2nd Trimester

Difference in religion....tough one

So i'm wondering how many of you have thought about what religion to raise your child in, if any. I am a Christian, and when I married my husband, he was starting to follow Christianity. After awhile he said he pretty much just "went with it" so we could get married. I was extremely hurt at first, but we ARE married so, not much I can really do about it. But now we are expecting, and I am worried he is going to want to teach our child the things he has been researching- things like Reiki, the Kabylion, and that kinda thing. He is schizoaffective and when episodic, wants to do nothing but research and talk about it, claiming that we are all gods, that he is programming the new universe and is the one who will bring it into existence....just alot of weird *** that goes against what I believe. 

I know this is a really wierd one, as it's not as simple as catholic vs protestant or anything like that.

thoughts? 

Re: Difference in religion....tough one

  • image CNYBride05:

    Sounds tricky.  Just for clarification purposes, Reiki is not a religion and I think you mean Kabbalah, not Kabylion, which is a spiritual following.  Neither of these is counter to Christianty, necessarily.

    This is clearly a much larger issue than Internet strangers can help you with, but I'd recommend a) being open minded, b) clarifying his hopes/wants/needs as well as your own, c) making sure his medications/doses are appropriate and lastly, but perhaps most importantly, d) seek couples counseling.  This is NOT going to go away and there will be hundreds of other stressors when your LO arrives.

    All of this.

    Also, there is no harm is teaching your child from multiple religions.  I was raised both jewish and catholic.

    photo regina_zpsee0752b3.gif

    image

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    image
    BFP #1 mm/c at 12w1d


  • Not much to do except earnestly live your faith in front your child.  He or she will make a choice in the end. 

    If I had to make a guess, having a father with random spiritual inclinations will probably not be a very appealing path to anyone growing up viewing it.  It's like watching a leaf get blown around in the wind. The parable in Luke about the two people who each build a house, one on a strong foundation and the other on loose sand, come to mind.  

    Our family is complete!

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • image Sing2phins:
    I'm not sure I see the problem in exposing your kids to different religions, but then, I was raised Unitarian and we learned all about all the different religions in Sunday School.

    Part of the issue is the OP is not educated about what her husband is actually talking about if in fact she believes that Reiki and Kabylion are religions.  

    I agree, there is nothing wrong with being exposed to a variety of religious beliefs and practices.  However, it is important to have a clear idea of what the religious beliefs/philosophy(ies) of the home are.  

    My husband and I took an interfaith class to address some of the larger issues at hand.  It was helpful for us in exploring our own beliefs and what is important to us and allowed us to better chose what we want to impart to our children.  I happened to get my sticky BFP while we were taking this class :-)

    Natural m/c Oct. 2005

    Dx: balanced translocation and LPD

    TTC since Oct 2011

    BPF 02/19/12, EDD 10/31/12, natural m/c 02/28/12 (4w6d)

    IVF (BCPs starting 10/30/12, ER 11/18/12, 5dt of 1 beautiful, healthy embryo 11/23/12)
    BFP 12/02/12, u/s @ 6w,5d showed 2 HBs! Identical twins!!
    Bed rest from 21w-35w due to short cervix, hospital bed rest from 23w-32w due to PTL
    Our rainbows were born 07/19/13 (36w, 5d)

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • i know that Reiki is not a religion. Those were just examples of things he has been researching. Last time he was episodic, he believed that the Arcturian race of aliens was in charge and they were contacting him to be the "bringer of light" and some of the things he is researching now are along similar lines. 

    But i do agree with the ideas of counseling.....may be very helpful.  

  • image missjean81302:

    i know that Reiki is not a religion. Those were just examples of things he has been researching. Last time he was episodic, he believed that the Arcturian race of aliens was in charge and they were contacting him to be the "bringer of light" and some of the things he is researching now are along similar lines. 

    But i do agree with the ideas of counseling.....may be very helpful.  

    I also have to add that you married a man whom you knew to have a mental illness, that while controllable, does lend itself to having less mainstream beliefs in general...  Is he taking his meds?  I work in mental health (as does my husband) and being involved with someone with a major mental illness can be very hard.  Good luck! 

    Natural m/c Oct. 2005

    Dx: balanced translocation and LPD

    TTC since Oct 2011

    BPF 02/19/12, EDD 10/31/12, natural m/c 02/28/12 (4w6d)

    IVF (BCPs starting 10/30/12, ER 11/18/12, 5dt of 1 beautiful, healthy embryo 11/23/12)
    BFP 12/02/12, u/s @ 6w,5d showed 2 HBs! Identical twins!!
    Bed rest from 21w-35w due to short cervix, hospital bed rest from 23w-32w due to PTL
    Our rainbows were born 07/19/13 (36w, 5d)

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image CNYBride05:
    image missjean81302:

    i know that Reiki is not a religion. Those were just examples of things he has been researching. Last time he was episodic, he believed that the Arcturian race of aliens was in charge and they were contacting him to be the "bringer of light" and some of the things he is researching now are along similar lines. 

    But i do agree with the ideas of counseling.....may be very helpful.  

    I also have to add that you married a man whom you knew to have a mental illness, that while controllable, does lend itself to having less mainstream beliefs in general...  Is he taking his meds?  I work in mental health (as does my husband) and being involved with someone with a major mental illness can be very hard.  Good luck! 

    I have to say that your husband's mental health issues sound like a problem that needs to be dealt with way before you need to worry about what religion to raise your LO in.

    Some of what you are talking about your husband researching is not necessarily his beliefs that he wants to pass on to a child - it sounds like schizoid fantasies that he is trying to understand or explain. If he is not in counseling with a therapist on his own, he really needs to be.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image
    image
  • image dontstopbelievin:

    That's tough, first things first, I agree with PP that you should talk to your husband about it.  Second, I feel like I want to share my beliefs with my child, and I want my husband to do the same, but I also want my child to know that there are more than 2 options out there and they need to do what's right for them. I like going to church, DH doesn't, but he has a friend who is a pastor and he talks to him once or twice a week.

    I like that DH and I both do what is right for us.  When I was in high school, my Sunday School took us to all sorts of different churches, and a synagogue.  It gave us the option to see what else was out there.  They would set up time for us to speak to the preacher/reverend/rabbi/father and ask any questions we had about their service or their beliefs.  

    I think it's natural to want my child to be like me and believe like me, but I feel like to do my job as a parent the right way, I need to make sure my child knows that they have a choice and they will be supported in that decision.  

    This could be a great opportunity to teach your child that people are different in what they believe, and we love them and respect them even if we don't agree with them.

    Agree 100% with what's in bold. Aside from talking with your husband and getting a clearer understanding of what his beliefs are, I also agree with PPs that you and your husband should make sure that his medication is managed appropriately, just to cover all your bases.

    Lilypie - (BKXw)

  • image Sing2phins:
    I'm not sure I see the problem in exposing your kids to different religions...

     This. I don't think religious or spiritual education for a child has to be exclusive of letting them know there are other religions and beliefs, and that we can respect and learn about them. Is your DH ok with you taking your child to a Christian church and teaching Christian ideas? If so, then why not do that, but also teach your child to respect that others have different religious and spiritual beliefs and let them know that dad is interested in learning about other people beliefs. 

    I get the idea from your post that your DH can get a little intense with this sometimes. The only thing I would worry about is confusing or scaring your child if he's pacing the floors ranting about gods and such. I would just ask that he keep his studies or current practices calm. 

    ETA: Just read your follow up posts. What your DH is discussing goes beyond being a religion/spirituality issue. My concern there would, again, be the issue of scaring or confusing your child. Is he able to keep these wild ideas quieter, or are episodes more manic? If this is more than fleeting extreme interests and crosses into manic, there's mental health issues that needs work.  

    -----------------------------------------------------------------

    mutt_zps2fb5f039-1_zps7220f27c
    BFP 11.8.12 * EDD 7.17.13 * MC 12.20.12
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
     photo bump_zpsf1e8435c.jpgRIP Post Count
     
  • LuCloLuClo
    250 Answers 500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    member
    I agree with pp that stabilizing the episodes of mental health should be priority one.

    But to your original question DH is Greek Orthodox, I'm agnostic with a hearty athiest lean and some eclectic nonreligious spiritual practices; so about as far apart as it gets. But at the end of the day our core values are the same. We respect each other's beliefs and support. I've gone to church with DH for important stuff. He's never spoken negatively about my beliefs. For us that works and that's what we'll present to baby. Baby will be baptized in DH's church important to him but learn there are other options important to me.

    My parents were opposite too Catholic and Athiest. Where it didn't work for them was when they spoke negatively about each other's beliefs and I saw the animosity.
    TTC since August 2010
    DH diagnosed with Azoospermia in January 2012
    Vas reconstruction surgery in April 2012; unsuccessful

    IVF with ICSI February 2013; single blastocyst 5dt
    First beta March 1 is 147!!!

    image
  • image msspeedymarie:
    image CNYBride05:
    image missjean81302:

    i know that Reiki is not a religion. Those were just examples of things he has been researching. Last time he was episodic, he believed that the Arcturian race of aliens was in charge and they were contacting him to be the "bringer of light" and some of the things he is researching now are along similar lines. 

    But i do agree with the ideas of counseling.....may be very helpful.  

    I also have to add that you married a man whom you knew to have a mental illness, that while controllable, does lend itself to having less mainstream beliefs in general...  Is he taking his meds?  I work in mental health (as does my husband) and being involved with someone with a major mental illness can be very hard.  Good luck! 

    I have to say that your husband's mental health issues sound like a problem that needs to be dealt with way before you need to worry about what religion to raise your LO in.

    Some of what you are talking about your husband researching is not necessarily his beliefs that he wants to pass on to a child - it sounds like schizoid fantasies that he is trying to understand or explain. If he is not in counseling with a therapist on his own, he really needs to be.

    This is where I am at. I stopped cold when you told me he has a mental disorder and no mention of treatment.

    Your kid will figure out what they believe later on no matter what you raise them with. Exposing them to different beliefs early can help them  understand that there are different people everywhere with different beliefs.  

    Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers

    image

    image

    July 2014 BMB Siggy Challenge
    View Full Size Image
    NTNP Since August 2014
    ***
    TTC for #3 in January 2016!

  • What does you husband want the child to learn?

    It is a good opportunity to teach your child that people have different beliefs. To me, it doesn't have to be one or the other. Mommy believes this because of this, daddy has different beliefs and he believes this.
  • One of my good friends is Lutheran and her husband is Jewish.  Their plan is to let the kids decide when they get older what religion they want to follow.   I also know of a lot of vietnamese Buddhists that have married Catholics and the children are Catholic but they are taught Buddhism as a cultural aspect of being Asian.  Good luck.  I am sure you and your husband will find something that works.
  • LuCloLuClo
    250 Answers 500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    member
    After thinking it over more, maybe the best strategy is for you and DH to sit down when he's NOT having an episode to talk about what's important to each of you.  Then express your concerns about how he changes during periods of instability, and talk about how you guys can work together to reinforce the core values that you do agree on during those points.  For instance- it might be that DH is encouraged to teach the little one about his beliefs, while he's stable.  But when he's not you both agree that it isn't beneficial for him to talk about that topic with the baby.
    TTC since August 2010
    DH diagnosed with Azoospermia in January 2012
    Vas reconstruction surgery in April 2012; unsuccessful

    IVF with ICSI February 2013; single blastocyst 5dt
    First beta March 1 is 147!!!

    image
  • image blue_elle:


    I get the idea from your post that your DH can get a little intense with this sometimes. The only thing I would worry about is confusing or scaring your child if he's pacing the floors ranting about gods and such. I would just ask that he keep his studies or current practices calm. 

    ETA: Just read your follow up posts. What your DH is discussing goes beyond being a religion/spirituality issue. My concern there would, again, be the issue of scaring or confusing your child. Is he able to keep these wild ideas quieter, or are episodes more manic? If this is more than fleeting extreme interests and crosses into manic, there's mental health issues that needs work.  



    This was my feeling when I read your post last night, but didn't know how to word it.

    N '13 November Siggy Challenge- Sexy Facial Hair

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Brad Pitt's Beard


    AnniversaryBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards