Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

incessant babble ? vent

Sorry in advance if this makes zero sense?.I just need to get it out. 

 

I found out 2 weeks ago today that our baby no longer had a heartbeat and had stopped growing about 2 weeks before that.  I had a D&C on 7/7.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, my grandma died on 7/6 and her funeral was 7/9.  I think she is with the baby now taking good care of him (I think it was a boy).  These two things at once have been just too much for me.  I am, however, super proud of myself that it is 10:00 am and I have not cried yet today.  10 points for team me.  I have been wearing some of my grandma?s jewelry since she died.   She was a take no $h!t kind of lady and was tough as nails.  So, I am hoping to get some of that kind of attitude as I am a cry all the time kind of girl. 

 

After the D&C, my bleeding stopped almost immediately.  I spotted for a few days, with the heaviest flow being like a super light period ? a vast improvement from the bleeding prior to the D&C when I was trying Miso/Cytex.  That stuff is no damn joke.  For the past couple of days I have been having (TMI) brownish creamy discharge and some pains that really feel like ovulation pains.  Last Thursday I used a FRER and still got a positive ? cruel damn joke.  I am hopeful that the pains I am feeling are ovulation and that means that AF should be on her way in about 2 more weeks, but with the positive last Thursday who the f knows.  Regardless, I am annoyed that we cannot try again this cycle.  I mean, what in the heck is the point of the miso, the surgery and all that crap to end the physical part of all of this miscarriage horribleness if we cannot try again right away.  That, combined with positive HPT after a miscarriage seems like the cruelest of jokes.  I know I need to listen to the doctor, but I don?t want to. 

 

Saturday I went to get a mani/pedi and the idiot woman told me that I should be glad I don?t have children.  I told her that I certainly was not glad and that I had recently had a mc.  She proceeded to tell me about her kids and point out another member who was newly pregnant and fresh off her honeymoon.  It was all I could do not to scream I DON?T CARE!  I mean, seriously, what part of, I just had a miscarriage, was in any way, shape or form unclear or an invitation to tell me about other pregnancies?! 

 

I talked to one of my best friends last night.  She had a m/c in January and is pregnant again now ? about 16 weeks along ? and due in January.  3-ish weeks before my EDD.  I thought that talking to her would make me feel better, but somehow she made me feel worse.  She kept saying things like, this could happen again and it?s not something you can control, etc.  I KNOW ALL THOSE THINGS!  I am not stupid or ill-informed.  What I am is sad and just need someone to tell me that it will be ok. 

 

This is very long.  Sorry.  If you read this far, thanks.  This blows.   

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Pregnancy Ticker

BFP 5/19/2013. MC 7/2/2013 (9w6d) with est. loss at 8w. Miso 7/3/2013 and emergency D & C 7/6/2013.

BFP#2 11/6/2013.  CP 11/14/2013.  

BFP #3 12/13/2013.  Beta #1 @ 15dpo- 239. Progesterone 27.  Beta #2 @17dpo - 90.  CP 12/21/2013

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  -Philippians 4:6-7

All PgAL and PAL welcome.

Re: incessant babble ? vent

  • Sorry for your loss. Never feel like your "feeling too much", there is no right way to grieve. I know how you feel about the positive HPT. Mine stayed positive weeks after and i didnt get my AF till 41 days after my MC. Im hoping yours comes much sooner than that. Although we should all listen to your doctors, i know how you feel to just want to try again as soon as possible. I was told to wait 2 cycles but it was all i could do just to wait one! As for the lady at the nail place, i am so sorry you had to go through that. Some people are so damn inconsiderate. What a B***. I dont even know how you handled the situation but kuddos to you for not going to town on her. T&P to you and hugs. Hope you get your rainbow baby soon

    Married my best friend 4/19/2013

    BFP #1: April 12 2013 w/ EDD Dec 23, 2013, MC May 31, 2013

    BFP #2: August 30 2013 w/ EDD May 20, 2014, MC Sept 27,2013

    We will always miss you Angel babies Rue and Seahorse! Until we meet again

    photo december1_thumb.jpgimagephoto mayloss_thumb.jpg

    BFP #3: November 25, 2013 w/ EDD July 31,2014. Yay shes here!!


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    All AL WELCOME

  • First of all, BIG HUG!! I'm so sorry you're going through this. My heart pretty much broke reading your post!

    Some people are so dumb sometimes and I think they just don't know what to say... Or they are just morons. The lady that did your nails definitely sounds like a moron.

    I hope that the hcg leaves your system soon and that AF comes quickly, so that you can try again soon. Maybe wait a little while before taking another hpt, so hopefully you get a BFN!! Isn't it weird that we now wish for that?

    Keep babbling when you're feeling down. We are all here listening. I hope you have a better day today!

    BFP 06/05/2013 | EDD 02/10/2014 | D&C 07/12/2013
  • I couldn't mc naturally I was 15w so I had to deliver with medical help so my experience may not mean the same as yours. I blead for about 2 weeks and the past 4 days I have had the brownish discharge and super bad cramps that make me nauseous. I hope that it is ovulation pain but good god I hope It's not like this each month. My doc told us to "prevent pregnancy" for 3 months so that my body can reset. Although your body is getting back to normal with af, your uterus needs to get back to the right thickness so that the pregnancy will more likely implant correctly.I know it is hard now but just think about that rainbow baby and all that you can do to make your body ready. I hope this helps.. t and p to you and dh
  • Don't be sorry. We all need to just need to get it out sometimes. Just try to keep your chin up. Easier said then done I know.
    Colty Bug's Mommy
  • I'm so sorry! :( That woman giving the mani/pedi really shouldn't have said all those things. :( That just sucks.

    Yeah, eventually, when the pain has passed more it's ok to hear those things, but right now it hurts and logic is meaningless. We don't want to hear about statistics. It f*ing hurts.

    It's hard seeing kids right now. I love my little cousins dearly, but seeing pictures of them this morning felt like torture, not the usual joy. Right now it just sucks.

    I'm sorry for your loss. :( It sucks. :P 

  • We all need to vent Sometimes. Sorry for the loss of your child and your grandmother..

    I hope you can find the strength to get through this Unfortunate time in your life. Kudos to you for not even saying anything to the lady doing your mani pedi. People are just dumb and don't listen and understand.
    Yes it will be okay someday Thoughts and prayers are with you right now
  • You had a lot of grief all at once.  It's normal to feel overwhelmed by it all--and there is no shortage of inconsiderate people (unfortunately).  Hang in there. 
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