I'm going to try to keep this brief (haha, we'll see). I don't know yet if I am asking for advice or if I am venting, so I apologize in advance.
Here is the situation. In the divorce settlement for DH and BM, regarding college tuition it states that each parent will pay, "to the best of their ability (taking into account expenses, etc.)". There is no split percentage defined, which is really a huge problem. I know this issue should have been dealt with preemptively, well before a month prior to SD2 starting her freshman year of college. But it wasn't. Please don't get me started on that conversation.
It also clearly states that if SD2 lives away from home while in college, that child support will be reduced by half. If she lives at home, there would be no reduction.
SD2 will be attending a state school in the fall and will live on campus. She has received some money for financial aid, as well as being offered 2 different loans, one subsidized and one unsubsidized (which her mother does not want to accept). All of that together reduces the tuition to roughly 1/2, which is wonderful, but what is left is not pocket change.
In addition, DH's father has been funding a 529 plan for each of his grandchildren which is a huge help, and we are very grateful for this. DH has been keeping close track of what has gone out for SD1 (she has only gone to school for one semester in a community college and her expenses have been much lower. She also spent a), and now that we know what SD2s tuition is, he calculated how we can spread it out across 4 years and keep yearly costs down for us and for BM.
Historically, their split has been 55/45% for medical and other expenses. He sent her a proposal of how this split would look. She immediately rejected it and threw many barbed, baiting comments at him (which he does not respond to) and said he should consult his attorney.
He also calculated it with the reduction in child support which brings it to 58/42%, so she could see that. Of course in her response she said "I do not agree to a reduction in child support". Well duh, of course she doesn't agree, that is why there is a divorce decree. He found out today (something else I asked him to research months ago) that he just needs to submit a form to the court with their divorce decree to get this process started. Then of course, she gets to rebut. I foresee a long drawn out process with this.
I am just so frustrated and pissed at the entire situation. The procrastination in getting out in front of this by my husband is one thing, but the combativeness on her part on anything we have ever had to deal with financially is another. And he will of course pay his share, which may end up being higher than that split. But in reading through the craziness in her emails, she is pretty much saying, your dad is a wonderful provider, you haven't done sh!t, and I'm not offering to do anything. I refuse to be bullied into offering to pay more when there is no attempt on her part to negotiate. So we have no choice but to pay out money for an attorney, which is going to affect the cash that we have set aside for college.
If DH had sent her a note saying that he would be paying for everything, she would have found a problem with that too. And while it makes no sense to speculate on this, I am sure that if her father had provided any contribution towards their education, she would be claiming that as her own, which DH is not even thinking about doing.
There was something else i was going to type, but I can't remember what it was and this is long enough. Thank you for reading and for any feedback.