January 2014 Moms

STM's -- fun poll

What was the one thing you were most unprepared for when it came to motherhood/having a baby?

What was your SO most unprepared for or shocked by?

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Baby Bee arrived 12/10/13 - marriage already arranged to Baby Chugging.  Sorry boys...

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Re: STM's -- fun poll

  • Ummm everything?  Haha. In all seriousness I thought I was prepared (and I was in that I had all the gear and stuff) but the emotional upheaval that occurred was completely shocking to both of us.  Also the sleep deprivation.  I remember thinking my pregnancy insomnia was preparing me and that having a newborn would be easier.  Uh no.  Not really.  
    DS1 born 3/27/12 DS2 due 1/8/14
  • I agree. I think it was the emotional stress etc, as well as the sleep deprivation. Which in turn just made the stress worse.
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  • i was completely unprepared for a c-section. Never thought it was an option for me and I wish I had known a bit more about it before going in. 

     The biggest one for me though was assuming that I would breastfeed but my son never took to it. It was so hard to accept and I wish I had known a little bit about formula/bottles etc before he was born.  


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  • I wasn't prepared at all for my difficult recovery/birth complications. I was low risk, young and healthy, but I had an unexplained very serious PP hemorrhage in delivery that just wrecked me for months afterward. I guess I just assumed the birth would go well and everything would be smooth physically. 

    I also had a harder time with baby blues and body image issues than I expected.

    As far as caring for a newborn, I was slammed by our first sickness/cold where they're so little you can't really do a whole lot for them but they can't rest well and you just feel exhausted and helpless. That was awful!

    DD 2yrs, DS 1yr, and on our way to 3u4!
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  • I was not prepared for baby blues then PPD. Nor was I prepared for breastfeeding issues, MSPI, reflux and colic. The cherry on top was sleep deprivation. It was like the Perfect Storm.

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  • Everything has been a bit of a shocker. But it really is cool when I really think about the fact that I have a little human inside of me. DH was freaking out for a while after we found out, but now everything is a lot more mellow; I think we might actually be getting really excited about the whole thing.

    One thing that has bummed me out is the fact that I still have no appetite, and I have so much looking forward to getting huge and eating to my heart's content. I feel like I haven't gained a single pound.

    But overall, I can't wait to meet this person and whether or not I'm prepared, this baby is coming, and I'm going to be a mother! Yay! Smile

     Edit! Well obviously I haven't had my baby yet..totally misread the OP! Sorry. lol

    Daisypath - (vjmM)

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  • EVERYTHING !!! I delivered at 36 weeks... I thought I had AT LEAST 4 more weeks.

    I think it was the same for DH. Nothing was set up, he hadn't put the crib together, we hadn't purchased a car seat (he was out Christmas Eve at TRU buying it and sending me pictures to make sure it was okay & what I wanted) 

     Thanks for the reminder, it brought tears to my eyes remember how fearful we were. We've done just fine as parents. 

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  • I think for both of us it's probably two things: sleep deprivation and how difficult it is to leave the house.

    I could tear up just thinking about how tired I was when we brought our first baby home.  It will never be that hard again because now I am fluent in baby (ha!) but it was very, very hard.  It was actually easier when we brought our second home (even though DS was only 15 mos old) because I just knew so much more about what I was doing.

    It's gotten much better not that my kids are 3 and 4 y.o. but it was really shocking (and almost laughable) just how long it took us to leave the house for simple errands.  It was an act of God to go somewhere for the weekend.  I won't even get into our lack of date nights.  It's just too sad. 


  • Mu 8 weeks painful recovery...but that usually doesn't happen to most people. So besides that I would say the emotions. I cried because I was in pain, because I was happy, because my baby was adorable, because i didn't like the food...all.the.time. For the first 3 days at least lol
  • image LimeDrops:
    I wasn't prepared at all for my difficult recovery/birth complications. I was low risk, young and healthy, but I had an unexplained very serious PP hemorrhage in delivery that just wrecked me for months afterward. I guess I just assumed the birth would go well and everything would be smooth physically.nbsp;I also had a harder time with baby blues and body image issues than I expected. As far as caring for a newborn, I was slammed by our first sickness/cold where they're so little you can't really do a whole lot for them but they can't rest well and you just feel exhausted and helpless. That was awful!


    I'm sorry you went through this....i went through an emotional and long painful recovery too. Can I ask...how are you dealing with doing it all again? I'm scared to death!! Good luck!
  • I was least prepared for the recovery after giving birth. I had a simple and quick vaginal birth but no one mentioned that bleeding that happens afterwards. The first time I stood up and went to the washroom after birth there was a huge clot type/tissue thing in the toilet... I thought one of my organs fell out or something but the nurse said it was totally normal.

    Bringing baby home I was most unprepared for how much my nipples hurt from breastfeeding - ouch. I had to pump just to give them a break sometimes.

    SO was least prepared for how much there is to learn about babies. Before birth it was me who did all the research and he wasn't totally into it so when DD was born I think he felt a bit overwhelmed and as if he didn't know anything as I was always telling him reasons why you don't do certain things, etc.

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  • Like pp I wasn't prepared for being an emotional wreck and crying every time the baby cried. Also wasn't prepared for not connecting to the baby right away and feeling like a horrible mother because of it.
    For DS2 I wasn't prepared of still having to take care of a toddler, although a really easygoing one, while going through the newborn stuff. I was prepared for sleep deprivation and around the clock nursing second time around though.
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  • image 1017Shannon:
    image LimeDrops:
    I wasn't prepared at all for my difficult recovery/birth complications. I was low risk, young and healthy, but I had an unexplained very serious PP hemorrhage in delivery that just wrecked me for months afterward. I guess I just assumed the birth would go well and everything would be smooth physically.nbsp;I also had a harder time with baby blues and body image issues than I expected. As far as caring for a newborn, I was slammed by our first sickness/cold where they're so little you can't really do a whole lot for them but they can't rest well and you just feel exhausted and helpless. That was awful!
    I'm sorry you went through this....i went through an emotional and long painful recovery too. Can I ask...how are you dealing with doing it all again? I'm scared to death!! Good luck!

    That was my first, so when it came time to have my second I was a wreck. My MW told me that's a very common feeling after what they called a traumatic birth, but the only thing I could really do to make myself feel better was to make sure all my providers and nurses knew exactly what happened the first time, and because I did that they were very understanding and were very attentive and took a lot of precautions, which I really appreciated.  I also lined up a lot of help for after I got home, which I didn't end up needing because my second recovery was much much easier, but it helped to know I had a plan, going into it.

    DD 2yrs, DS 1yr, and on our way to 3u4!
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  • I wasn't prepared for any of it, honestly. :) I think the most surprising part was the hormone shifts. I knew things would be wonky, but I had the baby blues in the worst way. I'm more prepared for that this time, but that definitely caught me off guard. I think I was caught off guard by how hard breastfeeding was - and how, without support, I felt like I couldn't do it [and I didn't - I quit after two weeks]. I really want to give it a better go this time.

    SO wasn't prepared for how many diapers DS went through. He couldn't believe how often we had to change him. :P 

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  • I was so wildly unprepared about a c-section. I labored perfectly, epi took smoothly, I progressed like I was writing the damn textbook on delivery. But DD turned mid-labor. And no matter how long or hard I pushed, she was not aligned with my birth canal any longer and was hitting my pelvic bone. I pushed for 3 hours before we moved to a c-section. I was exhausted, hot (July birth in a heat wave with a broken hospital AC), and scared shiiitless. The only thing I knew about a c-section was my sister's planned, breeched baby delivery. That was clearly not my case and I was petrified. So when I have a pregnant friend, I try not to offer unsolicited advice, but I do suggest they research c-sections too while they look up birth options. No one should have to experience the fear I did.

    I was surprised by how much and how long my hair fell out for post partum.

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    Lilypie - (DJNS)

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  • image BirdieToldMe:
    It's gotten much better not that my kids are 3 and 4 y.o. but it was really shocking (and almost laughable) just how long it took us to leave the house for simple errands.  It was an act of God to go somewhere for the weekend.  I won't even get into our lack of date nights.  It's just too sad. 
    This! I think we were at least 30 minutes late to EVERYTHING! And if you just happened to have the bag packed, then guaranteed the LO would poop or spit up enough to need to be changed.
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  • I was most unprepared for the emotional whiplash that happens after childbirth, silent reflux that our poor DD dealt with and issues with breastfeeding.

    MH was definitely unprepared for the sleep deprivation and my emotional whiplash. ;)

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  • image BirdieToldMe:

    I could tear up just thinking about how tired I was when we brought our first baby home.  It will never be that hard again because now I am fluent in baby (ha!) but it was very, very hard.  It was actually easier when we brought our second home (even though DS was only 15 mos old) because I just knew so much more about what I was doing.

     

    This gives me hope.  I'm terrified over how I'm going to handle the sleep deprivation while also caring for a 21m old.  

    DS1 born 3/27/12 DS2 due 1/8/14
  • image katie-lynn3313:

    i was completely unprepared for a c-section. Never thought it was an option for me and I wish I had known a bit more about it before going in. 

     The biggest one for me though was assuming that I would breastfeed but my son never took to it. It was so hard to accept and I wish I had known a little bit about formula/bottles etc before he was born.  

     

    This. I had it in my mind I was having a regular delivery, and the entire 9 months I envisioned having the baby put on my chest right away and having that moment. I ended up with 24+ hrs of labor and an emergency c-section. My son came out purple and they did not let me see him right away, they brought him to the other side of the room. He was ok, a very healthy baby boy. I didn't get to see him for almost 30 minutes and didn't get to hold him for almost 2 hours after the birth. It messed with me for a while because I hadn't prepared myself for it mentally and even had some depression over it.  

     Other than that I didn't expect to go through so many diapers at first! 12-15 a day! It was crazy. Totally blew my mind, lol. 

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  • The lack of sleep...for both of us! I remember thinking it would be bad, but being in the middle of sleepless nights with no known end in sight was pretty bad!

     

    And then there is of course no knowing until the baby gets here the depth of love that you didn't know you could experience and the willingness to sacrifice for such a little person! :) 

  • I think I was least prepared for how difficult breast feeding was! To be fair, my daughter had a tongue tie that didn't really get picked up until she was about 3 weeks old. From the time she was about 3 days old until her weight check at 1 month old we were in and out of the lactation consultant's office twice a week, usually with me in years the entire time, because I just could not get my baby to gain weight.

    Until they found and corrected her tongue tie it was a tedious cycle of nursing for 45 minutes, feeding her a bottle to supplement, and pumping so I could supplement at her next feed. I was hellbent on breast feeding. But it also left me about 1 hour in between the end of one feeding and the start of the next. I was exhausted.

    Hard to say if I would do it all again, because I know differently now. I know what successful breast feeding feels like and like to think I'd be better at troubleshooting, but once those hormones and sleepdeprivation factor in, all bets are off!

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  • Oh!  Here's another - no one told me how SCARY that drive home from the hospital would be!  My DH, who is normally a very aggressive driver, almost put his flashers on to drive on the highway home.  And forget going the speed limit.
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  • Ugh. Appalled by my mobile formatting and typos. I was "in tears", not "years" mobile wink.

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    Mo/di baby girls lost at 20w3d due to complications from IUGR 9/2013
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  • image katielynn3313:
    i was completely unprepared for a csection. Never thought it was an option for me and I wish I had known a bit more about it before going in.nbsp;nbsp;The biggest one for me though was assuming that I would breastfeed but my son never took to it. It was so hard to accept and I wish I had known a little bit about formula/bottles etc before he was born.nbsp;nbsp;


    This was me exactly. A csection and not being able to breast feed. I wish I had considered both as possibilities.
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  • For me the biggest struggle was how hard breastfeeding was to figure out. It seemed to take forever and just when I thought we were all good something would happen. I got mastitis when ds was 6 days old and again when he was a month. It sucked! Plus the pain and cracked nipples....I can't wait to do it again.

     All of that lead to a lot of emotional stuff I wasn't entirely prepared for but we got through. I also wasn't prepared to feel sad over ds being a boy. We were team green and all along I felt we were having a boy but for some reason I was disappointed. I feel bad looking back and hate that I felt that way but I know it wasn't 'me.' I wouldn't trade ds for a girl and I love him to bits!

    For dh I dont think he was entirely prepared for labour and delivery. I was so pumped and focused when it came time to push (just over 40 minutes of pushing and aiming for less this time!). I kept asking him in between contractions how he was because he was so white and scared looking.  


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  • For me, lack of sleep.  I knew that we'd be up a lot with a newborn, but it's so exhausting.

    For DH--how far baby poop can travel.  HAHAHA

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  • image MarBee1214:

    What was the one thing you were most unprepared for when it came to motherhood/having a baby?

    What was your SO most unprepared for or shocked by?

    Obviously, I knew I would lose sleep because babies don't typically sleep through the night. But, I had no idea that my first baby wouldn't sleep through the night till she was 10 months old, and that it is perfectly normal. 

    I think SO was unprepared for so many things because he hadn't been around babies that much. You name it, he was surprised by it. But, now he's a pro. 

     

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  • The one thing is was not prepared for....my water breaking 5 weeks early, while I was at work.  I didn't have my bag packed, or the baby bag packed and my Dr. Sent me directly to the hospital.  My son ended up staying in the NICU for just over two weeks, and I wasn't prepared for how stressful that would be.  And of course, the lack of sleep.  I can remember dreading when it got dark every night because I would be all by myself, and up all night.  I was home for 8 weeks, before going back to work, and felt like I should do it all every night!  That's one thing I won't be doing this time around.  My husband and I have already discussed this, and we will be rearranging the night schedule a bit!  Hopefully, it will work better for us than last time!!  
  • I think I was unprepared for how much work it takes to do simple things.  Before having kids you can grab your purse and run out the door for a few errands or to meet a friend, etc.  After having kids everything takes planning and prepping.  You have to make sure you have diapers, changes of clothes, snacks, the list goes on.  You have to start getting ready to leave waayyy before you actually have to. I really wasn't prepared for how all of life's spontaneity goes away!
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    • how exhausted about an hour after delivering. I passed out dead to the wind and didnt wake up for about 6 hours. 
    • How frequently newborns nurse the first few weeks. I had to keep reminding myself that I had read about it, it was normal, and yes, I had enough milk
    • How overwhelmed I was with emotion. I couldnt stop the tears of joy.. it was actually kind of embarrasing lol.

     


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