December 2013 Moms

STMs: Have older kids there when bringing baby home?

Mobile title: STMs: Have older kids there when bringing baby home?

ETA: FTM opinions are welcome too!!

So maybe I'm putting too much thought into this, but wwyd? We plan on bringing DD to the hospital ASAP once LO is born to meet her baby brother/sister, but I figured it would be easiest to just have DD wait at home for us with the grandparents on the day we bring the baby home.

DH thinks she should come to the hospital w/him on discharge day and be with us when we bring the baby home...he feels it would make it easier for DD to be a part of that.

I definitely see DH's point, but DD is a very active and curious child and I can see her getting into mischief while the baby and I are getting discharged and making the whole process more stressful! Which scenario sounds better to you guys? What did you moms of 2 or more do? I want this to be as easy for DD as possible, but I also want to keep my sanity! Hah.
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Re: STMs: Have older kids there when bringing baby home?

  • Hmmm... I haven't thought about this at all. How old is your DD? If the grandparents come with her and keep an eye on her during discharge, it might be easier, but now that I'm thinking about it, I think it probably makes more sense to just have her wait at home. I don't think either way is wrong, really -- it's just a matter of convenience for all of you. With my DD, it would probably matter a lot what her mood was that day, how much she's been missing us, etc.
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  • DD was in the waiting room with everyone else when DS was born, so she met him right away. She also visited the the next day while we were still in the hospital. Aside from that, she was with her grandparents for those few days, including during our trip home.
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  • I'd probably have her stay at home with the grandparents, because it would be easier on you.  Discharge from the hospital seems a bit boring/mundane to me from a kid's point of view, and she'll have enough adjustments to make with a new sibling in the house to add any extra excitement to the day. 

    That said, I wouldn't side-eye someone who had their kids there at discharge either- it's whatever you think is easiest on you and your family. 

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  • We are planning on having her in the car on the way home that way she realizes that baby is staying. Or at least I hope that is how it will work haha!I feel like if we leave her home she might just feel like baby is visiting and want him/her to go back to the hospital at some point. DD is going to be 3.
  • I can totally see both sides. Bringing baby home is kinda a momentous occasion & I like the idea of DS being apart of that, but I can see reality & how it wouldn't be all puppies & rainbows with a toddler.

    I saw if DH really feels strongly about it, I'd let him be there for discharge day. At least for me, discharge was really not all that big of a process... you are in your room til they say you can go then they help you carry everything down. We weren't rushed out or anything. We actually stayed later because we were waiting for the lactation consultant to come back.  I even walked out... didn't use a wheelchair as I expected.

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  • mZitomZito
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    I can understand both sides. Our DD will be 11 when this LO is born and she's wanted a sibling for so long so she will be in the waiting room with other family members. She will be the first to meet her sister.
  • I'm almost positive our son will be there when we bring the baby home from the hospital because our entire family lives in NY.  We would have to hire a sitter to wait at home with our son and I doubt we will bother with that.  However our first will be 3.5 when the baby is born so he will be much easier to entertain in the hospital than say an 18 month old.
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  • MEP923MEP923
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    I am really happy you asked this question. I never even thought about it but we do need to make a plan. I want to transition my jealous 3 year old as much as possible. Also, my MIL will have him while we are in the hospital. She lives a mile away and if we tell her to drop my son off when we get home, she will stay all day. Plus, she will sit around and just be plain negative during a time that is supposed to be amazing. We already decided we want the first day we are home from the hospital to just me, DH and DS. Maybe I will ask her to drop DS off at the hospital and just drop a hint like, "Thanks so much. We really want him to be part of the process of bringing the baby home and just spend the day being a family." Hopefully she will get the hint and we can just have our time.

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  • We'll be coming home as a family, because nobody will be at home with us for that first day or so. Just us. 
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    There is another kid, she's 10... 
  • We had my son there to help us bring his little sister home last time...he was about 18 months old. But it was the sweetest...I cherish the pictures of him "helping" daddy carry the car seat out to the car. My mom was also there as an extra set of hands so it was no problem.
  • image KateMW:
    We'll be coming home as a family, because nobody will be at home with us for that first day or so. Just us.nbsp;


    Same for us. I just want it to be the four of us for at least a few days.

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  • I haven't put too much thought into this but I sort of pictured that DS would be at home waiting for us w/ the grandparents to greet us.  I assumed that I'd sit in the back with LO on the way home like I did with DS and there won't be enough room for two car seats and a postpartum mother in the back.  Hmmm ... something to think about tho.
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  • We'll have my parents being DS to meet the new baby and visit but then we'll have him stay with them for the 3-4 days I'll be recovering from the cs.  We will just have them meet us at home.  Ds is a crazy active 2 year old and I'll be totally stressed if he's getting into trouble while we are waiting in our hospital room trying to be discharged.  Last time it took like 2-3 hours.  No thank you!
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  • We had dd at home with my mom when we brought ds home. We'll do the same this time. I don't think it would really make a difference to them at this age either way. They'll be just as happy to have the baby brought home to them.
  • image mZito:
    I can understand both sides. Our DD will be 11 when this LO is born and she's wanted a sibling for so long so she will be in the waiting room with other family members. She will be the first to meet her sister.

    Our DS will be 5 1/2 and he is so excited to have a sibling.  He will be in school during my c-section but he will be one of the first ones to meet his new brother or sister.  He is also excited to spend winter break with the baby.  

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  • jmb527jmb527
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    I haven't thought of this either, but likely DD will be in school when we are discharged and we will pick her up on the way home? I'm not sure.

    I agree about having a toddler there at d/c could be tough. I also have a rambunctious girl who'd be lapping the halls, etc., but we'll see. It all depends on the timing and where we're at with the process of going home.
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  • it was definitely a long time ago, he is turning 17, but I remember when my parents brought my little brother home. my grandmother had us decorate signs and write welcome home baby etc. and when my parents got home they had a balloon for each of us..."big sister". I definitely was a bit older than your dd, but I can tell you one thing.... we did not miss being at the hospital! do what is best for you and your new child... I guarantee you your daughter will be happy either way.

  • If you're going to all be at the hospital as a family at time of discharge, then bring a friend/relative to help keep older children in line/happy in case it takes a long time. Alternate solution, have them stay at a friend/relative's house until after discharge, but pick them up and bring them home with you on the way.

    I can't remember what we did, but it was one of the two.

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  • Good thoughts here! I still am not sure what we'll do, but at least we have time to think about it. The best solution will probably be clearer as we get closer.
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  • DD was 2 when DS was born. She was born at 2am so he was at home sleeping. He came later that morning to visit. We came home the next day and my parents brought him over once we were home. Never had any issues with anything. Honestly haven't thought about what we are doing this time. Most likely the same type of thing.
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  • my 2 will be at home. it's a 5min drive and my mom will be with them at our house. It'll just be easier for us that way
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  • There's a lot going on at discharge so not a whole lot of fun for littles.
    On birth day, the kids come and see me and new baby in recovery for a bit, then join us when we go to our room. A 5 day hospital stay is long without mum, no matter what age. Grandparents come later with kids so they don't have to be in LD while all the prep is going on.
    This time, if all goes well, baby should be arriving just after Thanksgiving break. I'm actually thinking of letting them take the day off school so they can be there when their little sister arrives. They'd be basket cases for their teachers to deal with if they have to wait all day to see her!!

    You know your family, what your kids are like and how they'll cope. You're the momma, afterall. Aaand because you're the momma, you also get to call the shots.
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    Girl #1 (2/1/03); Girl #2 (8/4/08); MC (2/28/07); MC (10/16/07); Girl #3 (7/21/08); MC (12/8/10); MC (9/5/12); Baby EDD (12/5/13).
  • Older DS was 3 when DS2 was born. He waited in the waiting room with everyone else but I also had a scheduled c/s so I knew it wasn't going to be an all day thing. When they brought the baby through to the nursery everyone let DS run up to baby & DH by himself first (thankfully my mom took video so I could see it later). It was such a sweet moment!

    My mom was staying at our house with DS1. She brought him to the hospital to visit a few times but on discharge day they waited at home for us. Discharge was around 11am & I didn't see the point in them coming up there just to go back home. He was super excited when we got home with the baby & I don't feel like he missed out on anything in the car ride.

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