Blended Families

nbfr, wedding gift question

A coworker and friend of mine is getting married this Saturday. We are both Stylists and she asked me months ago to do the bridal party hair. I agreed and I'm very excited about it.

She asked me the other day what I would like to be paid, and her mother was going to pay me. I toldher I would like to do it for free, as a wedding gift to her. Weddings are so expensive, and Im happy to help take that cost away and lighten up her wedding budget a bit. It is 4 bridesmaids and her step mothers hair I'm doing, and I would normally charge 50 per updo. I'm also taking a Saturday off from work to do it, which means I will be giving up a busy moneymaking day at the salon.

My question is, do I still need to get her an actual wedding gift? I've gotten mixed answers IRL about this. Part of me just feels awful to show up wo a gift, but the help with the hair is fairly nice gift already.

Re: nbfr, wedding gift question

  • I am a hairstylist also and have done this same exact thing for friends. I don't think a gift is necessary as you have already given the gift of your time. It is an expensive gift.
  • IMO no because my brother's FI is a stylist  offerred to do the girls and my hair for my wedding as her gift as well as my aunt who is a baker offered to make my 4 layer wedding cake as her gift to me. My very talented photog sister did my bridal portraits as her gift as well plus she was unable to attend my wedding due to the existing drama between her and our dad. They were great gifts and greatly appreciated and we felt extemely lucky to have recieved them. No other gift is necessary.
    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

  • I think it would be fine to show up without an "actual gift."  Hair isn't cheap, and I'm sure she and the other ladies appreciate what you're doing.  Just bring a nice card with you and call it a day.
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  • Okay, good. I was worried I was being a cheap azz by considering just bringing a card!
  • You're totally fine IMO to not get an additional gift. The one you are giving is huge!

    However, if you are worried about feeling awkward going in with nothing, I might pick up a bottle of wine or champagne or something. Nothing expensive. 

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  • Since you already stated to her, 'I want to do it free as a wedding gift to you', I think you have already fulfilled the 'gift'. You dont need to give anything. There is technically 1 yr you have to 'give a gift' according to etiquette. Be confident in your decision and if anyone is rude enough to actually SAY anything to you, look at them bewildered and say you did give a very generous gift.
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  • Why don't you make up an gift certificate for the amount? "Good for 5 hairstyles on your Wedding Day." and give it to her as an early wedding present.

    That way you also make it clear you only agree to do 5, and anything beyond that would be additional.

    I think this is a fantastic gift.  If I were her, I'd completely appreciate it and not expect anything additional.  A nice card in their card basket with a personal note would be nice tho.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
  • Get a nice card and write something touching.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • When DH and I married my best friend did all of our photography as her gift to us. I would never have expected anything other than that from her. She did however give us a nice bottle of champaign with a handwritten toast tied to it. It was my most remembered gift.
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  • An updo is $80+ where I get my hair done. A party blowout is about $50. At minimum, you're giving her $250 as a gift.
  • image auntie:
    An updo is 80 where I get my hair done. A party blowout is about 50. At minimum, you're giving her 250 as a gift.


    Yeah, if she wasnt a friend I would charge at least 60 probably. I'm doing a wedding in September and we are getting 65 per head, travel costs, and a beach house to stay in while we are there. But I've done a few weddings of friends and I usually charge 50 to be nice. In this case though, I really know they have been struggling last minute with the budget so I figured it would be the perfect gift to just not charge them.
  • If you give her a card, don't forget to write, "Btw, I just love your hair! Just WHO did you find to do that?!"A lol

    I would have definitely appreciated free services and help more than any gift. I guess I am not very familiar with wedding etiquette, though. I did not get my hair or makeup professionally styled, and a few people gave us some cards with money but no "gifts." I did not even get a bridal shower. DH and I did everything just the two if us with only the boquets from MIL. I never even realized all that went into some weddings until I helped my BFF with hers.
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