Babies on the Brain

No pics of new baby??

My cousin had a baby two months ago. Because this is the first of the "cousins" on my moms side to have a baby, there was a ton of hype. Multiple showers, lots of secrecy about the sex, lots of joy when we were told it was a successful delivery and was a boy. 

Two months later there are zero pics. My mom has asked my aunt politely what the baby looks like, or how things are going and she says very little. My mom also called my cousin and left a voicemail asking if we could get together and see the baby.... No answer. She then told my aunt she had tried to contact my cousin and all my aunt said was "jeez that's weird." My mom is worried something is wrong. She says my aunt and uncle are the type that boast proudly when things are good but hide deep family secrets. She just wants a darn picture, or a description of the baby, or something. No one talks about the baby AT ALL when we chat on the phone.

My mom is getting a bit upset, and a little annoyed. Is there any reason this would be happening? This is NOT like them at all so we are concerned. Should my mom continue to ask to see the baby? I felt bad because I missed the shower due to a prior engagement and told my cousin I would definitely see her when the baby was born (they live over two hours away btw). Is there anything we can do?? 

Re: No pics of new baby??

  • Give them space, honestly. Babies can't be really hard to deal with,  maybe the mother has PPD. Baby could be colicky...really anything. I avoided everyone until DD1 was manageable, like 3 months. And DH was really upset that I even posted a picture online of her (he is really weird about that, but he's calmed down, or I just stopped listening).

    Let them know if they need help to call, and let them be the one to contact you and your parents. That's what I would do.

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  • There could be other issues going on, like PPD
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  • Maybe they are taking the North West approach and waiting for the highest offer.
    It really is none of your business or your moms. The first few weeks are rough. If she has some health problems going on, it amplifies the stress. Let the new family become more situated. They will share Little Susie when they are ready. Stop hounding them or they may wait longer.
  • I never thought of PPD. Thanks for that tip. I honestly do not worry about it as much as my mom. I feel bad because I didn't see her when she was expecting and now want to celebrate this with her, but its really my mom who is doing more freaking out. She keeps saying she feels like she should get some kind of view of the baby since she bought a gift (super rude, I know, and I tell her that). I will tell her to calm down, and hope she stops calling them.
  • If there is something wrong they will reach out to family when they are ready.  If they just want private time alone for awhile, that's ok too.  Think about sending a "thinking about you" card that expresses well wishes, support, and express that you would love to visit/chat soon, but then leave it thier hands.
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    Me:30 / DH: 31

    BFP#1 after 15 cycles on 12/1/2013 EDD 8/7/2014


  • Maybe tell your mom to make them a nice meal like lasagna, bread, and salad (something that can be popped in the oven once she gets there or a few hours later).  Tell her she is just to drop it off and dont expect an invite in or anything. I had some baby blues but I didn't want to let on, but my husbands aunt did that for us one night and it was just what I needed. Chances are they will let her see the baby. Make it about helping the parents, not about her seeing her gifts in use.
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  •  I agree with those above that it could very well be that they want space, they're having a difficult adjustment period, etc. But I have to mention that I knew a woman (Girlfriend of my own cousin) who took faking pregnancy to a whole 'nother level of sick and twisted.

     Has anyone at all seen the baby? Like Facebook pics or anything? Did anyone see ultrasound pics being passed around at the baby shower or anything?

    It's terrible to even think someone would go to those lengths and if I hadn't seen a case of it with my own two eyes, I'd not think people could be so cruel...

     The story with cousins GF was that she announced her pregnancy, moved in with cousin, etc. The whole time she told him not to worry about coming with her to Dr.s appointments. He didn't think anything of it until the whole thing was over and done with. She brought home ultrasound pics, she got bigger size wise and in the right places (he stands by seeing her nude in their house and that she most certainly looked like a pregnant woman- though I will say she was not very petite or anything..). My aunt was over the moon, went nuts financially making sure they had the best of everything for the baby, etc. Had a giant baby shower for this woman, thousands of dollars of baby furniture and accessories, etc.

     Things went on as normal, I'd seen her myself several times and I would say IMO she never got larger in the abdomen department than like a 7 month pregnant belly. She never got to that "I'm gonna pop" stage. Anyway.... One day cousin comes home from work, Aunt comes home from work and they both have a message on each of their answering machines (this was before cell phones were so popular) telling them that she had gone to such and such hospital for contractions earlier that day, that there had been a problem with the baby, and that she'd had to have a C-section. They both called the hospital (we only have one dedicated woman's hospital in my home state) and no such patient was ever there. Thinking she made a mistake somehow, they tried several local hospitals, to no avail. Same deal, no patient by that name on record. She was never seen or heard from in person again. Sent major shockwaves through my entire family. I still don't know why no one called the police and like reported her as a missing person or something.

      Anyway, about a year later my cousin ran into her sister in a grocery store and they got talking. Apparently, his GF had stolen her sisters ultrasound pics and that was what she was passing around, she had claimed to be pregnant at the same time as her sister and they both had the same last name, and even the same first name initial. So the ultrasound pics would have looked perfectly like they could have been her own. The sister had little other information though other than that she was alive and well, that there had never been a baby at all, and that she living with another man.

     The whole thing was crazy! No one saw it coming... It was the type of thing that looking back we all saw signs but in the moment, nope.

    I think it's highly rare for someone to take things to such a level (lets face it, you'd have to be a special kind of crazy to do something like that!) but unfortunately it's not completely unheard of.

     Personally, I can't imagine not wanting to show off my baby...

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