Parenting after a Loss

NBR: DS getting bullied at daycare

Mobile: DS getting bullied at daycareI'm at a total loss and so extremely sad. DS, who is 4, has been throwing major tantrums about going to daycare for about a week now.nbsp; By this I mean kicking, punching, all out screaming sessions.nbsp; He finally told DH today that there are a group of kids making fun of him, about what he wears, what he says, even telling him he stinks, and refusing to play with him.nbsp; DH noticed this morning when he dropped him off that he tried to sit around a table, and the kids refused.nbsp; P is the sweetest little boy on the planet, and very non confrontational.nbsp; My heart is breaking for my son, and DH is pissed.nbsp; I am not sure what to do. I don't want to have the teacher defend him, because he will be picked on even worse, but I can't let this go on. nbsp; Anyone have any experience or advice on this?nbsp; My apologies for the novel.

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Re: NBR: DS getting bullied at daycare

  • I don't have any advice, but I'm so sorry to hear about this :( kids can be so cruel.  I might try to talk to the teachers about it.  They should at least be telling the parents of the kids that are behaving like this. 

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  • I am so sorry you have to deal with this. I would talk to the teachers. They should be very proactive about stopping that behavior and yes those parents should be notified. Is switching day cares an option? Or different class?

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  • Absolutely talk to the teachers, and then send a follow up email to the director. That behavior is beyond unacceptable. My heart breaks for your DS, and I am so sorry that you guys are dealing with this.
     
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  • I don't have any experience, but agree with PP's in telling the teacher. She should not "defend" him, but rather watch the other boys for this behavior and try to correct them.

    I am sorry your son, and you, are dealing with this. Kids can be so cruel sometimes. It really is sad!

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  • I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.  I agree, you need to talk to the teachers so that they can talk to the parents of the other kids.  ((Hugs)) for you and your son.

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  • This is so heartbreaking, four years old seems so young for this kind of behavior.  Agree with all PPs that the teachers should at least be made aware (if they aren't already).  It is so sad that it is the sensitive, non-confrontational kids that get singled out.  So sorry your are dealing with this.  
  • My heart breaks for him. Proceed with caution in telling the teacher/director. Feel them out because from my experience that can make things much worse.

    I was tormented in early elementary school for having curly hair, so kids will find the slightest thing different and use it against another kid. In my case the teachers flat out denied what was going on even though my neighbors witnessed it. From then on I was pegged as the problem. Honestly, if it was my child I'd probably look at other arrangements. If they are really watching the kids then they know and they are just looking the other way.
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  • image FmrAFBrat:
    My heart breaks for him. Proceed with caution in telling the teacher/director. Feel them out because from my experience that can make things much worse. I was tormented in early elementary school for having curly hair, so kids will find the slightest thing different and use it against another kid. In my case the teachers flat out denied what was going on even though my neighbors witnessed it. From then on I was pegged as the problem. Honestly, if it was my child I'd probably look at other arrangements. If they are really watching the kids then they know and they are just looking the other way.

    That's horrible that you were then considered a problem!  I also was bullied in school also for the way I dressed, I could never say the right things, etc.  Jr. High was the worst.  Some of the "mean girls" put a nasty note in my locker with deoderant, telling me that I smelled, among other cruel things.  I know how awful of a feeling it is to be picked on.  FF to now, I mentioned it a while back to a good friend who was not bullied, and she didn't believe me.  Somehow she didn't notice that I was bullied by these other girls.  And these girls seem to have forgotten that they were so mean because they've sent friend requests on Facebook, and wanted to strike up conversations when I saw them at our 10 year class reunion.  But as awful as they made me feel in school, it made me a better person, as strange as that sounds.  I try to be nice to everyone, I pushed myself to do well in school and to get a great job.  The motivation to do well was to actually do better in life than the loser mean girls. 

    I don't really have any good advice, I just know it's awful to be bullied.  At 4 years old, I would talk to the teacher like pp's said.  And try to talk to your DS about how cruel people are and he will encounter mean bullies throughout his life.  I think sometimes mean people have issues themselves and bully other people just to feel better about themselves.   

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  • I'm sorry to hear that your sweet little guy is having a hard time.

    While I know that almost all of us could say that we were made fun of in school, and that it ultimately probably made us stronger, I really feel that this behavior needs to be addressed with the teachers and supervisors. I know that he is young, but the school/daycare and parents need to become involved and have those conversations with their children NOW when they will listen. 

    The reason is this: bullying is worse now than when we were kids. 

    Oh sure, kids will have confrontation, and resolving conflict is a part of learning to grow up. However, what we are seeing in our schools now is that the bullying that we had growing up doesn't exist anymore. Why we might have had mean notes written, and names called on the playground, today's kids get tormented 24/7 via the internet and cellphones.  When I was in elementary school, I might have a fight with my friends at school, but then it got left at school at the end of the day. If someone wanted to call and talk to me they had to call my house and speak to my mother. Now, children can use the internet to hide behind bullying and there is an idea that they aren't accountable. So the kids are never allowed to escape the bullying.

    In my area last year three teenagers committed suicide due to bullying....and as a pediatric nurse in the hospital I see many more who try. 

    I don't mean to turn this into a novel, and know that he is young, but I feel strongly that the parents need to become involved now. And if you discuss it with the teacher and the behavior gets worse, ask to have a meeting with the supervisor of the center and the parents of the kids before you change classrooms. Schools can't afford to take bullying with a shrug and a blase attitude anymore. 

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  • This totally sucks! Why does it have to start so early? I agree with PP, you should bring it to your DCP's attention. No experience to share, just big (((HUGS))) to you and your sweet son. 
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  • In preschool especially it is the teacher's job to defend him.  To defend all kids.  This is absolutely not acceptable.  You need to talk to the teachers.  Bullying should not be tolerated to anyone at any school, period.  Poor little guy.  Breaks my heart. 

     


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  • You can discuss your concerns with the teacher and director especially that you don't want to make it worse for DS if they try to defend him or intervene in a way that it becomes too obvious to the other kids.  What kind of discipline approach do they use? I just read the Positive Discipline books and they might be what the classroom needs.   So sorry your little guy is going through this. He is just so cute from the photos you post. I was bullied in school as well and it had a long lasting effect on me.  
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  • kiki4kiki4
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    I'm so sorry this is happening. As others have said, I would definitely address it with the teach and director. Is there another preschool you could put DS in? My DS will be 4 in September. We were having problems with him hitting/pushing the other kids in his class. For him, it was because he didn't have the language skills he needed. If someone hit/pushed him, he didn't tell the teacher, he hit back, and it seemed he was always the one getting caught. We were able to have him tested, and he will be starting preschool with the school district when school starts. In my experience, most daycare centers do not provide the kind of structure little minds need. I hope you are able to find a suitable solution for your little boy. The kind of behavior he is dealing with is not okay.
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  • Def alert the teachers. Does the school have a camera system?

    If my kid was the one being the bully, I'd want to know. I hope the dcp addresses it with their parents.


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  • this is so sad!  I would definitely speak to the teacher.  I really cant add anything that hasnt already been said!!!
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  • FaygaFayga
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    I can't tell you how sad this makes me for your son.  I was a victim of bulling my whole daycare/school life.  But maybe telling them to make them aware that it is going on that way if they see it happen they can help build him back up.  There was one teacher in my day care that would see what was going on and then just would take me with her help do things.  Like set up crafts or get out books.  Something that would make him feel special. 

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  • Poor little guy!

    I would do as the others said, bring it to the teacher's attention and how you don't want to make it worse, but it's unacceptable. If it doesn't get better, then I would start looking at other options. I know it's hard to switch day care, but he shouldn't (and you shouldn't) have to put up with it. 



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  • Honestly, I would switch daycare. I am of the school of thought that at daycare the primary goal is to learn social skills, and the other stuff they will either get then or later. Bullying, exclusion and being bullied at 4 shows this school does not have great methodology for teaching social skills. Kids should be learning to work together and empathize. 

    If the teacher is not already aware of this bullying, something is wrong. If the teacher is aware and does nothing,  something is wrong. This is not middle school, this is pre-school.

    My heart goes out to your boy, as the mom of a sensitive non-confrontational boy who has a nice little  group of friends at daycare. 

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