Letting kids grow up vent

MBush4

My parents' best friends are like an aunt an uncle to me. Because of this our families are very close, including their children and their families. One of their sons (the one closest to my age) is awesome but married to a girl I really can't stand. The majority of our group are around the same age (late 20s, early 30s) but she's a bit younger (she just turned 24). I have no problem with her age since her SIL (the youngest in her husband's family) is her age and one of my best friends. The problem I have is that since she has two kids she feels she knows everything and other parents do not. While I am still learning as a mother, I have done my fair share of research and will ask opinions from parents whose opinions I trust. For example, on the 4th of July she told me I needed to start DS on solids since he was already behind the curve with his milestones (since he doesn't sit up on his own yet at barely 5 months), she told my SIL (the oldest in our group with the oldest kids) that she should try to get her kids to stop whining so much by doing XYZ. She's mentioned that I am an old mom since I had DS at 29 and also that I'll be depriving DS since DH and I are in school FT and I work outside of the home. I guess the thing that frustrates me the most recently is that she expects her kids to grow up faster than (from what I've witnessed) they are ready. She had DD in Feb 2011 and DS Nov 2012. She was upset that DD "did not get" potty training before DS arrived and continues to berate her in public whenever she needs to change her diaper. DS has recently started crawling and she's already encouraging him to start walking since he "took so long" to start crawling. Honestly, why can't she just let her kids go at their own pace?! Sorry, I know it's not my place and everyone does what they feel is best for their kids, but she's so obsessed with having as many babies as possible (another reason she wants her DS to start walking: so she doesn't have to lift him as much when she gets pregnant with the next) that I feel she's shortchanging her kids... Okay, end of rant.

ally2011

I always wonder what people who so openly share their unsolicited opinions would think if people started doing it back to them.

Give it a shot.

 I am writing this with very little sleep and am feeling pretty cranky so do with that what you will  

MBush4

ally2011:

I always wonder what people who so openly share their unsolicited opinions would think if people started doing it back to them.

Give it a shot.

 I am writing this with very little sleep and am feeling pretty cranky so do with that what you will  

Yeah, I'm under the same circumstances in my writing this... Depending on when she gives me her next gem it may just happen. I tend to keep my thoughts to myself, but we'll see if the lack of sleep makes me lose my filter.

bumpuser7698452

Oh man. How annoying! I'd probably pull her aside and tell her to keep her comments to herself. Maybe she'll stop talking to you altogether :

MBush4

knickerbockers:

Oh man. How annoying! I'd probably pull her aside and tell her to keep her comments to herself. Maybe she'll stop talking to you altogether :

That would be great. But that's the thing that stinks. I love her ILs and her husband is great! I know she drives him crazy, but... Yeah...

schwabmomma

Wow, she sounds awful! I'm sorry you have to deal with her. My SIL has some similar qualities like those you mentioned. She's bossy and feels that she needs to tell all the other moms in the family how to do their jobs. Most of the time I ignore her but recently we had a blow up and had to sit down and clear the air between us, which resulted in some hurt feelings in the moment but things are much better now. Would that be an option for you? Perhaps you two could meet without anyone else there and get a chance to clear the air.

kelly321

Honestly, she sounds pretty immature. I know younger women who are very mature and older ones who are not, but the good news is that with the young immature ones there's still the hope that they'll grow up and realize that they do not know everything. :-)

Even just reading how she berates her kids for not learning things fast enough makes my heart hurt. Not because she's pushing them, but because she's making them feel like failures when they don't learn fast enough for her. I wonder where she's getting her information about milestones. My DDs have been ahead of some milestones and waaaay behind on others, but that's how a lot of kids are.

Bottom line: Don't let her knot-it-all attitude make you feel insecure about your parenting.

AimnJus917

She sounds like a piece of work!  No real advice, maybe try to give it back to her.  Or ignore her and try to stay away.