Sorry in advance if this makes zero sense?.I just need to get it out.
I found out 2 weeks ago today that our baby no longer had a heartbeat and had stopped growing about 2 weeks before that. I had a D&C on 7/7. As I mentioned in an earlier post, my grandma died on 7/6 and her funeral was 7/9. I think she is with the baby now taking good care of him (I think it was a boy). These two things at once have been just too much for me. I am, however, super proud of myself that it is 10:00 am and I have not cried yet today. 10 points for team me. I have been wearing some of my grandma?s jewelry since she died. She was a take no $h!t kind of lady and was tough as nails. So, I am hoping to get some of that kind of attitude as I am a cry all the time kind of girl.
After the D&C, my bleeding stopped almost immediately. I spotted for a few days, with the heaviest flow being like a super light period ? a vast improvement from the bleeding prior to the D&C when I was trying Miso/Cytex. That stuff is no damn joke. For the past couple of days I have been having (TMI) brownish creamy discharge and some pains that really feel like ovulation pains. Last Thursday I used a FRER and still got a positive ? cruel damn joke. I am hopeful that the pains I am feeling are ovulation and that means that AF should be on her way in about 2 more weeks, but with the positive last Thursday who the f knows. Regardless, I am annoyed that we cannot try again this cycle. I mean, what in the heck is the point of the miso, the surgery and all that crap to end the physical part of all of this miscarriage horribleness if we cannot try again right away. That, combined with positive HPT after a miscarriage seems like the cruelest of jokes. I know I need to listen to the doctor, but I don?t want to.
Saturday I went to get a mani/pedi and the idiot woman told me that I should be glad I don?t have children. I told her that I certainly was not glad and that I had recently had a mc. She proceeded to tell me about her kids and point out another member who was newly pregnant and fresh off her honeymoon. It was all I could do not to scream I DON?T CARE! I mean, seriously, what part of, I just had a miscarriage, was in any way, shape or form unclear or an invitation to tell me about other pregnancies?!
I talked to one of my best friends last night. She had a m/c in January and is pregnant again now ? about 16 weeks along ? and due in January. 3-ish weeks before my EDD. I thought that talking to her would make me feel better, but somehow she made me feel worse. She kept saying things like, this could happen again and it?s not something you can control, etc. I KNOW ALL THOSE THINGS! I am not stupid or ill-informed. What I am is sad and just need someone to tell me that it will be ok.
This is very long. Sorry. If you read this far, thanks. This blows.
BFP 5/19/2013. MC 7/2/2013 (9w6d) with est. loss at 8w. Miso 7/3/2013 and emergency D & C 7/6/2013.
BFP#2 11/6/2013. CP 11/14/2013.
BFP #3 12/13/2013. Beta #1 @ 15dpo- 239. Progesterone 27. Beta #2 @17dpo - 90. CP 12/21/2013
~*~ Hard to believe you can love something so little so much. ~*~
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:6-7
All PgAL and PAL welcome.