February 2013 Moms

An open letter to grandparents....

Dear DD's grandparents:  

I know you're excited to see DD. We are equally excited to bring her to you. But let's lay down a few ground rules:

1. You're not the one who has to wake up 5 times a night to get her back down. The problem is made worse when she gets crap naps during the day. Please don't roll your eyes at me when I remind you to keep an eye out for her sleepy cues....

2. DH and I do a lot of research and don't make decisions about big things for DD lightly- if we mention that we're doing X, please don't tell me why we should do Y and "I did Y in my day..."

3. You were a parent of a 4 month old 32 years ago. I know we both turned out great but maybe DH and I can have some credit for that? They do things differently now and we're following suit. Give us a chance to show you we can figure things out instead of barking orders...

 Thank you and we love you. 

Fellow bumpies- feel free to add additional requests!! :) 

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Re: An open letter to grandparents....

  • 4. My child does not need water, so stop insisting that he gets it. Nor is he thirsty. He eats enough times in a day to not be thirsty for a week!
  • When it's ninety degrees out please don't dress him like it's ten below freezing.

     

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  • Stop making comments about me putting her down for a nap. She's 5 months old and can't stay awake more than 2.5 hours at a time...and that's pushing it

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  • Please stop insisting that DD *needs* to come to your house to go in the pool every weekend.  First of all, we have lives to live, so it is not convenient to drive four hours round trip to see you every weekend.  Secondly, a 4.5 month old baby doesn't *need* to be submersed in a chlorinated, unheated pool.  Thirdly, a 4.5 month baby can't spend the day in the sun; her skin is unaccusomed to a lot of sunlight and she's too young for sunscreen.

    Grrrrr.


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  • Please don't offer my baby ribs when me not his father eats pork and he is just barely four months old. Please don't tell me what he likes and doesn't like when you see him every once in a while and he only lets you hold him for thirty seconds before he goes off. Please don't tell me I can stop his heart if I bounce him. Please refrain from raising your voice above the sounds of his screams to soothe him.

    I'm sure there are a ton more, but I will stop here. Great post! Hahaha!
  • image somebuddiesgettingmarried:

    Dear DD's grandparents:  

    I know you're excited to see DD. We are equally excited to bring her to you. But let's lay down a few ground rules:

    1. You're not the one who has to wake up 5 times a night to get her back down. The problem is made worse when she gets crap naps during the day. Please don't roll your eyes at me when I remind you to keep an eye out for her sleepy cues....

    2. DH and I do a lot of research and don't make decisions about big things for DD lightly- if we mention that we're doing X, please don't tell me why we should do Y and "I did Y in my day..."

    3. You were a parent of a 4 month old 32 years ago. I know we both turned out great but maybe DH and I can have some credit for that? They do things differently now and we're following suit. Give us a chance to show you we can figure things out instead of barking orders...

     Thank you and we love you. 

    Fellow bumpies- feel free to add additional requests!! :) 

    OMG, I would go insane over the bolded.

     

    image singingsea:

    When it's ninety degrees out please don't dress him like it's ten below freezing.

     

    LOL. This sounds like something my Grammy would do. Last time she saw DD she was fully clothed indoors (no socks though) and Grammy kept following me around with a blanket trying to cover her up.

     

    Mine:

    1. We don't want DD watching TV before she can talk. Please stop trying to show her Baby Einstein.

    2. Stop hinting at me pumping milk or weaning to formula. Not going to happen til it happens so just simmer down.

    3. Please come visit your Granddaughter instead of complaining about how we never come over. Maybe its been too long and you don't remember how hard it is to get out with a baby or how much she gets overwhelmed while out versus at home, but that's not really an excuse as we have reminded you many times now.

    4. Please quit smoking. At least smoke Ecigarettes. At least wash your hands before touching DD. At least admit that smoking around a child is a bad idea. Something????

    5.  My baby is not a bad baby (FTR there are no bad or good babies Angry so its a moot point), nor is she crying for no reason. Get over yourselves.

    6. Anybody who ever considered How to Train up a Child as a good idea is NEVER coming near my baby without me right there. Sorry.

    7. Thank you for giving me some hard lessons on what not to do as a parent and when I become a grandparent.

    I know I sound mean or angry. Unfortunately all the amnesia DH and I had about how incompetent our parents were as parents has gone away now that we see them with our kid. Even if our parents were offering to babysit (except apparently the hints about weaning and pumping) DH and I are not thrilled about his parents watching and are actually afraid of my family watching. So I guess I am kinda mean and angry. Did my list get progressively worse? Embarrassed I'm sorry ya'll. I guess I need to blow off some steam. I'm sure I'm gearing up for the birthday party at the ILs we're attending for our niece. I guess I'll be agro all weekend.

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  • 3. Please come visit your Granddaughter instead of complaining about how we never come over. Maybe its been too long and you don't remember how hard it is to get out with a baby or how much she gets overwhelmed while out versus at home, but that's not really an excuse as we have reminded you many times now.

    Errrggg!!! Right!?!  This makes me nutso!


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  • image SidraJedi:

    4. Please quit smoking. At least smoke Ecigarettes. At least wash your hands before touching DD. At least admit that smoking around a child is a bad idea. Something????

    This was a big thing for my DH. He switched to e-cigs when DD was about 3 weeks old because he got tired of constantly having to change his clothes and wash his hands every time he smoked. Got one he loves. I don't think I'm supposed to post the brand on here (rules or something...) but PM if you're interested. He spent a while researching it and tried a few before he found the one that worked for him!  

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  • image uncaripswife:

    Thirdly, a 4.5 month baby can't spend the day in the sun; her skin is unaccusomed to a lot of sunlight and she's too young for sunscreen.

    I got an eyeroll for mentioning DD is too young for sunscreen yesterday. Nearly smacked my FIL. He's well intentioned but frustrating..... 

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  • When you beg and beg DH to help - then I ask if you can watch DD for a few hours so we can get a bite. Don't say "no, she cries!" 

    Or...

    I finally get her down for a nap and you have to stand over her crib. Then say to me "she's awake" like your surprised. 

  • image somebuddiesgettingmarried:

    image SidraJedi:

    4. Please quit smoking. At least smoke Ecigarettes. At least wash your hands before touching DD. At least admit that smoking around a child is a bad idea. Something????

    This was a big thing for my DH. He switched to e-cigs when DD was about 3 weeks old because he got tired of constantly having to change his clothes and wash his hands every time he smoked. Got one he loves. I don't think I'm supposed to post the brand on here (rules or something...) but PM if you're interested. He spent a while researching it and tried a few before he found the one that worked for him!  

    Thanks, and tell your DH congrats. As a former smoker I know how hard it is.

    The sad thing is that my mom has enough Ecigs and liquid nicotine flavors to start her own business. She claims to love her "vapes" more than cigarettes. But cigs are just more addictive than ecigs and more satisfying for the cravings and you can really only switch to ecigs if you are properly motivated.

    The truth is that my mom doesn't care enough to switch over. She actually told me when she heard I was pregnant (sometime after suggesting abortion) that "Drinking while pregnant is really bad! If you get too stressed out its okay to have a cigarette every once in a while."

    Yeah. she's a piece of work.

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  • kitevkitev
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
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    Unless you're going to be sitting in the room watching her for the duration of each and every nap, then you sure as hell are going to be using the monitor that I bought for you. Especially when you insist that the only way to get her to nap is with pillows, blankets and toys in the crib. Stop complaining about it "being too hard to use", otherwise sweet DIL isn't going to be so sweet anymore.

    Also: stop saying how bad you feel for E when she's in the carseat because "it just seems so uncomfortable how tight the shoulder straps are". Those shoulder straps are what's going to keep her from going airborn incase of an accident. I've shown her exactly how the straps are supposed to be and why they need to be that tight but it still makes me wary if her driving with E.
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  • Luckily, my parents and IL's are both really great and have never made any rude or overbearing comments. However, DH's Nana can be REALLY annoying and I don't think I would trust her to watch DD (which is sad, considering she raised 4 kids and has lots of grandkids and great-grandkids).

    Please don't tell me DD is "too small" to sit in her highchair or her jumper. I have eyes, if I think she is too small for something I won't put her in it anymore. Also, don't tell me she's cold. Just because you dressed your baby in 3 layers, plus a sweater and blankets, in the middle of July, doesn't mean that's what I'm going to do. 

    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
    BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

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  • image SidraJedi:
    5.  My baby is not a bad baby (FTR there are no bad or good babies Angry so its a moot point), nor is she crying for no reason. Get over yourselves.

    6. Anybody who ever considered How to Train up a Child as a good idea is NEVER coming near my baby without me right there. Sorry.

    Amen, sistah. My parents were fans of TTUAC, and suffice to say, neither are coming anywhere near DS... or me, for that matter.

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  • image Runaway22:
    image SidraJedi:
    5.&nbsp; My baby is not a bad baby (FTR there are no bad or good babies Angry so its a moot point), nor is she crying for no reason. Get over yourselves.

    6. Anybody who ever considered How to Train up a Child as a good idea is NEVER coming near my baby without me right there. Sorry.

    Amen, sistah. My parents were fans of TTUAC, and suffice to say, neither are coming anywhere near DS... or me, for that matter.


    I think I've heard of this, but I don't know what it's about.... what's the premise behind it?
    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
    BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

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  • AHHHHH there are too many to write.  Mine will go to grandparents and SILs.

    - No, DD is not cold all the time.  She does not need 30 layers of clothing. Stop.

    - No, the reason that she's not crawling yet is NOT because "someone is always holding her".  The reason is that she's !@#^ 5 months old!  I don't care if your son walked at 8 months.

    - No, you can not feed her ice cream, yogurt, burgers, fries and chicken nuggets.

    - No, she doesn't eat on a set schedule yet.  When she's hungry, she eats.

    - No, she doesn't nap on a set schedule yet.  When she's tired, she sleeps.  Which, by the way, is about every 1 1/2 to 2 hours...there's her schedule.

    - Just because she's crying doesn't mean her legs are falling off.  Babies cry.  If she's crying then she's hungry, uncomfortable or sleepy.  Don't make such a big deal out of it and talk down to me like I'm doing something wrong.  (MIL always goes "Oooooh no!  What's wrong?!?! OMG is she OKAY?!?  Ohhhh poor baby.  What is wrong with her? OH I feel so bad for her!  Ohhh baby!   So sad!"   And she's usually the one holding her when she starts crying!)

    -Don't give me unsolicited advice. Ever.  Seriously, don't even think about it.

    - I've kept her alive and happy for 5 months... GET OFF MY BACK!

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  • kitevkitev
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
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    image Runaway22:
    image SidraJedi:
    5.&nbsp; My baby is not a bad baby (FTR there are no bad or good babies Angry so its a moot point), nor is she crying for no reason. Get over yourselves.

    6. Anybody who ever considered How to Train up a Child as a good idea is NEVER coming near my baby without me right there. Sorry.

    Amen, sistah. My parents were fans of TTUAC, and suffice to say, neither are coming anywhere near DS... or me, for that matter.



    Holy moly. I just googled this. Scary how popular it is!
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  • image kleigh926:
    image Runaway22:
    image SidraJedi:
    5.  My baby is not a bad baby (FTR there are no bad or good babies Angry so its a moot point), nor is she crying for no reason. Get over yourselves.

    6. Anybody who ever considered How to Train up a Child as a good idea is NEVER coming near my baby without me right there. Sorry.

    Amen, sistah. My parents were fans of TTUAC, and suffice to say, neither are coming anywhere near DS... or me, for that matter.

    I think I've heard of this, but I don't know what it's about.... what's the premise behind it?

    It was written by a husband and wife team. Here is an article by the husband on training a 3 month old not to cry: 

    http://nogreaterjoy.org/articles/training-at-3-months/?topic_slug=babies-screaming

    Here is a list of quotes from the actual book (from a website with a disagreeing, yet Christian perspective):

    http://whynottrainachild.com/2010/04/20/quotes-from-ttuac/

     

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  • Please stop implying that my inferior BM is responsible for her reflux and for her only being 10th percentile for weight.  Please stop trying to push me to feed her formula and making nasty comments about BFing.

    Please stop calling me twice a day and then leaving guilt trippy VMs when I don't answer.

    Please stop inviting yourself to DC to visit. Please stop guilt tripping me into inviting other people to visit.  Please stop inviting other people to visit and not telling me until the last

    Please stop saying that the day care workers are going to ignore and/or abuse my daughter and that I should get a camera to spy on them. 

     Please stop 'whispering' jokingly to DD about how DD is a good baby and the reason she cries, doesn't nap, etc is because I'm a bad mom.


  • image marionravenwood:

    Please stop implying that my inferior BM is responsible for her reflux and for her only being 10th percentile for weight.  Please stop trying to push me to feed her formula and making nasty comments about BFing.

    Please stop 'whispering' jokingly to DD about how DD is a good baby and the reason she cries, doesn't nap, etc is because I'm a bad mom.

    I want to smack them for you! WTF, man! 

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  • image marionravenwood:

    Please stop implying that my inferior BM is responsible for her reflux and for her only being 10th percentile for weight.  Please stop trying to push me to feed her formula and making nasty comments about BFing.

    whomever in your family said the BF comments must hang out with my beloved family member who said almost the same thing to me! Haven't talked to this person in almost 3 months. 

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  • Please quit talking to him with terrible grammar, trying to be cute, like "him need a diaper change?"

    Please stop rubbing his hair. Yes he has a lot of hair and yes it's wild and crazy. You don't need to keep rubbing it. Stupid I know but it's a pet peeve of mine

    FIL if you're not comfortable holding DS, don't. In fact, I'd rather you not.

    And while I'm at it SIL please keep your WILD and CRAZY boys out of DS' face all the time. Calm them down. He's a baby!! Give him room to move and breathe!!

    Ahh I feel better! Thanks. DH's while family is coming over tonight so I'm glad I got that off my chest. ::mobile smiley::

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  • image marionravenwood:

    Please stop implying that my inferior BM is responsible for her reflux and for her only being 10th percentile for weight.  Please stop trying to push me to feed her formula and making nasty comments about BFing.

     Please stop 'whispering' jokingly to DD about how DD is a good baby and the reason she cries, doesn't nap, etc is because I'm a bad mom.


    image happylady5:
    Please quit talking to him with terrible grammar, trying to be cute, like "him need a diaper change?"

     

     

    ^This kind of doo-doo makes me stabby.

     

    @kleigh926 I was going to post a link with my original post but realized that I didn't want to look it up for fear of stirring up old memories and making myself feel bad. I'm really hormonally charged today.

    @Runaway22 Thanks for explaining it, see above. And I am so sorry you went through that too. My sister (whom I would have totally let watch my kid until she had her own DSD and a side of her I might never have guessed at came out) got divorced over her belief in that crap thanks to my mom (smart XBIL). I still see both of them (mom and sis) somewhat regularly but they are always brief visits for me and DD and DD is never out of my sight with either of them.

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  • image Runaway22:
    image kleigh926:
    image Runaway22:
    image SidraJedi:
    5.&nbsp; My baby is not a bad baby (FTR there are no bad or good babies Angry so its a moot point), nor is she crying for no reason. Get over yourselves.

    6. Anybody who ever considered How to Train up a Child as a good idea is NEVER coming near my baby without me right there. Sorry.

    Amen, sistah. My parents were fans of TTUAC, and suffice to say, neither are coming anywhere near DS... or me, for that matter.


    I think I've heard of this, but I don't know what it's about.... what's the premise behind it?

    It was written by a husband and wife team. Here is an article by the husband on training a 3 month old not to cry:&nbsp;

    http://nogreaterjoy.org/articles/training-at-3-months/?topic_slug=babies-screaming

    Here is a list of quotes from the actual book (from a website with a disagreeing, yet Christian perspective):

    http://whynottrainachild.com/2010/04/20/quotes-from-ttuac/

    &nbsp;


    Um.... wow. Parts of that second one made me sick, like the "designer rod" part. That is so wrong.
    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
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    BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

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  • image SidraJedi:

    @Runaway22 Thanks for explaining it, see above. And I am so sorry you went through that too. My sister (whom I would have totally let watch my kid until she had her own DSD and a side of her I might never have guessed at came out) got divorced over her belief in that crap thanks to my mom (smart XBIL). I still see both of them (mom and sis) somewhat regularly but they are always brief visits for me and DD and DD is never out of my sight with either of them.

    It's pretty awful stuff, man. And so, so sad that it perpetuates through generations. Then again, abuse tends to.

    Aw, I think we just bonded. lol 

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  • image Runaway22:
    image SidraJedi:

    @Runaway22 Thanks for explaining it, see above. And I am so sorry you went through that too. My sister (whom I would have totally let watch my kid until she had her own DSD and a side of her I might never have guessed at came out) got divorced over her belief in that crap thanks to my mom (smart XBIL). I still see both of them (mom and sis) somewhat regularly but they are always brief visits for me and DD and DD is never out of my sight with either of them.

    It's pretty awful stuff, man. And so, so sad that it perpetuates through generations. Then again, abuse tends to.

    Aw, I think we just bonded. lol 

    We totally did.

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  • image kleigh926:
    image Runaway22:
    image kleigh926:
    image Runaway22:
    image SidraJedi:
    5.  My baby is not a bad baby (FTR there are no bad or good babies Angry so its a moot point), nor is she crying for no reason. Get over yourselves.

    6. Anybody who ever considered How to Train up a Child as a good idea is NEVER coming near my baby without me right there. Sorry.

    Amen, sistah. My parents were fans of TTUAC, and suffice to say, neither are coming anywhere near DS... or me, for that matter.

    I think I've heard of this, but I don't know what it's about.... what's the premise behind it?

    It was written by a husband and wife team. Here is an article by the husband on training a 3 month old not to cry: 

    http://nogreaterjoy.org/articles/training-at-3-months/?topic_slug=babies-screaming

    Here is a list of quotes from the actual book (from a website with a disagreeing, yet Christian perspective):

    http://whynottrainachild.com/2010/04/20/quotes-from-ttuac/

     

    Um.... wow. Parts of that second one made me sick, like the "designer rod" part. That is so wrong.

    Yeah, the whole thing just made want to vomit. Those people should be in jail.

     

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  • This is hilarious.....
    4 when u babysit him weekly please dress him in the clothes I sent you and not dress him in the wardrobe you've decided you need at your house.

    5 he's my and SO boy, please stop referring to him as "our" boy, you didn't make him.

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  • Please stop telling everyone how easy it is to take care of a baby. You are obviously saying it to make me seem like a crazed lunatic who wants their kid to go to sleep at the same time every night.  Actually, not all babies fall asleep "when their ready".
  • I love this thread :)
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