October 2013 Moms

In a funk.

I'm in a mini depressed, stressed funk and I can't break out. My Fi and I had a fight yesterday, he doesn't see why I don't want to move in with his parents, why I want to either live with my mom, or get our own apt. According to him, it doesn't make any flucking sense to get our own place now when we can save for a year and go straight to a house.

I don't want to live with his parents, I'm not comfortable living with his parents. His mother smothers, there's no room, I'd have no privacy. I wouldnt even get to learn how to be a parent because his mom is "just trying to be helpful."

He is stuck in this teenage mentality where it is still all about him and he doesn't want to change anything so every other option is dumb, doesn't make any sense, no room, etc. If I move in with them, honest to god, he would never do it, he would never pull the trigger on a house.

Yes I live with my mother currently, but I work full time, I contribute to the bills. I pay my own phone bill and car insurance and helll, I pay for my own gas for my car! Its more for convience of travel to work and building up a savings. He does none of those things. He makes plans about our own place, and how it will be once we have a house, but its all someday and pipe dreams.

So our fight was yesterday, with him saying he'll talk to his mother. Basically him putting the issues all on her and not listening, once again. I told him not to, its not his place and he still isnt listening. Today I feel like I'm dropping everything, messing simple things up, my wrist in the brace isn't cooperating. Nothing is working right.

I'm over it and refuse to feel guilty for making a decision I believe is best for me and my child. When he starts acting like me and this baby are his family and therefore just as, if not more important that his parents and staying with them, then he can have a say. He has done NOTHING, but show up for 4 appts so far. I have appts every other week. He shows up for ultrasounds. That's it. No real plans, no classes, no interest, nothing. His mother is more involved and it pisses me off. I'm not raising a child, my child with his mother. He says, oh we still have lots of time to figure things out. No, we have 13 weeks until its any time is go time. I feel like were having the same argument over and over with him not listening and nothing getting resolved.

Sorry, got long and I went off again. Sorry for typos and such, this brace makes mobile bumping hard.
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Re: In a funk.

  • I'm sorry you're dealing with that. Honestly it comes down to what is best, for you and your baby. My husband and I have had a similar argument. I've decided not to fight him about it anymore and just take his parent's help. This is our first child and I'm more than grateful for their help even though I am sacrifing what I really want. I drew the line however, and told my husband that we won't be living with his parents past our son's birth. Or I will move in with my grandparents. Because his mom is a little too overbearing for my taste.


    Married since September 12th 2011. DH:26 Me:21 +HPT#1: 09/09/2012 EDD: 05/15/2013 MMC: 10/06/2012
    +HPT#2: 01/27/2013 EDD: 10/03/2013 ITS A BOY!!!
  • Mae208Mae208
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    Yikes... Did you purposely get pregnant with this guys baby?? Sounds like he has a whole lot of growing up to do...
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  • Oh gosh, what a hard situation. I'm sorry. Stick to your guns. Don't move in with the MIL. My Mother lives with us and has for almost 2.5 years, because of her having health problems. Her living with us has been a breeze. She stays out of our business, and helps us out a ton, but honestly I could never ever live with my MIL...she is super nosy and a drama starter. Good luck to you!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • This sounds very stressful, and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this on top of pregnancy. I hope that he is one of those guys who grows up, quickly!, when a baby gets on the scene. I am confused about your feelings about your MIL, though. If she is being so involved during the pregnancy, it might be nice to have her on your side when the baby is here. Granted, you know better than anyone, but if he is not really taking to the fatherly things so far, you might want someone like her around to show both of you the ropes. I hate that the situation is non-negotiable when it comes to living with your family, though. That has to be hard. I hope it all works out in the end
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  • No, this is a suprise baby. My iud dissapeared during a medical thing last yeat, etc. We've been engaged for a year and a half. If I had known he was that co dependant on his family still we would have taken things slower. I love him, but helll if I can deal with living with his parents for even a month. Its not happening.

    Joy of joys, got an email from my fmil, apparently he once again disregarded my feelings and wishes and talked to his mother. Awesome. The family vacation this weekend should be sooooo much fun now.

    Side note, fmil looks like fml right now. Def how it feels! Lol.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • In repsonse to her helping show me the ropes, that would be nice. But that's not how it works with her. She would do everything for me. Helll, ive said it before she would wipe my asss if I said I was having even a small amount of trouble! Too involved. Neither of her kids knows how to be fully independant.

    Her daught, I kid you not, buys things and then tells them, the parents that they need to pay for it! She got her first job at 23. Smh.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • That situation is not going to change. I'm guessing by the long engagement that he wasn't real excited about the marriage either. I've been in a similar situation and it took me years to cut him loose and let him be someone else's burden.
    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Getting Pregnant"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt19af5f.aspx" alt=" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker" border="0"  /></a>
  • We agreed on a two year engagement, because we got engaged at 6 months and knew what we wanted. But he had to finish school and get a job and I had to pay off my debts. I did. He still doesn't have a job.

    We were supposed to be getting married January 2014, but LO surprised us and changed those plans. Now its up in the air.
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • Hmmmm... co-dependancy does seem to be an issue. I would be seeing red flags at the lack-of-a-job situation. It might be a good idea to postpone the wedding until he gets his act together for an extended period of time. 
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