Stay at Home Moms

I hate being a SAHM

I don't usually post but I'm wondering if anyone feels this way sometimes? I might be a"special snowflake" because I have one year old twins and a three year old. I currently am refusing to clean or cook because I can't take it anymore. It's the same thing everyday. I can't keep the house clean and I'm sick of all the dishes. DH's schedule is so crazy and demanding that we hardly see him. I have given up on getting out of the house because it's so much work. I'm just completely miserable lately and I'm starting to feel like I'm not cut out for this. I do exercise after the kids go to bed or try to before they get up because I'm trying to focus on being healthy. I've taken that on as a hobby but it's not making me feel better. 
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Re: I hate being a SAHM

  • Sounds like you need to change things up a bit.  I don't know what to specifically suggest though.  If you don't have fun leaving the house with the kids, what about taking some time to yourself once your H is home?  Like on a weekend?  

    Are you wanting to return to work?   

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  • image Hav=Fath:

    Could you join a gym that has daycare so you could have a couple hours of time for yourself during the day? 

    Get a mother's helper for a few hours every day?

    Hire someone to clean your house?

    If you are not happy it's not a terrible idea to go back to work. Did you like your job and could you afford daycare if you did?

    I know that's a lot of questions, but things that popped in my head. 

    I'm thinking about hiring someone to clean the house once or twice a month. I liked my job but it wouldn't even break even with daycare. We don't need me to work so DH thinks it's silly. I guess I just need more breaks. :(  I need to do something. 

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  • We pay a sitter the same amount that o make working. But being able to work and not have to think about SAH things all day long really has helped me. I was home for 4ish years and hated it by the end.

    Def get someone to clean every once in awhile, and make sure you get days off when your DH isn't working. Hang in there!
    DS1 - Feb 2008

    DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)

  • Wow!!! I have a 3yo and 1yo twins too and I'm at an all time low. So hard.

    The problem with our situation is we can't go anywhere!!! It's impossible unless twins are in stroller. It's isolating. They destroy the house every moment. I have a cleaning lady come every 2w. It's clean for about 45 seconds!!!

    Miserable sahn right here too :
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  • I'm a full-time working mom with a demanding job and a husband who travels for months at a time. 

     

    Some suggestions:   Cleaning service, mother's helper a few times a week, more "you" time, part-time job even if you just break even. 

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  • Do you have any help? I was in a serious rut over the winter. A combination of cabin fever and 1st trimester exhaustion. I ended up taking an unplanned trip to see my mommy and be taken care of (and have someone else take care of DD). If this is a long-term issue for you, I'd definitely get some help - either family or hire a babysitter, sign-up for a MDO program, join a gym with childcare. Something.
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  • I could have written a post similar to this when I first quit my job in October. My oldest was 3, my twins had just turned 1. The weather started getting crappy so we were stuck at home A LOT. Even when it wasn't raining, it was a lot of work to get everyone out the door to do something. Even a trip to Target was unpleasant and seemed to take so much longer than necessary. My babies were still taking 2 naps and I followed their lead. It was complicated at times. DH worked late a lot to get stuff wrapped up before the end of the year. I was feeling pretty down.

    I'm not sure when things changed but all of a sudden, things got so much easier. I realized I had to just get out of the house for my sanity and theirs. My girls are my little entourage, they go with me everywhere, rain or shine, and I love it.

    We go to the gym almost everyday, run errands, hang out at the mall, to the library, to a friend's house for a playdate, whatever. The weather has been nice but I'm so nervous to take them all to the park by myself so we play in our backyard a lot.

    Hang in there, it's tough but it will get easier as your babies get older!
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  • SpookoSpooko
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    Do you have any mom friends with kids in a similar age? Someone that could come over and not judge your house and the kids can play together for a bit while you get a little adult conversation? A lot of times the kids can entertain themselves if they have a new friend, at least for a little while. And ditto PPs suggestions as well.

  • I dislike staying at home but not for he same reasons. Sorry sister.
  • Team work for your sanity if you have to. I don't make much after daycare but the thing is I love what I do at work, child loves the interaction at daycare and we both love feeling like we "matter."

    I'm a better mom the 3 days I'm home because I work 2 for sure.

  • I know exactly how you are feeling. Sometimes it feels like all I do is clean, cook and do dishes. It's literally never ending. I have twins + 1 too, and it's really hard. 

    One thing that helps me is listening to podcasts or audiobooks. It helps to keep my mind occupied while doing mundane chores. If I just use one side of the earpiece for my ipod I'm still able to keep tabs on what the kids are doing too. Podcasts are free on iTunes, and I find audiobooks through the library. 

    As for getting out of the house, I understand how hard that is too. It can be herculean just to run to the bank. So, I don't get out much with all 3 kids. I've just had to make peace with knowing that. I run errands by myself when DH is home, even if that means sometimes I have to grocery shop at 9pm on a Friday. Also, I try to remember that this is just a season, and it won't always be this way.

    Or maybe you would be happier working, even if it would only cover daycare. There's nothing wrong with deciding you'd rather work!  

     

    Married 07.07.07. Mom to 3: Ruby 11/08 and Oliver & Austin 12/11
  • I'm butting in here...normally I'm a working mom but I'm currently on maternity leave until mid Sept with my 2nd child. Have been out since May. Granted, my older child is in daycare so I'm only dealing with the the newborn all day and both in the afternoons and evening until DH comes home...

    But I get the feeling of being isolated and it's especially hard when you cannot easily get out of the house to break up the monotony. That has been key for me on both of my leaves when I e been home...otherwise it's easy to feel like a hermit. Great suggestions above about hiring or asking for help as needed...I feel like I'm on repeat daily with cleaning up after a toddler plus the tasks related to newborn care but I remind myself someday my house won't be strewn with toys and that will mean my kids will be all grown up and I'll miss these crazy, younger years.

    If you don't need to work for the money, maybe you need to work for your sanity. Even if its something part time. You sound very burnt out right now. If its feasible, consider picking up a PT gig or even just some volunteer hours once your H is home or with a sitter's help. You need something for you, too. It's hard to be Mom and always taking care of everyone and everything else.

    One big thing right now for me after being on newborn duty solo all night long due to BFing and then all day long while H is at work, is going for a walk just me and the dog once he's home and we have finished dinner. I get out of the house, get some fresh air, and peace. I really look forward to that time and it helps me recharge.

    Big Sister ~ Little Brother

  • I've been a SAHM with 2u2 for the last 11 days... I miss having a job. I'm hoping it's just a phase.
    "What are you having?" "Well the radiologist says its a healthy little human baby. I'm a little disappointed, because I really wanted a puppy." LOL
  • I felt completely isolated as a sahm to twins.  The best thing Ive done for myself was join a gym with childcare.
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  • Thank you ladies. All of these responses have helped me. I feel better knowing I'm not alone. I was crying earlier because I typed in some things about being burnt out with staying at home. Lots of women were responding to articles saying, "you shouldn't of ever had children", "you're selfish for not wanting to take care of your family". Most of the responses were like this about articles I was reading that were talking about depressed SAHMs. They were saying " I would never have anyone else raise my children" Blah, blah, blah. Made me feel terrible.
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  • image Baby0322:
    Thank you ladies. All of these responses have helped me. I feel better knowing I'm not alone. I was crying earlier because I typed in some things about being burnt out with staying at home. Lots of women were responding to articles saying, "you shouldn't of ever had children", "you're selfish for not wanting to take care of your family". Most of the responses were like this about articles I was reading that were talking about depressed SAHMs. They were saying " I would never have anyone else raise my children" Blah, blah, blah. Made me feel terrible.

    Staying at home isn't for everyone and there's nothing wrong with that.  You can't force yourself into a role that doesn't make you happy.  If staying at home is what's best for your family then figure out how to do it happily.  PPs already shared some great suggestions!

    If staying at home isn't right for you/your family then go back to work!  Part-time, volunteer, full-time, whatever!  Even if you're not working for the money there's still purpose to working for some people. 

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  • My twins were one, and my daughter was 3. It was really, really hard. I've been there. I realized that getting out daily was key. Play dates, errands, indoor play place, and find a gym with daycare.
    Is there a Multiples group in the area?? That could be a great support.
    Mom to Big Sister (2008) , and boy/girl twins (2010) Life is busy!
  • image sbevmc09:

    image Baby0322:
    Thank you ladies. All of these responses have helped me. I feel better knowing I'm not alone. I was crying earlier because I typed in some things about being burnt out with staying at home. Lots of women were responding to articles saying, "you shouldn't of ever had children", "you're selfish for not wanting to take care of your family". Most of the responses were like this about articles I was reading that were talking about depressed SAHMs. They were saying " I would never have anyone else raise my children" Blah, blah, blah. Made me feel terrible.

    Staying at home isn't for everyone and there's nothing wrong with that.  You can't force yourself into a role that doesn't make you happy.  If staying at home is what's best for your family then figure out how to do it happily.  PPs already shared some great suggestions!

    If staying at home isn't right for you/your family then go back to work!  Part-time, volunteer, full-time, whatever!  Even if you're not working for the money there's still purpose to working for some people. 

    Thank you! 

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  • image sbevmc09:

    image Baby0322:
    Thank you ladies. All of these responses have helped me. I feel better knowing I'm not alone. I was crying earlier because I typed in some things about being burnt out with staying at home. Lots of women were responding to articles saying, "you shouldn't of ever had children", "you're selfish for not wanting to take care of your family". Most of the responses were like this about articles I was reading that were talking about depressed SAHMs. They were saying " I would never have anyone else raise my children" Blah, blah, blah. Made me feel terrible.

    Staying at home isn't for everyone and there's nothing wrong with that.  You can't force yourself into a role that doesn't make you happy.  If staying at home is what's best for your family then figure out how to do it happily.  PPs already shared some great suggestions!

    If staying at home isn't right for you/your family then go back to work!  Part-time, volunteer, full-time, whatever!  Even if you're not working for the money there's still purpose to working for some people. 

    Thank you! 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • image sbevmc09:

    image Baby0322:
    Thank you ladies. All of these responses have helped me. I feel better knowing I'm not alone. I was crying earlier because I typed in some things about being burnt out with staying at home. Lots of women were responding to articles saying, "you shouldn't of ever had children", "you're selfish for not wanting to take care of your family". Most of the responses were like this about articles I was reading that were talking about depressed SAHMs. They were saying " I would never have anyone else raise my children" Blah, blah, blah. Made me feel terrible.

    Staying at home isn't for everyone and there's nothing wrong with that.  You can't force yourself into a role that doesn't make you happy.  If staying at home is what's best for your family then figure out how to do it happily.  PPs already shared some great suggestions!

    If staying at home isn't right for you/your family then go back to work!  Part-time, volunteer, full-time, whatever!  Even if you're not working for the money there's still purpose to working for some people. 

    Thank you! 

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  • image I Heart The 80s:
    My twins were one, and my daughter was 3. It was really, really hard. I've been there. I realized that getting out daily was key. Play dates, errands, indoor play place, and find a gym with daycare. Is there a Multiples group in the area?? That could be a great support.

    Sorry for the duplicates. I know I need to get out with the kids. For some reason lately I can't even bring myself to do it. I need to just force myself. I'm apart of a mom group. I'll just have to get brave enough to go.  

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  • I had a hard time being at home when we first moved into our house. I hadn't been working for a few months and just really started missing the interaction. I found myself getting really angry with my buddy and just being annoyed with him all day. 

    I started searching for a job, applied to a few, and then one day I realized that I just need to choose to enjoy this time with him. I def understand the desire to have a clean house and gourmet dinner and the laundry all done. But my question is where did those standards come from?! There is something to say for just getting into the mess with them! Don't worry about picking up, worry about making memories with them. 

    The biggest thing I would do is to find a mommy buddy. Someone who can watch your kids one day every other week and you can watch theirs so you get a real full day off without any additional cost to you.   

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