Military Families

Pregnant during deployment

Hi all, Just looking for some input on similar situations.

 My husband will be deploying soon and we have a few months to try for baby #2 before he leaves. Our first child will be 2 around the time he leaves and we'd like to keep building our family. I want another child but having heavy reservations about coping with deployment while being pregnant, and him coming home to a brain-dead, sleep-deprived wife and newborn baby on top of trying to readjust.This is my first deployment (his second) and there are so many unknowns surrounding his return.

 Anyone else out there decided to have a baby while your family was apart? Do you have suggestions on how to make it work, or warnings to just wait for return?

Thanks.

Re: Pregnant during deployment

  • While I haven't been in the specific situation, I will say you can't plan around the military. There are no guarantees you will get KU right away, or perhaps jus deployment gets canned. You just never know. As long as you two are on the same page and both want a second child, go for it.

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    CJ 05/29/2013

  • I'm hoping to be in that situation.  Well, I was hoping to be pregnant months ago...but that hasn't worked out.  At this point I'm just hoping to give DS a sibling at some point in time...and if that happens to be during deployment, so be it. 

    If we manage to get pregnant before he leaves and the pregnancy makes it, I'll cope.  If it doesn't, I'm sure DS will keep me plenty busy.  I'm AMA, so waiting until he retires in a couple years isn't an option.  No guarantees as he moves to a ship that he'll be around, but such is life.

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  • You mentioned this is your first deployment. Deployments can be stressful at times. Personally, we always planned our children around deployments. My husband is Navy and we knew his squadron was on a 12 month home cycle. I get severe morning sickness with my pregnancies and it was nice to have him around. My 1st was a shore duty baby. DS2 was born 3 months before deployment. DS 3 is my homecoming present. We knew my husbsnd was going to shore duty shortly after returning home. With that said, many women are pregnant during deployment. Military wives are a strong breed. Good luck with expanding your family and the deployment. Since it is your first deployment, try to get involved with a wives group. Our squadron had a spouse group for officer and enlisted wives and our ombudsmen. They are a life line during deployment.
  • Some questions I would consider:
    Are you in a new city?
    Do you have family and friends around to help?
    How will you both feel about him missing big appointments and the birth?
    How will you both feel if he is at the birth but has to return shortly after?

    We had a surprise pregnancy with DD. we had just moved very far from family and friends and DH deployed a month later. I was really sick throughout the entire pregnancy and very lonely. It was also difficult looking for a new job while pregnant. I had to wait nearly a week after my positive pregnancy test to be able to tell him because he couldn't talk until he made a port call. He got to come home for the birth but had to leave again 20 days later. It was really tough being alone with a newborn. It was a hard adjustment for both of us when he returned because so much had changed. If it were me I would not plan a pregnancy right before a deployment because the the dates always seem to get extended and there is so much unknown.
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    clabodda
  • NSLNSL
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
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    I've been pregnant with a preschooler during a deployment.  We found out I was pregnant with #2 (planned) on a Monday and H got his deployment orders out of the blue that Thursday.  I would never, EVER voluntarily plan a pregnancy/birth during deployment.  It wasn't only hard for me physically and emotionally (particularly as I was far away from family), but I think it was almost worse for H to be so far from us when he knew what he was missing.

    It's absolutely true that you can't always plan your life around the military, but in this case I would absolutely recommend holding off on TTC.   

  • image NSL:

    I've been pregnant with a preschooler during a deployment.  We found out I was pregnant with #2 (planned) on a Monday and H got his deployment orders out of the blue that Thursday.  I would never, EVER voluntarily plan a pregnancy/birth during deployment.  It wasn't only hard for me physically and emotionally (particularly as I was far away from family), but I think it was almost worse for H to be so far from us when he knew what he was missing.

    It's absolutely true that you can't always plan your life around the military, but in this case I would absolutely recommend holding off on TTC.   

    Couldn't agree more!  We want to try for baby #2 but DH will be deploying soon so we are waiting till he comes back.   I wouldn't want to be pregnant alone.

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  • I just moved to a new state with DH. He was not supposed to be deploying at all and getting out in a year. We are happily pregnant with our first. I am about two months. I just got a teaching position before finding out I was pregnant. Now DH found out today that he will be deploying out of the blue in a few months for 6-12 months. I am completely alone here and am 10 hours from any friends and family. The thought of having this baby alone and then finding childcare for a six week old so I can go back to work etc. is absolutely terrifying. Does anyone have any experience in a similar situation?
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  • DH is on one-to-one deployments, so we really have no way to avoid one.  He's considering waiving his dwell time and volunteering for a four month one so he can be guaranteed to be home when the baby is born.
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  • I found out I was pregnant the Friday after my husband left for deployment. I've been extremely lonely. But we are almost four months into deployment so he will be home before baby is born. I'm not saying its impossible to do on your own. But it's hard. I have no family and don't really have a lot of people here I know. I started doing classes online to keep occupied. But I also think being pregnant has made the deployment go faster.
  • Welp, here we go.  I was planning on 4months or even 6.  Nope.  Looks like he's going to get tagged with a 365.
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  • In my situation, I'm currently almost 5 months pregnant with our first baby. My husband is in the Army and he deployed for the first time two months ago and will be gone for about a year. This pregnancy was planned, call me crazy, but it is something we have really wanted since a miscarriage last winter. So far I have been getting through this time successfully by keeping myself busy and going to school. Like the other women have said, you can't really plan around the military but I think that if you have a support system and a strong will, pregnancy can be a positive experience even during a deployment. I wish you the best!
  • I think a key factor in this is what kind of support system you will have while he's gone.  Do you have any family or friends in the area that can help you if you need it?  Will he be absent during the birth?  Who can you rely on to take you to the hospital if the need arises?

    It all really depends on what you personally need during your pregnancy.  I'm desperate to get pregnant and have my first baby before DH has to go away for his first long deployment.
    clabodda
  • I was able to visit my husband in Cuba about halfway through his deployment. we decided to wait until then to try to get pregnant, and it worked! He will be home more than three months before baby is due, so yes he missed all the fun in the beginning but he will be here for the birth and to help me with a newborn. We discussed trying before he left but in retrospect I'm so thankful that we waited until R and R. Maybe that is a better option you hadn't considered?
  • I myself am a Military Spouse and my husband has a 3rd deployment looming for next year. We would love for it to happen before he gets deployed so he can be there for the birth. But, of course thats not in our control.  We just went through a miscarriage, but its not going to stop us from trying again, with hopes of a birth before he goes.

    But I say. Go a head, see what happends, if its ment to happen it will. I have read what some of the other ladies have posted to you. you have great advice from all of them, I couldnt say anything different or more then whats been said already.

    The days leading up to his then 2nd (my first) I remember being so scared and so nervous, that i was literally getting myself sick. It was because of the fear of the unknown. If you feel that you can be emotionally and physically prepaired. You should be in fantastic standing. Deployment is stressful and I dont want it to ended up being a negative experience for you.

  • my husband and i talked about trying to get pregnant before he deployed last December, but decided we didn't want me to go through the entire pregnancy alone. we decided to try during his R and R and were lucky enough to conceive in may. hell be home soon, in plenty of time to experience the pregnancy and be present for the birth. we're both so happy we decided to wait
    LaciJaxx
  • Depends on the deployment. My DH is gone half the year every year so I just rely on a close friend or 2 to keep me sane. But honestly it's the transition in an out of deployments that tends to muck most couple up. Getting your rhythm there without DH and then integrating him back in will be stressful and happy. I recommend seeing if you can do some counseling (the helpful not mental) at fleet and family since they do this all the time. Also get your DH involved. Mine though it was all silly BS until he started doing stuff that was literally written down as part of the typical deployment cycle.



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  • SpectralynnSpectralynn
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    edited October 2013
    I was about 21 1/2 weeks when my SO deployed. I'm 25 weeks today. Our pregnancy was unplanned so there wasn't anything to do but plan as best we could for when he left. This is his 5th deployment and my first. So the first week and a half were pretty rough for me. Since then I have my days that are harder than others but I'm finally starting to feel like myself again.
    He'll be back for the delivery. But only for 2 weeks. After that, he'll still have 7 1/2 months to go before he can come home. I think that's the part that worries me the most. I'm a FTM so I'll he learning everything alone. The base he's stationed at is pretty particular about letting spouses come home for things like that so he's already had the leave tentatively approved. We just need to give exact dates.
    As for being here for the hard part, as I've read in other posts, for me, that was the 1st trimester. Fortunately he was here for that. I was also able to stop working during that time so that helped. As for the appts, he made it to every single one til he left. This next one will be my first one to go to alone. I think he feels more disappointed about missing the rest than me because he hates to think of me going through things alone. But I have a really good support group of family and friends, so I'll never have to really do anything alone. Also, Just got another job and my first day was actually today. It helps to stay busy and be around other people, for me at least.
    All that to say... Everyone is different. Whatever you feel like you can handle, go with that. But for the most part, we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Good luck!! :)
  • My husband is currently in his 3rd deployment and we are 7 months pregnant with identical twin boys. We have a 2 year old and discussed getting pregnant before this deployment because we didn't want to much space between siblings....got pregnant the first time trying before deployment and then 2 weeks before he left discovered that we were expecting twins! With our first child my husband was able to be here the whole pregnancy, birth and then left when she was 15 days old...so I had been through a deployment alone with a new baby before so we thought we could do it again....then the kicker you are getting two this time!! I decided to move back to where we grew up and am currently living with my parents to help with my sassy 2 year old and help when babies arrive in the next 2 months! Unfortunately my husband will not be able to come home for their birth but there is word that their deployment my be cut short and he would be able to come about a month after they arrive! It's extremely hard thinking of him not being here to welcome our boys into the world but I just know we are so blessed with his safety and a high risk pregnancy that has turned out to be very healthy and perfect! Hang in there ladies! It's hard and not ideal but it tends to work out just fine and the reunion of daddy and babies is magical and worth the wait!! God Bless you all!
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