January 2013 Moms

Ugh DH vent

DH started complaining tonight that I don't allow him to make any decisions in regards to DS. I do all the research and generally there's a reason I make certain decisions. From the time I got pregnant DH couldn't care less about baby stuff. If it were up to DH, DS would go to bed at 10 or later each night and would have started solid foods at 3 months old. I know I can be a type a personality but there are limits. Plus I'm the only one who gets up with DS at night.
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Re: Ugh DH vent

  • This I completely understand, except my DH doesn't mind that I make all of the decisions regarding DS, he knows that I know more. lol He's not even allowed to pick out his clothes. haha I also have a Type A personality, with a dash of OCD, so I can be a lot of fun. ;-) If you've started solids maybe let him choose what to feed him, or let him pick out an outfit, let him feel important by making minor decisions. Every now and then DH wants me to do something different with DS that I don't deem appropriate, and I usually just have explain why I do things a certain way, and if he continues to argue or disagree I tell him to birth the next child and then he can make the rules. lol Or heck give him the book what to expect during the first year and tell him to read up and then he can make proper decisions. ;-) I know I'm not much help but I wish you the best of luck. 
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  • jcar2jcar2
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    Thanks! We had someone come over last week to take DS' picture and I had DH pick out what DS would wear since I was working. We just started solids yesterday and I did let DH decide to start with, sort of lol. I gave him 5 options and he chose from there. I reminded him of all this and he claims its not enough. I'll have to remind him that it was me that birthed DS ;.
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  • Ugh, I feel you. DH could care less when DS goes to bed. He used to think that the later he stayed up the later he'd sleep in. Well, we've found that DS sleeps until 6:30 or 7am whether he goes to bed at 7pm or 11pm. Wakes up 5 times MOTN or STTN. So what's the big deal with bedtime DH wants to know. Ummm.... sleep is kinda important for baby development! If I can get him to bed sooner he will sleep more...that's a GOOD thing!

    DH has made a handful of DS's meals recently, but before last week unless I made the food and handed it to him DH didn't feed solids to DS. I think he may have been unsure of what was ok to feed DS and HOW to feed DS so I cut him some slack on it and am glad that he's on board with solids now at least.

    DH has his opinions, but overall he has let me take the baby rearing reigns without complaint.  I, like you, do tons of research and then I share my findings and my opinions with DH. That's how we made the choice to CD before DS was even born. In 90% of instances he agrees with what I want to do. The other 9.9% I let him just do things his way... he needs his own parenting groove when I'm not around. That  last 0.1% is the great bed time debate. My research hasn't swayed him. I think he'd be more on board with instituting a regular sleep routine and bed time if we had a cranky pants, but DS is too easy going and we get away with a lot. I get DS down between 7 and 8pm when I'm home, but when I work late DS is still up when I get home at 10pm. ARGH!!!

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  • Pretty much my life exactly, except DH doesn't seem to care he isn't making decisions. I am the only one who gets up with DD as well, DH will just sleep through it :(
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  • I don't really have much advice since my fiance said "No matter what I say, we do what you want anyway", he would let LO cry all night until he fell asleep, and I'm not a fan of CIO. I'm also the only one who gets up at night, we've just transitioned to the crib so he 'could help out' but he still nudges me to get up when DS cries - annoying. An finally, he also doesn't really support my BF, I've had a rough time since the get-go.

    What I try and do now is say "What do you think we should do?" so he at least feels involved when it comes to small issues.

    Edit: Quoted wrong poster


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  • Honestly I think you are in the wrong. Your child has 2 parents and your H should have input into the decisions. I think you guys should make decisions together.

    I get being irritated because he is not involved though, but maybe this is way if wanting to do more. I do all the wake ups too because I am nursing and then DH has the balls to complain he is tired.
  • emd886emd886
    100 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    My husband gets frustrated every now and then about this too. I ask (nicely) if he's done any research on it. -Nope- then I tell him to do some research of his own and then we should talk about it again. He never does. We are both LO's parents and both get to decide what we should do....but on big things if he hasnt done any research on the subject....I decide because I've already looked everything up And tried to discuss it with him some time prior to him deciding out of the blue on something different
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  • Heh, I actually wish MH would have more suggestions for child-rearing.  He always trusts my opinion, which on one hand I really appreciate, but on the other I don't like to be the only one steering the ship!  Too much responsibility... I do discuss major things with him though, he just always takes my opinion for the best option though.  I'm not really complaining though, I know it would be  more frustrating at the other end of the spectrum.

    If I were you I would just be open to discussion.  If he has a suggestion that you don't agree with explain why you don't agree with it and why you would like to do it differently and see why he feels that his suggestion is best.  If he disagrees with you I would point him towards places to research the topic and let him read the same things you have and see if he arrives at a different conclusion.  I would imagine that him feeling like he has no input is going to create problems.  

    I totally see what you're saying though about you seeming to care more about it, doing the research, etc.  You have to get him involved in the process though.  I can't imagine that him feeling cut out will come to any good, even though that's not your intention! 

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