September 2012 Moms

I'm just going to put this here:

Not that I am implying that any of you are guilty of this, since I don't "know" many of you at all.  However, I think this is great advice for even the best parents/friends/people in general.

 5 things parents need to stop saying to non-parents. 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-kinnear/5-things-parents-need-to-stop-saying-to-non-parents_b_3573670.html

this makes some really wonderful points to parents about how to be considerate to their friends and family that either chooses not to, haven't made the decision yet, or don't get the opportunity to make the decision to not have kids:

Hannah born 9/19/12
Eve born 7/21/2014

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Re: I'm just going to put this here:

  • KisstyKissty
    250 Answers 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary
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    Wow, I used to hear all those things.  8 years ago a doctor told my husband and I we'd never have kids without medical intervention.  We stopped pursuing (money, didn't want our hopes and dreams crushed, etc.) then all of a sudden. Bam! We have our wonderful son.  All of our friends have much older children now ranging from 5-15 yrs. Most of them don't even remember these early years so it can be hard to relate to them.  So being on both sides of this: If you do say those things Stop It!  It can be hurtful, even if it's not meant that way...

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  • That list explains exactly why I hate parents usually.

    Especially #1. My dogs and my kid are not the same. Know why? My kid is way easier.  and guess what. Other than that. they have a whole hell of a lot in common. Raising an 8w old puppy had some striking similarities to having a 4-6m old baby, that's for sure.

     

    on a related note. I really really really hate when people pull the parent card.

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  • My dog is a total ***, so yeah, my kid is way easier than she is. My kid can't swallow wash cloths and socks whole, and then puke them up on my area rug, and then proceed to guard said puke...but as far as comparing them? They are totally similar, they can't take care of themselves, feed themselves, or know what will/can hurt them...

    anywho.

    The only time I ever get annoyed with people complaining how tired they are is when they are like ZOMG my lyfe is so hard, i live in my parents house and have no responsibilities other than my job. STFU, I haven't slept in 11 months, you assshole.

     

    Resolution Tip: Hurry! Eat as much   food as you can right now so you'll have more to lose once the New Year arrives.

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  • image thechimichanga:

    The only time I ever get annoyed with people complaining how tired they are is when they are like ZOMG my lyfe is so hard, i live in my parents house and have no responsibilities other than my job. STFU, I haven't slept in 11 months, you assshole.

    Yeah. but those people suck regardless of whether or not you're a parent ;)

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  • mnkatemnkate
    Sixth Anniversary 250 Answers 1000 Comments 500 Love Its
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    I always hated it when people who had kids would tell us, "You guys have it SOOOO good. DON'T EVER HAVE KIDS." It sounds overly dramatic, and frankly, even if you're being "funny" you sound like a douchnugget parent.

    DH and I originally didn't want kids, and the most annoying response I would get was, "But....who is going to take care of you when you get old?!?!" Wanting someone to care for you when you're old is not a reason to have a child, FYI.

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  • Add me to the 'my dog is harder than my kid' club. Jack doesn't pee on the rug in the MOTN because he wants to go out and yell at the neighbors.
    jack | born 9.13.12 at 40w4d | 9 lbs 12 oz | 23 in

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    ava | born 7.25.14 via c-s at 39w0d | 8 lb 3 oz | 21.5 in

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  • image anitalynn:
    Add me to the 'my dog is harder than my kid' club. Jack doesn't pee on the rug in the MOTN because he wants to go out and yell at the neighbors.

    I would like to be added to the dog list as well. God love him, but he is so trying ! 

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  • hmp1hmp1
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    image anitalynn:
    Add me to the 'my dog is harder than my kid' club. Jack doesn't pee on the rug in the MOTN because he wants to go out and yell at the neighbors.

    Yet. This has happened with my kid just not in the MOTN because I wouldn't let him go out and play until he went to the bathroom. 


    James Sawyer 12.3.10
    Leo Richard 9.20.12 
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  • Yah, number 1 for sure! My kid hasn't chewed up the dining room table and chairs, 2 couches and 2 arm chairs oh, and 2 mattresses too.  

    I definitley think its really important NOT to say those things because you never know when someone is struggling to have children. I can't imagine the hurt when people make these comments!!

     PSA: I don't recommend adopting a 10 month old great dane when you already have a 10 month old. If you do, expect your house to be chewed to pieces for the next year. :)

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  • image hmp&mrj:

    image anitalynn:
    Add me to the 'my dog is harder than my kid' club. Jack doesn't pee on the rug in the MOTN because he wants to go out and yell at the neighbors.

    Yet. This has happened with my kid just not in the MOTN because I wouldn't let him go out and play until he went to the bathroom. 

    Curses. I'm coming after you the first time Jack removes his diaper to pee on my floor.

    jack | born 9.13.12 at 40w4d | 9 lbs 12 oz | 23 in

    image

    ava | born 7.25.14 via c-s at 39w0d | 8 lb 3 oz | 21.5 in

    image
  • I don't disagree with the article, by any means, but I definitely cannot say my dog is more work than my kid. Even with all his neurosis and anxiety, Connor has him beat in the high maintenance department. Hands down.

     I'm not sure if I should be offering you guys my dog or asking to trade kids?? Wink 

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  • The only one I'll disagree with is asking about bringing kids to stuff.  Sometimes it's effing obvious and you shouldn't ask.  I just think the "they would have invited all of you" to a party is kinda dumb--if someone adds you to a Facebook invite list or sends an email and aren't smart about being clear that it's a family friendly thing, it's kinda hard to tell if they meant all of you or not (unless of course they advertise lots of hookers and blow, and then I know kids are welcome!)  I've had it happen on more than one occasion that I assumed a non-parent friend wouldn't want my baby at a gathering, and I was wrong--but because they were a non-parent they weren't used to reading invites with the eagle-eye to "wait, can the kid come to this?"  I've learned to ask close friends.  I guess I see it as a "be smart and don't expect that your kid is invited, because not everyone enjoys watching your kid tear around like you do" not "DO NOT EVER ASK."
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  • image thechimichanga:

    My dog is a total ***, so yeah, my kid is way easier than she is. My kid can't swallow wash cloths and socks whole, and then puke them up on my area rug, and then proceed to guard said puke...but as far as comparing them? They are totally similar, they can't take care of themselves, feed themselves, or know what will/can hurt them...

    anywho.

    The only time I ever get annoyed with people complaining how tired they are is when they are like ZOMG my lyfe is so hard, i live in my parents house and have no responsibilities other than my job. STFU, I haven't slept in 11 months, you assshole.


     

    Our dogs are kindred spirits. DH and I often say when this dog dies we're taking a pet break. A random sampling of things Duke has eaten through the years: bars of soap, chapstick, anything even semi-edible (including lots of chocolate), tinfoil, chewing gum, a can of soda ...

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  • The kid friendly party thing MAKES ME INSANE. Just went to a wedding over the 4th of July. Very clearly no kids. It was hard to find a sitter but we did. Low and behold, a few people brought their toddler and preschool aged kids. I heard other parents grumble about it over dinner. I don't bring my kids to weddings even when its allowed so I was just enjoying the alone time. Apparently, the bride was backed into a corner and begged to let them bring the kids. Why one spouse didn't just stay home, I don't understand. Both were there and they weren't out of towners.

    Edit: I agree with Hyaline. Sometime invites aren't obvious, but when the invite says adults only, I get irritated.
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  • image mrsbhk22:
    The kid friendly party thing MAKES ME INSANE. Just went to a wedding over the 4th of July. Very clearly no kids. It was hard to find a sitter but we did. Low and behold, a few people brought their toddler and preschool aged kids. I heard other parents grumble about it over dinner. I don't bring my kids to weddings even when its allowed so I was just enjoying the alone time. Apparently, the bride was backed into a corner and begged to let them bring the kids. Why one spouse didn't just stay home, I don't understand. Both were there and they weren't out of towners. Edit: I agree with Hyaline. Sometime invites aren't obvious, but when the invite says adults only, I get irritated.

    That's obnoxious.  Especially because I know I would look forward to that kind of event and then be really ticked off that, instead of my own crying child (whom I was paying someone to care for, btw) I have OTHER PEOPLE's crying children to listen to.  Yay.

    Yeah, I assumed my best friend's wedding (which is fairly formal) would be no-kids, but I'm glad I talked to her before arranging for sitting, because she's all about having the whole family come. 

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  • hmp1hmp1
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its
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    image mrsbhk22:
    The kid friendly party thing MAKES ME INSANE. Just went to a wedding over the 4th of July. Very clearly no kids. It was hard to find a sitter but we did. Low and behold, a few people brought their toddler and preschool aged kids. I heard other parents grumble about it over dinner. I don't bring my kids to weddings even when its allowed so I was just enjoying the alone time. Apparently, the bride was backed into a corner and begged to let them bring the kids. Why one spouse didn't just stay home, I don't understand. Both were there and they weren't out of towners. Edit: I agree with Hyaline. Sometime invites aren't obvious, but when the invite says adults only, I get irritated.

    Unless it is a family wedding, we don't bring the kids even if the invite was for the entire family. But a co-worker having a bbq on a Saturday afternoon, I'm going to ask if kids are invited.


    James Sawyer 12.3.10
    Leo Richard 9.20.12 
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  • image cheeseandrice:

    That list explains exactly why I hate parents usually.

    Especially #1. My dogs and my kid are not the same. Know why? My kid is way easier.  and guess what. Other than that. they have a whole hell of a lot in common. Raising an 8w old puppy had some striking similarities to having a 4-6m old baby, that's for sure.

     

    on a related note. I really really really hate when people pull the parent card.

     

    Ha, that's why I told DH I didn't want a puppy when we get a dog. "we already have a puppy."

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    Stinkbug 09.13.12
  • lol...I always say having a kid is like having a dog that slowly learns how to walk and talk.  Only, you can blame farts on the dog indefinitely.   Kids get hip to that game pretty quick. 
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  • image hmp&mrj:

    image mrsbhk22:
    The kid friendly party thing MAKES ME INSANE. Just went to a wedding over the 4th of July. Very clearly no kids. It was hard to find a sitter but we did. Low and behold, a few people brought their toddler and preschool aged kids. I heard other parents grumble about it over dinner. I don't bring my kids to weddings even when its allowed so I was just enjoying the alone time. Apparently, the bride was backed into a corner and begged to let them bring the kids. Why one spouse didn't just stay home, I don't understand. Both were there and they weren't out of towners. Edit: I agree with Hyaline. Sometime invites aren't obvious, but when the invite says adults only, I get irritated.

    Unless it is a family wedding, we don't bring the kids even if the invite was for the entire family. But a co-worker having a bbq on a Saturday afternoon, I'm going to ask if kids are invited.

    This. There are definitely places I'm more relaxed without the baby even if others bring them, but an afternoon BBQ is a waste of an expensive babysitter IMO.

    On the dog thing - some people are really crazy about their dogs. When my grandmother died, a family friend went on and on AT THE WAKE about how they knew exactly how I felt because their daughter's dog had just died. Similar thing when Jack was in the hospital in April, and after (not) sleeping on a hospital couch for four days while my kid was on oxygen, I wanted to punch this well meaning friend in the face. I'm sure some dogs are harder than kids, and I know how much people love their pets, but sorry - my grandmother and son > your dog.

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  • image mandy522:
    image hmp&mrj:

    image mrsbhk22:
    The kid friendly party thing MAKES ME INSANE. Just went to a wedding over the 4th of July. Very clearly no kids. It was hard to find a sitter but we did. Low and behold, a few people brought their toddler and preschool aged kids. I heard other parents grumble about it over dinner. I don't bring my kids to weddings even when its allowed so I was just enjoying the alone time. Apparently, the bride was backed into a corner and begged to let them bring the kids. Why one spouse didn't just stay home, I don't understand. Both were there and they weren't out of towners. Edit: I agree with Hyaline. Sometime invites aren't obvious, but when the invite says adults only, I get irritated.

    Unless it is a family wedding, we don't bring the kids even if the invite was for the entire family. But a co-worker having a bbq on a Saturday afternoon, I'm going to ask if kids are invited.

    This. There are definitely places I'm more relaxed without the baby even if others bring them, but an afternoon BBQ is a waste of an expensive babysitter IMO.

    On the dog thing - some people are really crazy about their dogs. When my grandmother died, a family friend went on and on AT THE WAKE about how they knew exactly how I felt because their daughter's dog had just died. Similar thing when Jack was in the hospital in April, and after (not) sleeping on a hospital couch for four days while my kid was on oxygen, I wanted to punch this well meaning friend in the face. I'm sure some dogs are harder than kids, and I know how much people love their pets, but sorry - my grandmother and son > your dog.

    I once got a Christmas letter from an elderly family friend that read, in part: "We lost our beloved cat Binkles after having him for fifteen years, and also my brother Fred."

    I mean, I'm guessing she liked the cat better than Fred, but for goshsakes don't write that down!

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  • image hmp&mrj:

    I once got a Christmas letter from an elderly family friend that read, in part: "We lost our beloved cat Binkles after having him for fifteen years, and also my brother Fred."

    I mean, I'm guessing she liked the cat better than Fred, but for goshsakes don't write that down!

    Hahaha, poor Fred.

    My Ovulation Chart

    DS: September 2012
    TFAS: July 2014


  • image hmp&mrj:

    image mrsbhk22:
    The kid friendly party thing MAKES ME INSANE. Just went to a wedding over the 4th of July. Very clearly no kids. It was hard to find a sitter but we did. Low and behold, a few people brought their toddler and preschool aged kids. I heard other parents grumble about it over dinner. I don't bring my kids to weddings even when its allowed so I was just enjoying the alone time. Apparently, the bride was backed into a corner and begged to let them bring the kids. Why one spouse didn't just stay home, I don't understand. Both were there and they weren't out of towners. Edit: I agree with Hyaline. Sometime invites aren't obvious, but when the invite says adults only, I get irritated.

    Unless it is a family wedding, we don't bring the kids even if the invite was for the entire family. But a co-worker having a bbq on a Saturday afternoon, I'm going to ask if kids are invited.

    This reaffirms that I am not bringing CJ to my BIL's wedding (DH and I are both in the wedding party). My MIL is all like, other family members can watch him. Um, no. My to-be SIL asked me how to word the invite so people don't bring their kids. Once again, this BMB has made my decision so much clearer.

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  • image tab&bob2008:
    image hmp&mrj:

    image mrsbhk22:
    The kid friendly party thing MAKES ME INSANE. Just went to a wedding over the 4th of July. Very clearly no kids. It was hard to find a sitter but we did. Low and behold, a few people brought their toddler and preschool aged kids. I heard other parents grumble about it over dinner. I don't bring my kids to weddings even when its allowed so I was just enjoying the alone time. Apparently, the bride was backed into a corner and begged to let them bring the kids. Why one spouse didn't just stay home, I don't understand. Both were there and they weren't out of towners. Edit: I agree with Hyaline. Sometime invites aren't obvious, but when the invite says adults only, I get irritated.

    Unless it is a family wedding, we don't bring the kids even if the invite was for the entire family. But a co-worker having a bbq on a Saturday afternoon, I'm going to ask if kids are invited.

    This reaffirms that I am not bringing CJ to my BIL's wedding (DH and I are both in the wedding party). My MIL is all like, other family members can watch him. Um, no. My to-be SIL asked me how to word the invite so people don't bring their kids. Once again, this BMB has made my decision so much clearer.

    Good call--especially since you know she doesn't want kids there if she mentioned to you how to word the invite.  Definitely smart and considerate of you to respect her wishes over MIL in this case! 

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