June 2013 Moms

Passive Aggressive...

Vent session:I'm so annoyed with DH today. LO was up quite a bit last night. This morning he wakes up after sleeping 7 CONSECUTIVE hours and asks if I'm mad at him. nbsp;I say no, but I really am. nbsp;He tells me I should have woken him up to go feed LO. nbsp;Sure, I could have done that, but then I hear about how tired he is all damn day and sometimes it's just easier to just do it myself! nbsp;Tired? I've been doing this every single night for the last 7 weeks...he doesn't know what tired is. nbsp;UGH...nbsp;

ETA: DH does try to help out in the mornings and on the weekends so I'm probably not being entirely fair to him. I think I'm just overly sensitive today because we had a long weekend with inlaws, LO has been insanely fussy the last few days, and the icing on the cake is I have yet another plugged duct that hurts like heck...
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Re: Passive Aggressive...

  • So why don't you handle this like adults and have an honest discussion about how you can fairly share the night duties so one person isn't always the sleep deprived one. Don't just say you're not upset if you are. That only sows the seeds for resentment.

    Parenting is a two person job as long as there are two parents there.

    Big Sister ~ Little Brother

  • OMG our husbands must be related! Last night my hubs went out with a friend that is leaving for Afghanistan soon and didn't get home until like 2. Meanwhile DS2 was up every hour eating last night. Then this morning hubs fell asleep on the couch leaving me to entertain DS1 the baby...I was super pissed but didn't say anything...

     

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  • image CTGirl30:
    So why don't you handle this like adults and have an honest discussion about how you can fairly share the night duties so one person isn't always the sleep deprived one. Don't just say you're not upset if you are. That only sows the seeds for resentment. Parenting is a two person job as long as there are two parents there.

    I'm a hypocrite because I do agree with this but am not doing it myself.  When the baby cries I wake up.  He acts ridiculously tired during the middle of the night and I don't trust that he won't fall asleep holding her while feeding her, so I don't wake him up.  How he sleeps through her crying is beyond me anyway.

    Maybe have him do the early morning (5a-8a) feeding so you can sleep in a bit? 

    I try to get my H to handle more of the mid-day stuff so I can have some "me" time.  Even if just a shower and an uninterupted cup of coffee.

    ETA: Don't say that you aren't mad when you are though.  He may just take the initiative himself, but if he thinks you don't care he has no incentive to do anything different.

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  • image CTGirl30:
    So why don't you handle this like adults and have an honest discussion about how you can fairly share the night duties so one person isn't always the sleep deprived one. Don't just say you're not upset if you are. That only sows the seeds for resentment.

    Parenting is a two person job as long as there are two parents there.


    Exactly. I tell my H that I'm mad at him for silly reasons all the time. I'll say, "I know it's irrational, but I'm mad that the baby crying doesn't wake you up as quickly as it does me". Actually, since having this discussion he has woken up with the baby and I slept right through it. It's like I had to tell him to turn on his daddy ears and now we share the nighttime duties and are both equally rested and tired.
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    My two girls Flower and Ayla Faye born on 6/21/2013 at 40w6d 6lbs 15oz 19in
  • image CTGirl30:
    So why don't you handle this like adults and have an honest discussion about how you can fairly share the night duties so one person isn't always the sleep deprived one. Don't just say you're not upset if you are. That only sows the seeds for resentment. Parenting is a two person job as long as there are two parents there.

    I agree with this! I do more of the night shifts as I do better than DH with short shifts of sleep during the night. That being said, if DS's feeding schedule works out so that he's up as DH is getting ready for work, he changes him and gives him a bottle. I do have to get up to pump but it's one less thing for me to do. Also after work and on the weekends, DH tries to take him more to give me a break.

    We came up with this schedule after talking out what would work best for us.  



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  • image CTGirl30:
    So why don't you handle this like adults and have an honest discussion about how you can fairly share the night duties so one person isn't always the sleep deprived one. Don't just say you're not upset if you are. That only sows the seeds for resentment. Parenting is a two person job as long as there are two parents there.

    Yeah, you're probably right.  During the week, I try to do all the nighttime feedings except the early morning one (because he's already up for work) because he works long hours.  And I know if I woke him up to take care of LO, he would without any complaints, I just feel bad.  I just try to avoid conflict if possible and instead vent on here and then I feel better :)  My plugged duct has resolved and already I'm in a much better mood! 

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  • I would be oh so lucky if my DH slept for only 7 hours and helped out here and there. Its 12 for him. ::: insert mobile sad face::: i hope you have some luck and communicate with your DH and try to fix a better scheduale and scenario. I know I hope I do.
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  • image CTGirl30:
    So why don't you handle this like adults and have an honest discussion about how you can fairly share the night duties so one person isn't always the sleep deprived one. Don't just say you're not upset if you are. That only sows the seeds for resentment. Parenting is a two person job as long as there are two parents there.

     

    agree with this -- definitely say you're upset when you are..otherwise you're setting yourself up for even more disappointment.  Men in general need to be told straight up how you're feeling/what you want or expect.  I find it's easier to be up front and honest from the get go, rather than sashaying around things. 

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