February 2013 Moms

Age gap between kids

So I'm pretty confident that DH and I will try for another baby at some point. I don't want to wait too long because you never know what you'll be faced with, so we're thinking of trying when I'm 32, which would put DS at about 18 months old when we start TTC, and about 2.5 to 3 if we get pregnant shortly thereafter.

All of this is the long way of asking, what do you think of a three year age gap between kids? For the STMs, what age gaps work best? For the FTMs thinking of baby number 2, what gap are you thinking about?
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BFP #1: 12.30.11, MC 1.6.12 at 5w; BFP #2: 5.25.12, DS born 2.1.13; BFP #3: 9.4.14, MMC 10.13.14 at 9w
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Re: Age gap between kids

  • I think a 3 year age gap would be pretty nice. Ideally, that's what I'd like the shoot for, but given my PCOS and difficulty getting pregnant the first time, there are no guarantees.
    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
    BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

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  • Our goal is 2 years between the kids.  That was the age gap between our siblings, and we think it's pretty good.  I'm so excited to have another one, so I'd be okay if it happened earlier too :)
  • 2 years is perfect for me.  Less than that felt like insanity.
        
  • That sounds great to me. Mine are just over 2 years apart, and I think a few more months would've made it easier.
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  • My two are 13.5 months apart. Its tough sometimes but I really love it. They both adore eachother and I can tell already they are going to grow up being so close with eachother. DS doesn't have any cousins his age and I'm a sahm so I'm glad they are so close in age and will always have someone to play with. DS got a little jealous at times at first but I think him being so young helped a lot with that. I think the jealousy would have been worse with him if he were older.

    However we are going to wait til DD is about 2 to try for a third. We definitely don't want 3u3 and we also are looking to buy a bigger house hopefully in the next year.
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  • My brother and I were 2 years apart, and DH and I were aiming for about that, too. I would've had #2 19 months after DD1 but miscarried. Now the girls are 22 months apart. I think in some ways it's a great spread because I have dealt with essentially no jealousy issues like friends who had a 3 year old when #2 came. I'm sure that depends on the kids, but most people I talk to with 2u2 didn't have jealousy problems.

    I also think there are other advantages to 2u2. For me, I want to get these awful sleepless / fussiness years out of the way. I don't want to be sleepless for a year or so (DD2 didn't STTN until she was over 2 years old...), then recover, then go through it again.

    We're planning on TTC#3 next summer so DD2 and LO3 will be a bit over 2 years apart.


    BFP1: DD1 born April 2011 at 34w1d via unplanned c/s due to HELLP, DVT 1 week PP
    BFP2: 3/18/12, blighted ovum, natural m/c @ 7w4d
    BFP3: DD2 born Feb 2013 at 38w4d via unplanned RCS due to uterine dehiscence

  • We started TTC again when DS1 was 18 months, hoping I would be pregnant by the time he turned 2.  We conceived DS2 very quickly so we didn't have as much of a gap as I was envisioning.  They are 27 months apart, when I was originally aiming for a gap where DS1 was almost 3.

    But with that said, I'm kind of glad it happened that way.  The first few months were TOUGH for us -- DS1 was in the throes of terrible twos, and DS2 was a pretty needy baby.  But now things have really stabilized and I think I will really enjoy having them closer in age than what I originally intended.

    I'm also not a fan of the newborn phase AT ALL and we are done with 2, so it was kind of nice to just get it over with!

          DS1: Quinn - 10.22.10 and DS2: Cole - 01.18.13

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  • My SIL has a 3 year gap between her kids and has liked it. My first two are 22 months apart, my third is 3.5 years younger than my second. My experience was that having the first two that close together was fantastic. The oldest never had a chance to remember being an only and be jealous of her sister. Now that my oldest two are a bit older and I have a baby it's great because the girls are a huge help and absolutely adore their brother.

    I think the biggest indicator of how siblings will react to each other is how you handle adding a new sibling. It you go in anxious about how your older child will react they will sense that. If you talk it up as a wonderful thing and let your child be involved with the baby they will love it. 

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  • My boys are I month shy of 3 years apart and it is hard. My 3 year old has always been a great boy and still is by himself but he does have some jealousy issue like when I bf LO or need to put him down for a nap. My 3 year old is very energetic and when we can't get outside because of LO sleeping or having to much sun or too hot my 3 yr old pretty much is bouncy and jumping off the walls. I have just really been working in spending a of time with him while LO sleeps instead of cleaning and other stuff since I am a stay a home mom. LO was also colic and has really bad reflux so this doesn't help and I worked up until I had LO so my 3 yr old was in daycare and I think he misses his friends I have tried to make sure he still gets play dates : I have heard the transitions to 3 from 2 is easier than 1 to 2 so I am excited for when we decide to have a third in a year or too :
  • I'm going for a 3 year gap between each. For me its about recovering my nutrition stores and giving myself a proper break between pregnancies and BF.

    Also, I was 2 when my lil sis was born and I was very jealous, I was 3 when lil bro came around and it was easier for me.

    For my age (31yrs in a month) I believe it is more important to have adequate recovery time and let the chips fall where they may than to try to cram 3 or 4 kids in before a certain birthday. Sis and bro were always close but sis self-weaned at 8 months due to mom's pregnancy and mom's recovery after bro was horrible. She was deathly ill 3 days postpartum and was in and out of the hospital for 2 years after for endo complications related to the strain of two close pregnancies. She was 18, 20 and 21 at each of our births.

    This article is good; What no one tells you about child spacing  (opens in new window)

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  • Mine are 4 and it is great!  DD1is a great helper and can entertain herself when I am busy with the baby.
  • I'm hoping for about a 2 yr age gap. But I wouldn't mind if they ended up being a little closer in age than that. Me and my sister are 15 months apart and we grew up being very close and we are best friends now as adults and mommys together. :-) I love that we are so close in age. 
                                                 
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  • If we decide to have another, I want 3 years between the kids. DH feels like that's too long (he turns 35 this year and always says how "old" he is) so we'll see when we get to that point. My sister and I were 3 years (as were  a majority of my friends and their sibs) and I had no issue with it. Of course there was a lot of jealousy, but when isn't there jealousy with siblings? 
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  • 3 would have been perfect.  we went 2yr 2 mo...we didn't think we would get pregnant on the first try! Indifferent...and we could have waited a little longer.  Potty training before a new baby would have been smart!

     

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  • image Justinlove:
    Mine are 4 and it is great! nbsp;DD1is a great helper and can entertain herself when I am busy with the baby.


    SAME HERE. DS is 4.5 years older and so far it's great.
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    Me: 38, DH: 36, MC 9/07 at 12 weeks DS: 7/25/08 TTC#2 since 11/11 BFP 5/28/12!! DD 1/31/13





  • Our kids are 20 months apart. We were aiming for 2 years, so we started trying in May 2012 thinking it would take a few months to get pregnant (it took 4 or 5 months to get pregnant with DD). Surprise! We tried once for baby #2 and I found out I was pregnant in June 2012.

    I am 23 months older than my brother, so I really liked that age gap growing up. We were far enough apart to have our own friends, but we were close enough to be friends. I always knew that I wanted my kids to be about 2 years apart, so the 20 months is good with me. DD still needs to be potty trained, and get rid of a paci...but she has done wonderfully with the transition.

     

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  • This is a great question! Mine are 4 years apart, which has been good and bad. The good things are DS1 is potty trained, no paci, can be helpful (when he wants!), and can generally entertain himself for long periods of time. The bad is there was some jealousy after the newness wore off as well as just general unhappiness at not having everything right when he wanted it, and I don't know how close they'll be given the age difference. My brother and I are 4 years apart and we got along great as kids and as adults, but our kids are mostly far apart in age (he has 4 and their last one is 8 months younger than DS1, the rest are 3+ years older), and we were always at very different places in our lives until recently.

    I'm really torn about having a 3rd and if we do I'm not sure I want them that far apart again. Not to mention I'll be 32 in August, so I'm not sure I want to be 36 and having another baby. I will say this, my first DS was a dream when he was 2 and a complete nightmare when he was 3! That makes me think I want another baby when DS2 is either 2 or 4!

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  • alakealake
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    I have 3 biological kids, and in the process of adopting a little boy and a girl.

    DD1 and DD2 are 20 months apart.

    DD2 & DD3 are five years apart.

    We have now added a two year old and a four month old.

    I had a six month old when we added a newborn and a two year old.  I was not afraid of adding the newborn, as I had just gone through the newborn stage, but the two year old, little boy scared the crap out of me.  

  • We were trying for very close in age.  I miscarried, otherwise we would have had a 16 month age difference.  But dd and DS are 22 months apart. I like it.   I want the same again.

     

    i agree a lot with Kelly about wanting to get the sleeplessness done with all together instead of starting again. 

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  • My girls are almost 5yrs apart. My boys are almost 6yrs younger than my 2nd daughter (11yrs/6yrs/5mo/5mo) - I love the bigger gaps and would do it the same way if I had to do it over again. I think the "perfect gap" is a subjective thing, and depends on your lifestyle, your kids, and your own strengths. 
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    *Spontaneous* OHSS diagnosed 08.06.2012
    Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy
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  • I was thinking about a three to four year age gap between the kids (I'm only planning on two) but after having Kieran I realized I didn't want to spend all of my 30's dealing with infancy. lol. So when he's two we're going to start trying again. By the time I'm 33/34 my youngest will be a toddler.
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  • My 2 kids are 18 months apart. We were shooting for 2 yrs but got lucky in the first try with LO 2. Now we have 2u2 and I have to admit its pretty tough. I didn't think it would be a big deal but DS is still a baby and he still wanted a lot of mommy time. DD is BF so I naturally spend more time with her. So I feel like its unfair for DS to have less mommy time when he needs it like in the middle of the night when he wakes up from a nightmare. :

    But I'm hoping they will be best friends when they get older.
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  • Looks like I'm the oddball! Mine are almost 7 years apart! I actually love it though. My DD adores her little brother!
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