Stay at Home Moms

DH work vent

DH gets 4 weeks of parental leave under his work policy. Moms get more and I know of at least 2 moms that have taken 4 months off. So DH asked for his leave today. He requested 5-6 weeks. For weeks 5 and 6 he'd use up his vacation time. His boss reacted kind of ... I don't know. She said something to the affect of "guess we'll have to hire someone." I guess she was shocked at his request and didn't really know how to respond. She followed up in an email that she'd have to look into this as it'd never been requested before. I find it so sad that no father has ever thought to request more time. I totally get that as far as paternity leave goes, his work's policy is actually pretty generous. It's four weeks paid. But it still makes me mad that fathers don't get more time off and that his request was out of the ordinary.
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Re: DH work vent

  • Wow....four weeks! That is awesome! My husband took one week off for each of our three kids. I have no idea if that is normal or not??? I wanted him to take more with our first but he said the dads at his work only take a week unless something is wrong with baby or mom and he would feel silly asking for more. Now I'm wondering if he was telling the truth!?!? ;

  • My husband took about a week and half off. It was all I needed with him
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  • I'm sure your DH was telling the truth. 4 weeks is generous for dads who are not covered under FMLA.  

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  • I now see that this is for #2. I think I will want more help/time
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  • image LoriLee14:
    My husband took about a week and half off. It was all I needed with him

    I had DH for to weeks after DD and it was ok, but this will be our second. And we have no family around to help. 

    My point is more the principle though. Dads should be encouraged to be home with their new babies. They are parents too.  

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  • image nowababy:
    I'm sure your DH was telling the truth. 4 weeks is generous for dads who are not covered under FMLA.nbsp;nbsp;


    Whew! I was worried for a second! Lol.
  • If he gets his request for more time off, more people will probably follow his foot steps and ask for more time off.  I worked Law Enforcement before I became a SAHM and my husband still works in Law Enforcement. Every one copies each others leave request letters....so everyone is taking the same amount of time off.  Most fathers asked for 4 weeks and most mothers asked for 5 months off.
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  • I would have been so annoyed if dh was there for 4 weeks. Hahahaha.
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  • image cjcouple:
    I would have been so annoyed if dh was there for 4 weeks. Hahahaha.

    This. DH drove me bonkers after 1 week both times.  

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  • Yeah, paternity leave is a joke in this country. My husband had to use vacation time, he got no paid time off. Not a day, not an hour. He used 2 weeks of vacation and a couple days unpaid. We saved the rest of his vacation time. It was not enough, he wanted more time with her and I needed the help.
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  • image shibby00:

    image cjcouple:
    I would have been so annoyed if dh was there for 4 weeks. Hahahaha.

    This. DH drove me bonkers after 1 week both times.  

    haha. I could see that. But DH works such long hours I love when he's home. And if we get sick of each other, I send him out with DD or I leave and get some alone time.

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  • I agree that if one person actually took it then more men would feel encouraged to do it. 

    I'm not sure how much DH could get off paid in full - he has taken 2 weeks both times and it was awesome. I would love it if he could take 4-6 weeks fully paid w/o any unofficial work reprecussions.  I can't imagine it being annoying, he was fantastic on his brief leave in the past. 


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  • DH is entitled to 12 weeks. 6 weeks is paid through paid family leave so thats what DH and most other dads take. 

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  • Mh took off 1 day, the day of my induction. He just started his job and we were worried to ask for time off after he only worked there for a month and a half. His company doesn't do paid paternity leave but is generous with vacation days.

    I was working at the time and only took 4 weeks off because it was a new job for me at a dance studio, so they didn't really have a policy.
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  • image ameyer8009:
    Mh took off 1 day, the day of my induction. He just started his job and we were worried to ask for time off after he only worked there for a month and a half. His company doesn't do paid paternity leave but is generous with vacation days. I was working at the time and only took 4 weeks off because it was a new job for me at a dance studio, so they didn't really have a policy.

    :(  That all sounds awful, I'm sorry.  


    imageimage
    E 9.08, V 8.11, J 4.14
  • image nowababy:

    image LoriLee14:
    My husband took about a week and half off. It was all I needed with him

    I had DH for to weeks after DD and it was ok, but this will be our second. And we have no family around to help. 

    My point is more the principle though. Dads should be encouraged to be home with their new babies. They are parents too.  

    My DH took 2 weeks the first time too. Only one week was paid. We don't have any family nearby to help either. With DH promotion he is on call 24/7/365 so we are hoping my mom can retire and move up here soon.

    It is really annoying that your DH's boss is not supportive. This country is messed up when it comes to paternity leave (actually  maternity too). 

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  • I could see the boss being taken aback by it if she wasn't expecting to have to hire a temp.  I doubt most people could just leave their job for a month with no replacement.  DH only took three work days off, but luckily my mom was in town for 3 weeks so that helped a lot.  

    At my old job we had a dad take 6 months paternity leave.  They definitely hired a temp replacement for him.   But I think here a lot of dads take their pat leave after the mom's mat leave is done to delay the baby's starting daycare.  

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  • DH only took a week off with each one. In the position he is in there is no way he could miss much more than that. I am fine with it.
    Mom to Emma 9/4/06 and Jackson 11/24/08 M/C Dec 11 and M/C twins feb 2012. BFP Thanksgiving! EDD Aug 4, 2013 M/C at 5 weeks.
  • NandaBNandaB
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    my hubby took 2 weeks with our first, but only had 3 days with our secone. Luckily my parents live super close so my mom was a big help. He had to use his vacation days
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  • I'm not sure what the official policy is for DH's paternity leave, but he is taking a week and a half. Although he still wanted to do 24 hours of call during that period for some reason and I didn't think to object until he'd already committed. I will also have other help though and DS will be in half day camp for the first 2 weeks.

    With DS he thought he could see patients while I was in the hospital...dumbass.
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  • image NandaB:
    my hubby took 2 weeks with our first, but only had 3 days with our secone. Luckily my parents live super close so my mom was a big help. He had to use his vacation days

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you in Ca? Has he started taking his PFL? You can even use it for weekends. 

  • image QueSyrah:
    DH is entitled to 12 weeks. 6 weeks is paid through paid family leave so thats what DH and most other dads take. 
    This.
  • DH got a few days off and then had to go on a business trip 6 days after DS was born. By the time he got back it was Thanksgiving time and I got him for 5 extra days. 4 weeks is pretty generous for paternity leave IMO. (Baring any complications with delivery, health issues, etc.)
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  • DH took the number of days that the kids were in the hospital after delivery..  Even when DS was in the PICU he still had to go in to work (not for long, but still, you'd think work would have at least been a bit more accommodating!  Granted, I delivered in the peak of busy season both times, but still, it was frustrating even if I know I'd have been annoyed after an hour of him trying to "help"..

    Even if they deny the whole time being paid, I'd say you're pretty lucky!!!

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  • DH took 1.5 weeks with the first, an a week with the second. He was taking a random days off also with DS since he was in the NICU for 3 weeks.
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  • DH took like 3 days with DD. He had a case come in the day before she was born and it was going fast and furious at the time. He was an associate at the time, so he went back to work on the Monday after she was born on a Wednesday. He was able to come home early and do some work from home if I really needed him, but I had family, so I wasn't that hard up. This time he is taking the whole week {I'm delivering on a Monday} and he can work from home for as long as I need him to, plus Christmas will be a few weeks after. His deal at work will hopefully be closing around that time, so I know he'll have to do calls, etc. 

    Oh and his is all paid. They really don't have any sort of policy, but as long as everybody is getting their work done, they're pretty good about time off for babies. His employee that had quads worked from home for like a month. It's easy to work from home in their industry though. 

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  • DH took two days while DD and I were in the hospital.  He doesn't get any paid time off.  He did take one week of vacation when I went back to work which was really nice.  He will likely do the same thing this time around.
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  • I am a teacher and can take what I want under FMLA but none of it will be paid unless I take sick time or buy a short term disability policy. Teachers in CA don't pay into state disability so without that, we would get nothing.
    DH could use his vacation time to make sure he got paid but he doesn't get paid paternity leave either. I think you are very lucky.
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  • That seems like a pretty generous policy, but if he wanted more time and they have more than 50 employees, he'll be entitled to FMLA leave too for up to 12 weeks unpaid. I took FMLA unpaid leave for both my kids for all 12 weeks and my DH took 3 weeks with DS1 (csection) and 1 week with DS2, both unpaid.  I think it's nice when employers offer paid leave, because most people don't have that option.  I enjoy having my DH home for the newbies, but he's a big help.  It seems to me like everyone is offered the same leave through the law.  I'm sure the paid leave they offer more for the women since a doctor isn't going to allow them to come back before 6 weeks.

     

     

     

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  • Honestly I think that is a generous policy.  I had a premature delivery- my DH took two days off when I was still in the hospital and the boys were in the NICU.  I was still having complications from my Pre- e and a drug reaction.

    He took no additional time off.  Our boys were in the NICU for 17 days, I came home after 5 days with restrictions- no driving (obviously),bed rest, visits to the NICU once a day for only an hour.  Yep it SUCKED.  When the boys came home- at 7 pm on Monday- my DH was back at work 5 am Tuesday.  I had no family and no other help- my BP was under control thank goodness.

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