Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Men and Miscarriages

Has any of you experienced your partner needing to grieve on his own and needs space? My boyfriend tells me he hasn't even got past the part that I am/was pregnant. I told him about the miscarriage on Tues 7/9 and today 7/15 he says he hasnt even dealt with that we lost the baby yet. I just want to crawl up in his arms but he just wants space. 

Re: Men and Miscarriages

  • MrsDeoMrsDeo
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    I haven't experienced this in the same way, but everyone grieves differently and my husband is certainly dealing with our losses differently than I am. Have you told him what you want from him - even just, "I really need a hug right now"? Without making him feel like you're trying to just talk, talk, talk about the miscarriage, try to figure out how you can support each other through this. I'm so sorry for your loss and that you're probably feeling more alone through it all. Take time to process your own grief, too, and reach out to someone else (a family member or close friend) who can give you a shoulder to cry on if you need it. T&P's

    imageimageimage

    2 previous losses; MH & I are both CDG-1a carriers
    Juliet arrived August 18, 2014

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  • Thank you! I did tell him today I needed a hug and he said he wasnt in the hugging mood and that he needed space. So he just grabbed my hand. We don't live together and so since this happened I've only seen him twice. When he left me today and wouldn't even hug me(which is what I needed most) he just got in his car and left and I sat there and cried. He had a tear in his eyes today when we were talking so I guess he needs to process or grieve all of this in his own way. Sorry for the vent :(. I told 1 very close friend on Friday and I just cried uncontrollably. It did help but I'm back to my dark box. It's such an empty loss feeling.
  • MrsDeoMrsDeo
    Long-Lasting Membership 250 Answers 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    member

    Vent as much as you need! That's why we're all here, even with the most supportive partner in the world it's different talking about everything with another woman who's dealing with a loss, too. It's got to be extra hard since the two of you don't live together.

    And I obviously don't know your boyfriend but it sounds like he's just having a hard time letting himself grieve. It's tough for guys because they don't want to break down or cry in front of people, so he might just keep pushing everything down. :( Give it some time, though; it's all really hard but you WILL get through this and you WILL start feeling better even though it's always going to be a sad memory. ((hugs))

    imageimageimage

    2 previous losses; MH & I are both CDG-1a carriers
    Juliet arrived August 18, 2014

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  • Thank you so much for the hugs. Smile. I joined this message board in hopes to get some answers and connect with other women who were going through the same thing so I didn't feel so alone. So I appreciate the replies. It is definitley going to help me through this.
  • Sorry for your loss. I agree with MrsDeo that sometimes even with the most supportive partner that there is defintely something powerfully soothing about talking to other women who have gone through the similar situations. It def sounds like your boyfriend is having a tough time of things. I hope he is able to let hos guard down so he can grieve and be able to be more supportive for you. Sometimes i think its really hard for guys because they grow up thinking they arent really supposed to show emotion like that. Hope this place gives you comfort and that your boyfriend is able to give you your much needed hugs soon. Thoughts and prayers!

    Married my best friend 4/19/2013

    BFP #1: April 12 2013 w/ EDD Dec 23, 2013, MC May 31, 2013

    BFP #2: August 30 2013 w/ EDD May 20, 2014, MC Sept 27,2013

    We will always miss you Angel babies Rue and Seahorse! Until we meet again

    photo december1_thumb.jpgimagephoto mayloss_thumb.jpg

    BFP #3: November 25, 2013 w/ EDD July 31,2014. Yay shes here!!


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    All AL WELCOME

  • im sorry i cant help my dh never really expressed any emotions or anything for the loss of our lo he didnt talk about it either...men r very different
  • I don't really have a lot of advice. My husband found it more difficult when we were told the pregnancy wasn't viable. Since we had the D and C he seems fine and doesn't understand why I am still in pain.

    I just wanted to send you some hugs. It must be difficult not feeling like he is there right now. Maybe try to give him space and reach out to some friends that you think might be good to talk to. And then come and vent to us : We all totally get it!

    BFP 06/05/2013 | EDD 02/10/2014 | D&C 07/12/2013
  • Thank you everyone! All of your replies means a lot to me. Hugs back to everyone. I have my momets and then when I find myself busy and not thinking about it and someone says something funny I laugh then feel guilty saying to myself how can I laugh when I just lost a piece of me. Just a very confusing time with a rollercoaster of emotions.
  • He might also just not quite know what to do. With our first one, DH was at a complete loss of what to say, do, feel, or react. It didn't hit him for a while. But him seeing me in mourning for months helped him understand a little better how devastating it was. This time around he's just as crushed as I am. I wish he didn't have to feel it though.
  • I am more like your boyfriend in this whole process. My husband has always been more of the type to talk things out and express how he is feeling. I am the one who has difficulty Expressing my emotions. So when this all happened for us I struggled because I will clam up the minute I feel I may get upset in front of someone else, him included. And to avoid this from happening I get very hands off because physical contact makes it harder for me to keep my emotions in check. Not sure if that's what he is going through but I know I became much more emotionally distant during the worst of this because that's how I get the more emotions I am feeling. I want to deal with them on my own and have been working on being more open but it could just be what he needs right now. I know this isn't what my husband needs though and try to push myself to provide him with the contact he needs too once I've been able to compose myself.


    Hugs and so sorry for your loss.
    ___________________________________________________________________________
    Me:  30  DH:  35
    Together 13 years, married January 2013.
    Stopped the pill February 2013.
    BFP:  April 5, 2013 m/c #1 @ 4 weeks
    BFP:  May 1, 2013, twins hbs seen @ 6.5 weeks, mmc #2 @ 8 weeks, D&E July 2, 2013.  
    BFP:  January 10, 2014 m/c #3 @ 5 weeks.
    BFP:  August 11, 2014, 400mg progesterone suppositories started immediately.  HB seen @ 6 weeks. mmc #4 at 7 weeks, D&E September 27, 2014.
    RE Referral:  January 2015. 
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  • image KristinNP:
    I am more like your boyfriend in this whole process. My husband has always been more of the type to talk things out and express how he is feeling. I am the one who has difficulty Expressing my emotions. So when this all happened for us I struggled because I will clam up the minute I feel I may get upset in front of someone else, him included. And to avoid this from happening I get very hands off because physical contact makes it harder for me to keep my emotions in check. Not sure if that's what he is going through but I know I became much more emotionally distant during the worst of this because that's how I get the more emotions I am feeling. I want to deal with them on my own and have been working on being more open but it could just be what he needs right now. I know this isn't what my husband needs though and try to push myself to provide him with the contact he needs too once I've been able to compose myself. Hugs and so sorry for your loss.

    Exactly what you are saying is what he did. I asked for a hug the other day and he said no he wasnt in the hugging mood so he just grabbed my hand. We are like on 2 different pages. He says he still yet to get through the part of the loss. In his mind Im still pregnant so hes just really confused.And with working a lot he hasnt really had time to let it sink in. And all I need is for him to hold me so the whole situation sucks and I walk around with a constant lump in my throat and anxiety I cant control

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