Secondary IF

Today is a good day (surprisingly)

I spent most of yesterday grieving, kind of figuring out how to close the door on ttc.  I think we are done with RE treatments.  But after a rough day, I am feeling pretty good about it all today.  I am so thankful for DS and DH!  I have a wonderful family and there are so many good things to be happy about.  I think I am starting to be at peace with a family of three.  I know there will still be hard days, but I'm letting go.  And honestly, I feel an immense sense of relief.  I will probably still be on the board for a little while as I transition out of the ttc mindframe.  I hope that's okay, and I will be rooting for all of you!

And, on a side note, my dad called last night and said they got all five numbers on the Fantasy Five lottery.  They won $215,000 and change!  Holy crap!

Me: 42. DH: 46.

1st Pregnancy: MC, 11/19/00.

2nd Pregnancy: DS born 04/10/06.

3rd Pregnancy: CP, 03/11.

4th Pregnancy: MMC, D&C 11/30/11, Genetic testing revealed Trisomy 4.

5th Pregnancy: Ectopic, 2 doses of Methotrexate unsuccessful, surgery 4/10/12, right tube removed.

Tried Letrozole January 2013-July 2013 (including 2 IUIs), all BFN.  After 2 1/2 years of trying for child #2, decided to "give up" after July cycle, based on AMA.

August 16, 2013:  BFP our first month of "not trying!"  Still in shock.  Beta #1 (14dpo): 183.  Beta #2 (17dpo):  611.  Ultrasound 8/30/13: baby measured 6 weeks, 1 day, heart rate of 118 bpm! 
Ultrasound 9/13/13:  8 weeks, heart rate of 176!
Baby is due 4/26/14

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Re: Today is a good day (surprisingly)

  • That is a great feeling. We are just starting our RE journey but lately I have been feeling like if it doesn't work out we will be okay as a family of 3 and have come to peace with it. Good luck to you and congrats to your Dad.
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  • It is such a hurdle to get to a place of peace, and I wish you the best! And holy cow on the lottery! That's amazing!

    Both DDs conceived 2nd cycle, 10/08 and 08/10
    TTC #3 since 10/2011 - dx chronic annovulation/weak ovulation
     3 BFN clomid + TI cycles, 5 BFN clomid/gonal f IUIs, 1 mmc IUI
    2/19/2014 IVF #1 Unexpected low E2 -> increased doses = 4 follicles, converting to IUI
    BFFP at 10dpiui! Beta 12dpiui = 130, 14dpiui = 342, 21dpiui = 4695, Saw 1 beautiful heartbeat at 6w6d!

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  • Best of luck to you.  I think I may be in that place sooner than later, depending on what we find out on Saturday.  I have many reservations about using a donor, which seems to be our best option.  DH and I need to sit down and really have a heart to heart about what else we'll do.  I want to be there for DD and not be so obsessed with TTC anymore.  It's exhausting.

     

    DD conceived naturally in 2009.  TTC #2 since August 2010.  Praying for guidance as we decide what's next.

    When the world says, "Give up,"

    Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

     ~Author Unknown

  • I just get here, so I do hope you stay awhile! Good luck to you.  I will be thinking of you.  Congrats to your dad, that is super awesome!  


    Me/DH: 37

    Married: 08/27/11 TTC: since 06/11

    I have a DS from a previous relationship born 06/96. 

    Me DX: DOR/Endometriosis. Surgery to remove endo 10/12/12. Blocked tubes/Lt tube hydro

    03/25/13: BFP (Natural) 04/16/13: Ectopic pregnancy removed surgically. Referred to RE.  

    10/08/13 – Retrieval: 11R 10F / 1 normal embie:: 11/05/13 - surgery to remove tubes:

    01/31/14 - FET 1 - Cancelled (due to lining) 

    04/04/14 - FET 1.2 - Transfer complete of 1 hatching embryo!! 

    BFP! EDD: 12/20/14


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  • It's hard when your journey doesn't end the way you thought it would, but good for you for knowing when enough is enough.  And I'm glad, for now, that you feel at peace with the decision.  I, for one, would be happy if you stuck around.

    Also, that's ridiculous about your dad.  And amazing. 

    TTC #2 since 1/2012

  • Wow!! Winning the lotto! How awesome!!

     I find your mindset to be very inspirational and if things don't pan out for us in the near future, I hope to find peace with ending our ttc journey as well. I know it's not the same thing, but when we were on our break and I wasn't worrying about temping, opks, ti, etc., I really enjoyed my life!! I think it's great that you gave yourself that time to grief, which ultimately helped you begin the healing process. 

    Please stay around for a while! I find your posts to be so helpful and encouraging and I hope I can offer the same to you during this transition time. I can tell that you are such a sweet and kind person. It bothered me so much to read about your awful RE's and how unaccommodating they were to you. You don't deserve that at all, and I hope that whatever happened in your future that it makes you happy. Hugs!

    DH & I: 29
    TTC #1 4/2009 -  DD 2/5/10
    TTC #2 since October 2011
    2IF issues
    7/2013 - IUI #1: 50 units Follistim +  Ovidrel  = BFN
    8/2013 - IUI #2: 50 units Follistim +  Ovidrel  = BFP! Beta #1 (12 dpiui) 8/21: 45  Beta #2 (16 dpiui) 8/26: 301 Beta #3 (21 dpiui) 8/30: 1,929. 1st Ultrasound 9/4 - One perfect sac. 2nd Ultrasound 9/13 - Heartbeat at 124 bpm! Anniversary  

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  • Thanks, ladies.  So nice, and appreciated!

    MJC, we were on a forced break in June due to no follicle on my left side (the only side where I have a tube).  It turned out to be so relaxing and nice to let go of the ttc stress for a short while!  I think just recently having that month off is helping immensely with this decision.  So it kind of is the same thing, in a way!

    I hope each of you ladies gets that elusive bfp, and soon!

    Me: 42. DH: 46.

    1st Pregnancy: MC, 11/19/00.

    2nd Pregnancy: DS born 04/10/06.

    3rd Pregnancy: CP, 03/11.

    4th Pregnancy: MMC, D&C 11/30/11, Genetic testing revealed Trisomy 4.

    5th Pregnancy: Ectopic, 2 doses of Methotrexate unsuccessful, surgery 4/10/12, right tube removed.

    Tried Letrozole January 2013-July 2013 (including 2 IUIs), all BFN.  After 2 1/2 years of trying for child #2, decided to "give up" after July cycle, based on AMA.

    August 16, 2013:  BFP our first month of "not trying!"  Still in shock.  Beta #1 (14dpo): 183.  Beta #2 (17dpo):  611.  Ultrasound 8/30/13: baby measured 6 weeks, 1 day, heart rate of 118 bpm! 
    Ultrasound 9/13/13:  8 weeks, heart rate of 176!
    Baby is due 4/26/14

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  • Finding peace with letting go of ttc, is hard and Im glad that you are able to find it.  I too have been on a break recently and also found it to be relaxing to not think about ttc.  We are nearing the end of our ttc journey, with or without a baby, and I'm working on having that peace in our decision.  I'm getting closer.  I feel sad at not having another baby, but no longer have that stabbing pain when I think about it.

    Wishing you all the best.  Stick around as long as you like.  Your Dad should spring for a large family vacation with the money. ;) 

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    DD conceived after 3 years of ttc.
    MFI - DH had varicocele repair and took Clomid to get DD b. 02/2010

    TTC #2 since 6/2010
    10/2012 DH diagnosed with Epilepsy
    A few failed IUIs summer 2012 and 2013. 
    DH taking clomid and waiting to see if he needs another vericocele repair. 
    Hoping for a 2015 baby or babies. 
    Wishing, hoping, waiting.


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  • image AprilDrew04:

    Finding peace with letting go of ttc, is hard and Im glad that you are able to find it.  I too have been on a break recently and also found it to be relaxing to not think about ttc.  We are nearing the end of our ttc journey, with or without a baby, and I'm working on having that peace in our decision.  I'm getting closer.  I feel sad at not having another baby, but no longer have that stabbing pain when I think about it.

    Wishing you all the best.  Stick around as long as you like.  Your Dad should spring for a large family vacation with the money. ;) 

    Thanks, April.  Wishing you a bfp outcome at the end of your 2ww.

    My dad is already planning a family trip to Alaska!  He and mom went up there for a couple of weeks three years ago, and they have been talking about my sister and I, and our families, going up there with them.  We can't afford it right now, and neither can my sister.  So that was the first thing dad said when they won.  I feel weird letting him spend some of that money on all of us, but I know he wants to, and honestly, it will be awesome.  And it gives me something big to focus on and look forward to.

    Me: 42. DH: 46.

    1st Pregnancy: MC, 11/19/00.

    2nd Pregnancy: DS born 04/10/06.

    3rd Pregnancy: CP, 03/11.

    4th Pregnancy: MMC, D&C 11/30/11, Genetic testing revealed Trisomy 4.

    5th Pregnancy: Ectopic, 2 doses of Methotrexate unsuccessful, surgery 4/10/12, right tube removed.

    Tried Letrozole January 2013-July 2013 (including 2 IUIs), all BFN.  After 2 1/2 years of trying for child #2, decided to "give up" after July cycle, based on AMA.

    August 16, 2013:  BFP our first month of "not trying!"  Still in shock.  Beta #1 (14dpo): 183.  Beta #2 (17dpo):  611.  Ultrasound 8/30/13: baby measured 6 weeks, 1 day, heart rate of 118 bpm! 
    Ultrasound 9/13/13:  8 weeks, heart rate of 176!
    Baby is due 4/26/14

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  • That's awesome.  I think it would be really neat to see Alaska.  It's on my bucket list.  Just remember, he's doing this as much for you as he is for himself.  He wants to share the experience.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic 

    DD conceived after 3 years of ttc.
    MFI - DH had varicocele repair and took Clomid to get DD b. 02/2010

    TTC #2 since 6/2010
    10/2012 DH diagnosed with Epilepsy
    A few failed IUIs summer 2012 and 2013. 
    DH taking clomid and waiting to see if he needs another vericocele repair. 
    Hoping for a 2015 baby or babies. 
    Wishing, hoping, waiting.


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