Baby Showers

Is is appropriate?

Is it appropriate to have a baby shower after you've already had children? A family member of mine is pregnant with her third child and has registered for baby gifts again. Her other two children are 8 and 16. I thought that you only get one shower and if you choose to have more children, you're on your own with buying the essentials. Thanks for your help.
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Re: Is is appropriate?

  • You are correct.  It is inappropriate and tacky to have a shower for your second, third, fourth, etc child.  A shower is to welcome you to parenthood, not to supply everything you need to raise a child.  Once you are a parent, you cannot be re-welcomed into parenthood.

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  • A registry doesn't always mean a shower... Some people register for the completion coupon. I didn't have a shower with my first, but I registered. People buy gifts when babies are born. I buy larger gifts for first babies, but of a friend is a close one, I get a significant gift when a new child is born, having nothing to do with a shower...
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  • I agree with Rachie. I don't assume a registry means shower but I do side eye that her registry is public.

    I plan to register at PBK for 2 but keep it private. I want a few pricey towels and sheets and the completion discount to buy them with! DS got some from there and they are amazing quality so I want the next kid to have a couple too.
  • I've known people who have registered for a second baby because people keep asking them what they need for the baby.  It's just ends up being easier to register.  

  • image mysticl:
    I've known people who have registered for a second baby because people keep asking them what they need for the baby.  It's just ends up being easier to register.  

    Yeah, I think it's fine to create a registry, to use for the completion coupon. It people ask, you can share it. But ONLY if they ask.

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  • I did a registry to keep track of what I wanted and already purchased, etc.  Registering was easier to me than making a spreadsheet or list.  I haven't told anyone about it though unless I'm asked specifically for it.  I had no plans for a shower at the time I did my registry.   

     

    That being said, this is my 2nd child (DS is 10), and I am having a shower held  by my cousins.  It's not a traditional play games type shower.  It's only family and my very closest 4 friends who were buying baby gifts anyway and they wanted to do a brunch with dessert to get together.  I'm sure some people will still find this "wrong", but my family wanted to do it, and it's very small and intimate so I said yes.  



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  • I think it is kinda tacky if you have a child that is not all that old that is the same sex. I'm getting a second baby shower even though my daughter is 2. ONLY because we are having a child of the opposite sex so everything we have already is pink and girly AND ONLY because my mother insisted on it. But it's only going to be close family and it'll probably be more like a bbq get together.
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  • mZitomZito
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    We're having one. My MIL mom insisted since our first DD will be 11 when this LO is born. We plan on buying all the big items putting smaller items on the registry. Both of our families have waited a long time for this baby, since we were told we couldn't get pregnant again unless we did IVF, so everyone is super excited.
  • image EMunion777:
    I think it is kinda tacky if you have a child that is not all that old that is the same sex. I'm getting a second baby shower even though my daughter is 2. ONLY because we are having a child of the opposite sex so everything we have already is pink and girly AND ONLY because my mother insisted on it. But it's only going to be close family and it'll probably be more like a bbq get together.

    This is not a reason to have a shower. You should have planned ahead and registered for neutral items. It's not the responsibility of everyone you know to replace all your stuff because you bought girly stuff the first time.

    I wouldn't count on getting big-ticket items this time around. People are most likely going to only get you clothes or diapers. If you have a pink PnP and carseat, your either going to have to replace them yourself, or your boy will live with it.

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  • I wouldn't assume registry equals shower, unless the posted the link on FB or something. I have a registry I use to keep all my planned purchases together. It's through amazon so it's easy to see when certain items drop prices or go out of stock. I don't share it.

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  • I don't think is that bad, with a third child you can't really reuse a lot of stuff, even if you had neutral colors. It doesn't matter how many kids you may have you always want to buy a few new things for the baby, and friends and families are always going to offer to get something so is good to be prepared. Also I agree the completion coupon is a good deal to get.

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  • image msspeedymarie:

    image EMunion777:
    I think it is kinda tacky if you have a child that is not all that old that is the same sex. I'm getting a second baby shower even though my daughter is 2. ONLY because we are having a child of the opposite sex so everything we have already is pink and girly AND ONLY because my mother insisted on it. But it's only going to be close family and it'll probably be more like a bbq get together.

    This is not a reason to have a shower. You should have planned ahead and registered for neutral items. It's not the responsibility of everyone you know to replace all your stuff because you bought girly stuff the first time.

    I wouldn't count on getting big-ticket items this time around. People are most likely going to only get you clothes or diapers. If you have a pink PnP and carseat, your either going to have to replace them yourself, or your boy will live with it.

    RUDE much???? If someone wants to throw you a "SHOWER" for your 2nd, 3rd, 10th child..WHO CARES!! Its their life..not yours..and your opinion will not change anyone else's mind. So go on with your day and hopefully tomorrow you wake up on the right side of the bed.

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    agentkitten75JessLindalliehazeDrecab
  • I think of a baby shower as of celebrating the baby. Gifts are never a demand to bring to the shower. But I think it's nice to bring something whether its diapers or baby shampoo that they would for sure need for the new baby. I don't see a problem in celebrating the close arrival of a new baby!
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  • I don't think there's anything wrong with having a registry, as long as you only give the info to people who specifically ask for it.

    I used a registry mainly as a shopping list for myself.

     

     

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  • image Happy_Yahoo_Personaler:
    You are correct.  It is inappropriate and tacky to have a shower for your second, third, fourth, etc child.  A shower is to welcome you to parenthood, not to supply everything you need to raise a child.  Once you are a parent, you cannot be re-welcomed into parenthood.

    Yup.

     
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  • image discobelle:
    I don't think there's anything wrong with having a registry, as long as you only give the info to people who specifically ask for it.I used a registry mainly as a shopping list for myself.nbsp;nbsp;


    This exactly. Also I think its fine to make it publicly searchable online so your friends and family can find it if they go looking for it
  • image MorrisMamaof3:
    image msspeedymarie:

    image EMunion777:
    I think it is kinda tacky if you have a child that is not all that old that is the same sex. I'm getting a second baby shower even though my daughter is 2. ONLY because we are having a child of the opposite sex so everything we have already is pink and girly AND ONLY because my mother insisted on it. But it's only going to be close family and it'll probably be more like a bbq get together.

    This is not a reason to have a shower. You should have planned ahead and registered for neutral items. It's not the responsibility of everyone you know to replace all your stuff because you bought girly stuff the first time.

    I wouldn't count on getting big-ticket items this time around. People are most likely going to only get you clothes or diapers. If you have a pink PnP and carseat, your either going to have to replace them yourself, or your boy will live with it.

    RUDE much???? If someone wants to throw you a "SHOWER" for your 2nd, 3rd, 10th child..WHO CARES!! Its their life..not yours..and your opinion will not change anyone else's mind. So go on with your day and hopefully tomorrow you wake up on the right side of the bed.



    She wasn't being rude in the slightest. She was stating a fact. One that 99 percent of women on this board agree with. It is YOUR responsibility to provide for YOUR child. A shower is a gift and you should not rely on one to provide you with what you will need. A shower is also a way to welcome a woman into motherhood. If your already a mother you can't be welcomed into motherhood. So once again, she wasnt rude in the slightest.

    You on the other hand...

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  • image marcobonny:
    I think of a baby shower as of celebrating the baby. Gifts are never a demand to bring to the shower. But I think it's nice to bring something whether its diapers or baby shampoo that they would for sure need for the new baby. I don't see a problem in celebrating the close arrival of a new baby!


    Baby showers are a way to welcome a woman into motherhood. While the MTB receives gifts for the baby the shower is for her. To "shower" her with well wishes, gifts, and love.

    And a shower, by definition, is a gift giving event. So yes, bringing a gift is "demanded".

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  • image marcobonny:
    I think of a baby shower as of celebrating the baby. Gifts are never a demand to bring to the shower. But I think it's nice to bring something whether its diapers or baby shampoo that they would for sure need for the new baby. I don't see a problem in celebrating the close arrival of a new baby!

    Showers are, by definition, gift-giving events because their purpose is to "shower" a bride-to-be or mother-to-be with gifts to contribute to the new household or a new family. Gifts are expected.

    A celebration of the baby, like a sip n' see or a "meet the baby" party, is held after the baby is born, and gifts aren't necessarily expected, but most people will bring a little something.

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  • image somerandomchick:
    image discobelle:
    I don't think there's anything wrong with having a registry, as long as you only give the info to people who specifically ask for it.I used a registry mainly as a shopping list for myself.nbsp;nbsp;
    This exactly. Also I think its fine to make it publicly searchable online so your friends and family can find it if they go looking for it

    I agree it's okay to make it searchable.  The only people who will be searching for it are people who are hoping to find the info.

     

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  • image Laurendag:
    image MorrisMamaof3:
    image msspeedymarie:

    image EMunion777:
    I think it is kinda tacky if you have a child that is not all that old that is the same sex. I'm getting a second baby shower even though my daughter is 2. ONLY because we are having a child of the opposite sex so everything we have already is pink and girly AND ONLY because my mother insisted on it. But it's only going to be close family and it'll probably be more like a bbq get together.

    This is not a reason to have a shower. You should have planned ahead and registered for neutral items. It's not the responsibility of everyone you know to replace all your stuff because you bought girly stuff the first time.

    I wouldn't count on getting big-ticket items this time around. People are most likely going to only get you clothes or diapers. If you have a pink PnP and carseat, your either going to have to replace them yourself, or your boy will live with it.

    RUDE much???? If someone wants to throw you a "SHOWER" for your 2nd, 3rd, 10th child..WHO CARES!! Its their life..not yours..and your opinion will not change anyone else's mind. So go on with your day and hopefully tomorrow you wake up on the right side of the bed.

    She wasn't being rude in the slightest. She was stating a fact. One that 99 percent of women on this board agree with. It is YOUR responsibility to provide for YOUR child. A shower is a gift and you should not rely on one to provide you with what you will need. A shower is also a way to welcome a woman into motherhood. If your already a mother you can't be welcomed into motherhood. So once again, she wasnt rude in the slightest. You on the other hand...

    && to the 1% of women that do not agree then this was for them! :))

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  • image MorrisMamaof3:
    image Laurendag:
    image MorrisMamaof3:
    image msspeedymarie:

    image EMunion777:
    I think it is kinda tacky if you have a child that is not all that old that is the same sex. I'm getting a second baby shower even though my daughter is 2. ONLY because we are having a child of the opposite sex so everything we have already is pink and girly AND ONLY because my mother insisted on it. But it's only going to be close family and it'll probably be more like a bbq get together.

    This is not a reason to have a shower. You should have planned ahead and registered for neutral items. It's not the responsibility of everyone you know to replace all your stuff because you bought girly stuff the first time.

    I wouldn't count on getting big-ticket items this time around. People are most likely going to only get you clothes or diapers. If you have a pink PnP and carseat, your either going to have to replace them yourself, or your boy will live with it.

    RUDE much???? If someone wants to throw you a "SHOWER" for your 2nd, 3rd, 10th child..WHO CARES!! Its their life..not yours..and your opinion will not change anyone else's mind. So go on with your day and hopefully tomorrow you wake up on the right side of the bed.



    She wasn't being rude in the slightest. She was stating a fact. One that 99 percent of women on this board agree with. It is YOUR responsibility to provide for YOUR child. A shower is a gift and you should not rely on one to provide you with what you will need. A shower is also a way to welcome a woman into motherhood. If your already a mother you can't be welcomed into motherhood. So once again, she wasnt rude in the slightest.

    You on the other hand...

    && to the 1% of women that do not agree then this was for them! :))


    You don't agree that it's a parents responsibility to pay for anything and everything for the child they created?
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  • image MorrisMamaof3:
    image Laurendag:
    image MorrisMamaof3:
    image msspeedymarie:

    image EMunion777:
    I think it is kinda tacky if you have a child that is not all that old that is the same sex. I'm getting a second baby shower even though my daughter is 2. ONLY because we are having a child of the opposite sex so everything we have already is pink and girly AND ONLY because my mother insisted on it. But it's only going to be close family and it'll probably be more like a bbq get together.

    This is not a reason to have a shower. You should have planned ahead and registered for neutral items. It's not the responsibility of everyone you know to replace all your stuff because you bought girly stuff the first time.

    I wouldn't count on getting big-ticket items this time around. People are most likely going to only get you clothes or diapers. If you have a pink PnP and carseat, your either going to have to replace them yourself, or your boy will live with it.

    RUDE much???? If someone wants to throw you a "SHOWER" for your 2nd, 3rd, 10th child..WHO CARES!! Its their life..not yours..and your opinion will not change anyone else's mind. So go on with your day and hopefully tomorrow you wake up on the right side of the bed.

    She wasn't being rude in the slightest. She was stating a fact. One that 99 percent of women on this board agree with. It is YOUR responsibility to provide for YOUR child. A shower is a gift and you should not rely on one to provide you with what you will need. A shower is also a way to welcome a woman into motherhood. If your already a mother you can't be welcomed into motherhood. So once again, she wasnt rude in the slightest. You on the other hand...

    && to the 1% of women that do not agree then this was for them! :))

    So, you call others on out "being rude" with the rudest response on here for the "1%"?   That is some serious logic!  You are awesome!

  • Nicb13Nicb13
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers Second Anniversary
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    image MorrisMamaof3:
    image msspeedymarie:

    image EMunion777:
    I think it is kinda tacky if you have a child that is not all that old that is the same sex. I'm getting a second baby shower even though my daughter is 2. ONLY because we are having a child of the opposite sex so everything we have already is pink and girly AND ONLY because my mother insisted on it. But it's only going to be close family and it'll probably be more like a bbq get together.

    This is not a reason to have a shower. You should have planned ahead and registered for neutral items. It's not the responsibility of everyone you know to replace all your stuff because you bought girly stuff the first time.

    I wouldn't count on getting big-ticket items this time around. People are most likely going to only get you clothes or diapers. If you have a pink PnP and carseat, your either going to have to replace them yourself, or your boy will live with it.

    RUDE much???? If someone wants to throw you a "SHOWER" for your 2nd, 3rd, 10th child..WHO CARES!! Its their life..not yours..and your opinion will not change anyone else's mind. So go on with your day and hopefully tomorrow you wake up on the right side of the bed.

    Dude, what are you 16? You obviously haven't been on this board before and if you have....well...you just want to stir shiit up. Go away please.

     

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  • image EMunion777:
    I think it is kinda tacky if you have a child that is not all that old that is the same sex. I'm getting a second baby shower even though my daughter is 2. ONLY because we are having a child of the opposite sex so everything we have already is pink and girly AND ONLY because my mother insisted on it. But it's only going to be close family and it'll probably be more like a bbq get together.

     

    Yeah, that's... exactly what we mean when we say they are inappropriate. This is not a special snowflake scenario. It's the exact same scenario of 50% of people who have a second child - it's the opposite sex of your first child.  

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  • No, it's not appropriate to have a shower if you already have kids. I don't see any problem with registering though. She could have done it to get the coupon. 
    Now, if she's telling people that she registered, that's another story. 
  • I think it is only tacky to have showered for subsequent children if you A. Asked for the shower if B. threw yourself a shower .

    If someone wants to honor you and your baby with a shower it is their business and it is not required that people attend , if they feel it is inappropriate kindly decline
    agentkitten75
  • I hadn't planned to have a 2nd shower this time around but a close friend of mine kept insisting on it and wanted to throw one for me. Also I didn't plan to register either because there were alot of things I already had and planning to just get ourselves. About 2 weeks before the shower she started asking me about the registry and she wanted a list of what I needed. So I went ahead and did a small one with just essentials like diapers, wipes, a few bottles. My registry wasn't on my invite. If they asked then I would or my host would refer them to it. I had a small group of family and friends at my house and it was nice and intimate. Hope that helps. I don't think people should just keep having showers however. ;)
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  • Traditionally, baby showers were given only for the family's first child, and only women were invited. The original intent was for women to share wisdom and lessons on the art of becoming a mother.[citation needed] Over time, it has become common to hold them for subsequent or adopted children. It is not uncommon for a parent to have more than one baby shower, such as one with friends and another with co-workers.

    Baby showers are an alternative to other European celebrations of nativity such as Baptisms. However, these can tend to be less materialistic as what is commonly known as a baby shower in the twenty-first century.

    According to etiquette authority Miss Manners, because the party centers on gift-giving, the baby shower is typically arranged and hosted by a close friend rather than a member of the family, since it is considered rude for families to beg for gifts on behalf of their members.[2] However, this custom varies by culture or region and in some it is expected and customary for a close female family member to host the baby shower, often the grandmother.[citation needed]

    There is no set rule for when or where showers are to be held. The number of guests and style of entertainment are determined by the host. Most hosts invite only women to baby showers, although there is no firm rule requiring this. If the shower is held after the baby's birth, then the baby is usually brought, too. Showers typically include food but not a full meal.

    Some hosts arrange baby-themed activities, such as games to taste baby foods or to guess the baby's birth date or sex.
  • MrsB2be13 said:

    Traditionally, baby showers were given only for the family's first child, and only women were invited. The original intent was for women to share wisdom and lessons on the art of becoming a mother.[citation needed] Over time, it has become common to hold them for subsequent or adopted children. It is not uncommon for a parent to have more than one baby shower, such as one with friends and another with co-workers.

    Baby showers are an alternative to other European celebrations of nativity such as Baptisms. However, these can tend to be less materialistic as what is commonly known as a baby shower in the twenty-first century.

    According to etiquette authority Miss Manners, because the party centers on gift-giving, the baby shower is typically arranged and hosted by a close friend rather than a member of the family, since it is considered rude for families to beg for gifts on behalf of their members.[2] However, this custom varies by culture or region and in some it is expected and customary for a close female family member to host the baby shower, often the grandmother.[citation needed]

    There is no set rule for when or where showers are to be held. The number of guests and style of entertainment are determined by the host. Most hosts invite only women to baby showers, although there is no firm rule requiring this. If the shower is held after the baby's birth, then the baby is usually brought, too. Showers typically include food but not a full meal.

    Some hosts arrange baby-themed activities, such as games to taste baby foods or to guess the baby's birth date or sex.


    So the point to that long a&$ citation is to say it varries from region to region.

    I have caught much flack on this site because 11years after my last child with someone completely different we are having a baby shower. Not because we're being gift grabby or feel that it's others responsibility to provide things for the baby ..10 weeks till she arrives and we have all that covered, but because friends and family felt it was a joyous and this little princess should be celebrated. We did register but because we want to keep track of what we purchased and to get those completion certificates. I'm not stupid enough to say that people are not coming with a gift because some might but its not something that we expect.

    This is the 21st centry gone are the days of people marrying having children and growing old together in many instances similar to mine you wind up divorced and remarried and starting a whole nother family.


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