February 2013 Moms

We're Sleep Training

This is something I NEVER thought I would type but its happening, has been for the last 2 days. My hand was sort of forced because J started screaming when we put him down for bed or naps so it was either sleep train or start bedsharing. I seriously considered bedsharing. It just didn't seem like a good idea to "go backwards" at this stage. Also, the pacifier was becoming an issue. He would wake for it and when we went in to replace it he would smile and coo and then FREAK OUT when we left thereby losing his pacifier again.

I wanted to post about it because I WAS very anti CIO. Like, I thought it was evil. I guess I'm sort of offering support to other moms who were against it bit are finding themselves changing their minds.

BTW It's very, very, very hard for me but its going so well. I cried every time he cried for the last two days. Honestly? I sobbed and felt tremendous guilt. I wouldnt even post about it on here because i felt so bad. But, after talking to some other moms I'm doing a lot better. Sometimes you just need someone else to tell you that it's OK and your not damaging your baby.
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Our Sweet Boy "LJ"

Re: We're Sleep Training

  • image kbates85:
    Sometimes you just need someone else to tell you that it's OK and your not damaging your baby.

    I had a psychologist tell me it was ok, and I still cried when we started. It gets better though. 

    I'm glad it's going well for you! 

    Lilypie - (KNqh)
  • image kbates85:

    It just didn't seem like a good idea to "go backwards" at this stage.

    I don't think choosing to bedshare should be considered "going backwards". It's making the choice that works best for your family. I choose to bedshare with DD because I didn't have the heart to listen to her CIO nor did I want to spend all night awake AND listening to her cry on top of it.

    We plan to start sleep training her after 6 months once she moves into her own room but I don't think choosing to bedshare was the wrong decision for our family.  

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  • I don't want to knock you for doing CIO, we all do what we have to do, but I think it is wrong to consider bedsharing 'going backwards'

    From a majority of my friends who have done everything from sleep training to CIO, many kids cycle between good and bad sleep during the first 18 months -- and then there are those that are just always great sleepers or always terrible sleepers.

    We cycle between bedsharing/own crib because it works for us -- when LO sleeps well, he does most of it in his crib, when he wakes up a lot to eat, he spends the night in our bed. Maybe we got lucky with our eldest son, but he transitioned without a problem to his crib and then bed when he was ready and we have never had a fight about it since. We did the same thing with him. 

    The message here is -- do what works for you and your little one! And there will be steps forward and back no matter what method you use -- unless you get lucky! 

     

    LO born Feb 2010 m/mc 03.25.12 @ 11 weeks measured 8 Pgal/Pal always welcome
  • For us moving forward means LO sleeping in her own room all night and going down for naps and bedtime on her own.  For us bed sharing would be a step back.  I'm guessing the poster has a similar goal in mind.
  • image carriesu2003:
    For us moving forward means LO sleeping in her own room all night and going down for naps and bedtime on her own.  For us bed sharing would be a step back.  I'm guessing the poster has a similar goal in mind.

    This. Personally, at this point, I would consider DD going from sleeping in her own crib to bedsharing, taking a step backwards.

    OP, I'm glad the sleep training is going well!

    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 :)
    BFP #2 on 1/3/14, EDD 9/13/14- Team Blue! 

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  • So sorry! I, in no way, meant to offend bedsharers! I don't really think its going backwards that's why I used quotation marks. I actually think it's very natural and beautiful. I've seriously considered bedshareing but my husband isn't into it and I have a very hard time actually sleeping when J is in bed with us. So, for us, it's going against our goals like a PP mentioned.
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  • Yeah I think OP ^ just meant it would be going backwards for her personal situation.

    Here's something I never thought I'd do - we bed share for naps. He sleeps in his crib at night but for naps on weekends we curl up together in bed. Never thought I'd do that but ma ma needs naps too ;)

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  • image singingsea:
    Yeah I think OP just meant it would be going backwards for her personal situation.Here's something I never thought I'd do we bed share for naps. He sleeps in his crib at night but for naps on weekends we curl up together in bed. Never thought I'd do that but ma ma needs naps too ;


    We do this sometimes too. DD stays in her crib at night, sometimes I will bring her into bed after a morning feeding or for an afternoon nap, particularly if she didn't nap well earlier in the day. It hasn't made it more difficult to get her to sleep in her crib, and the baby snuggles are nice!
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  • image singingsea:

    Yeah I think OP ^ just meant it would be going backwards for her personal situation.

    Here's something I never thought I'd do - we bed share for naps. He sleeps in his crib at night but for naps on weekends we curl up together in bed. Never thought I'd do that but ma ma needs naps too ;)

    We do the same thing. I love taking naps with him during the day. And every morning when he wakes up I bring him into our bed. Him and Daddy have some cuddle time that way before he has to go to work.

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  • image schwabmomma:
    Him and Daddy have some cuddle time that way before he has to go to work.

    My husband says that's his favorite part of the day Big Smile

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  • I think everyone's goals are different and this post shows it.  My goal isn't necessarily to get LO in their crib, I just want her to STTN.  I don't really care where she does it - the crib, my bed, the floor (I kid, kind of....).  So, bedsharing wouldn't be a step backwards to me if it meant getting to STTN.

    And I just want to reiterate what a PP said.  Babies go through stages.  Just because you sleep train right now and baby is in their crib STTN, it doesn't mean that two months from now they won't be doing the same thing again when they cut a tooth, have a growth spurt, go through separation anxiety etc.  You need to be flexible and remember that you might have to take a step backwards during those times to get through them.  It's why I don't even bother with sleep training until well after the10 month separation anxiety/wakeful period that all my kids have gone through.  They always end up back in my bed at that point anyways.

          DS1 - 8/07           DD2 - 2/13           DD1 - 3/11          DS2 - 1/09 

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  • Go mama go! I agree with PP that sometimes we have to make decisions to do things that are in the greater interest of our children. If the short term misery is CIO for the sake of your baby getting better sleep, I am all for it. It does get much better as you go, but don't stress if you have a few setbacks. We have successfully Ferbered now, but there are nights or naps here or there where we still have to go in for checks. So take the good with the bad. 

    And do I ever feel like a heartless nazi... Because I never cried when we did CIO... And I chuckle when he babble cries because it is super cute!  

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  • I think it's an impressive show of the consideration of the ladies on this board that this didn't turn into a snark-fest. I was having a REALLY bad day yesterday and probably got a little oversensitive at the "backwards" comment. I agree with most of the points on this board. 

    Everyone's situation is different. I'm more aligned with adamwife on this because it seems like our sleeping situation is similar. I don't care where DD sleeps as long as she's sleeping! I figure she won't stay in our bed forever. But I also understand that sleeping in bed with a baby doesn't work for them- for whatever reason!

    OP- good for you for toughing it out. :) 

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  • We CIO with our first but with this baby he just started sleeping through the night which was awesome since it was hard for me to let my dd CIO.
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