Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

No Room To Cope.

My boyfriend and I found out that we were miscarrying three days ago and Its been extremely hard to go through the physical and mental pain. 

My boyfriends way of dealing with it is to go to the neighbors to play video games for hours or invite his buddy over to drink while I lay here in pain. 

My doctors wont call me back about anything as far as a doctor appointment confirmation or even to let me know what to expect since no one told me anything about what is going to happen when I passed it, it being my first pregnancy and first lost. By the time they even tried to see me about my pregnancy I had already lost it but didn't know till I would have been 11 weeks.

Our house was broken into the day that we went into the ER to find out why I was bleeding and our room mate blamed it on us. She decided to bring her family over and expect us to entertain them fresh from the ER.

I've had to simultaneously pass my miscarried baby as well as oversee door locks being changed and a roomate being rude to me and my Bboyfriend all in the same day. My boyfriend has been gone a lot and told me being at home laying in bed with me is depressing. 

The whole pregnancy experience has been upsetting and painful. I have been so upset and overwhelmed I don't even know how to say anything. 

Re: No Room To Cope.

  • First, let me say that I am deeply sorry for what you are going through.  My heart really goes out to you because having a miscarriage is not something that anyone should have to go through alone.  I have had quite a few miscarriages and my husband would not be my husband anymore if he did what your boyfriend is doing.

    Second, your description makes me think that you are very young.  Do you have family that you can spend a few days with until the worst of this is over?  Or maybe a good friend?  You will need support right now and do not have time to teach someone how to give it.  At the very least, tell your roommate to step off, and handle her own business.  You have enough on your plate.

    Third, it's outrageous that your doctor's office has not been more responsive.   Forget making an appointment.  Call and tell them that you are on your way NOW and need to be seen by your doctor immediately.  You are in pain and it is his/her duty to do all that is possible for you.

    Fourth, you don't have to miscarry naturally.  You will need an ultrasound to make sure that all of the contents of your uterus have passed.  You have the option of a  D&C if the process is too painful and emotionally overwhelming for you.  Don't be afraid or ashamed to take that option, it's the right choice for a lot of women . You can also call any OB in the phone book and explain the situation.  The choice is totally yours, but they need to explain the process and any risks associated with it to you first.

    Finally....... RUN, DO NOT WALK away from the boyfriend.  Cut him loose.  He is showing you who he is, and he is not even close to being relationship material.  Notice that he is attending to his own needs when you are in crisis.  That is a seriously bad sign.  Bottom line, the purpose of a mate is for SUPPORT.   If he can't be a man and take care of you, don't just threaten to leave him, pack your bags and actually do it...fast.

    If you need a friend, PM me and I will give you my contact info.  My thoughts and prayers are with you!

     


    3T  Siggy Challenge:  "Having a worse day than you."
    (this is a typical day of a TB mod)

    image

    "You're just jealous 'cause the voices don't talk to you."


    RUMBERA: 35+ Current DX: Recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL)
    DH: 40+  Diabetic, SA excellent.

    03/2012: Diagnosis: Low progesterone. Prometrium added,
    11/2012: MRI: 3 fibroids.  Myomectomy not recommended.
    01/2013: Blood work normal. HSG: All clear.
    03/2013: Diagnosis: "Unexplained Infertility"
    05/2013: Hysteroscopy & D&C.  Biopsy: "early polyp formation."
    05/2013: Bravelle + Menopur injections.
    05/25/13  IUI w/4 follies: BFN. 
    06/21/13  IUI#2 w/2 follies: BFP.
    08/20/13  MC #5 @ 9 weeks.  D&E performed, Chromosomes:perfectly normal female.  Fibroid the culprit.
    10/09/13  Robotic myomectomy - successful removal of 10cm posterior fibroid!
    10/10/13  BENCHED for post surgical healing of ute.   Getting healthy for Dec IUI.
    12/06/13  Bravelle + Menopur + Ganirelix + Ovidrel + IUI  + >3 follies =  cp
    01/06/14  Another IUI round with injects for super-O.
    01/17/14  Bravelle + Menopure + Ganirelix + Ovidrel + 3 follies = BFN
    01/30/14  Self-benched to get healthy for IVF
    03/04/14  Screwed over by insurance.   No IVF coverage.
    03/12/14  Hail Mary B2B IUI's with 2 follies=BFFN
    3/25/14  IVF scheduled for the fall, October-ish because 100% OOP.   Cancelled our stim cycle.


    ~~~~~~~~  EVERYONE IS WELCOME  ~~~~~~~~

    imageimage
  • I am so sorry for your loss. I just had a miscarriage 10 days ago and I know the pain and agony mentally and physically you are going through. I have a house full of people also and feel I can't even mourn because I haven't told anyone. The only advice I can give you that is helping me is to be on here venting, the women are a great support and take a long drive. I take the long way home and think of excuses to leave the house so I can park somewhere and cry. I'm here if you need to talk. T&P are with you.
  • image Rumbera28:

    First, let me say that I am deeply sorry for what you are going through.  My heart really goes out to you because having a miscarriage is not something that anyone should have to go through alone.  I have had quite a few miscarriages and my husband would not be my husband anymore if he did what your boyfriend is doing.

    Second, your description makes me think that you are very young.  Do you have family that you can spend a few days with until the worst of this is over?  Or maybe a good friend?  You will need support right now and do not have time to teach someone how to give it.  At the very least, tell your roommate to step off, and handle her own business.  You have enough on your plate.

    Third, it's outrageous that your doctor's office has not been more responsive.   Forget making an appointment.  Call and tell them that you are on your way NOW and need to be seen by your doctor immediately.  You are in pain and it is his/her duty to do all that is possible for you.

    Fourth, you don't have to miscarry naturally.  You will need an ultrasound to make sure that all of the contents of your uterus have passed.  You have the option of a  D&C if the process is too painful and emotionally overwhelming for you.  Don't be afraid or ashamed to take that option, it's the right choice for a lot of women . You can also call any OB in the phone book and explain the situation.  The choice is totally yours, but they need to explain the process and any risks associated with it to you first.

    Finally....... RUN, DO NOT WALK away from the boyfriend.  Cut him loose.  He is showing you who he is, and he is not even close to being relationship material.  Notice that he is attending to his own needs when you are in crisis.  That is a seriously bad sign.  Bottom line, the purpose of a mate is for SUPPORT.   If he can't be a man and take care of you, don't just threaten to leave him, pack your bags and actually do it...fast.

    If you need a friend, PM me and I will give you my contact info.  My thoughts and prayers are with you!

     

    ALL of this! Plus, he doesnt need to "lay in bed with you" - he just needs to be there for you! True, we all deal differently but never at the expence of causing further pain to your partner or ignoring the pain of your partner! Also get a new doc, yours sounds like an a**hole.  

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Oh my gosh. That's too much. I can't imagine having to deal with a break in and a roommate's family visiting on top of everything. I like the idea of visiting family for a short while until things calm down at home a little. (With or without boyfriend- whatever you two think would be most helpful.) You have so much on your plate already. You need to make sure you take care of yourself. Good luck.
  • Isn't it horrible that after going through a loss you never get to have that amazing pregnancy feeling again?  I remember when I got pregnant again, after miscarrying, I never got to be excited, I was just always worried.

     I was so afraid to try again because everything pregnancy related had left such a bad taste in my mouth because I had such a horrible experience.  But, here I am, years later with a one year old and I still remember but it isn't as painful.

    You WILL get through this, there is light at the end of the tunnel and even though it seems hopeless, sad and just overall yucky now, and you may be worried the next time, it will be ok.  You will have a happy, healthy baby one day, it will happen for you.

     If you'd like to read about my experience (it always helped me to read about what others were going through), I wrote about it here:  http://www.alittleblueberry.com/p/pregnancy.html

     xoxo

    Allison  :)

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