Toddlers: 24 Months+

when is lack of PT a concern?

DS1 turned 3 in May. He is so against the potty since we began at about 20 months. In the beginning, it was very nonchalant. We just had the potty there, didn't force him to go on it--- just kind of said, "Oh hey, here's this thing. You can sit on it and pee! It's super cool!" He didn't take to it, but I figured with some encouragement he will.

Fast forward to now, and if you even suggest, "Do you need to try to go on the potty?" He yells, "No! Go away!" If you try to reach for him to pick him up, he punches, scratches, screams "NOOO!!!!" etc.

We have tried patience, sticker charts, jelly beans/other candies, special treats (whether that be activities that are a reward or something more than two jelly beans) I don't want to forcefully put him on the toilet, because I don't want there to be an even greater negative connotation than there already is now (though I have no idea where he got it)

We have tried several different style of pottys that goes on the toilet. We have tried a potty that sits on the ground. We have tried removing the seat entirely and letting him either sit on it himself or stand up to pee. We have tried staying in with him and we have tried giving him privacy.

We have tried putting him in underwear with "Oh my gosh, you're such a big boy! Wow!" and over encouragement. We have tried for several days in a row, and he just pees (or poops) in the underwear and all over everything that is around him.

I am at my whits effing end, and I am concerned that he is over three and has zero ambition for toilet training whatsoever.

He goes to daycare, and he will go in the toilet there but he absolutely will not go for myself, FI, his grandparents or a sitter.

I know that there are therapist for delays such as PT, but I don't know at what age it is considered a concern that they aren't PT, or have such an aversion to it. Is anything going through the same thing? 

 

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Re: when is lack of PT a concern?

  • erbearerbear
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    I think most boys pt sometime between 3-4. I would not worry and I would not push him. Let it be his idea.
    "Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies. God damn it, you've got to be kind." - Kurt Vonnegut
  • I'd drop the idea entirely for a month (let his potty be out, let his underwear be available, but just don't talk about it).  Then, when you decide you should try again, talk to him about it for a few weeks (yes, I said weeks - I talked to my daughter about it for about five) first, so the idea can really sink in.   Then try again.

    But give him a break for now.

    Also, you might try talking to him about what potty training means to him.  My daughter associated potty training with "being a big girl", but she also associated not being able to nurse any more with "being a big girl".  Hence, to her, potty training meant no more booby milk, and she didn't want that.  I had to talk to her about that for a while, and she seemed skeptical until it actually happened.  But you might ask - gently - about what sort of things he associates with using a big potty.  (And you might drop the "big boy" words, if using them. He might not want to be a big boy and give up the things associated with being a little boy.) 

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  • image TiffanyBerry:

    He might not want to be a big boy and give up the things associated with being a little boy.

    That makes a lot of sense. Thank you!

     

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  • I don't think he is considered delayed re the PT thing. However, if it was me, I would want to PT him at this point. At he is getting older, it will become tougher at this point. My friend's kid (now 5 1/2) still only poops in his diaper (because they were too relaxed about the timing of training him and took way too long to do it). You might want to drop the idea completely (including hiding the kid's potty) for about a month. Then, you can read the 3 day training method and try that method.
  • Ditto pp and take a break.  We just did it and DS is 3 1/2.  We tried last fall too and that was an epic fail.  This time he was ready and really good about it.
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  • I would just shelve the entire concept for a couple months.  A lot of kids aren't PT'd until 3-4 years old. 

    He probably is picking up on a lot of your frustrations as well.  Just let it go for a bit and try again in few months.

     It will happen when it happens.  No one goes to kindergarten in diapers.

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  • Wait-He goes at daycare but not for you?  That sounds like a control issue.  He's pushing you to see how far he can go.
  • image kimber926:
    Wait-He goes at daycare but not for you?  That sounds like a control issue.  He's pushing you to see how far he can go.

    It's not JUST me. It is everyone else around him, even those in FI's family and my family that don't see him often, usually people that when they say "jump" he jumps. But not for PTing. 

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  • Have you tried leaving him totally naked to see what happens?  Will he just go on the floor or do you think he might go on the potty if he knows there's NOTHING there to catch it otherwise?
    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • I feel like maybe you are trying too many different things. My nephews didn't potty train until they were 4. I would put away all things potty training for 2 months and then maybe try the 3 day method.
  • image dande2129:

    image kimber926:
    Wait-He goes at daycare but not for you?  That sounds like a control issue.  He's pushing you to see how far he can go.

    It's not JUST me. It is everyone else around him, even those in FI's family and my family that don't see him often, usually people that when they say "jump" he jumps. But not for PTing. 

    What works for daycare? What do they do?

    There, it might be more of a peer pressure/group thing - I know DD will nap in a dimly lit room with noise and no crib at daycare, but at home, there's no way she'd nap in that situation.  Daycare and the home environment are quite different - I wouldn't call that a control issue necessarily. 

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  • PT is technically not considered "delayed" until age 4...so you do have a little time until then :)
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  • I'm not sure what the age for concern would be, but DS wasn't what I would consider trained until a month after he turned 4. And that was after he was in underpants full time for over a year. He'd go weeks without accidents and I thought we were golden and then he'd have a week with multiple accidents a day.His pedi was actually shocked at his 4 year old appt that he wasn't fully trained yet because he was so into it at his 3 year appt and she was convinced he was going to train really easily. I think some kids just take longer. I'd probably drop it for a few weeks and then let him do it on his terms. Unfortunately it isn't something you can force them to do!
     
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