Babies: 0 - 3 Months

I'm furious

I haven't been on this board for a while.....I have a 3 year old DD and a 6 week old DS.  Today, I had to go to the doctor for my post-partum check.  MIL and FIL are at our house and said no problem, they'll watch the kids while I'm at the doctor.  They also asked me to stop by the grocery store on the way home to get a few things for dinner, I said ok, no problem.  I EBF, so I pumped this morning, and left the bottle for ILs to give to him.  I showed ILs where the bottle was in the fridge, and told them approximately what time DS will probably want to eat.  I ended up having to wait an extra 20 min. at the Dr.'s office, and the grocery store was busy, so I was later than I thought I would be getting home.  I go in the house, and DS is SCREAMING, and MIL is holding him.  She tells me she doesn't know what his problem is, she can't put him down without him crying, etc.  So, I asked her if he ate and she said no.  UMMMMM, he was supposed to eat an hour ago!  So, I tell her he's hungry and I said something about he was probably hungry since 4:30.  And MIL, says, "Oh you don't have to feed babies EXACTLY according to the clock.  Give or take a few minutes is ok."  Ummmm, but if he's showing signs of being hungry, WHY WOULDN'T YOU FEED HIM????  Now, I'm all mad again because DH came home from work, and MIL immediately starts in on him with, oh, your son is too spoiled, I couldn't put him down without him crying, you need to fix this, etc.  I've never done this before in front of my ILs, but I totally interrupted her and said, "DH.  It's because he didn't eat."  

Here's the kicker: MIL is a NICU nurse.  Apparently, I just stupidly assumed she'd be able to take care of my infant for several hours.

Re: I'm furious

  • Omg, um I would be pissed too!!
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  • I would be really pissed off too....


  • Wow...that worries me that she's a NICU nurse and did that

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  • That would really upset me.  I just wouldn't leave my baby with them again.  
  • You should probably hold a grudge and never let them near your child again and make your husband feel bad for something that he had no control over. Your child is fine. Stop stressing. It's not good for you or your baby.
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  • MrsRKJMrsRKJ
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    I'd be upset too.  And it's interesting that your MIL is a NICU nurse, because when DS was in the NICU, they were notorious for feeding every.three.hours.  Regardless of hunger or not (like waking him up to eat).  So that's "by the clock".  Hmmm...
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  • image MrsRKJ:
    I'd be upset too.  And it's interesting that your MIL is a NICU nurse, because when DS was in the NICU, they were notorious for feeding every.three.hours.  Regardless of hunger or not (like waking him up to eat).  So that's "by the clock".  Hmmm...

    yes, but her baby isn't in the NICU.... He is a thriving baby whose weight is not of concern right now, so that's not the same thing at all. MIL is correct that baby doesn't need to be fed by the clock, but OP is also right that baby should be fed according to his hunger cues, which MIL obviously ignored.

    OP, I say if you're not comfortable leaving DS with th in laws anymore, than don't! However,I agree with rcantor that it's better not to dwell on this too much or bring it up in front of DH over and over.  



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  • I would be furious too if someone didn't feed my starving baby for an hour. I don't think you're overreacting at all. That's just the basics of taking care of a baby. You feed them when they're hungry and change their diaper when they're dirty. Obviously keeping your children away from ILs is too extreme, but I wouldn't necessarily trust them to babysit for more than an hour or two.
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  • Umm, yeah. I'd be really mad. Your mil sounds like a dingbat. I can't believe a nicu nurse would even imply that you've "spoiled" your 6 week old, let alone not feed an obviously hungry baby. I don't think you're overreacting, all you did was interrupt your mil's nonsensical biitching to tell YH the truth.




  • wow that is unacceptable. Hopefully she isnt a bad nurse.
  • I'd be furious too and I definitely wouldn't be using MIL as a babysitter anytime in the near future.
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  • *hugs* this was always my worst nightmare when my twins were infants.
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  • I would be incredibly angry.  Did she have any good explanation for not feeding him when he was hungry?  I couldn't leave my LO with her again knowing that his needs would not be taken care of.  She needs to understand that before you leave your son with her again.
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  • I'd be upset,  but I'd talk to them about how its really important to me that they follow my instructions when they watch my child. Nothing irritates me more than when a caregiver doesn't follow the instructions. I'm not saying they have to do it to the letter but anyone with common sense knows that a newborn that is screaming its head off most likely needs food. 

    Seriously, what happened to the common sense check list? You know, warm/cold? Wet/dirty? Fed? Its THREE steps, FFS. When in doubt offer a bottle and see if the kid will take it. I just don't understand these people.  

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  • I would be upset too. I wouldn't let my in-laws watch my kid if they did that. As a mom of a former 26 weeker, I can't believe that a NICU nurse would act like that and think that you are spoiling your LO at 6 weeks old.
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