3rd Trimester

Nasty Emails- Update

Here is the email I sent.

Also- we sent the email because we had people visit last time without asking or calling. We were very polite when they came- but wanted to avoid it this time.

I just got a reply from my grandma saying "I would love to come once you're home! Let me know when you're up for visitors!"

I also got one from his grandmother. It simply said "Whatever..."

 

Hello all!
I thought we would give you guys an update on our baby situation. Our C-section is scheduled (late) for August 21st. My Dr. wants me to "make it as long as I can."  However, If I go into labor anytime on or after the 7th (which will most likely happen), they won't stop it with medicine anymore and they will take her then. We are both very excited and I'm ready to NOT be pregnant anymore. 
Unfortunately, I'm not to travel more than around 30-45 minutes from (hospital location) after the 7th. I am okay with this, as I don't want to have a baby anywhere other than there. We have loved having visitors lately- so if you're bored shoot us a text! :) 
Shortly after our last C- section, we decided as a family that we are going to have minimal visitors at the hospital this time. I don't do well with the meds and I was in A LOT of pain. We are going to limit the visitors to parents and siblings (and their spouses, of course!) A huge reason we are doing this is because we want to have (DD #1) in our room as much as possible so that our new little family can spend some time with the baby, just the four of us.  Unfortunately, the hospital doesn't allow any children (under 18) unless it is a sibling of the baby. So that stinks too :(
We would love to have you all visit once we are home and settled after we get out of the hospital and I'm not a crazy drugged- up person :)
We know that she is a little girl and we have decided to name her (BABY S). The middle name is still up in the air. 
We hope everything is well with all of you and your summers are going great! 
With Love, (OUR FAMILY NAME)
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Re: Nasty Emails- Update

  • Your email was super nice. If this person can't respect your wishes and is being sensitive I would ignore it, and keep it moving. U made it clear that visitors were welcome after u were home... What more do people want from you? Try not to let that get to you!
  • If that's unedited from what you sent, than I see no reason for anyone to reply in a snarky manner.  You made it clear that you would welcome visitors once you were back an home.

    BFP #1 09/15/09, MMC 09/28/09
    BFP #2 06/04/12, EDD 02/09/13, MC at 6w3d on 06/18/12
    BFP #3 01/16/13, EDD 10/04/13, Born 09/17/13

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  • It is a straight copy/paste (besides the changed names and places) from my email. I thought the same thing, but the overwhelming negative responses from his family made me pretty upset. Im trying to shrug it off. I guess I have no idea why they are upset. It was sent to both families. And I made it clear we want visitors once we are home. Ugh :(
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  • M0ONM0ON
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    Honestly, I would guess the bit about having parents, siblings AND their spouses might be a big part of why theyre miffed. Thats still *a lot* of people that get to visit in the hospital, so his aunt/grandma are probably just feeling singled out arbitrarily.

    But still, it really is 100% your decision who visits you in the hospital, so they should have just responded gracefully and kept their peace about it.

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  • Your email was really nice, and I think you did the right thing informing them beforehand of your wishes. It helps you avoid the awkwardness of asking them to leave if they show up unannounced. 

    Honestly, your DH's aunt and grandma sound childish. I'd let your husband handle them and their issues.  


    12/19/2012 BFP! 
    EDD 08/26/2013 
    Our little girl arrived 8/22/2013!
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  • image JNLLSM:
    Why do folks think they have rights to your birth and child. People have respect during any other surgery why is birth any different.

    Agreed!
  • I thought your email was very sweet, and you even explained that you are expecting to be in a lot of pain and not in good shape to entertain many visitors. (Not that I think anyone needs to explain why they do/don't want to have visitors after giving birth because it's their baby.) Don't let people who respond in a negative way make you upset; it's not their right to be at the hospital and if they were mature they would respect and understand your decision.

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  • Honestly I wouldn't even bother with a response, this situation doesn't involve them (not like it does you and your immediate family) and I think it's selfish of them to be so rude with their responses. You were extremely nice in the way you sent your email and responses/people like that just make me want to punch someone. 
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  • image stv19932:
    Honestly I wouldn't even bother with a response, this situation doesn't involve them (not like it does you and your immediate family) and I think it's selfish of them to be so rude with their responses. You were extremely nice in the way you sent your email and responses/people like that just make me want to punch someone. 

    How I felt exactly.  

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  • Adrd47Adrd47
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    While I definitely think their comments are rude, and I'm not trying to downplay that, they may have felt singled out since you sent the email stating that you only wanted certain famil members there right away, and they were the only two not included in that. Still, very immature and rude on their part to react that way when it's completely understandable to limit visitors while you're recovering from surgery.
  • image Adrd47:
    While I definitely think their comments are rude, and I'm not trying to downplay that, they may have felt singled out since you sent the email stating that you only wanted certain famil members there right away, and they were the only two not included in that. Still, very immature and rude on their part to react that way when it's completely understandable to limit visitors while you're recovering from surgery.

    This, I agree 100% that it is your choice who you have visit you and I personally wouldn't want a big crowd either. But I would have a hard time telling my grandmother or my husband's grandmother that they weren't welcome but our siblings spouses were welcome.

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  • I don't care how you came up with who was allowed to visit at the hospital. It doesn't matter. It is your call. No one, despite what they may think, is entitled to be there. They can put on their adult underpants and deal with it. Lord.
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  • image foxyroxy:
    I don't care how you came up with who was allowed to visit at the hospital. It doesn't matter. It is your call. No one, despite what they may think, is entitled to be there. They can put on their adult underpants and deal with it. Lord.

    The fact that you just said "adult underpants" makes me want to be your best friend.  

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  • image hswan91011:

    image Adrd47:
    While I definitely think their comments are rude, and I'm not trying to downplay that, they may have felt singled out since you sent the email stating that you only wanted certain famil members there right away, and they were the only two not included in that. Still, very immature and rude on their part to react that way when it's completely understandable to limit visitors while you're recovering from surgery.

    This, I agree 100% that it is your choice who you have visit you and I personally wouldn't want a big crowd either. But I would have a hard time telling my grandmother or my husband's grandmother that they weren't welcome but our siblings spouses were welcome.

    Agreed. I think your email was nice, and I completely understand your reasons. But i think it is the fact that your siblings' spouses can come (who aren't family by blood) but not the grandmother and aunt who are related. Especially if it is true that the aunt and grandmother were the only 2 on the email list being excluded. And while you are allowed to have whoever you want there, I would personally be pissed if I, as a blood relative, was excluded from going but my husband's brother's wife could go. JMO.

    Maybe just say parents, and no siblings and spouses?

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  • Your email was very polite and to the point.  They are probably getting their panties in a twist because they are not getting their way.  Your grandmother's response was appropriate and what someone with an adult mentality, who actually cares about the Mama more than themselves, would say.  I may actually use some of your wording when communicating our wishes to the people around us.   

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  • The email was sent to both families, so several were "left out." My husband responded to her and told her that. We weren't sure how she thought it was just the two of them when she could see everyone I sent it to.  

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  • image GermanShredders:

    Your email was very polite and to the point.  They are probably getting their panties in a twist because they are not getting their way.  Your grandmother's response was appropriate and what someone with an adult mentality, who actually cares about the Mama more than themselves, would say.  I may actually use some of your wording when communicating our wishes to the people around us.   

    hopefully yours goes over better than mine!  

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  • image JNLLSM:
    Why do folks think they have rights to your birth and child. People have respect during any other surgery why is birth any different.


    This!

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  • image foxyroxy:
    I don't care how you came up with who was allowed to visit at the hospital. It doesn't matter. It is your call. No one, despite what they may think, is entitled to be there. They can put on their adult underpants and deal with it. Lord.

    This. F them if they don't like it. What big babies. And shame on them for giving you grief during this exciting time in your life!  

  • image mrssamarataylor:
    image JNLLSM:
    Why do folks think they have rights to your birth and child. People have respect during any other surgery why is birth any different.
    This!

    No kidding! I'm appalled by what some people think is appropriate. 

  • Your email was nice and thoughtful and you still said you wanted people to visit just after some time. If anyone decided they needed to be snarky or bent out of shape about it that is their issue. I would respond to any snarky emails I got. Honestly this is your body, your family and your time to heal. You should be able to just write an email saying hey don't come right now and people should be okay with it.
  • Believe me I sympathize with this situation after my experience with DH's family when DS was born. Your email was very nice. They are being super weird about things. Checking the recipient list of your email and then calling you out like that? Weird! And childish.

    You could apologize for any hurt feelings but stand your ground on limiting visitors. This is for you and DH to decide. They will get over it.
    DS: 2/17/11          DD: 9/4/13
  • image Darkmynkee@aol.com:
    image JNLLSM:
    Why do folks think they have rights to your birth and child. People have respect during any other surgery why is birth any different.

    Agreed!


    Exactly.

    This isn't a time to be a people pleaser. Your email was as well said as it could have been.

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  • Just lurking here... But I think you did a great job getting to the point without being rude. I think sending out an email like this before hand is a great idea. There is no reason for your H's family to be offended by this. They need to get over it. Part of me thinks you shouldn't even respond to them, but then it might help to say something like "No, we sent this to everyone on my side of the family too. They were all fine with it. If you'd like to come when we are settled, you are welcome to but due to my complications with the meds after my csection, this is what will be best for my health and the well being of our family."

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  • I thought your email was worded well. I don't know why people feel entitled to visit at the hospital anyway. Moms need time to rest, recover, and bond with the baby. You made it clear that they could visit once you get home. I totally understand where you're coming from because I also had some unannounced visitors when I had DS and I didn't get a chance to rest.
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  • RK125RK125
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    I think you're email was polite and to the point. You expressed your wishes and hey need to get over themselves.
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  • Very nice email.  I think family members being anything other than 100% supportive of your wishes right now are out of their minds.  If anything, you have the right to be pissed at them for putting this unneeded stress on you when you've been nothing but nice.  You are having surgery, it's not like they would be visiting you at the spa.  Sheesh.
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    Married 12/8/07 | Sleeve Gastrectomy 10/19/09
    BFP#1 DD born 3/9/11 | BFP#4 DD born 9/20/13
    BFP#2 6/21/12, M/C at 5w2d | BFP#3 11/27/12, M/C at 6w6d
  • I would never in a million years be offended by this.  It is a HOSPITAL for crying out loud, not a function hall.  People are there because they are medically fragile and need care.  Why anyone would be mad that they had to wait until you got home is seriously beyond me.  Honestly, even if one of my siblings or their spouses didn't want visitors, I would honor that and not be offended in the least.  They need to relax.

  • Your email seems fine and appropriate as people seem to have their own ideas about the birth of YOUR child.  We have had to make it very clear to several family members that we are not having visitors until after the birth which has hurt some feelings as people thought they would be in the room without ever discussing this with us! Ugh

     

    I would just let your husband deal with this one since it's his family being immature.  Good luck - this drama is stupid, hopefully it blows over soon!

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  • I think your email is just fine!!  Even though you didn't need to, you did explain why you want minimal visitors and it didn't seem to point the finger at any one person. This is YOUR family's first moment's together....no need to defend yourself. I would just tell the Aunt where to stick it! I have a very difficult time with my MIL and everything that I do or say, she does or says the opposite...just stick to your guns. This is your life, not hers. Good luck!   
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