Military Families

Paternity leave

My husband is AD navy. Our first baby is due early September and he will be deploying about a week after my EDD. He routed a leave chit last week to go to NY with me for my shower, so he can see his family before he leaves again.

His command denied the leave request. Their reasoning is that he is the only person in his shop on his shift with a certain qualification. His LPO told him to just be happy he may get paternity leave, though not for sure.

Has anyone else been denied paternity leave? I know he can take it when he comes home from deployment, as it'll be within 365 days, but it's the first baby and he'll be leaving right after, so I was kind of looking forward to bonding at home with all 3 of us.

Sorry this sounds so whiny, just trying to see if there are others with similar experiences and what your outcome was.

Re: Paternity leave

  • MH was not granted paternity leave because he was in an 18-month long training program during which no one was allowed to take leave without being left back a class cycle. 

    It happens.  

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  • My H was not denied it, but I've seen it happen.  There is a good chance that he won't with it being that close to a deployment, especially because they often don't grant any leave within a certain time frame before a deployment.  It's unfortunate, but it happens.  And just like anything else, they will try to make it happen but the needs of the Navy and his command come first.
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  • DH is in limbo right now waiting to hear back if he gets the time or not.  He might be between phases of training and might be able to take the whole 10 days but if he is still in his current phase, he gets a day or two max because he would be too behind.
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  • With my DD1, he was told he could have paternity leave from October 27-Nov 7, regardless of when she was born (she was due Nov 4. He was at his Army BOLC at the time, so there was a course schedule, and if he was gone any other time, he would miss testable maternial). Lucky for us, she decided to show up on Oct. 27. Unlucky for us, he hadn't left yet, and got stuck 8 hours away, so he missed her birth. He, apparently, was very lucky. I was told that they are never released from BOLC for paternity leave. 
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    10.27.2010
    10.28.2013


  • image calindi:
    They're required to give it to him at some point, but when is totally up to the command.nbsp; While it really sucks, he'll likely be able to push for it after he comes back from deployment.nbsp; Sorry!


    This isn't true. Paternity leave is granted at the discretion of the CO. He may not necessarily get it depending on deployment, manning, training scheduled, etc. The command is not required to grant it and it must be taken within a year of the birth. There are other stipulations as well.
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  • Adrd47Adrd47
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper First Answer
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    Thanks for the responses, ladies. I guess we'll just hope for the leave but have to wait and see.
  • The paternity leave isn't a required thing from a Command.  The member normaly has up to a year to take it but it still doesn't have to ever be approved. 

    Be lucky if DH gets it or any of it.

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  • image calindi:

    image Sammy0709:
    image calindi:
    They're required to give it to him at some point, but when is totally up to the command.nbsp; While it really sucks, he'll likely be able to push for it after he comes back from deployment.nbsp; Sorry!
    This isn't true. Paternity leave is granted at the discretion of the CO. He may not necessarily get it depending on deployment, manning, training scheduled, etc. The command is not required to grant it and it must be taken within a year of the birth. There are other stipulations as well.

     

    Not true.  This was a big discussion we had with a bunch of senior Navy JAGs when DH was stationed at NAVSTA Newport - they said that a lot of sailors often wouldn't push their CO's for leave, thinking it had just been denied and they wouldn't get it.  If their chain of command refuses to grant it at any point, that sailor has the right to talk to a JAG.

    Here's the Navy rule (there's a similar one for Marines, not sure about other branches):  LINK

    It says the commanding officer "will grant leave," not "may grant leave."  They are required to give it within 365 days, and the sailor can't ask for it after if they haven't asked for it before.  It can be extended beyond 365 days if there's extenuating circumstances, like a deployment, that prevent it from happening.  However, the sailor is entitled to that leave, though when it occurs is completely at the discretion of his command.

    Oh FFS, we all effing get it, you're married to a Marine JAG officer.  It doesn't mean you know everything about how every branch of the military works, and nobody gives a crap what senior officers you talk to or what they say.  The leave has to be taken within 365 days, but CO's don't have to grant it within that time if they deem that the sailor or SM is needed on their ship.  Just like with a death in the family or emergency back home while on deployment.  Even if AmCross approves your emergency leave, it doesn't mean that the command is going to send your SM home if they are mission essential.  As it says right in your link, "COs will grant leave on an individual basis dependent on the unit?s mission, specific operational circumstances, and servicemember?s billet."  

    Sure, sailors can go to JAG and complain that they didn't get their leave approved, but I challenge you to find me sailors who actually care about their career who are willing to go rock the boat and try to fight their CO because their leave didn't get approved when they wanted it to.  

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  • image Beachy730:
    image calindi:

    image Sammy0709:
    image calindi:
    They're required to give it to him at some point, but when is totally up to the command.nbsp; While it really sucks, he'll likely be able to push for it after he comes back from deployment.nbsp; Sorry!
    This isn't true. Paternity leave is granted at the discretion of the CO. He may not necessarily get it depending on deployment, manning, training scheduled, etc. The command is not required to grant it and it must be taken within a year of the birth. There are other stipulations as well.

     

    Not true.  This was a big discussion we had with a bunch of senior Navy JAGs when DH was stationed at NAVSTA Newport - they said that a lot of sailors often wouldn't push their CO's for leave, thinking it had just been denied and they wouldn't get it.  If their chain of command refuses to grant it at any point, that sailor has the right to talk to a JAG.

    Here's the Navy rule (there's a similar one for Marines, not sure about other branches):  LINK

    It says the commanding officer "will grant leave," not "may grant leave."  They are required to give it within 365 days, and the sailor can't ask for it after if they haven't asked for it before.  It can be extended beyond 365 days if there's extenuating circumstances, like a deployment, that prevent it from happening.  However, the sailor is entitled to that leave, though when it occurs is completely at the discretion of his command.

    Oh FFS, we all effing get it, you're married to a Marine JAG officer.  It doesn't mean you know everything about how every branch of the military works, and nobody gives a crap what senior officers you talk to or what they say.  The leave has to be taken within 365 days, but CO's don't have to grant it within that time if they deem that the sailor or SM is needed on their ship.  Just like with a death in the family or emergency back home while on deployment.  Even if AmCross approves your emergency leave, it doesn't mean that the command is going to send your SM home if they are mission essential.  As it says right in your link, "COs will grant leave on an individual basis dependent on the unit?s mission, specific operational circumstances, and servicemember?s billet."  

    Sure, sailors can go to JAG and complain that they didn't get their leave approved, but I challenge you to find me sailors who actually care about their career who are willing to go rock the boat and try to fight their CO because their leave didn't get approved when they wanted it to.  

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  • I also don't personally know any service member who would "fight" their CO on something as small as 10 days of paternity leave. And most guys in my husband's unit never even speak to the CO regarding leave, it goes up the chain. I doubt many would deny it just to be a jerk; the needs of the service come before the needs of the member, every time. OP, fingers crossed your husband's gets approved!!
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  • Commanders can deny regular leave. Leave is a privilege, not a right.

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    CJ 05/29/2013

  • image Sammy0709:
    image calindi:
    They're required to give it to him at some point, but when is totally up to the command.nbsp; While it really sucks, he'll likely be able to push for it after he comes back from deployment.nbsp; Sorry!


    This isn't true. Paternity leave is granted at the discretion of the CO. He may not necessarily get it depending on deployment, manning, training scheduled, etc. The command is not required to grant it and it must be taken within a year of the birth. There are other stipulations as well.
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  • Yes, once. He was in a school and was given no time off. He wasnt even given the next day off, actually. He called his CO when I went into labor, who allowed him to go to the hospital with me (it was around 8am). She was born by c/s at 1pm, he stayed to see me into recovery and then left. That was a thursday, he went to class for a full day on Friday and next saw me on Saturday morning. 

    He did go in late on Monday because he was allowed to drive me home from the hospital. Needless to say, we were not exactly at a loving and family oriented school. :p 

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  • image Beachy730:
    image calindi:

    image Sammy0709:
    image calindi:
    They're required to give it to him at some point, but when is totally up to the command.nbsp; While it really sucks, he'll likely be able to push for it after he comes back from deployment.nbsp; Sorry!
    This isn't true. Paternity leave is granted at the discretion of the CO. He may not necessarily get it depending on deployment, manning, training scheduled, etc. The command is not required to grant it and it must be taken within a year of the birth. There are other stipulations as well.

     

    Not true.  This was a big discussion we had with a bunch of senior Navy JAGs when DH was stationed at NAVSTA Newport - they said that a lot of sailors often wouldn't push their CO's for leave, thinking it had just been denied and they wouldn't get it.  If their chain of command refuses to grant it at any point, that sailor has the right to talk to a JAG.

    Here's the Navy rule (there's a similar one for Marines, not sure about other branches):  LINK

    It says the commanding officer "will grant leave," not "may grant leave."  They are required to give it within 365 days, and the sailor can't ask for it after if they haven't asked for it before.  It can be extended beyond 365 days if there's extenuating circumstances, like a deployment, that prevent it from happening.  However, the sailor is entitled to that leave, though when it occurs is completely at the discretion of his command.

    Oh FFS, we all effing get it, you're married to a Marine JAG officer.  It doesn't mean you know everything about how every branch of the military works, and nobody gives a crap what senior officers you talk to or what they say.  The leave has to be taken within 365 days, but CO's don't have to grant it within that time if they deem that the sailor or SM is needed on their ship.  Just like with a death in the family or emergency back home while on deployment.  Even if AmCross approves your emergency leave, it doesn't mean that the command is going to send your SM home if they are mission essential.  As it says right in your link, "COs will grant leave on an individual basis dependent on the unit?s mission, specific operational circumstances, and servicemember?s billet."  

    Sure, sailors can go to JAG and complain that they didn't get their leave approved, but I challenge you to find me sailors who actually care about their career who are willing to go rock the boat and try to fight their CO because their leave didn't get approved when they wanted it to.  

    I 100% agree with the bolded. My DH will be gone for the birth of our first and I asked if he was going to push for paternity leave when he gets back, he pretty much said he would take it if he could but he wasn't going to fight for it. I would never ask him to. I kind of get frustrated when people act like their COs are big bad guys trying to deprive them of their families and lives outside the military (ok some might... but most are not like that). Most of them have families themselves and are fully aware of how important that time is. That being said, if the SM is needed then there isn't a lot that they can do about it. The CO isn't trying to be a jack *** sometimes it just works out where the SM is unable to be away. 

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  • image Bacon+lettuce+tomato:
    Commanders can deny regular leave. Leave is a privilege, not a right.

     

    Yes and no.  Military members are entitled to their leave -- they're just not entitled to take it when they want to take it.  Like everyone else has said, it's up to the commander to decide when leave can be taken based on training, deployments, etc.  But the leave is there for the service-member to take.  

    I know a handful of men who have taken paternity leave months following the birth because we were deployed or spinning up to deploy when the babies were born.  It happens. 

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  • image Avion22:

    image Bacon+lettuce+tomato:
    Commanders can deny regular leave. Leave is a privilege, not a right.

     

    Yes and no.  Military members are entitled to their leave -- they're just not entitled to take it when they want to take it.  Like everyone else has said, it's up to the commander to decide when leave can be taken based on training, deployments, etc.  But the leave is there for the service-member to take.  

    I know a handful of men who have taken paternity leave months following the birth because we were deployed or spinning up to deploy when the babies were born.  It happens. 

    Right. So a Commander could deny leave all year and a SM not get to take it. He'd better have a dang good reason for denying it, but it can happen. I'm fully aware how leave works.

    image

    CJ 05/29/2013

  • image Avion22:

    image Bacon+lettuce+tomato:
    Commanders can deny regular leave. Leave is a privilege, not a right.

     

    Yes and no.  Military members are entitled to their leave -- they're just not entitled to take it when they want to take it.  Like everyone else has said, it's up to the commander to decide when leave can be taken based on training, deployments, etc.  But the leave is there for the service-member to take.  

    I know a handful of men who have taken paternity leave months following the birth because we were deployed or spinning up to deploy when the babies were born.  It happens. 

    Right. So a Commander could deny leave all year and a SM not get to take it. He'd better have a dang good reason for denying it, but it can happen. I'm fully aware how leave works.
    Maybe this is service-related, but in the AF commanders are required to make sure that members get the opportunity to take all of their leave (or as much as possible).  If people lose from "use or lose" then usually the commander has to explain why -- operational necessity, deployment, or sometimes the member fails to request it.  But a commander would get in trouble if they didn't work with the member to try to find a mutually acceptable time for them to take leave.  It's a big deal.  Leave is an entitlement, just like pay is.  
    imageDSC_9275  image



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  • Avion22 said:
    image Avion22:

    image Bacon+lettuce+tomato:
    Commanders can deny regular leave. Leave is a privilege, not a right.

     

    Yes and no.  Military members are entitled to their leave -- they're just not entitled to take it when they want to take it.  Like everyone else has said, it's up to the commander to decide when leave can be taken based on training, deployments, etc.  But the leave is there for the service-member to take.  

    I know a handful of men who have taken paternity leave months following the birth because we were deployed or spinning up to deploy when the babies were born.  It happens. 

    Right. So a Commander could deny leave all year and a SM not get to take it. He'd better have a dang good reason for denying it, but it can happen. I'm fully aware how leave works.
    Maybe this is service-related, but in the AF commanders are required to make sure that members get the opportunity to take all of their leave (or as much as possible).  If people lose from "use or lose" then usually the commander has to explain why -- operational necessity, deployment, or sometimes the member fails to request it.  But a commander would get in trouble if they didn't work with the member to try to find a mutually acceptable time for them to take leave.  It's a big deal.  Leave is an entitlement, just like pay is.  
    Hm, that hasn't been our experience.
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  • Mine is being stationed in another country with unaccompanied orders for the next year and a half.  I'll be having our child six months into him being gone, I understand the want to have the father around, and the fear that he won't be... Luckily where mine is going he will not be detaining ops, so his chances of getting leave are higher, but we're not sure. There is never any way of being sure, from what I hear.
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