2nd Trimester

No sex

Venting txt:
So we're 18 weeks along. No sex, not since my husband found out we were expecting at 3 weeks. He says he's just not turned on and is creeped out that we'd be having sex when the baby is present.
The thing is..... We hardly ever had sex before. With our first child, we had sex up to the 7th month.

So I'm not asking for advice of why he's not interested I've asked before and husband says he's just not interested could be a number of reasons stress, just not interested bc of bis or my weight gain, etc. I really don't know and he's not wanting to talk.

Sex is wonderful and needed for a marriage. We dont have sex. I feel very rejected. He doesn't show me in other ways that he's even interested in me as a person either. So much for marrying my best friend. It's been quite lonely to say the least.

But I'm asking, how am I suppose to feel confident about our relationship with baby 2 on the way when I don't feel sexy, pretty, wanted, or respected by him? When we do talk, his concerns are not with me, but on his job/himself. I feel very alone with this pregnancy and I talk to him but nothing changes.

Sorry I needed to vent. I feel so alone and don't know who to talk to about this...... I'm so embarrassed.

Re: No sex

  • Did you tell him how you are feeling? If he is having no sex drive at all it could be a medical issue, maybe he should talk with his doctor?
  • Was baby number two something you both wanted? I think you should be able to discuss this with your husband... you say you married your best friend, this doesn't sound like it. It sounds like deeper issues more than just sex. Just wondering but does he see you as being sexy or is the relationship more based on personality? In our relationship we had more sex before I was pregnant but now that I'm pregnant I'm usually too tired at the end of the day from working on my feet for 8hrs. We do still have sex though and he lets me know how sexy I am and how much he loves me. I can't imagine what you're going through at such a sensitive time in your life. Who knows though, without knowing you and your relationship better maybe he's dealing with something??? Can't get over something?  I wish you the best though and many blessings. Stick to a vibrator as a last resort ;)
  • Talk to him. This is about more than just sex. Perhaps a couple marriage counseling sessions could help too.
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  • image PrimRoseMama:
    Talk to him. This is about more than just sex. Perhaps a couple marriage counseling sessions could help too.

    agreed. This sounds like it's deeper than just sex, & likely some issues that would be better worked out in counseling.  Being a therapist myself it sounds it could be really helpful for the two of you at this point.  So sorry you're going through that!  I would not let this lie though, talk to him, or get some help, but it doesn't sound like it's going to change on its own.  GL hun! ;) 

  • LuCloLuClo
    250 Answers 500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    member

    Part is all the communication stuff that pp have mentioned.

    But whether or not DH is interested in sex right now shouldn't define whether or not you get to feel sexy.  Make sure you're taking care of yourself so that you still feel good regardless of what he does/doesn't bring to the table.  Get your hair done.  Keep up with working out and eating healthy.  Try (as hard as it is) to find maternity clothes that still fit and flatter you.   

    I know that for me I struggled a little with feeling sexy as my body started changing.  But I had also stopped working out.  I went back to the gym and even though I'm still putting healthy weight on, I feel a lot more strong, confident, and in control. 

    TTC since August 2010
    DH diagnosed with Azoospermia in January 2012
    Vas reconstruction surgery in April 2012; unsuccessful

    IVF with ICSI February 2013; single blastocyst 5dt
    First beta March 1 is 147!!!

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  • Personally, I think a woman should feel sexy and pretty whether a man shows her affection or not. When we're single, we feel sexy and go out of our way to be that. Why should it be any different now that you are married and pregnant? Just doing my eyebrows or doing my hair makes me feel pretty. Wearing clothes that show of the curves I still have and my bump makes me feel sexy. Being pregnant is sexy. Empower yourself momma!

    Talk to your husband. Communication is so so important! Tell him what you need and want from him but don't forget to ask what he needs and wants from you.

    MMC 01/26/12

    MC 12/25/12

    BFP 03/5/13, EDD 11/12/13. HB 175 at 9w2d. It's a girl!

    <3 Madeline Lorraine <3

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  • Don't be embarrassed! Your never alone especially in a community like this and of this size! We are all here for you! Now do your self a favor and listen to the women who keep saying get your hair done or your nails or even just get your eyebrows waxed! If you don't feel sexy then do it yourself and make your self remember, your a hot momma! And talk to him! If he wont let you express yourself then make him know that you might want some professional guidance for your talks and see a counselor. My only suggestion is to make sure you dont make him feel like your singling him out as a bad guy because then he will get defensive and uncooperative. GOOD LUCK! You totally got this :) 
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  • image PrimRoseMama:
    Talk to him. This is about more than just sex. Perhaps a couple marriage counseling sessions could help too.

    I completely agree with this and what the PP said about his having no sex drive and see a doctor. Maybe he has a low testosterone count? Maybe he is having some self confidence issues because things aren't working properly.


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  • I would be honest and talk to him about it. Let him know your concerns. It may be a good idea for him to talk to his Dr about his lack of sex drive too. Maybe he has a hormone imbalance? 
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  • image Binks565:
    I would be honest and talk to him about it. Let him know your concerns. It may be a good idea for him to talk to his Dr about his lack of sex drive too. Maybe he has a hormone imbalance?nbsp;


    That's a good idea for him to talk to his doctor as well. Good luck!!
  • image Tigger & pooh:
    Did you tell him how you are feeling? If he is having no sex drive at all it could be a medical issue, maybe he should talk with his doctor?

     

    This. It could also just be something deeper..Is he typically a good communicator? Don't be embarrassed! You shouldn't be ashamed, maybe plan an evening where you two can just go out, get him relaxed and maybe he'll open up. Good luck!

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  • Does he know you feel rejected? I'm so sorry you are going through this! Are you two still getting other kinds of quality time? Dates?
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