no desire. And I'm in the middle of a course of antibiotics for mastitis, so there's no way in helll he's touching my boobs. Not to mention that my vag still doesn't feel totally healed.

    The last time we DTD was the night before my induction, in a last ditch effort to go into labor on my own. It didnt work.
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  • We've had sex twice since little man arrived. I'm also feeling like I constantly have someone touching me or needing me, so when I get twenty free minutes, I want to be alone. And once I crawl in bed for the night, I want to sleep!!

    As for the BFing, I definitely feel like it takes it's toll on the sex life. My boobs are no longer fun bags, they are my baby's food supply. It's hard to switch between the two. It happened when i had my daughter as well. Not to mention the spraying that happens, I don't even take my bra off when we DTD. At this point, I'm only doing it out of love for DH.
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  • Since nighttime sleep is so precious to me, we find time during the day and evening while she's napping to get some lovin in. I know the desire wasn't there at first, but once we started it back up, it came right back. Maybe try, if you feel healed and comfortable of course, and see if that helps jump start your libido....
  • I'm not.. Besides exhaustion we haven't figured out what to do for bc...

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  • I'm not!

    I actually feel like I want to, but my problem is I'm too scared still! At my 6 week pp appointment, my OB said several times "It's really really going to hurt".....

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  • We haven't but not because of me. My DH hasn't wanted to. He is on a medication that reduces his drive and it is tough for me sometimes! He's also nervous about hurting me even though I tell him its no big deal.
    I went shopping for a bunch of new work clothes yesterday and I'm getting waxed and a mani pedi today and a haircut next weekend so I really hope he wants to jump me soon!
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  • Nope. I had some issues with healing so my OB told me that we should make it happen but it may take several attempts and there will be pain and more tearing. Awesome. I know I should get it over with but I am NOT looking forward to more damage, so now I have mental and physical obstacles.
    Baby girl born 5/20/13. Figuring it out as we go. :)
  • We are 10wks pp and have tried 2x. First time was so painful and second time I made the mistake of telling him about my hemmorhoid. Both tries were for his sake. I feel bad for the guy living on bjs. He's a boob guy so as far as the bf and touching goes I've already given him heck about being gentle and can't play with them without a bra on... Too tired and nervous to have any real desire for any type of action...
  • Im not, no drive, tired.  So here is a question, if we wait until say 12 weeks instead of the normal 6 weeks. Will it hurt less than had it been at 6 weeks?
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  • image kryshy123:
    Since nighttime sleep is so precious to me, we find time during the day and evening while she's napping to get some lovin in. I know the desire wasn't there at first, but once we started it back up, it came right back. Maybe try, if you feel healed and comfortable of course, and see if that helps jump start your libido....

    During the day and evening would be a good idea on the weekends when DH is home from work- the only problem is that we have a 5 year old, so leaving her to fend for herself while we run off to the bedroom just isn't going to happen!! Also DD2 has a "witching hour" from like 8-9, which happens to occur right after we get DD1 down for the night. 

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  • image beaubecca:
    We haven't but not because of me. My DH hasn't wanted to. He is on a medication that reduces his drive and it is tough for me sometimes! He's also nervous about hurting me even though I tell him its no big deal. I went shopping for a bunch of new work clothes yesterday and I'm getting waxed and a mani pedi today and a haircut next weekend so I really hope he wants to jump me soon!

    Well, at the very least, you'll feel great about yourself!! 

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  • image ILoveSnacks:
    Nope. I had some issues with healing so my OB told me that we should make it happen but it may take several attempts and there will be pain and more tearing. Awesome. I know I should get it over with but I am NOT looking forward to more damage, so now I have mental and physical obstacles.

    Holy crap! If my OB told me I'd likely have more tearing, I don't think I'd EVER be able to DTD!! Ouch! Good luck! 

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  • image MrsM1111:
    We are 10wks pp and have tried 2x. First time was so painful and second time I made the mistake of telling him about my hemmorhoid. Both tries were for his sake. I feel bad for the guy living on bjs. He's a boob guy so as far as the bf and touching goes I've already given him heck about being gentle and can't play with them without a bra on... Too tired and nervous to have any real desire for any type of action...

    Ha! At least he's getting BJ's! My poor DH hasn't even gotten that! I literally do not feeling like doing ANYTHING. :( 

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  • image ohgrl95:
    Im not, no drive, tired.  So here is a question, if we wait until say 12 weeks instead of the normal 6 weeks. Will it hurt less than had it been at 6 weeks?

    That's a good question, and I'm not really sure! I imagine that would give our bodies a little bit more time to recover from the tears/episiotomies etc. 

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  • Zero drive at all. I think I could go the rest of my life without it. I just can't turn off mommy-mode. All I can think is, "LO has been asleep for 30 minutes, so we might have X amount of minutes before she wakes up again..." and I just want to sleep or watch tv or take a shower. We've DTD twice since the all-clear. Neither times hurt, since I had a section, but they weren't fun at all.
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  • I'm not, but want to.  The drive is there, even with the exhaustion, but it still stings a bit sometimes when I'm just doing something like washing in the shower, so I can't imagine actual sex.  For now we're just doing other stuff (such as "blowies" as he's been calling them lately) maybe once a week.

  • I'll be 9 weeks tomorrow, we tried once an I wasn't feelin it so I said it hurt and made my husband stop. I'm just not in the mood.

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  • We've DTD twice. I was so looking forward to it, but it hurt more than I expected so now I'm less enthusiastic.
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  • pnutgpnutg
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    I'm not. And I have no desire. We attempted once and failed. I'm 8.5 weeks pp and still don't feel healed.


    -1st BFP 5/24/12, EDD 1/25/13, MMC 6/19/12 at 8 weeks, D&C 6/29/12
    -2nd BFP 9/15/12, EDD 5/20/13. CLH born 5/22/13!
  • image AliciaR777:
    I'm also feeling like I constantly have someone touching me or needing me, so when I get twenty free minutes, I want to be alone. And once I crawl in bed for the night, I want to sleep!!

    So true!!

    I am 11 weeks pp and we tried twice and didn't get very far. As my Dr put it, it feels like sandpaper on the inside.
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  • image Shantxtell:
    image mommatotwo2:

    image MrsM1111:
    We are 10wks pp and have tried 2x. First time was so painful and second time I made the mistake of telling him about my hemmorhoid. Both tries were for his sake. I feel bad for the guy living on bjs. He's a boob guy so as far as the bf and touching goes I've already given him heck about being gentle and can't play with them without a bra on... Too tired and nervous to have any real desire for any type of action...

    Ha! At least he's getting BJ's! My poor DH hasn't even gotten that! I literally do not feeling like doing ANYTHING. :( 


    Mine either.


    I guess now I can tell him how lucky he is!
  • Not to start anything but I'm a firm believer in taking care of your hubby after baby. All to often they get pushed aside and forgotten. They have needs and I as his wife want to meet them. This is my second baby and I ebf. Ds never took a bottle the first 8 months. So I understand precious sleep and not wanting to be touched. But just remember it only takes 510 min to give hub some love. They feel love through physical more and were more emotional. Just what I believe. It'd be like me wanting kissed but him telling me no. I'd be sad. Just try to give some love. Also use lube!!! And maybe a glass of wine. I know some wont agree with my feelings but its just how I feel and see thibgs



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  • Ok so I haven't said this to anyone but you gals are anonymous. I want to but DH keeps turning me down. I am so embarrassed, sad, feeling ugly etc. I've lost all the baby weight and I am 5 pounds from Prepregnancy weight just with bigger boobs. I try to keep myself looking nice but I am worried that he doesn't see me as sexy anymore. Now I am the mom in the house. I'm also worried that maybe seeing the birth has made him less attracted to me. He claims he's tired and I get that, but you'd think even if he was tired that seeing me naked would do something. He literally has not had any inclination. we also didnt have sex the last month or two of pregnancy because it hurt. we tried once pp and i literally had to beg him. As I'm sure you can imagine this has driven an even bigger wedge between us and today I set up a bed in the nursery so that I didn't have to be embarrassed of what's not going on anymore. I told him it was so i could transition LO to her crib but i just find myself getting more and more upset every that we sleep beside each other and nothing happens. i know we'll get it back eventually but my pride is really hurt and i feel like maybe we'll never be the same. Sorry that was so long I've just been keeping that inside and obviously I am way too ashamed to tell any of my friends.
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  • image laxminavkar:
    Ok so I haven't said this to anyone but you gals are anonymous. I want to but DH keeps turning me down. I am so embarrassed, sad, feeling ugly etc. I've lost all the baby weight and I am 5 pounds from Prepregnancy weight just with bigger boobs. I try to keep myself looking nice but I am worried that he doesn't see me as sexy anymore. Now I am the mom in the house. I'm also worried that maybe seeing the birth has made him less attracted to me. He claims he's tired and I get that, but you'd think even if he was tired that seeing me naked would do something. He literally has not had any inclination. we also didnt have sex the last month or two of pregnancy because it hurt. we tried once pp and i literally had to beg him. As I'm sure you can imagine this has driven an even bigger wedge between us and today I set up a bed in the nursery so that I didn't have to be embarrassed of what's not going on anymore. I told him it was so i could transition LO to her crib but i just find myself getting more and more upset every that we sleep beside each other and nothing happens. i know we'll get it back eventually but my pride is really hurt and i feel like maybe we'll never be the same. Sorry that was so long I've just been keeping that inside and obviously I am way too ashamed to tell any of my friends.
     

     

    You arent alone, I feel the same way!  After I got the all clear I made a nice dinner, picked up a bottle of wine, some sexy pantes & bra and a box of condoms..... got turned down.  We also hadnt had sex since I was 2 mos prego, due to high risk issues.  He blamed the fact that he hates condoms.  LO is almost 9 wks old, we have dtd once.....We will see what happens once I get an IUD.  The feeling of not being wanted sucks.. but having that conversation with him seemed to help a little. 

  • image Spapeggy:
    Not to start anything but I'm a firm believer in taking care of your hubby after baby. All to often they get pushed aside and forgotten. They have needs and I as his wife want to meet them. This is my second baby and I ebf. Ds never took a bottle the first 8 months. So I understand precious sleep and not wanting to be touched. But just remember it only takes 510 min to give hub some love. They feel love through physical more and were more emotional. Just what I believe. It'd be like me wanting kissed but him telling me no. I'd be sad. Just try to give some love. Also use lube!!! And maybe a glass of wine. I know some wont agree with my feelings but its just how I feel and see thibgs


    I agree with this. Trust me I am not in the mood either but it's true, give them a few minutes of your time and then everyone is happy! It's good to have some alone time and reconnect too. It does hurt but gets easier every time. We try to sneak time together when both are napping rather than end of the day when I am exhausted and looking forward to couch time and bed!

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  • image AliciaR777:
    We've had sex twice since little man arrived. I'm also feeling like I constantly have someone touching me or needing me, so when I get twenty free minutes, I want to be alone. .

    This.

     DH and I have had sex a few times, though I haven't been into it at all. I just do it for him. I cater to the needs of DS 24/7 (which I'm not complaining!), so when DH wants sex, it just feels like more needs to cater to. It becomes exhausting, and frankly, I'm burnt out.

    I'm really hoping these feeling are temporary. Maybe we need a romantic getaway (one night) in the near future to spice things up a bit.

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  • image Spapeggy:
    Not to start anything but I'm a firm believer in taking care of your hubby after baby. All to often they get pushed aside and forgotten. They have needs and I as his wife want to meet them. This is my second baby and I ebf. Ds never took a bottle the first 8 months. So I understand precious sleep and not wanting to be touched. But just remember it only takes 510 min to give hub some love. They feel love through physical more and were more emotional. Just what I believe. It'd be like me wanting kissed but him telling me no. I'd be sad. Just try to give some love. Also use lube!!! And maybe a glass of wine. I know some wont agree with my feelings but its just how I feel and see thibgs

    Good points. Yes

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  • image laxminavkar:
    Ok so I haven't said this to anyone but you gals are anonymous. I want to but DH keeps turning me down. I am so embarrassed, sad, feeling ugly etc. I've lost all the baby weight and I am 5 pounds from Prepregnancy weight just with bigger boobs. I try to keep myself looking nice but I am worried that he doesn't see me as sexy anymore. Now I am the mom in the house. I'm also worried that maybe seeing the birth has made him less attracted to me. He claims he's tired and I get that, but you'd think even if he was tired that seeing me naked would do something. He literally has not had any inclination. we also didnt have sex the last month or two of pregnancy because it hurt. we tried once pp and i literally had to beg him. As I'm sure you can imagine this has driven an even bigger wedge between us and today I set up a bed in the nursery so that I didn't have to be embarrassed of what's not going on anymore. I told him it was so i could transition LO to her crib but i just find myself getting more and more upset every that we sleep beside each other and nothing happens. i know we'll get it back eventually but my pride is really hurt and i feel like maybe we'll never be the same. Sorry that was so long I've just been keeping that inside and obviously I am way too ashamed to tell any of my friends.

    Maybe part of it is really him being tired/exhausted.  Maybe you and the baby being in another room will help, both by giving him more rest, and absence sometimes makes you want something more.  My husband and I have been in separate bedrooms most of the time since January.  He's a smoker and pretty much kicked me out of our bedroom because I didn't want to be around cig smoke and he smoked in the bedroom.  It really hurt my feelings that he put his addiction ahead of me and didn't want to sleep together.  We've since moved to a new house which he doesn't smoke in, but I've been sleeping in the nursery with LO.  I say it is so that she doesn't wake him up, but part of it is because I don't feel like he really wants me there.  I didn't let anyone know that we were sleeping in separate bedrooms for most of my pregnancy. He told me early in my pregnancy that he didn't think there was anything attractive about a pregnant woman, which of course didn't help my self esteem with my changing/growing body.  I decided not to pressure him and let him take the initiative for when he wanted me again.  Last week he joined me in the shower and it was the first time we DTD in a long time (which actually worked well because we didn't have to worry about leaky boobs).  A new baby is a lot of change for everyone.  I know in time things will get back to normal.  Hang in there.  Your post is a good example of why we need to take the time to meet our spouse's needs even if we're exhausted.  

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  • I am still in pain down there, so no sex yet, but I am looking forward to it when I am ready. I won't do it until it feels enjoyable for us both. My husband feels the same way and wants me to heal and desire it too before we try.
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  • We haven't yet.  And I am really not feeling it still, but I'm starting to feel like a bad wife, especially because we only did it about 5 times the whole time I was pregnant (I was on progesterone, had HG, and then was on pelvic rest).  We're using a diaphragm for bc, and I have to go pick it up at the pharmacy tomorrow.  Maybe tomorrow night will be the night...but probably not!
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