Parenting

WWPD Bratty Toddler Edition

Ok, so Rosie is hitting this stage where all we want to do is trade her in for a new one, she's broken. Tonight she is throwing the meltdowns of all meltdowns. It's 8pm and she is obviously tired. So we tell her it's bedtime. She seemed happy enough and said goodnight to DH. DH said goodnight mack, which sent her into being whiney. Well, trying to get her cheery again I try to get her to race me up the stairs. Which failed, I get up the stairs before her and try to play a game. I hid behind a low wall and dropped clothes on her (we do this a lot and she loves it). Nope, she went into neuclear mode.

She kicking and screaming on the landing. DH comes and reprimands her and gets her up the stairs. She then started to kick, hit, scream, and talk back to DH. So he told her that is not OK to do that and left. It took me 20 minutes to get her into her room, diaper changed, dressed, and in bed. All while she is screaming, hitting, kicking and punching. I just had to yell up the stairs at her to stop kicking the walls. 

So, WWPD? Cuz I'll admit. I lost my cool a few times and yelled at her. 

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Re: WWPD Bratty Toddler Edition

  • It's hard but I'd ignore. Like, if she doesn't want to change into jammies, then fine but sorry we don't have time to read books then. Kicking mommy means I leave even if we're in a diaper change [we change in the ground]. It's hard but I don't think yelling at her in this situation does much more than escalate things.
    I'd also try for an earlier bedtime tomorrow.

    So whatcha drinking tonight?
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  • Honestly, I'm on Rosie's side here.

    Think about how you feel when you're tired. You don't want people screwing with you, even if its meant to be fun. Then when she tried to show she was frustrated, she got in trouble, so she just lost it.

    I think it would have best been handled by diffusing the situation in the first place instead of letting her get out of control and then scolding her for it. When she starts showing that she's tired, playing is over and it's time for bed. Whining is totally normal tired toddler behavior.

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  • image Igoo0304:

    Honestly, I'm on Rosie's side here.

    Think about how you feel when you're tired. You don't want people screwing with you, even if its meant to be fun. Then when she tried to show she was frustrated, she got in trouble, so she just lost it.

    I think it would have best been handled by diffusing the situation in the first place instead of letting her get out of control and then scolding her for it. When she starts showing that she's tired, playing is over and it's time for bed. Whining is totally normal tired toddler behavior.

    She was fine until DH said goodnight to her. She does this sometimes. I try to ignore or redirect, but she goes from happy to ohholyshit in the matter of seconds.

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  • image Nana_Osaki06:
    image Igoo0304:

    Honestly, I'm on Rosie's side here.

    Think about how you feel when you're tired. You don't want people screwing with you, even if its meant to be fun. Then when she tried to show she was frustrated, she got in trouble, so she just lost it.

    I think it would have best been handled by diffusing the situation in the first place instead of letting her get out of control and then scolding her for it. When she starts showing that she's tired, playing is over and it's time for bed. Whining is totally normal tired toddler behavior.

    She was fine until DH said goodnight to her. She does this sometimes. I try to ignore or redirect, but she goes from happy to ohholyshit in the matter of seconds.

    Yeah, that's what I mean. She was "obviously tired," he said something teasing, she got upset, and then things just kept escalating. At that point, redirection probably won't work. Just narrate what is going to happen for her ("you're tired so we'll go put your pajamas on"), and stick her in bed. 

    "The first time his laughter unfurled its wings in the world, we knew that life would never be the same."
    11.27.09*03.04.11*11.02.12*03.04.13*04.12.13*EDD 01.07.15

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  • image Igoo0304:
    image Nana_Osaki06:
    image Igoo0304:

    Honestly, I'm on Rosie's side here.

    Think about how you feel when you're tired. You don't want people screwing with you, even if its meant to be fun. Then when she tried to show she was frustrated, she got in trouble, so she just lost it.

    I think it would have best been handled by diffusing the situation in the first place instead of letting her get out of control and then scolding her for it. When she starts showing that she's tired, playing is over and it's time for bed. Whining is totally normal tired toddler behavior.

    She was fine until DH said goodnight to her. She does this sometimes. I try to ignore or redirect, but she goes from happy to ohholyshit in the matter of seconds.

    Yeah, that's what I mean. She was "obviously tired," he said something teasing, she got upset, and then things just kept escalating. At that point, redirection probably won't work. Just narrate what is going to happen for her ("you're tired so we'll go put your pajamas on"), and stick her in bed. 

    I don't see how replying to her goodnight is teasing. She got excited and said "goodnight Daddy" and he said "Goodnight Rosalie". Which caused the meltdown. However, the rest you are right. We both got frustrated and probably handled it terribly. I try so hard not to yell at her. But nothing I did would get her to stop. Ugh. Toddlers.

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  • image Nana_Osaki06:

    I don't see how replying to her goodnight is teasing. She got excited and said "goodnight Daddy" and he said "Goodnight Rosalie". Which caused the meltdown. However, the rest you are right. We both got frustrated and probably handled it terribly. I try so hard not to yell at her. But nothing I did would get her to stop. Ugh. Toddlers.

    Ah. There's a typo in your OP. He said goodnight mack. I read it as he said "goodnight, [nickname]," not "goodnight" back to her. 

    Yeah, it's annoying and frustrating when toddlers whine over silly things. Kids feed off the adults' cues though.

    "The first time his laughter unfurled its wings in the world, we knew that life would never be the same."
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  • We've all been there. Toddlers test us. That is their job and they are good at it. Have a nice glass of wine and by tomorrow your sweet daughter will be back.
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  • image JoyceMike:
    We've all been there. Toddlers test us. That is their job and they are good at it. Have a nice glass of wine and by tomorrow your sweet daughter will be back.

    I hope so. We decided that I'm going to take her or with me tomorrow to hopefully get her to calm a little.
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  • image jorkz821:
    It's hard but I'd ignore. Like, if she doesn't want to change into jammies, then fine but sorry we don't have time to read books then. Kicking mommy means I leave even if we're in a diaper change [we change in the ground]. It's hard but I don't think yelling at her in this situation does much more than escalate things. I'd also try for an earlier bedtime tomorrow. So whatcha drinking tonight?

    good advice.  It still sucks though.  Breathe deep, then pour some wine. 

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  • You need to know that this isn't your fault. You didn't do anything "wrong" and there isn't something you were supposed to do that you didn't do. Usually when I lose control it's because I already feel out of control. Deep down I'm conflicted between what I believe about parenting and how I was raised to believe about parenting, and when LO's behavior is challenging, it can feel like my entire value system is under attack by my long dead mother and by society, when really it's just a little kid with an overtired tantrum. They all have them and I'm kidding myself when I go down the rabbit hole thinking that I was a perfect child who knew better than to challenge my mom. I'm also an adult who is petrified of confrontation to the point that I don't self advocate, and I do NOT want that for my child.

    Sorry, that turned into a mini therapy session for me lol. But read that first sentence over and pretend I said something valuable.

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  • We're too familiar with bedtime meltdowns. I rush and put DD to bed as soon as she shows signs she's tired. If we miss the right window she runs circles around the table and usually gets hurt some way or another and then screams bloody murder.

    My best advice is to breathe and tell yourself the meltdown will end soon. Do not react if you can help it. Go through the motions quicker and put her to bed.

    Losing your temper is human too, so do the best you can. When she's in that state trying to reason with her or reprimand her usually aggravates the situation. I simply say "we don't do xyz" and walk away as soon as I can.
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  • When she went into meltdown mode, I would have said something like "Would you like to yell here or in your room?" And then let her have her tantrum whichever place she chooses (make sure the options are away from you). I may or may not mention that if she chooses to yell for a long time, there wouldn't be time for books or whatever from nighttime routine. 

    I am reading the Love and Logic Early Childhood book. It's really giving me some good strategies and things to think about. 

    I'll go back to lurking now. 

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  • I'm in the ignore boat too.  When my toddlers got to that illogical meltdown stage it's almost like there's not amount of reasoning you can do with them at that point.  They are kids that haven't learned to control their emotions so it's up to you to help.  I guess at those times I find a safe place they can regain control by themselves (without kicking or throwing things.)  That place isn't always easy to find.  I wait out of sight but close within earshot for them to calm and then go in.  This is ideal, but I've had plenty of yelling matches that I always feel bad about.  We love our kids, but they can be annoying and press our buttons better (and faster) than anyone else.  Tomorrow will be another new day for you both.  Have a good drink or bowl of ice cream :)
  • lrn327lrn327
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    Definitely familiar with bedtime meltdowns.  If this exact situation happened (if he melted at the goodnight), I would just pick him up and carry to his room. no tactics to try and cheer him up.  He's tired so anything I do more will just delay bedtime more.  If he wouldn't agree to put on pjs/change diaper/stories then I'd just go ahead and put him in bed the way he way with kiss goodnight.  Later, after asleep, I'd go back and change diaper b/c I know he'd either sleep through it or go back to sleep quickly.  When he truly melts down, the less I do, the better.

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