February 2013 Moms

At what point do I admit defeat?

Ever since the four month sleep regression hit its been taking anywhere from 1 to 5 hours to get DD to sleep every single night.  She's 5 months old now so this has been going on for over a month.  Every night I try putting her down for her last nap of the day, which takes 1 or 2 hours.  When she inevitably skips that nap or sleeps for like 20 minutes its usually time to put her to sleep.  So what started out as putting her down for a nap turns into 2 or 3 or 5 hours of putting her down to sleep.  Tonight I tried everything for 2 hours.  We walked, bounced, sat in the swing, got a baby massage, rocked, sang, EVERYTHING! If I put her down she would scream like a velociraptor or bawl like her fingernails were being pulled out.

So my question is..at what point do I just give up and let her scream?  She's literally just passing out from exhaustion every night.  Nothing I'm doing is having any effect.  Luckily once she's down she sleeps all night with only one or two wake ups. 

HELP ME!!!!! 

Re: At what point do I admit defeat?

  • You're a way more patient woman than I am.  I couldn't do that for two hours.

    Tonight I rocked DD to sleep and tried to put her in her crib once and she woke up.  I was too tired to go back and forth all night, so she's currently asleep on my lap in the family room.  I think the longest I've ever tried to go back and forth to get her to sleep is maybe 20 minutes.  I have zero patience with that stuff!

        
  • BBS!BBS!
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its
    member
    We did sleep training a little before 4 months and haven't looked back. It was just bad for 3 nights and he never cried more than 20 minutes. It seems like its time.
  • This was exactly the thing that had me going out of my mind and pushed me towards sleep training. If you are considering letting her cry then I would guess you are not against CIO so it might be worth it to follow the Ferber program fully. Try it for three days then reevaluate.

    GL!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFetus Ticker
  • oh my god.  That's horrible!

    I think, if it were me, I would first take her to the pedi to rule out a physical/medical cause of the sleep problems.  If there aren't an, I would try ferber.  That's so rough, I'm so sorry hon :(

    ...I just.....ouch.  ((hugs)) 

    Missed m/c discovered 3/15/12 at 8w2d: "Henry."
    imageimage
    Good god, Mr. Tomlinson, are you QUITE finished?

    Jack 04/29/10 dairy, peanut and seasonal allergies; Sensory Processing Disorder, Autism
    Rhys 01/25/13 Peanut and tree nut allergy, MSPI
    Lilypie - (cF7R) Lilypie - (Phka)



  • image DC2London:
    oh my god. nbsp;That's horrible!I think, if it were me, I would first take her to the pedi to rule out a physical/medical cause of the sleep problems. nbsp;If there aren't an, I would try ferber. nbsp;That's so rough, I'm so sorry hon :...I just.....ouch. nbsp;hugsnbsp;


    Normally I wouldn't consider CIO, but honestly she's crying herself to sleep anyway so...

    I'm going to make a pedi appt. good idea. There are sleep trainers in the DC area that you can hire. I might go that route.
  • We've been putting DD at the same time each night. We make the room dark, put her in PJs, turn on the sound machine and read a few stories. Then we put her in the crib. Sometimes she goes right to sleep, other times she'll start crying. Once she starts fussing we let her go for 10 minutes then go in and feed her a few more ounces and put her back in her crib. There has only been one night this hasn't worked for us.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
    Eleanor Louise is going to be a big sister!
     BabyFruit Ticker BabyFetus Ticker
  • image marionravenwood:
    image DC2London:
    oh my god. nbsp;That's horrible!I think, if it were me, I would first take her to the pedi to rule out a physical/medical cause of the sleep problems. nbsp;If there aren't an, I would try ferber. nbsp;That's so rough, I'm so sorry hon :...I just.....ouch. nbsp;hugsnbsp;
    Normally I wouldn't consider CIO, but honestly she's crying herself to sleep anyway so... I'm going to make a pedi appt. good idea. There are sleep trainers in the DC area that you can hire. I might go that route.

    That's what we said with DD1, too. What you're describing was pretty much our experience with her. It. was. awful.

    I decided to give Ferber a try, with a "if I can't handle it, we're stopping after a few days" mentality. The first night I think she cried 6 minutes, the second maybe 3. Compared to the hours she spent screaming in our arms, it was a miracle. That was at 6 months. It didn't work at all for naps until she was 7 months old, though. 


    BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
    BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d
    BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence

  • DS1 was like that.  It was awful.  With DS2, I stopped.  If he isn't going to sleep, I stopped trying to put him to sleep.  It's not worth 2 hours of rocking and shushing and crying to me.  He eventually falls asleep when he decides to.  It's been a lot less stressful all around to not have a schedule/bedtime. If he seems happy enough, I leave it be.  Although, if they are overtired and screaming (which might be what you are saying), then, yeah, that's super stressful.  That's how my DS1 was. The only good news I have is that he eventually quit that. :)  We had to do some sleep training with him too.  I like the Sleep Lady Shuffle because I didn't want to do CIO.

     

     

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickersLilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • Honestly,

    I believe the emotional trauma of letting her cry for a couple of nights is nothing compared to the damage you're doing to yourself right now. She will get over it. She will forget. And after a few good nights sleep, she will THANK YOU for it. You're no good to each other overtired and cranky. Think of what you both could be doing with those 2-5 hours every night?! She could be sleeping and you could be... I dunno, eating oreos (sorry, a recent post really got me craving them). 

    But it is ultimately your call.  

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • You have gotten lots of good advice, so I am only going to suggest me more idea.  Have you tried putting her down earlier than usual?  With DD2, if I waited until it was clear she was tired, it was too late.  She would fight it.  But, if I out her down a little earlier at the very cirst indication that she is wearing down, she will play for a few minutes and then go to sleep.  It is worth a try. Good luck!!

  • image pitterpatter129:

    DS1 was like that.  It was awful.  With DS2, I stopped.  If he isn't going to sleep, I stopped trying to put him to sleep.  It's not worth 2 hours of rocking and shushing and crying to me.  He eventually falls asleep when he decides to.  It's been a lot less stressful all around to not have a schedule/bedtime. If he seems happy enough, I leave it be.  Although, if they are overtired and screaming (which might be what you are saying), then, yeah, that's super stressful.  That's how my DS1 was. The only good news I have is that he eventually quit that. :)  We had to do some sleep training with him too.  I like the Sleep Lady Shuffle because I didn't want to do CIO.

     

    I second this.

    I also second talking to your pedi.

    The only time DD ever did that was when she had bad gas from my oversupply and foremilk imbalance. But I don't really have a bedtime for her. We both go to sleep when she shows me her sleepy cues. If she doesn't go to sleep right away I get up and play with her until she cries from tiredness. She goes to sleep after that.

    When she's had a super busy day and is over tired it takes longer but the usual stuff eventually works. If over-tied is your problem and the usual stuff isn't working you have to try something different, find a sleep training method.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image Justinlove:

    You have gotten lots of good advice, so I am only going to suggest me more idea.  Have you tried putting her down earlier than usual?  With DD2, if I waited until it was clear she was tired, it was too late.  She would fight it.  But, if I out her down a little earlier at the very cirst indication that she is wearing down, she will play for a few minutes and then go to sleep.  It is worth a try. Good luck!!

    I think an earlier bedtime is def worth a try, especially if she is skipping that last nap of the day.

    Just wanted to offer one more suggestion.  When DS is irate like that, the only thing that calms him down is the vacuum cleaner.  We keep it in his room now!  That way it is accessable whenever we need it.  Sometimes it takes a few minutes before he quiets down but usually as soon as he hears it, he stops crying and falls asleep pretty much immediately.

    Good luck

    image

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    image

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    "You reach deeper until you can find the strength.  That's all life is, one big fight after another."

    Angel babies: 9/19/07, 10/08/09, 1/05/11

  • image marionravenwood:
    image DC2London:
    oh my god. nbsp;That's horrible!I think, if it were me, I would first take her to the pedi to rule out a physical/medical cause of the sleep problems. nbsp;If there aren't an, I would try ferber. nbsp;That's so rough, I'm so sorry hon :...I just.....ouch. nbsp;hugsnbsp;


    Normally I wouldn't consider CIO, but honestly she's crying herself to sleep anyway so...

    I'm going to make a pedi appt. good idea. There are sleep trainers in the DC area that you can hire. I might go that route.


    This is ultimately why we decided sleep training wasn't evil. J was crying himself to sleep in our arms and then waking when we put him down which just lead to more crying. Overall he probably cried less with CIO.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Our Sweet Boy "LJ"
  • Is she screaming the whole time or just when you lay her down? Because none of my boys have ever 'gone to sleep' before they were ready, and we still do the 'lay down' 'pick up' several times a night. 

    We say that LO is trying to convince us that 'babies don't need sleep', and his new ability to smack himself in the face just as he dozes off is certainly not helping.

    At the end of the day, I fight him when I see he is getting really tired, but I don't go by the clock because I have found that I can spend 2 hours trying to get him down and getting us both frustrated, or we can hang out and do something until he starts getting really tired and then I can spend 20 minutes putting him down.

    I know everyone says 'bedtime routine' but that didn't really work with LO1 until he was about a year, then he just shifted into a natural routine... but as we EBF and have a lot of activities, we just kind of go with the flow....  

    That said, I am anti CIO and we bedshare -- LO right now sleeps in his own crib for the first chunk of the night - from whenever he goes to sleep (anywhere from 8:30-10:30pm) and then usually wakes up for first feeding between 3-4 am and then is in bed with us until we start the day. He goes right back to sleep after a feeding. 

    LO born Feb 2010 & Feb 2013
    MMC at 12 weeks March 2012


    image
  • I'm pretty sure she's overtired.  She usually screams when she's overtired or overstimulated.  So she starts with the scream and then eventually the screaming turns into sobbing (maybe within an hour).  I can put her down, but usually only for a few minutes.  If she's at the sobbing stage I can't put her down at all.  However, she is basically crying herself to sleep in my arms in the end.  

     She does this with some naps too.  This morning I think she woke up before she was fully rested because she started screaming almost immediately.  I finally got her to bed at 12:30--she woke up at 9:00.  So she screamed/cried intermittently for 3 1/2 hours. 

    I've tried putting her down earlier and later and no dice.  I'm going to lose it if she keeps this up. 

  • The ear infection post made me think of you...I'm glad you are going to the ped.  Ear infections and reflux can make laying down painful.  Worth exploring all possibilities.
  • emd886emd886
    100 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    member

    My LO had about 6 weeks of screaming himself to sleep (even though I was holding him, trying to get him to sleep) for every nap and bedtime. It was A-W-F-U-L Then it stopped. I know its hard and sucks. It will stop. You are doing great momma!

    BabyFruit Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards