Parenting

Mixed feelings

Dh and I have always wanted three kids. He was watching me be sick today and he told me he doesn't want to do this again. He can't watch me be this sick; it's too hard and scary.

Part of me is sad, part happy.

Because honestly... If this baby is healthy I can't imagine doing this again. I know we can change our minds and could adopt, but he can be stubborn about my health. I'm fairly certain he won't budge on this.

And I'd rather know now that this could be last baby and so really savor it all.


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Re: Mixed feelings

  • SpookoSpooko
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    You were this sick before, right? So at some point his memory must have faded. Do you think he'll forget over time and then it's kind of up to you whether you feel up to a third or not? BC if you don't want to, you can refresh his memory. If you do want to, you can just be really enthusiastic? 

  • image Spooko:
    You were this sick before, right? So at some point his memory must have faded. Do you think he'll forget over time and then it's kind of up to you whether you feel up to a third or not? BC if you don't want to, you can refresh his memory. If you do want to, you can just be really enthusiastic?nbsp;


    I was, but it is likely to get worse with each pregnancy. I don't know how I feel. Last time we still had a shot of it being a fluke and this being normal. He doesn't like me dropping weight so quick or being unable to do anything. He gets worried.

    I'll wait. It's too early to plan now, but he wants me to prepare for the last one.


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  • Sorry that you're going through such a hard time, Rondack. What I'm reading here is that you probably agree with YH, but you just need time to come to that conclusion yourself...or I'm completely off base here...

    Is your midwife/OB helping you manage your nausea? 

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  • image bearsbearsbears:
    Sorry that you're going through such a hard time, Rondack. What I'm reading here is that you probably agree with YH, but you just need time to come to that conclusion yourself.Is your midwife/OB helping you manage your nausea?nbsp;

    Yeah. It helps some, but we're only at 7 weeks and 9 through 18 were hell with DS. I'm kind of scared.


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  • image Packerfan79:
    Rondack have you talked to your doctors about zolfran? I was put on it when I was preg with ds and it worked wonders.

    They're saving that for when it gets worse. For now reglan.


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  • DH is pretty set on 2 as well.  I was not sick at all the first time so I have no idea how I will feel about my desire to have three kids if I a, dreadfully ill the next time. 

    Sorry you are feeling so sick. Maybe your DH will feel differently after your MS (hopefully) passes and you are in a more pleasant stage of pregnancy.  

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  • image lasposa425:
    Just my humble opinion but If that's his only reason I don't really buy it. It's sweet he's concerned for you but not really a good reason to not go for it. He's not the one gettting sick, you are.

    this wa my knee jerk reaction as well. If the only thing is the sickness, then isn't it on you to say if you want to handle it or not? It does seem like you may be thinking two is ok but I wouldn't feel great about DH making decisions like that for me.  

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  • SpookoSpooko
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    I thought each pregnancy was different. I didn't know there was a trend. Take some time to think through the positives of 2 kids. DH was leaning more towards 2, and even after having DD I still wanted 3, but I was able to essentially go through the grieving process of the things I would miss and am now completely content with 2. 

  • image Spooko:
    I thought each pregnancy was different. I didn't know there was a trend. Take some time to think through the positives of 2 kids. DH was leaning more towards 2, and even after having DD I still wanted 3, but I was able to essentially go through the grieving process of the things I would miss and am now completely content with 2.nbsp;


    For hyperemesis it gets worse. I had it with DS and am headed that way again.

    I'm torn. Half of me is annoyed, half knows nine months of constant puke isn't good for any family.


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  • image HilarityEnsued:

    image lasposa425:
    Just my humble opinion but If that's his only reason I don't really buy it. It's sweet he's concerned for you but not really a good reason to not go for it. He's not the one gettting sick, you are.

    this wa my knee jerk reaction as well. If the only thing is the sickness, then isn't it on you to say if you want to handle it or not? It does seem like you may be thinking two is ok but I wouldn't feel great about DH making decisions like that for me.  

    I dunno you guys...it's not like Rondack has mild MS, it sounds like it was fairly debilitating with her last pregnancy and is pretty bad this time around.  I can completely understand a spouse saying that they weren't comfortable with going through it again, especially since it sounds like her doc said it will likely get worse with subsequent pregnancies.  Her H probably doesn't feel comfortable putting her through that.

    After all, the decision on how many kids a couple should have is a decision both parents have input on and who is to say his reasoning is not valid?

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  • I think you're both in the midst of a stressful situation and neither of you have to make any decisions today about number 3. likely you'll both change your mind a million times between now and when you actually have to make any decisions.

    I hope you feel better soon!


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  • Rondack, last week MH told me that he is fairly sure that he's done at 2.  We were never really set on 2 vs. 3, but now he said that he feels fairly certain that he's done at 2.  His real reason is that he's fairly certain that he can't handle more than that.  I'm not sure about my feelings on it. 

    I'm also feeling somewhat conflicted...but it's a little easier since I didn't' know what I wanted in the first place.  

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  • I'm sorry you are going through all of this, rondack. I had 3 rough pregnancies. I have to come off of my meds while pregnant and it was near unbearable. DH hated seeing me in pain. With each pregnancy, he didn't ever want me to be pregnant again. We ended up with 3 anyways.  I don't think the time to make the decision is while you are going through it. I really don't know what else to say. It's not an easy thing and so personal. (((hugs)))
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  • I am not trying to be insensitive. Nausea and whatnot is my absolute kryptonite. I am super scared about being sick next pregnancy. Maybe I would change my tune if the next pregnancy sucks. 
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  • image HilarityEnsued:
    I am not trying to be insensitive. Nausea and whatnot is my absolute kryptonite. I am super scared about being sick next pregnancy. Maybe I would change my tune if the next pregnancy sucks.nbsp;

    You weren't at all! No one was. I do think he has a point that losing dramatic amounts of weight and being constantly at risk of dehydration isn't safe and may not be something he wants to do again.


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  • image lasposa425:
    image HilarityEnsued:
    I am not trying to be insensitive. Nausea and whatnot is my absolute kryptonite. I am super scared about being sick next pregnancy. Maybe I would change my tune if the next pregnancy sucks.nbsp;
    I'm sorry. I think what wrote got misunderstood. I didn't mean you were being insensitive. I wrote "as insensitive" to mean "i hope I wasnt insensitive." Not as a comparative "as". Anywho. Sorry for the confusion... It's been a long day!

    oh no sorry!! I didn't think you meant me. I was just clarifying that I wasn't trying to be insensitive either!! No worries.  

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  • I hope you feel better soon. I was pretty miserable with my 2nd, after a breeze of a pregnancy with my 1st- and being pregnant, sick and worried WHILE parenting a little one is a real kick in the .

    But, even the worst cases- temporary. It may seem so far out right now, but, you know it all flies (especially with 2nds+). I just don't think now is a good time for these conversations- you may feel better tomorrow, next week, or when 2nd tri starts- maybe zofran will help a lot. Maybe you won't be sick at all with a subsequent pregnancy. Who knows. But, you absolutely do not need that stress on you right now. So, zipit, both of you. :)

    Feel better!! SOON!

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  • We are one and done, mainly because that's what DH wants. It is so hard to swallow but I know it's right for us. Even still, I think about it a lot. I think it's normal to be upset or melancholy about your last baby. Big hugs.

    Also, I'm so sorry you are sick, and I hope you can find relief.
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  • image kiraliz2:
    We are one and done, mainly because that's what DH wants. It is so hard to swallow but I know it's right for us. Even still, I think about it a lot. I think it's normal to be upset or melancholy about your last baby. Big hugs.

    Also, I'm so sorry you are sick, and I hope you can find relief.
    yup. We have 4 kids and DH is done. I am totally in agreement that it is not financially or emotionally responsible but there's something in me that still wants another. I think it will always be there.


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  • I also think that making this big of a decision right now is probably not the best of idea.  Also, it is you getting sick and not your DH.  I know it sucks, but look at the end result, I think it is worth it.  If is ultimately you who will be dealing with it, so you have a major say, IMO.  Maybe talk to your DH and tell him you will talk about this at a later time and do not want to make any firm decisions now.

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  • image mamaREB29:
    I think you're both in the midst of a stressful situation and neither of you have to make any decisions today about number 3. likely you'll both change your mind a million times between now and when you actually have to make any decisions. I hope you feel better soon!

    All of this! I remember trying to give Ds a bath while dry heaving in the toilet so violently my kid started to cry, which then made me cry. I said to Dh that I was never.ever doing this again! 

    And after I delivered my Dd, my MW joked about baby #3 coming fast. I looked her square in the eye and said what makes you think I am ever doing that again?! And I meant it! 

    I'm really really wanting a third now and having a hard time accepting that we are done at 2 :/  Things change. Perspective changes. You'll decide what's right for your family when the timing is right, not during/directly after a traumatic experience. 

    Eta feel better fast mama!! Poor thing  

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  • I really hope you feel better. I'm so scared to get pregnant because of my HG from last time. I can't let my kid see me be as sick as I was before. Mine didn't go away until my emergency csection. I was still vomiting during delivery. I really understand the feeling
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  • i am so sorry you are going through this :(  i had HG with all three pregnancies and it is truly horrible.  for me, the nausea and vomiting did get worse with each pregnancy, but it also didn't last as long.  with DD1, i was sick all day, every day until the day i delivered her at 39 weeks.  with DS, i was only sick for 29 weeks.  with DD2, i was the most ill,  i lost 30lbs and only gained back 26, but i stopped getting sick around 25 weeks.

    reglan did nothing for me but make me anxious. if you are worried about starting zofran now, try taking 1/2 a unisom pill and a B6 tablet. after each pregnancy, i said i was never doing this again.  i even got rid of all our baby stuff and maternity clothes after DS.  two years later, i got all twitchy  to have another.  time will make you forget how bad it was.  i hope you are able to find some relief from your HG.

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  • DH and I wanted 3 kids as well. My second pregnancy was awful. My uterus was so irritable that I had peeterm labor contractions starting at 30 weeks. And they were painful and the drugs could barely hold them off. It got to the point where it was hard for me to get up and get a drink of water without pain. Then my body went completelt haywire after delivery and my recovery was so slow. Emotionally, it was hard on my DH to see me so ill, to be in charge of the house, our kid, and still workinh as much as he could. We decided to not do it again after my doctor told me that the preterm labor would definitely be worse with subsequent pregnancies. Not worth it for us.

    I hope you start to get some relief soon. Don't make any hasty decisions about anything yet but do take your H's feelings into consideration a little bit. This stuff is hard on them, too.

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  • It is hard to know that it might be your last pregnancy.  I do have three, but we started off thinking we wanted 4.  I also got sick through each pregnancy, but not like you and I could deal with my low level MS.  I decided I was done when during my third pregnancy I developed SPD (the pubic bones separate).  It was so painful I needed help going upstairs, getting in bed, getting dressed.  Once I was in bed I could not move.  Since we made the decision during pregnancy I was really able to relax and enjoy my third since I knew it was my last.
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  • I would let some time pass and play it by ear. Ultimately, if sickness is his only reason, the decision lies mostly with you. If you want another but don't want to go through another rough time, there are other options. Adoption or being a foster parent, for instance.

    Hope you start feeling better and getting some relief soon! 




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  • I admire you for being the one thinking you might not be done.  I had a breezy first pregnancy and this one is nothing like that.  With all the nausea and puking, I am the one who is thinking this will be my last pregnancy and I have no real remorse about that right now.  DH doesn't like seeing me sick either but thinks of it as temporary and growing our family as permanent.  On the other hand, I can't get past my feelings of this being a terrible way to live and parent for 9 months, and feel like if we want a third we will adopt.

    Overall, I know that time will fade these memories and who knows if we will decide to do another pregnancy.  I am team right now is probably not the ideal time to talk about it. 

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