School-Aged Children

How do you deal with "people don't think I'm as smart.."

I have b/g twins that will be in 2nd grade this fall. During school, they are in separate classes. Currently, they are in the same summer camp. They were last year also. DD said last week that the kids at summer camp don't think she's as smart as her brother. She is, of course, a very bright girl. DS is a lot more outspoken, outgoing, and loud. It sounds like they were doing a verbal "quiz" about the gold rush and DS got a lot of the correct answers. I told her that I'm sure the kids know she's smart because she is. I'm at a loss with what else I should say or a way to help. I can't separate them in summer camp. It's not an option since there are only 12 kids. Thoughts?
Wendy Twins 1/27/06. DS and DD

Re: How do you deal with "people don't think I'm as smart.."

  • That's a tough one.  I've taught a number of twin siblings over the years, and I almost always notice differences such as you're seeing in your kids.  Sometimes there's an actual disparity in their intellectual ability; in other cases, they're about equal, but one appears "smarter" because he/she is more outgoing and more willing to take risks.  It can be hard on both twins.

    I don't have twins, but I am dealing with a similar problem with my own kids.  My youngest is a smart kid, no doubt, but his older sister is in an entirely different league.  He is starting to notice and compare, and it's difficult for him at times.  She IS smarter than him.  On the other hand, she didn't learn to ride a two-wheeler until she was 11, she's far less organized than he is, and she can't carry a tune in a bucket. 

    So, I'm trying to help him focus on the areas where he excels and where things come naturally to him.  I've spent some time talking about Gardiner's theory of multiple intelligences with him this summer, reminding him that there are important areas of intelligence that they don't test for in school but that help people lead happy, successful lives.

    Secondary English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 9th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 4th grade
  • ppantsppants
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    I'll look into Gardiner's theory also.  Thanks for your insight. 

    Wendy Twins 1/27/06. DS and DD
  • My girls are 21 months apart but my older DD struggles and my younger DD is ahead of her in many ways.  They will be in 1st and kindy in the fall.  My older DD has ADHD and a speech delay which both has caused her to be behind in some things.  We make a big effort to do homework type things with the girls separatly (they read to us one at a time with the door closed so the other can't help).  We always talk about the girls are good at different things and highlight their different skills, we talk about how kids develop skills at all different times and use examples such as one child might be really great at math but not so great at reading or great at dance but not so great at bike riding. 

    My older DD is super out-going while my younger DD is shy in new situations and takes a lot longer to build up the courage to try something new while my older DD is the 1st in line.  It brings about challenges in many different ways but we always look for the positive and encourage the girls to try their best regardless and give it 100% and that they will both shine in different things.

    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
  • We are entering this territory, as my DS has already been identified as gifted.  As the principal told me at the end of the year, my DD is very smart, but DS is exceptional.  Throughout the year the topic of him skipping a grade came up and we've decided against it for many reasons, but one of those reasons is I don't ever want her labeled "the dumb twin" because no matter how smart she is that's most likely what kids would say if he was a year ahead.  We already started running into this issue in K as DS realized himself how smart he is.  They were in the same K class, but this Fall they will be in separate classes for 1st. 

    My suggestion would be to reinforce her strengths to her.  We are finding out that while DS is certainly smarter, DD is way more athletic.  I'm thrilled because I was worried that he would always be the one who is better at everything, but he has no obvious athletic skills other than being fast.  DD has some obvious natural talents and abilities and we've been trying to build up her confidence with this (in addition to letting her know that she, too, is very smart).  We also praise her for working hard....even though he is gifted, he doesn't work nearly as hard as she does.  It comes easy for him and he knows it.  She has more drive and desire to work hard and do well, and we let her know how proud of her we are for these things.  

    Miracle Twins after 2 years TTC thanks to IVF! 10*18*06
    Lilypie - (6EmG)


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  • image MrsLee04:

    It comes easy for him and he knows it.  She has more drive and desire to work hard and do well, and we let her know how proud of her we are for these things.   

    My kids are like this as well.  If DS wants to learn something, he will attempt something over and over until he figures it out.  He can be very persistent.  If it doesn't come naturally to DD (which many things do) she won't do it. Period.  It's so frustrating!

    Secondary English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 9th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 4th grade
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