Loss

Not a good day for mistakes

I know I've been absent lately, but I'm so upset right now and I'm home alone. I feel like I can't breathe. (Quick background, my mom has been dating the guy she's with for like 5 years. He has a stepdaughter, also named Jenny, from his previous marriage and she's in her 40s. She just had a baby about 5/6 months ago)

So my mom is babysitting the baby--I had talked about going to her house tonight, but she even said to me, "I'm babysitting [baby]--I don't want it to be too hard on you. It's even hard on me sometimes." Turns out, I'm having a terrible last few days, so I stayed home. So I'm sitting here trying to find articles on TTCAL and grief out on the web and I get a picture of [baby] and my mom--he's holding a Graham cracker. Caption says, "Grahams with Grams!" 

My stomach hits the floor. I had no idea that my mom was referring to herself as Grandma with her boyfriend's stepdaughter's kid. Astrid was to be her first grandchild. It was like getting punched in the gut. Follow up text comes in right after that says, "He just ate peas and fruit--do you want me to give him his bottle tonight too?" At this point I'm feeling sick. These are texts that I should be getting about my baby. 

I just simply replied, "Wrong Jenny." She replied right away and says, "I am so sorry." I then turn off my phone. I don't know what to do. I know it was a mistake, but I am so incredibly upset right now. She just tried to skype me as well. 

BFP # 1 11/2011, MC 12/2011 
BFP #2 11/2012, Delivered at 21 weeks on 3/16/13 due to complications with bilateral renal agenesis. 
~~Missing Astrid Lynne~~
BFP#3: 09/2013, EDD 5/14/14

Lilypie - (9zLl)
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Re: Not a good day for mistakes

  • Big hugs to you. That's so hard. It stinks to have that all shoved in your face and I can definetely relate to that as my sister has a little girl and my parents are completely obssessed with her. I love my neice of course but it doesn't change the fact that it is so damn hard to see them with her. Your child will always be her first grandchild and that will never change. I hope tomorrow is a much better day for you.
  • Oh wow, that is tough. I am so sorry you have to deal with that. Hugs to you.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

    BFP #1 Jan. 2011 - mmc Mar. 2011 
    BFP #2 Aug. 2011 - My sleeping angel Stella, born April 21, 2012 
    BFP #3 Nov. 2012 - mmc Dec. 2012
    BFP #4 April 2013 - mc May 2013
    BFP #5 Sept. 2013 - EDD 5.24.14
  • Thank you, thank you, thank you ladies--I needed someone to tell me I'm not crazy. Someone that understands. Just trying to decide if I should call my mom back now or not. I really don't want to right now, but I don't want her to go to bed with guilt. 
    BFP # 1 11/2011, MC 12/2011 
    BFP #2 11/2012, Delivered at 21 weeks on 3/16/13 due to complications with bilateral renal agenesis. 
    ~~Missing Astrid Lynne~~
    BFP#3: 09/2013, EDD 5/14/14

    Lilypie - (9zLl)
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  • I am so very sorry, what an incredibly hard day. 
    Lilypie - (qptF)


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  • image JennyLynne:
    Thank you, thank you, thank you ladies--I needed someone to tell me I'm not crazy. Someone that understands. Just trying to decide if I should call my mom back now or not. I really don't want to right now, but I don't want her to go to bed with guilt. 
     

     

    Definitely not crazy. I get amazed at some if the small things that just trigger me. Things so much smaller than what you went through tonight. I'm sorry you had a rough night and I hope it gets better.  

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  • SIGGY


    My stomach hit the floor for you; you aren't crazy. I would be really upset by that, too. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that; I hope tomorrow is better. Sending big hugs.
    ________________________________________________________________________________


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  • Oh Jenny I'm so sorry!  That had to be so hard, especially hearing that your mom is referring to herself as grams.  I know this probably doesn't help you much because it's not in the way you wanted it to be, or the way it should be, but Astrid IS her first granddaughter.  But I totally know what you mean, I would be so hurt by her going by grandma, but also for sending the pics to you despite it being an accident.  Big hugs!

    Lilypie - (1UBe)

    Lilypie - (QaQg)

     My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, Kayla Kathryn born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks.  Our rainbow, Emily Kathryn born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!

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  • I know exactly how your feel...my SIL had twins a month before my EDD...somedays I can totally take it and some days it feels like they are shoving a knife into my stomach and twisting it whenever my in laws make a comment about the twins.  In a way I feel betrayal...even though I know they aren't trying to do that to me.  All of this sucks so bad...I hate that we have to deal with these things so soon after our losses.

    ((HUGS))

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    5/7/13- MMC (8 Weeks)

    11/6/13- BO discovered at 7 weeks- natural MC 11/25/13

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  • I am so sorry...that's so yucky.

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  • Oh my goodness! I am so sorry.

    ((HUGS))

    BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08
    BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12

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  • Thanks again ladies--I did some tapping on the situation last night and feel less anxiety over it. But I'm still a little mad even though I know it was an accident. I haven't called her/texted her yet. Just still need space I guess. Thanks for all the e-hugs!
    BFP # 1 11/2011, MC 12/2011 
    BFP #2 11/2012, Delivered at 21 weeks on 3/16/13 due to complications with bilateral renal agenesis. 
    ~~Missing Astrid Lynne~~
    BFP#3: 09/2013, EDD 5/14/14

    Lilypie - (9zLl)
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  • Ugh. I am so sorry you have to deal with this on top of your loss.  I hope things get easier and your mom realizes how hard this is for you.  Lots of hugs to you!!!

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    BFP#2 10/18/13  Blighted ovum 11/25/13

    BFP #3 1/31/14 EDD 10/18/14 -- It's a GIRL!

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