Ladies, I apologize in advance because this is going to be a super whiny post but I need to vent somewhere.
i am home from work today because last night I started bleeding through a tampon PLUS a pad in an hour almost all night last night. This is my first period since my second loss ten weeks ago....while I am more than thrilled to finally be having a period again I am just really down today and upset that I am even going through this bs again. I am hoping this crazy period is just making me super emotional but I have been crying off and on all day and just feel so down and hopeless.
i feel like after we lost bunny I was very scared of losing another pregnancy but I was still hopeful...I remember thinking how perfect the timing was of my second pregnancy because I would be having my rainbow around the time we lost bunny...now I've lost all three babies (mc was twins). Now I find myself having a really hard time being hopeful...I am petrified of having another loss. I almost would go on to say that I just expect to have another loss...and I hate being so negative.
as we al have experienced, it seems like EVERYONE is either pregnant or has a baby now. I finally trudged through all of my friends having babies When I was supposed to be having bunny and now it seems like everyone else is now popping up pregnant as well. One of dh's friends just called to tell us they were ku after having a lot of fertility issues plus an ectopic and I just sobbed for hours. I am sooooo happy for them but I just don't get why it hasn't happened for us yet.
I expected her EDD to be super hard but now I am hitting the anniversary of getting the very surprise BFP last year and now I feel like I am having so many flashbacks to last fall when we were over the moon excited about our little girl. All of the precious milestones we hit with with that pregnancy are now just really sad memories. I didn't expect this to be so hard...but I guess now it has been a year of being either pregnant or recovering from a loss.
Thank you girls for listening and reading if you made it this far. I just need some extra t's and p's today. I am really hoping this crazy period is just making my hormones go crazy and that is why I am so down and hopeless.
8/12-Suprise BFP- Sweet Bunny Born Sleeping 11/21/12 (19 weeks)
-5/7/13- MMC (8 Weeks)
11/6/13- BO discovered at 7 weeks- natural MC 11/25/13
8/14- Surpise IF dx...low AMH (.24)- moving on to IVF
IVF #1- 11/14- 6R5M4F=2 perfect frosties waiting for 12/14 FET.